Monday, 23 April 2018

Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'

The new Royal baby born on St George’s Day will be possessed with the spirit of King Arthur and is fated to save England, unless it turns out to be a girl.

Nationalists believe that the baby, born on the dragonslayer’s sacred day, is destined to become either a great leader who will conquer the whole of Europe by fire and sword or a princess.

Patriot Stephen Malley said: “He will emerge from his mother with a St George’s cross birthmark on his face, marked by Albion.

“As he grows he will prove himself a master swordfighter, a skilful tactician, and a boy who refuses to accept that we are a second-class nation, swearing to restore our country to greatness.

“Accepting the sword Excalibur, by his 16th birthday he shall ride up and down Britain to form a great army of true patriots, leading them through the Chunnel to lay waste to the EU and force its leaders to declare fealty to him in perpetuity.

“Then we’ll start building the fleet.”

He added: “A girl couldn’t do that. Come on, this isn’t Game of Thrones. You need to get out of your fantasy land.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

"Patriots" needn't have worried, of course - it's a boy!

To celebrate the Royal sprog - and all things English (even though I am Welsh) - on this Tacky Music Monday, here's something appropriate(ish):

Have a good week, dear reader - and don't forget to raise a toast to little Prince Arthur, Albert, Frederick, James, Philip or whatever they decide to call him. Kanye? Verne? Zayn? Joaquin? Kendrick? Donald?!

Sunday, 22 April 2018

Thought for the Day

Happy Sunday!

Saturday, 21 April 2018

Lust for Life

Sharing a birthday today with Her Maj is another individual who has gone through huge ups and downs and has lived life in the spotlight, but born nineteen years later.

They really couldn't be much further apart, culturally speaking.

Many happy returns, Mr Iggy Pop (for it is he)!

And speaking of opposites - by way of a celebration, let us revisit an old favourite - a clash of the titans, in fact:

Miss Norma Deloris Egstrom, as always, emerges victorious.

Iggy Pop (born James Newell Osterberg Jr, 21st April 1947)

Friday, 20 April 2018

Yeah, one day I might get it right; am I ready for tonight?

It has been an absolute bitch of a week! Stuck in the office merely getting glimpses of the glorious sunshine is bad enough, but, yet again our team is going through a "consultation" about a "restructure" - which in effect means my job is at risk, and I will have to have an interview. Furthermore there are only three posts in the level to which I can apply, where previously there were six. Oh happy day.

Never mind, it is still sunny and possibly will remain so on the weekend, and Our Princess Kylie is riding high at the top of the charts [where she should be] with her new (slightly Country-inspired) album Golden. And from it, this...

Thank Disco - and Kylie - it's Friday!!!

Love this.

Have a faboo weekend, dear reader - we deserve it!

Thursday, 19 April 2018

Off to the eternal Supermarket Sweep in the sky

The ranks of "light entertainment stalwarts" continues to be depleted. Following on from the likes of Bruce Forsyth, Keith Chegwin and William G Stewart last year, and Jim Bowen earlier this year, Dale ("Mr Perma-Tan") Winton has died, aged just 62. Soon there will be no-one left with experience of presenting game-shows! Apart from fucking Jim Davidson.

Here is my personal favourite of Mr Winton's telly moments - courtesy of a clever spoof created by Victoria Wood and Jennifer Saunders, of course...

RIP Dale Jonathan Winton (22nd May 1955 – 18th April 2018)

Wednesday, 18 April 2018


This is currently My. Favourite. Thing.

Simply divine.

[Por una Cabeza literally translated means "by a head", and is a horse racing term.]

Tuesday, 17 April 2018

My Credo

A study has found that alcohol can significantly shorten your life, at which point millions of Britons said “Fine with me!”

But while it’s easy to look at the negative effects of drinking, what are the benefits? Read our guide.

Most conversations are intolerably boring without alcohol. It’s fine being sober if you happen to be friends with wits like Stephen Fry, but listening to your mate Dave telling you about resurfacing his drive definitely requires those eight pints of Stella.

Copping off with people. While sober it is extremely difficult to approach someone and say "Hello, I find you sexually attractive. Would you like to start kissing me?". But when you are shitfaced it just seems to happen. The only plausible explanation is some form of ‘alcohol magic’.

Alcohol aids exercise. Going to the gym while plastered can hugely increase your performance. You can run for miles on the treadmill and those heavy, intimidating weights are no problem because you can’t feel the pain. You may wish to die the next day but that’s the price of being healthy.

Booze leads to exciting adventures. All manner of unusual things happen when you’re pissed, usually late at night. You might find yourself yourself in a Goth club or talking to a strange man on the Tube who claims he was in the SAS. Note: If you find yourself in a zoo enclosure being stalked by a panther that may be a sign to cut down a bit.

Spiritual enlightenment. Buddhist monks spend decades meditating in order to reach a transcendent state. However getting totally sloshed in a pleasant pub will also make you feel remarkably at one with the universe. Especially if you have a gourmet burger.

Alcohol prevents society collapsing. Alcohol is an integral part of many activities that form the fabric of society. Does anyone seriously think you’re going to turn up to their wedding just for a slice of cake? Fuck that.
The Daily Mash

Of course.