Of gardens, spreads and the Queens of England and of Bollywood

The faboo Langthorns Plantery, Bishop's Stortford, Essex [by Royal Appointment to HM The King]

So, I'm back from my jolly jaunt to Essex, doing a Grand Tour of the myriad wonderful garden centres in that county, thanks to Baby Steve and Houseboy Alex. The extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers are going to be even fuller as a result - YAY! [And I have spent most of today out there, dodging the downpours, sorting stuff out and potting things up in preparation.]

But what did I miss while I was away?

• The highly anticipated exhibition Queen Elizabeth II: Her Life in Style at the King's Gallery opened. A centenary celebration for the very much-missed HM The Queen, it has on display for the first time "items of her clothing worn in all ten decades of her life - from birth to adulthood, from princess to queen, and from off-duty style to dressing for the global stage for momentous occasions in Britain’s history". Needless to say, we have our tickets booked for July, when we'll be going along to view it with The Mother...
• Hot on the heels of the "Great Marmalade Outrage" [our own, our very own British marmalade will henceforth have to be described as "citrus marmalade" because of the bloody EU; apparently "Johnny Foreigner" wants the right to call their fig/apricot/other fruit concoction "marmalade" as well, rather than the pseudo-jam that it is] - now it seems that another great British spread for toast, Gentleman's Relish (Patum Peperium) has been discontinued. Scandalous!

• ...and, sadly, I missed paying a fond farewell to another Patron Saint - Miss Asha Bhosle, Bollywood's "Queen of Playback" [singing the vocals for actresses who appeared on screen] for over eight decades, who has ascended the flower-strewn, incence-scented stairway to her Vaikuntha in Fabulon, aged 92. The Guinness Book of Records states that she was the most prolific recording artist in the world, having reportedly recorded up to 12,000 solo, duet and chorus backed songs in over 20 Indian languages since 1947!

  So let us pay the great lady due tribute:

Here she is, dubbing for the magnificently camp "Helen" (Helen Jairag Richardson) - a megastar in Indian musical cinema in the 1960s:

Helen - Naach e Dil

...and here, dubbing for Reena Roy:

Kitnay Bhi Tu Kar Le Sitam [from Sanam Teri Kasam]

And finally - recognising the fact that even though I am on leave (almost) all this week, it is Tacky Music Monday - here's the lady herself, aged 79, with a tongue-in-cheek take on an old Usha Uthup number [from the only Bollywood film in which Rex Harrison and Vera Miles ever appeared, Shalimar]...

Asha Bhosle - Cha Cha Cha Song (Dance Masti Mix 2012)

Sublime.

RIP, Asha Bhosle (born Ashalata Dinanath Mangeshkar, 8th September 1933 – 12th April 2026)

Have a good week, dear reader.

---

FOOTNOTE:

Of course, I could not let any such tribute pass without playing this famous paean to her!

Cornershop - Brimful of Asha

Born to be crass, a loud brassy tart

Our Great Earth Mother, our Patron Saint of Sleaze - Divine would have been 80 years old yesterday!

On this Tacky Music Monday, if this doesn't wake you up, nothing will...

Divine - Born To Be Cheap

Cheap, cheap
I was born to be cheap, cheap
A child no mother could keep, cheap
As sure as there's trash
I was born to be cheap

I was born to be helpless, I was born to be cold
I was born to never do what I'm told
I was to be shallow, wasn't born to be deep
Of all the things I was to be cheap

Cheap, cheap
I was born to be cheap, cheap
A child no mother could keep, cheap
As sure as there's trash
I was born to be cheap

I was born to be crass, a loud brassy tart
No one can accuse me of having a heart
I was born too fast

I don't do it twice with anyone, GET CHEAP!

Cheap, cheap
I was born to be cheap, cheap
As I'm walking down the street, cheap
I'm always too much
I was born to be cheap!

I think I'll have those lyrics recited as my eulogy when I go.

Have a good week, dear reader!

Divine (born Harris Glenn Milstead, 19th October 1945 – 7th March 1988)

---

PS

Happy Diwali!

Of totty, traitors, rights, photography, bats, videos and curry

Lesley Manville and Aidan Turner are to star in a new production of Les Liaisons Dangereuses at the National Theatre. You're welcome, Ms Scarlet.

