John-John and I are are off again on our annual shopping pilgrimage to leafy Chiswick in West London, home of the classiest charity shops, today - and who knows what we'll find [if our millinery choices allow us into any of the shops]?
For this Tacky Music "bit-in-between" Monday, here's a sort-of appropriate number:
Have a good week in the run-up to 2026, dear reader!
Retailers launch Fuck You, We're Jacking The Price Right Up Tuesday
After Black Friday and Cyber Monday, today sees the launch of a new retail event where prices are brought right back up to meet Q4 profit targets.Physical and online shops have happily announced that shoppers have had their chance to enjoy large discounts, cannot say they were not warned and goods will now cost up to 50 per cent more because they have shareholders to keep happy.
Retail CEO Martin Bishop said: “Delayed picking up a bargain over the weekend because you thought the low, low prices would last another week? Well, fuck you.
“We weren’t bluffing. We’ve got bills to pay and bonuses to make. How do you expect us to do that when we’re shifting air fryers at a 40 per cent discount? Be reasonable.
“Those offers were genuine. You scorned them. And now you reap the whirlwind. Christmas is coming and we’re here to claim what’s rightfully ours, namely your hard-earned cash.
“What’s that? It seems to you prices have been inflated well beyond their original value? Yep. That’s just part of the Fuck You, We’re Jacking The Price Right Up Tuesday fun. See you next year.”
Shopper Nikki Hollis said: “I am excited to take part in this fiscal event. I hope the shops play Christmas music.”
Of course.
Wish us luck...
"Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee!"
"The social whorl never ceases", I said in response to a comment from Ms Scarlet the other day. Indeed it doesn't...
I was early arriving in the West End [deliberately so, as I neglected last Sunday to check whether there was a programme available for the Mandy Patinkin show, so went to the Lyric Theatre box office to enquire; the chap didn't know, but said he'd ask the promoter and give me a call] to meet up with John-John yesterday, and took a detour around the old stamping-grounds of Soho to the camp-as-tits dressing-up shop So High Soho before trolling down to our meeting place, the Wetherspoons in Leicester Square. The occasion? The latest Marvel blockbuster, The Marvels - which was a darn-sight better than some of the reviews would lead one to believe! Afterwards, since we were in Leicester Square, and he'd never been, I took John-John to the faboo rooftop bar at the swanky Hippodrome Casino for a drink and to take in the atmosphere of one of the best "hidden London" venues, looking down on the hubbub of the West End, before we ended up at Halfway II Heaven, in the company of chums Joe and Russ.
Today, I woke too early after what ended up a rather late night, felt a bit restless, and decided to take myself off to the sheer madness and crowds of Camden Market - again, like Soho, somewhere I haven't really meandered around since before the pandemic... It's not for the faint-hearted, and is in a constant state of flux so it's very easy to turn the wrong corner and find you're somewhere you've already been, but I thoroughly enjoyed soaking in the atmosphere and tutting at the bewildered tourists!
I came home empty-handed, but that's only because I was "umm-ing and aa-ing" about a particularly pricy "object of desire". It's payday next week, and I can almost guarantee I'll head back there and buy it...
Meanderings aside, I heard a choon today I hadn't heard for ages (we loved it so much back in 2016 that The Madam even had its "hook" as his ringtone for a while!), and now it's an earworm. So I thought I'd share:
Still a great song, seven years down the line...
I'm off to leafy Chiswick in West London with John-John today for our first "annual" pilgrimage to browse their myriad quirky charity shops since before the pandemic.
Here's our anthem...
A jolly outing!
The snow is turning to slush, as the rain has arrived. It's grey and grim, and all that's playing on the radio is "festive" music. Bah Humbug!
Here's a very welcome return for Mr Tom Lehrer, and his seasonal message:
Speaking of Xmas shopping, here's a lucky dip of gifts for you dear reader - just stick your hand in the bran tub, and you, too could have one of these...
[click any image to embiggen - if you dare]
We had a splendid time staying with "our nieces" Baby Steve and Houseboy Alex in Braintree over the past few days - they did us proud!
We travelled up to Essex with them the day after our faboo Film Club/"New Year's Eve" party - at which we all got the heebie-jeebies for Cruella...
