Sunday, 22 January 2017

Devastating courgette riots

Nobody has starved to death so far despite a desperate lack of courgettes reaching British shores.

Authorities had predicted a complete breakdown of civilisation, but so far it appears that almost nobody has even noticed the lack of courgettes.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We predicted a Doomsday scenario where there would be devastating courgette riots across the nation, only the strongest surviving, reaching home battered and bruised but triumphantly holding a courgette to be shared amongst the family.

“But instead it seems that people are bearing up surprisingly well.

“It now seems that we may avoid the bloody scenes in the Waitrose aisles brought about by last year’s hummus outage.”

Shopper Mary Fisher said: “I paid £150 for what I thought was pure courgette but when I got it home and sampled the merchandise, I discovered it was cucumber.

“I swear to God if I don’t get some courgette soon I’m going to turn to crack, or chard, whichever one’s cheaper.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Here's an appropriate song, methinks, courtesy of the Brighton Gay Men's Chorus:

The "real" story.

Saturday, 21 January 2017

Don't leave me hanging on the telephone...

Tom Daley has admitted that an explicit six minute "snapchat" video of him is out in the interwebs somewhere, after he had cyber-sex with another man while he and Dustin were apart...

The best I can find is a 9-second clip here, dammit!


If anyone finds the rest of it, be sure to let me know, sweeties!

Friday, 20 January 2017

Run, run, run but you sure can't hide

Here at Dolores Delargo Towers, we are steadfastly ignoring anything that might be going on "over the pond" today.

Instead, we look forward to the looming weekend, and, as always, we mean to party! Here to play us in, with their super-flared red and yellow matching ensembles, jazzy graphics and fancy footwork, it's the Temptations with Ball of Confusion...

Thank Disco It's Friday!

Segregation, determination, demonstration, integration
Aggravation, humiliation, obligation to our nation

Ball of confusion
Oh yeah, that's what the world is today


Have a good (teeth-gritting, if you're American) weekend, dear chums!

Thursday, 19 January 2017

The perfect gift...

...for Miss Tippi Hedren's 86th birthday!

Nathalie Kay "Tippi" Hedren (born 19th January 1930)

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Sex shop causes a furore...

...but a most unexpected one:
When a sex shop opened its doors in the middle of a quaint cathedral city, one might have thought that residents would be the first to complain.

But after the owner of Erotica-Belle in Salisbury was ordered to cover up his windows, he received some surprise support.

Locals rallied around Jonathan Spencer, claiming that the store’s display, which often features seductive outfits and erotic toys, was one of the best in town.

...Typical displays at Mr Spencer’s store, which also boasts a “discreet rear entrance” at the back, are understood to have included suggestive posters and phrases, as well as erotic toys and lingerie.

One display was based on a seaside theme, with “Ahoy sexy” and “Hello sailor” stickers in the window.

Speaking after the order was made, Mr Spencer said: “My shops operate within the law. We seem to be demonised by the council and looked down upon like we are some illegitimate business. They are restricting my human right to earn an honest living.”

He has now been backed by residents who said the displays had “cheered up a very dreary end of Fisherton Street”.

One resident praised Erotica-Belle online and said the shop had been “producing lovely seasonal window displays for the past three years”. [Another said] “I would go as far as saying the best dressed shop in the town. They have always been really good at being tastefully provocative.

“I want to complain about the complainants trying to bring everyone down into their grey view of the world and stop this bloke making a living.”
The people of Salisbury have a delectation for sexy knickers and erotic stimulators, it would seem.

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

It's your outlook on life that counts

Another day, another Patron Saint's birthday...

Yes, it's Betty White Day again! And it is a very special one indeed - the great lady is 95 years old today - so let's hope she is celebrating in style!

"I've enjoyed the opposite sex a lot. Always have. Always will."

"It's your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humour in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver."

"I really don't care with whom you sleep. I just care what kind of a decent human being you are."

“I have no regrets at all. None. I consider myself to be the luckiest old broad on two feet.”

"I may be a senior, but so what? I'm still hot."

"My muffin hasn't had a cherry since 1939!"

Miss Betty Marion White Ludden (born 17th January 1922) - we at Dolores Delargo Towers salute you!

Monday, 16 January 2017

We're gonna go through it together

It's a new week - boooooo!

It's also the Patron Saint of "Belters" Ethel Merman's birthday, bitches!. All hail.

On this Tacky Music Monday - a slot to which she is admirably suited - in an effort to wake us up in the most alarming manner, here is Miss Zimmerman herself in the company of the old charmer Signor Crocetti - with a Broadway Medley...

Have a great week, folks!

Ethel Merman (born Ethel Agnes Zimmermann, 16th January 1908 – 15th February 1984)