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• Celeb cornucopia news: The hit TV show Traitors has launched a successful "Celebrity" version, and for a change there actually are a load of really famous (as opposed to "TikTok influencer" or "former reality TV contestant") names in it, including sex god Tom Daley, popstrel Paloma Faith, (not-yet-a-Dame) Celia Imrie, Sir Stephen Fry, TV and radio presenter Jonathan Ross, classical crossover singer Charlotte Church, camp comic Alan Carr, sport and current affairs commentator Clare Balding, TV historian David Olusoga, daytime TV presenter Kate Garraway and actress Tameka Empson (plus a few others I'd never heard of). I'll still never, ever watch it, of course.
• Victory for free speech news: A man who was fined for burning a copy of the Quran outside the Turkish consulate in London has won his appeal against his conviction. "We live in a liberal democracy. One of the precious rights that affords us is to express our own views and read, hear and consider ideas without the state intervening to stop us doing so. The price we pay for that is having to allow others to exercise the same rights, even if that upsets, offends or shocks us", said Mr Justice Bennathan. Hear, hear!

[click to embiggen]

• Paragon of the pictorial arts news: An exhibition dedicated solely to that grand old queen of photographic portraiture, Cecil Beaton’s Fashionable World is currently on show at the National Portrait Gallery until 11th January 2026. Another one to add to our list of "must-see" outings, methinks.
• Batman eats Robin! news: By examinining its shit, scientists have discovered that the European greater noctule bat hunts and eats migrating songbirds while in flight. Tweet that!
• Money for nothin' news: 38 years after it launched in the UK, the sad death of MTV has been announced - as all its remaining five UK music channels will go off the air at the end of 2025. Video killed the radio star. Now streaming has killed music television. Sigh.
• And finally: We're at the tail end of National Curry Week! I feel a celebration coming on...

Mohammed Rafi - Jaan Pehchaan Ho from Gumnaam

A Lamb Bhuna, pilau rice and some naan bread, please...

Curry night?

The BBC Asian Network has announced the winner of of its poll of the Ultimate 90s Bollywood Song, and it would be curmudgeonly of me not to feature it. We are great Bollywood music fans, after all.

From the 1995 romantic comedy Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, starring Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol [dubbed, of course, by proper playback singers], here's Tujhe Dekha To (When I saw you):

Kumar Sanu and Lata Mangeshkar - Tujhe Dekha To

I much prefer this one, to be honest - but then again, it is rather earlier than the 1990s...

Sharmila Tagore, sung by Sharda - Leja leja leja mera dil [from An Evening in Paris, 1967]

Lamb Bhuna with pilau rice and a naan bread, anyone?

A Brimful

It's the 90th birthday tomorrow of the utterly fantabulosa Bollywood "playback singer" Asha Bhosle, whose exquisite voice appeared, dubbing myriad actresses, over eight decades in hundreds of movies. Indeed, the Guinness Book of Records states that she is the most prolific recording artist in the world, having reportedly recorded up to 11,000 solo, duet and chorus backed songs in over 20 Indian languages since 1947!

Here she is, dubbing for the magnificently camp "Helen" (Helen Jairag Richardson) - a megastar in Indian musical cinema in the 1960s:

Helen in Talash [vocals by Asha Bhosle]

...and here, dubbing for Reena Roy:

Kitnay Bhi Tu Kar Le Sitam [from Sanam Teri Kasam]

...here's the lady herself, aged 79, with a tongue-in-cheek take on an old Usha Uthup number [from the only Bollywood film in which Rex Harrison and Vera Miles ever appeared, Shalimar]...

Asha Bhosle - Cha Cha Cha Song (Dance Masti Mix 2012)

Sublime.

Of course, I could not let this opportunity pass without playing this marvellous paean to her!

Cornershop - Brimful of Asha

Many happy returns, Asha Bhosle (née Mangeshkar, born 8 September 1933)

Be my friend, be my friend tonight

This week has been particularly exhausting - notwithstanding the usual stresses of work, we have the Madam's sister and niece staying, and have been out drinking with them in the evenings as well. However, one last push and we'll be partying again to mark the end of another week!

