Thursday, 28 August 2014

A bargain is a bargain and begorrah we were thrilled


[photo: Andy Hanselman]
Ryanair has introduced ‘business class’ by selling tickets for proper airlines.

The budget carrier said its new level of service would include a free drink, landing within half a day’s drive of your chosen destination and being on a British Airways plane.

The company revealed that for a £70 fee it will register your interest and then let BA, Air France and Lufthansa know that you are on your way.

Plane traveller Martin Bishop said: “Finally I can combine Ryanair’s low prices with British Airways’ levels of service simply by paying significantly more money.”

A Ryanair spokesman added: “This means we now fly to more destinations than all of the other airlines that have ever existed.

“Celebratory trumpet noise.”
The Daily Mash.

Of course.

[The "real" story in The Telegraph]

Here's the only song I could possibly play to greet such news, courtesy of the ever-lovely Fascinating Aïda:



We received an invitation in the post one Monday morn'
To attend our cousin's wedding in the town where we were born
The do was back in Kerry; so wishing to be frugal
We trawled the 'net to find some decent travel deals on Google

Cheap flights, cheap flights, cheap as they can be,
Bedad we found an airline selling flights for 50p.
(Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai)

Well we clicked on to the website and were mightily surprised,
To find the actual cost wasn't quite as advertised,
We'd forgotten airport taxes, had also to be billed,
But a bargain is a bargain and begorrah we were thrilled.

Cheap flights, cheap flights, Stanstead to Tralee,
It isn't every airline offers flights for 50p,
(Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai (x3))

After studying the website we decided it was best,
To pay priority boarding so that we'd sit three abreast,
(Three abreast, that's the best)
And of course we'd all have luggage, so that's an extra cost,
And then we paid insurance in case our cases might get lost.

Our cheap flights, cheap flights, it's obvious to see,
There must be extra charges when the flights are 50p,
(Minya, minya, minya, key change)

At last the flight was booked, with all of the additions,
We'd read the reams of small print, of terms and conditions;
And then picked up the charge for using VISA which was drastic,
'Cause how the feck are you supposed to pay if not with fecking plastic?

Cheap flights, cheap flights, we paid the fecking fee,
Because by now we were committed to the flights for 50p,
(Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai (3))
(Someone's being diddled and it's us, so it is)

(Ochone, ochone, aah . . . )
Now I don't know if you've tried looking at Stanstead on a map,
But checking in at 5am is a fecking load of crap,
It's packed if you try to catch a train or underground,
So a taxi to the arse in the world was more than 100 pounds,

Cheap flights, cheap flights, we should have gone by sea,
There's no such fecking thing as a fecking flight for 50p,
(Feckity feckity feckity feckity feck, feck, feck (x2))

Then at last we reached the airport where we had to pay a fine,
The fecking feckers charged us 'cause we hadn't checked in online,
And finally aboard the flight there's an extra class of tax,
'Cause the fecking fecking feckers fecking charge to use the jack,

Cheap flights, cheap flights, I think you must agree,
That only fecking gobshites think there's flights for 50p,
(Feck, shite, feck, shite, feck, shite, arse)
(Feck, shite, shite, feck, feck, shite, arse)
(Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feck)
(Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckty Feck)

Sad verse
Well finally we landed and tried to shuffle up the aisle
But the steward sent us down to the back with never a hint of a smile
And as we heard his annoucement our hearts gave a terrible thump
If you haven't prepaid to use the steps you'll have to feckin jump

Cheap flights, cheap flights you're harking on to me
you're an eejit if you think a fecking flight is 50p
FECK!


Fascinating Aïda

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