...and managed to "fill our boots" with a haul from the garden centres in the locality - a new blue Phlox, and another twelve new Fuchsia varieties (plus a couple of duplicates of ones we already had) to add to our collection (from our favourite specialist growers B & HM Baker at Bourne Brook Nursery) - and spent a day browsing through various antiques/junk shop emporia [I came away with an original film programme from the premiere of the film Cabaret in London in 1972, complete with ticket stub - for the grand sum of £2!].
But what did we miss while we were away?
Of course, the biggest (and saddest) news was the death of the lovely "national treasure" June Brown, a classical actress with the Royal Shakespeare Company who played Hedda Gabler and Lady Macbeth on stage, was an unforgettable "Nanny Slagg" in Gormenghast, and even played a nipple-tassel-twirling strippper in a sketch on the Lily Savage Show, but will forever be remembered as the fantabulosa "Dot Cotton" in Eastenders:
During our time away, the world also bade a sad farewell to Punk icon "Jordan", and to the 50s "Teen Idol" Bobby Rydell. Aside from the centenary of the saintly Miss Doris Day, other significant birthdays while we were away included the centenary of film composer Elmer Bernstein, what would have been the 90th of the lovely Anthony Perkins, the 80th(s) of film director Peter Greenaway, The Hollies founder and lead singer Allan Clarke and "Goodbye Girl" Marsha Mason (and also the birthdays of our Patron Saints Bette Davis, Abba icon Agnetha Fältskog and camp Disco legend Patrick Hernandez).
The news headlines were still aghast at the horrifying scenes from Ukraine, and other news included endless speculation about "Dishy" Rishi Sunak (our Chancellor)'s wife and her business deals in Russia; a mass walk-out of LGBT groups from a government conference on equality over the ongoing row about banning conversion therapy (the new Bill will criminalise it on the basis of sexuality, but not gender dysphoria); bedlam at airports as EasyJet blamed COVID-related staff shortages for flight cancellations and Manchester Airport's CEO resigned; the teeny-tiny republic of San Marino elected the world's first out-gay head of state; and, meanwhile in Montana, an owl poked its beak into a live traffic monitoring camera...
Unsurprisingly, our musical accompaniment during our stay was mainly a diet of Kylie, Steps, Erasure, Pet Shop Boys, 80s synth-pop and 90s dance choons - such as this one!
Highly appropriate, given the mixed bag of sunshine, hail, high winds and torrential rain we've had in turn, over just a few days...
I braved the slings and arrows of the lovely Wood Green Shopping City today...
To ease my jangled nerves, I think another wallow in the glamorous lives of gorgeous people in exotic climes is just the thing, courtesy of the geniuses at Soft Tempo Lounge. Of course.
Ah, that's better!
[Music: Franco Micalizzi - Back Ground. Film: Hüzünlü Aşk (1969)]
What unnecessary shite are you getting from the shops?The Daily Mash
With shops open again, it’s time for a zombie-like stagger through them for stuff you don’t want that won’t make you happy. Like these:
Gardening bollocks
A vague memory of planning to grow turnips in early lockdown sees you buy 12 plant pots. You probably won’t ever use them but indulge your wildest fantasies. If you want to be an ostentatious Tony Montana-style high roller, get some secateurs as well.
A huge bag of crap from Sports Direct
Only a loser leaves the perma-sale favourite with one item. Don’t overlook Sports Direct’s many questionable bargains: running kit to watch Sky Sports in, Lonsdale eau de toilette, and it is impossible to have too many miniature Manchester United footballs.
A baked turd from Greggs
Straight-from-frozen bakery Greggs has taken on near-mythical status in British culture. Get yourself down there and buy a pork and cheese rhomboid or whatever. Think of wet cardboard as you choke it down.
Fast f**king fashion
Is your life incomplete without a pair of knitted trainers or a DKNY parka? It’s definitely worth risking being infected with a deadly virus for these precious items. Some may even be limited edition, which means nothing.
Vastly overpriced Apple bullshit
You’re using your precious Apple whatever constantly, so give it a treat. A mouse for £99? AirPods? An Apple Pencil? Rumour has it the soulless megacorp will soon be selling clock radios for £1,499 but in fairness the battery life is excellent.