Here in the UK we've just had National Curry Week, and Diwali is less than a fortnight away, so I thought a little "exotic" dance music might be in order - a song I adored when it first hit the charts forty years ago (gulp!)...

Monsoon - Ever So Lonely

Disco ka shukr hai ki shukravar hai! *

Have a good weekend, my dears!

[* "Thank Disco It's Friday" in Hindi (I hope)]

What's behind the bodice?*

October's a busy time for "awareness" events, it seems. Here in the UK, it's Black History Month; and it's also the awareness month for (among others) Breast Cancer, Lupus, Bullying Prevention, Cholesterol and School Libraries, and it's the Tree Council's "Seed Gathering Season", to boot. Apparently there's also something called "Go Sober for October", but we ignore that one.

Among all of these, there is one that just ended that I missed - National Curry Week!

As if I need any excuses to feature an OTT Bollywood number...

Alka Yagnik and Ila Arun - Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai [from Khal Nayak, 1993]

I could just eat a Lamb Dhansak, now.

[* "Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai" = "What's behind the bodice" in Hindi]

Divas, vaginas, oil lamps and sparkle

Happy (wet and gloomy) Diwali, dear reader! It's supposedly the Festival of Lights but I suspect, what with lockdown and the rotten weather, it is more likely to be the festival of brollies and cagoules...

The traditional oil-burner above is apparently called a "Diva", which makes it even more appealing to us at Dolores Delargo Towers - and gives me a perfect opportunity to play this (intentionally piss-taking) number:

All India Bakchod with Kangana Ranaut - The Bollywood Diva Song

Quite possibly the only song and dance number in history with the word "vagina" in its lyrics...

Satire aside, however, let's get back to the more traditional glamour, sparkle and silliness we always associate with Bollywood:

Madhuri Dixit and Aishwarya Rai - Dola Re Dola [Devdas]

I'm tempted to take the curtains down and have a twirl across the lounge...

Dhoom taana ta dhoom ta na na na

We're having a "curry night" here at Dolores Delargo Towers...

...and this sort of thing always seems to happen!

Shankar Mahadevan - Jhoom

Shreya Ghosal, Abhijeet - Dhoom Taana

Devdas - Dola Re Dola

Pass me a naan, would you?

Camera, lights, action, and more lights

Happy Diwali!

The Hindu festival of lights is a joyful occasion that sees people attend feasts, set off fireworks, exchange gifts, and decorate their homes with beautiful lamps, bells and flowers. The festival symbolises the spiritual "victory of light over darkness, good over evil and knowledge over ignorance." Many regard Diwali as a new beginning, or the start of a new year. It is celebrated by millions of people across the globe.

Just today, the northern Indian city of Ayodhya has made it into the Guinness World Records when more than 300,000 diya oil lamps were simultaneously lit, and giant puppets portraying the battle between Hanuman the monkey god and the demon king Ravana were displayed in Leicester, UK.

Let the party begin - in the company of the gorgeous Shahid Kapoor and a few (ahem) thousand chums...

Nagada Nagada Baja (from Jab We Met)

I'm exhausted now.

Bahut-bahut badhai! *

Congratulations (long overdue) to the "world's largest democracy" India - the latest country to ditch centuries of bigotry and legalise homosexuality!

From the BBC:

Chief justice Dipak Misra said: "Criminalising carnal intercourse is irrational, arbitrary and manifestly unconstitutional."

Another judge, Indu Malhotra, said she believed "history owes an apology" to LGBT people for ostracising them.

Let the celebrations begin!

Oh... it seems they already have:

Mohammed Rafi - Jaan Pehchaan Ho from Gumnaam

[*Bahut-bahut badhai! (बहुत-बहुत बधाई!) = Many many congratulations! in Hindi]

More bang for your buck

I honestly thought I had travelled through some kind of wormhole to April Fools Day when I read the following in the Independent today:

Poundland has launched its own £1 sex toy range.

The range, called Nooky, follows the success of the discount retailer’s £1 Bullet vibrator which became a best-seller in 2016.

The Nooky line of products will include a “Finger Fun Stimulator, Vibrating Love Ring, Joy Ring, Sexual Vitality Supplements For Her, Supplement For Men and Pure Lube.”

