Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Star for the gallant hearts

Britons have asked Kate Bush to be their leader.

As it was emerged that nobody is currently in charge of anything, researchers at the Institute for Studies found that the Hounds of Love singer is the most popular choice to run the country.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “According to our poll, Kate Bush is well in the lead, followed by David Attenborough although he’s probably a bit old.

“Kate Bush is quite reclusive though, so we need to find out where she lives and then find out if she’s up for it.

“She’ll know what to do about all the shit that’s going on, she’s sold millions of albums compared to Boris Johnson’s album sales of zero. We could have Sade as her second-in-command, because Sade would bring a mellow, calming influence.”

Other popular choices include Alan Bennett, Professor Brian Cox and Yoda.

Mary Fisher, from Swindon, said: “We need an elected council of wise elders who are neither right or left but simply for the good of the country.

“Either that or we need a new album by The Smiths.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

They've got the stars for the gallant hearts.
I'm the replacement for your part.
But all I want to do is forget
You, friend.
Hammer Horror, Hammer Horror,
Won't leave me alone.
The first time in my life,
I leave the lights on
To ease my soul.
Hammer Horror, Hammer Horror,
Won't leave it alone.
I don't know,
Is this the right thing to do?

I'd vote for her!

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

'Cause here I go again

According to the Met Office: "On this day 40 years ago, June’s highest ever temperature of 35.6C was recorded in Southampton. It won't be that warm today."


Here are some facts about the Summer of '76:
  • Many householders in Wales and the west of England were left without tap water for much of the day when temperatures were frequently over 80F; stand-pipes were installed in the streets as the pavements cracked or melted around them.
  • The National Water Council made repeat appeals to people to save and recycle water, with one advert explaining jobs are more important than flower beds; and hosepipe use was banned.
  • People across the country were told to put bricks or plastic bags full of water in their toilet cisterns and to use washing-up water to pour down the toilet instead of flushing.

  • The rivers Don, Sheaf, Shire Brook and Meers Brook in Sheffield all ran completely dry, as did the reservoirs in Wales.
  • In addition to appointing a Minister for Drought, James Callaghan’s Labour government actually drafted emergency plans to bring water by tanker from Norway.
  • Nationally £500 million of crops were destroyed and food prices soared by 12%.
  • Brewery Shepherd Neame, however, reported beer sales up by 8% on the previous year and at their highest since the war - the company had not been troubled by the weather as it had its own well, which was still plentiful.
It was indeed a long, long summer, with a lot of happy memories - and lots of memorable choons to accompany them...

...not least the Top Ten of this very week in 1976, which included The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy, Jolene by Dolly Parton, Heart On My Sleeve by Gallagher And Lyle, Let's Stick Together by Bryan Ferry, Young Hearts Run Free by Candi Staton, Tonight's The Night by Rod Stewart and You Just Might See Me Cry by Our Kid. You To Me Are Everything by the Real Thing was at Number 1, and at Number 2 the (very silly) Combine Harvester by The Wurzels.

Which just leaves one song. Now, I am no Paul McCartney fan by any stretch of the imagination - but, whenever I hear Silly Love Songs by Wings, I am instantaneously transported back to those heady, hot days...

"What's wrong with that?
I'd like to know."

Monday, 27 June 2016

Kus me

We like Holland

The post-Pride comedown continues, and thankfully we both have an extra day off today to recover...

Just prior to The Big Day, we got our arses in gear to sort out our trip to Amsterdam for my birthday in August (the first visit for a couple of years), so on this Tacky Music Monday, let's go Dutch!

Here's the uber-talented Babe and The Kiss:

Wow. That's one way to start a week, I suppose!

Sunday, 26 June 2016


What a fantastic Gay Pride day!

Despite the grey weather, and despite the bureaucratic nightmare of the parade arrangements this year (everyone marching needed a wristband, issued by a registered marching group - which meant I had to traverse the West End to meet up with what I thought was going to be Camden LGBT Forum's group from whence I had been promised ten said items, only to find that I had to beg them from the London Irish LGBT Network branch of the Forum instead, whose allocation was fast running out), we were once again in the thick of it. This was particularly important as our cousin Lauren and gay son Braden had crossed the Atlantic from Toronto specifically to take part!

But it all worked out in the end.

Our gang - Me, Madam Arcati, Hils, Crog, John-John, Baby Steve, Mark and Jim, as well as the Canadians - dressed to the nines in our best "Decadent Dandy/Victorian Whore" outfits, and, overflowing with champers and bacon butties, soaked up the buzz and the atmosphere of being surrounded by thousands upon thousands of eclectic party people: drag queens, twinks, bears, dykes, all the armed forces and emergency servicemen and women, dancers, campaigners, fashionistas, Muscle Marys and queers of all ages, cultures, classes and creeds among them. The Irish network crowd was exceptionally jolly [it helps when you have two genuine Oirish - Crog and Mark - with you] , and even sandwiched as we were between the Bisexuals, the Latvians and the staff from Nandos (who were rather annoying, much like their restaurants really), we were in a good spot - near enough to the start of proceedings so that we didn't have to stand around for too long before moving off. Of course, the disadvantage of having to line up in one's pre-designated spot is that, unlike previous years, we didn't get to see any of the parade itself, bar the bits closest to us.

