Sunday 25 March 2007

Sixty years of feathers, fouf and faff

"It's very important to have two tiaras when you're on the road," he said. "You never know when you'll be invited to something really formal."

Hear! Hear!

Dame Elton John is sixty today, and to celebrate the BBC has published 60 facts about our favourite celebrity queen Reginald Dwight.

Happy birthday, you fabulous creature!!

Saturday 24 March 2007

Michael Jackson - a regular family guy

Stumbled across this most incredible photoshoot today, and I just needed a drink...!

Apparently this is Michael Jackson posing with one of his nephews to "help promote his band".

Mummy I'm scared!

Read more on Celebrity Warship

Friday 23 March 2007

Mmm! Warm lamb chops...

A Yorkshire Dales farmer has come up with a novel way of protecting his lambs from the cold weather - cagoules.

A truly weird story for a Friday - made me laugh anyway!

Thursday 22 March 2007

Catholics "may not co-operate" with the law of the land!

Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, the most senior Catholic in England and Wales, has said it "remains to be seen" whether the church will cooperate with the law of the United Kingdom.

The Equality Act (Sexual Orientation) Regulations, which outlaw discrimination against gay people by businesses and service providers, were approved tonight by the House of Lords and will come into force on 30 April.

So by what right does the Catholic Church of Rome - or ANY church for that matter - believe it can ignore the law? How dare they even make such a statement?

Isn't it about time that organised religions, which by their own history should be judged on their own record of hiding paedophiles, of corrupt business practices, and embracing terror and intimidation as a means of controlling their adherents, should be ostracised from the process of politics and the rule of nations for ever?!

I feel any government that allows elderly bigots to influence the decisions it makes for and on behalf of its citizens, is lost forever in a modern and progressive world.

Cardinals and Archbishops! Stick to your own weird blinkered existence, and let the real world exist without you and your kind...

The problem is - who will play her?!

A movie about former UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in the run-up to the 1982 Falklands War is being planned.

But the REAL conundrum here is who on earth would you choose to play Britain's most formidable PM in living memory? Helen Mirren's been done to death now she has the Oscar for "The Queen", Steve Nallon (who did all the Spitting Image voices) is a man(actually), so who would YOU choose?

Glenda Jackson? (too left-wing); Faith Brown?(not really an actress); Dame Judi Dench? (too damned nice); Gwyneth Paltrow? (too ridiculous!); Meryl Streep?; Dame Diana Rigg?; Penelope Keith?; Julie Andrews?; Phyllis Diller?

It is difficult to imagine what kind of diva would possibly fit the bill, but I look forward to seeing what exactly the producers make of this project!

Read more on the BBC

Tuesday 20 March 2007

Gawd bless the ludicrous

On a day when the news is full of grim-faced debate about knife crime, and the bigoted bishops in the Catholic Church are bashing gay rights again (the adoption debate), it is refreshing to find that some things can still make you laugh out loud!

"Action hero" Steven Segal and his band are on tour! I can't wait...

I haven't felt so thrilled by a piece of news since David Hasslehoff complained that his role in the fall of the Berlin Wall had been overlooked by history:

Read that story

Sunday 18 March 2007

Flying the flag, indeed!

In the battle of the mediocre, the ludicrous, the camp and the inappropriate, camp wins yet again!

The (slightly ageing) re-formed novelty band Scooch scooped the votes in tonight's "Making Your Mind Up" programme on BBC1, to represent Britain at the Eurovision Song Contest this May with their instantly hummable song Flying the Flag (For You).

With their bizarre costumes (trolly-dollies!), perma-tanned to the point of resembling leatherette, and with possibly the cheesiest song since the Vengaboys' eye-watering Boom Boom Boom, I Want You In My Room, the two girls and two boys camped it up to the point that the audience were gobsmacked!

Yet they are the best thing we could have hoped for - a revival of what Eurovision is really all about.: good old-fashioned Europop nonsense (and none of that cod-rock and posturing of the likes of last year's winners Lordi!).

Even the cynical alt-gay crowd watching the contest on the big screen in the Retro Bar off the Strand couldn't resist giving this particular cliched performance their own vote of the night!! (Despite the protestations of landlady Wendy...)

Go, Scooch, Go!! And let's look forward to a bit of a better score at this May's contest...

Friday 16 March 2007

This is why we pay our council tax

A great story - small chldren, animals and "political correctness gone mad". The Daily Mail must have been slavering at this one...

Organisers of a children's concert have given the go-ahead for the three little pigs to appear, after they were banned over fears they might offend Muslims.

Honley Junior School in West Yorkshire was to perform the Roald Dahl story of Little Red Riding Hood and the pigs - but was told to substitute puppies.

Tuesday 13 March 2007

Pete Doherty and cross-stitching

A text from Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty has become the inspiration for a Victorian-style cross-stitch sampler.

This has to be one of the most bizarre stories I have read for a long time.

And it's from Wales!

If anyone can possibly explain to me exactly what chemical assistance was involved here, I'd be grateful...

Monday 12 March 2007

Happy Birthday Liza!

It's Liza's birthday!

Gawd bless the fragile living legend that is Liza Minnelli. She may be many things - mad, bad and dangerous to know; to some people just downright weird - but of the ladies who dare to call themselves "diva" these days, it takes somebody with her kind of sheer talent to make the grade! A very rare breed indeed.

Emerging from the shadows cast by the brilliant light of her mother Judy Garland, Liza proved her voice and her career could be even BIGGER than Momma's - and with multiple awards including Emmys, Tonys, and an Oscar under her belt she still commands a huge audience wherever she goes. Let's face it, we are fascinated by her!

We have followed Liza through personal tragedy after personal tragedy, joyful success after success, and even at the ripe old age of 61 (who would believe it!) there is still not a queen amongst us who wouldn't love to lip-synch along with our girl singing "Maybe This Time" or "Cabaret"... (And we wont mention the marriages, honest)

Happy birthday darling, and many many more to come!

Mein Herr (from Cabaret)
You have to understand the way I am, Mein Herr
A tiger is a tiger, not a lamb, Mein Herr
You'll never turn the vinegar to jam, Mein Herr
So I do...what I do...
When I'm through...then I'm through...
And I'm through...toodle-oo!

Bye-bye, mein lieber Herr
Farewell, mein lieber Herr
It was a fine affair, but now it's over
And though I used to care
I need the open air
You're better off without me, Mein Herr

Don't dab your eye, Mein Herr
Or wonder why, Mein Herr
I've always said that I was a rover
You mustn't knit your brow
You should have known by now
You'd every cause to doubt me, Mein Herr

The continent of Europe is so wide, Mein Herr
Not only up and down, but side to side, Mein Herr
I couldn't ever cross it if I tried, Mein Herr
So I do...what I can...
Inch by inch... step by step...
Mile by mile... man by man

Bye-bye, mein lieber Herr
Farewell, mein lieber Herr
It was a fine affair, but now it's over
And though I used to care
I need the open air
You're better off without me, Mein Herr

Don't dab your eye, Mein Herr
Or wonder why, Mein Herr
I've always said that I was a rover
You mustn't knit your brow
You should have known by now
You'd every cause to doubt me, Mein Herr

Bye-bye mein lieber Herr,
Auf wiedersehen, Mein Herr
Es war sehr gut, Mein Herr und vorbei
Du kennst mich wohl, Mein Herr
Ach, lebe wohl, Mein Herr
Du sollst mich nicht mehr sehen, Mein Herr