Talk about "cheap thrills"! [And as some wag commented: "How will Pound-Stretcher possibly respond to this?"]

Speaking of Cheap Thrills, while searching the interwebs for some appropriate music to accompany this - ahem - stimulating news, all I could find was some badly-sung rubbish by the enigmatic-yet-ultimately-talentless SIA and that itinerant mumbler Sean Paul.

But, undeterred, my meanderings uncovered (as is my wont) a far more interesting version of said song - sung in the native language of Kerala in India!

This is my kind of "cheap thrill"...

Malayalam Mashup: Cheap Thrills

Monday drain

Oh, Mondays...

Today, not only do I have to get up for work but I also have to come back and sit all afternoon waiting for a contractor to come and unblock our drain outside the back door.

It's a glamorous life.

Hey ho, on this Tacky Music Monday, let's venture over to Bollywoodland for an appropriately diverting number!

Tamil Glamour Song

Fingers crossed a) the workman's gorgeous; and b) he clears it all up successfully and quickly.

I feel like going out for a curry...

The great outdoors

We're braving the elements to go on our annual picnic in Regent's Park this afternoon, complete with sun hats, galoshes, suntan oil, gloves, fleeces and umbrellas.

This is Britain. You never know what the weather may do...

Alka Yagnik & Shabbir Kumar - Mausam Hai Bheega Hai

[Mausam Hai Bheega Hai is Hindi for "the weather is damp"]

Queen of playback

Today's raft of birthdays include the 99th of Dame Vera Lynn, as well as (among others) unlikely co-celebrants Henrik Ibsen, Michael Redgrave, Spike Lee, Sergei Rachmaninov, David Thewlis, Steve McFadden (aka "Phil Mitchell" in Eastenders), William Hurt and house fave here at Dolores Delargo Towers Natacha Atlas.

However, it is one very special lady's 50th birthday today, Miss Alka Yagnik.

Who? I hear you ask.

It is for Miss Yagnik's voice, rather than her face, that most people may recognise her - if you've ever been to an Indian restaurant, at least some of the background songs will be hers - for during her estimable career she has sung 2,482 Hindi songs in 1,114 Bollywood films. She is the fifth most prolific Bollywood singer of all time (that record is held by Asha Bhosle).

So, without further ado...

...here she is, dubbing for Sridevi Kapoor on Teri Banjaran Rasta Dekhe from the Bollywood movie Banjaran (1991):

Teri Banjaran Rasta Dekhe

...and here, for Madhuri Dixit on Jungle Mein Sher from Prem Granth (1996):

Jungle Mein Sher

I really feel like a Rogan Josh and some naan bread now.

Facts:

• Miss Yagnik was a classically-trained vocalist before she landed her career as a "playback singer".
• Her song Taal Se Taal Mila from the movie Taal was voted as the best song of the century in a poll in 2012 to mark 100 years of Hindi Cinema.
• Of late she has been the judge of various Indian singing competition shows.
• It is her song Chamma Chamma that was sampled in Hindi Sad Diamonds from the soundtrack of the film Moulin Rouge.

Alka Yagnik (born 20th March 1966)

Khil khil ke hans di kali kali

A sizeable gang of us went off to Brick Lane - traditional "home of the curry house" in London - to celebrate the birthday of The History Boy (Crog) last night.

As always, it ended up just like this...

Aishwarya Rai - Thoda Sa Pagla

*"Khil khil ke hans di kali kali", from the song's lyrics, apparently means "The buds were blooming with a smile" in Hindi.

Choons

Whether it's just that there is a sudden crop of interesting music around, or perhaps I have merely been in the mood for traversing the interwebs for exotica on these dark, dank autumn days, but... here's another round-up of recent choons that have caught my ear, shared for your delectation.

Let us open with a firm favourite - the Swedish artist occasionally known as Bimbo Boy, Dennis Alexis Hellström, whose new duo Eurotix has released I Plead Insanity as its new single. Shades of Vince Clarke-era Depeche Mode or Yazoo, methinks:

Eurotix - I Plead Insanity

Speaking of regularly-featured artists, Aussie duo Parralox has a great new single out - a cover of an old hit by Alan Parsons Project - it's Eye In The Sky:

Parralox - Eye In The Sky/Sirius

An electronic band from Scotland, Chvrches has released a sublimely-crafted new single (and video) Lies. I really like this...