And it was huge this year.

Opened as it was by yer actual Honorary Gay Royalty "fash-mag slag" Patsy Stone and "I was hip; I was dangerous" Edina Monsoon (Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders), the parade accommodated tens of thousands of individual participants, 65 floats, the US Ambassador, the Mayor, and various other "notables"; more than a million people in total, including spectators and those at Trafalgar Square - a record number according to official estimates. Whether this was the "Orlando effect" or merely the fact that more people than ever were looking for a bloody good party (after the EU referendum), who knows? [And to be honest, when having such a good time, why spend time thinking about it?]

There was apparently a minute's silence in solidarity for victims of the massacre, but maybe we missed it, or maybe it only happened in the Square. What we did get, however, was an impromptu version of the London Gay Men's Chorus' version of Bridge over Troubled Water - released as a charity single in the wake of Orlando - outside the Ship and Shovel pub, which was very moving. Here's their rendition at the Soho vigil:

Not one, but two serving policemen proposed to their boyfriends during the festivities, but we saw neither. And we were in the pub by the time the much-vaunted Red Arrows flypast happened, so we missed that too. Hey ho.

We cheered, we waved, we posed, we kissed, we held hands, we whistled, we danced.

Most importantly: WE WERE THERE.

Pride, indeed.

PS scroll through this video to around 3.33 for our "screen debut"...

Saturday, 25 June 2016

So let's waste no more time

Happy Gay Xmas, everyone!

We're off to the West End, with hats, sparkles, flags, booze and bacon butties in tow, to join the vast, chaotic extravaganza that is Gay Pride!

It's a tradition round these parts to play our anthem on this day of days. And here it is, with a kinky performance by a troupe called Circ X - it's Bring on the Men...

So let's bring on the men
And let the fun begin
A little touch of sin
Why wait another minute?

Step this way it's time for us to play
They say we may not pass this way again
So let's waste no more time
Bring on the men!


Friday, 24 June 2016

The British lion’s newfound mighty roar?

Every country in the former British Empire has demanded Britain resume full political control now it has proven it is great again.

Australia, India, Canada, Egypt and South Africa, among a host of others, have all dissolved their governments in a show of awestruck admiration for the British lion’s newfound mighty roar.

Kenya’s president Uluru Kenyatta said: “We never wanted Britain to stop ruling us in the first place – why ever would we? – but you just needed to grab hold of your mojo again.

“Don’t worry about giving us voting rights or any of that nonsense. Now you are once again a proud, resurgent nation unafraid of political correctness, we have absolute trust you will act in our best interest. And the world’s.

“I step down this afternoon. Oh man, I hope we get Michael Gove as governor. That guy is the best.”

The UK now commands a fifth of the world’s population and one-quarter of its total habitable land, which is as it should be.

Retired headmistress Margaret Gerving, from Guildford, said: “I don’t know why America is insisting on being independent. I’m sure they’ll stop being silly eventually.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

The real news is on the BBC.

And we fly just like birds of a feather

It's Gay Xmas Eve! The Gay Pride Parade will be bestowing upon London its feathers-foof-and-faff tomorrow - and, as always, we will be in the thick of it, dressed to the nines in our own theme of "Crimson Decadent Dandies and Victorian Whores"...

This year, in addition to my sister Hilb and hubbie Crog, our "gay niece" Baby Steve, and some of our usual "gang", we are joined by cousin Lauren and her gay son ("first cousin, once removed") Braden, who have come all the way from Toronto, Canada to join in the festivities!

As is our wont here at Dolores Delargo Towers, we always need something boppy to get us into the party mood as the weekend looms - and what more fitting a song for such a "family gathering" than the faboo (and crimson-batwing-clad) Sister Sledge's most memorable hit?

Thank Disco It's Gay Pride Friday!

We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up ev'rybody and sing
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up ev'rybody and sing

Ev'ryone can see we're together
As we walk on by
(Hey) and we fly just like birds of a feather
I won't tell no lie
(ALL!) all of the people around us they say
Can they be that close
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose

We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up ev'rybody and sing
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up ev'rybody and sing

Living life is fun and we've just begun
To get our share of the world's delights
(HIGH!) high hopes we have for the future
And our goal's in sight
(WE!) no we don't get depressed
'Cause here's what we call our golden rule
Have faith in you and the things you do
You won't go wrong
This is our Family Jewel