Tuesday, 27 June 2017

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim



Timeslip moment again...

...and our DeLorean has skidded to a halt in the poodle-perm-dominated, Iran-Contra-scandal-hit world of 1987 - the year of Thatcher vs Kinnock, the Zeebrugge disaster, Euro Disney, the Hungerford massacre, the Channel Tunnel, Eniskillen, the "Great Storm", Rick Astley, the King's Cross fire and the birth of The Simpsons (and of Zac Efron, Andy Murray, Joss Stone and Karen Gillan).

In the news in June thirty years ago: Maggie Thatcher won her third term in office in the snap general election; the Iraq-Iran War reached a new nadir with the use of chemical weapons on civilian targets; there were race riots in the Chapeltown area of Leeds; South Korea experienced widespread unrest in the June Democratic Uprising; UK unemployment fell below three million for the first time since 1981; in the ascendant were the European Union (with the signing of the Single European Act), Peter Beardsley (the most expensive football player transferred in the UK to that date, with a £1.9 million move from Newcastle United to Liverpool) and basic common sense (as the US Supreme Court ruled that teaching "creationism" was unconstitutional; it is a religious doctrine not a science), but we said our sad goodbyes to the legendary Fred Astaire. In our cinemas: London saw the gala premiere of 15th James Bond film The Living Daylights (starring Timothy Dalton); also showing were Police Academy 4 and Three Amigos. On telly: The Network Chart Show (ITV's answer to Top of the Pops), camp classic Prisoner: Cell Block H, and the much-mocked It's a Royal Knockout.

In the UK charts this week in 1987? Power ballads and big hair predominated, with John Farnham, Whitesnake, Starship, Johnny Logan and Wibblin' Whitney all present; Bruce Willis was there doing his "comedy karaoke"; but there was also salvation in the form of Pet Shop Boys, Sam Fox and Curiosity Killed the Cat. And at the top of the pile was this - a cringeworthy "classic" if ever there was one...

It's The Firm and Star Trekkin'!


Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!

Ye cannot change the script Jim.
Och, #!*& Jimmy.

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.


As I said: a classic.

2 comments:

  1. Oh dear...I should have brewed some coffee before reading this. What a hoot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!"

      Indeed. Jx

      Delete

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