Chvrches - Lies

In complete contrast, the band behind one of this year's runaway successes I Don't Care (I Love It) Icona Pop's new single is altogether a more poppy, shouty affair - with a terrifically camp video as well. It's All Night:

Icona Pop - All Night

With an infectious riff that harks back to the classic early 90s house sound of artists like the Nightcrawlers (and a fab video to boot), here's Storm Queen and Look Right Through:

Storm Queen - Look Right Through

It has sassy ladies dancing in unfeasibly high heels, several exotic costume changes, semi-naked male totty - it's the video for the title song from a new Bollywood block-buster starring Aamir Khan, of course! Dhoom Machale Dhoom is performed by Katrina Kaif, but in true Bollywood style is actually sung by Aditi Singh Sharma:

Dhoom Machale Dhoom

Speaking of camp - here's a collaboration of fantabulosa fierceness! Thanks (yet again) to the lovely Henry at Barbarella's Galaxy, our lives have been enriched by the marvellous Gomi & Mila Jam. They are indeed Masters Of the Universe:

Gomi & Mila Jam - Masters Of the Universe

That track also features contributions from someone by the name of Kayvon Zand. Fearing this might be some "urban" rapper, I investigated. I could not have been more wrong if I tried! Sample for yourself the delights of this magnificent creature, as he takes you on the most incredible One Way Flight...

Kayvon Zand - One Way Flight

Finally, another marvellous discovery. Pentatonix is a combo of supremely talented singers, whose acapella versions of modern pop tunes won them all the accolades on American talent show The Sing-Off in 2011. [Shamefully, although their chosen charity on the show was the gay youth crisis support organisation The Trevor Project, the broadcaster NBC chose to edit out any reference to LBGTQ people when the appeal was shown. Piss-poor treatment of a group, two of whose members are gay!] Here they are with their magnificent tribute to synth-dance maestros Daft Punk, entirely without synths:

Pentatonix - Daft Punk medley

As always, enjoy - and let me know what you think!

Brimful of Asha

After a fantastic weekend of Proms, picnic and pals, it's time to wake up and go back to work. Yuk.

On this autumnal Tacky Music Monday, let's wallow in something warm and exotic to cheer us up - it's the ever-marvellous Asha Bhosle (the woman whose voice has been heard on hundreds of Bollywood movies, who celebrated her 80th birthday yesterday), and her tongue-in-cheek take on an old Usha Uthup number [from the only Bollywood film in which Rex Harrison and Vera Miles ever appeared, Shalimar] The Cha-Cha-Cha Song. This video was filmed just last year, when the lady was 79...

Ēka acchā saptāha hai (have a good week), folks!

Asha Bhosle - Cha Cha Cha Song (Dance Masti Mix 2012)

Asha Bhosle (born 8th September 1933)

I'm just wild about Hare

It's a remarkably hot, sultry (and unfortunately a bit cloudy) Saturday here in London - and I am in the mood for something even hotter!

Let's pay a visit to a moment in time when Bollywood met Psychedelia; and the results were interesting, to say the least.

Here, from the 1971 film Hare Rama Hare Krishna are the gorgeous vocals of Asha Bhosle (dubbing for the film's star Zeenat Aman) in the fabulously trippy Dum Maro Dum:



Asha Bhosle on Wikipedia

Gods and monsters

Although I am off again on leave - shopping this afternoon, and Polari tonight! - It is another Tacky Music Monday, and I have traditions to adhere to...

In this Hallowe'en week, we travel a little further East than usual for today's OTT song'n'dance number (from the movie Awaara) - it has gods and monsters, Raj Kapoor and Nargis, dry ice, glitter, a genie, dancers in the clouds (including the classic dancer Padmini), vocals by the legendary Lata Mangeshkar and a set of which John DeCuir would be proud. What more could you want?

Lata Mangeshkar - Ghar Aya Mera Pardesi (from Awaara, 1951)

Have a good week - and you Yanks, avoid the wrath of Hurricane Sandy...