Tuesday 31 May 2022

So I can keep track of the visions in my eyes

It's been a while since we played Ms Scarlet's attempted meme-y-thingy#adecadeago - but, having spotted the fact that someone called Corey Hart is 60 today led me to (once again) look up who he is/was, and lo and behold, I remembered that I had posted the following for his 50th...

It's a dull day for birthdays, I thought, when the most famous 50-year-old today is a Mr Corey Hart (who?).

Until, that is, I realised that his greatest (only?) hit was Sunglasses at Night - and that gives me a perfect excuse to play this brilliant version by (house fave here at Dolores Delargo Towers) Tiga (and Zyntherius), featuring the magnificent Amanda Lepore!

I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Watch you weave then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes

While she's deceiving me
It cuts my security has
She got control of me
I turn to her and say

Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades oh no
Don't masquerade with the guy in shades oh no
I can't believe it!
Cuz you got it made with the guy in shades oh no

And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Forget my name while you collect your claim
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
See the light that's right before my eyes

While she's deceiving me
She cuts my security
Has she got control of me
I turn to her and say

Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades oh no
Don't masquerade with the guy in shades oh no
I can't believe it!
'Cuz you got it made with the guy in shades oh no
'Cuz you got it made with the guy in shades oh no

Oh I say I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I say it to you now
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I cry to you
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night

Cooler than a penguin's testicles!

...and remains so, even in 2022.

Monday 30 May 2022

Esto no es amor, esto es cursi

It may be the start of another week, but I don't give a stuff - I'm still on holiday!

Of course, although we are back in the grizzly, grey and damp UK, my mind is still back in Spain - and on this Tacky Music Monday, very much in the cheesy world of 1970s Spanish TV...

...a world where girls with ill-fitting wigs, jumpsuits that appear to have been put on backwards, and little discernible talent were wildly popular - just like the bimbos of Acuario!

Have a good week, dear reader. Hope you're singing along!

Sunday 29 May 2022

Everything counts in large amounts

And so we're back, from outer space another lovely sunny and relaxing week on the Costa del Sol [a special "sneaked-in" extra, to make up for the hideousness of last year when we had no holiday at all, and also to coincide with our 24th anniversary]...

[clockwise from top left: a glorious Jacaranda tree, under which we had drinks on arrival straight off the train from the airport at Benalmadena's commercial town Arroyo de la Miel; the view of our aparthotel Benal Beach gardens, the Mediterranean and Castillo de Bil-Bil from our terrace; the "Castle" in the sunshine.]

...and needless to say, we thoroughly enjoyed it!

With unseasonally high temperatures for May (it reached 32C on Monday), just about every day was a "perfect beach day" - although, of course we don't actually go on the sand nor in the sea, we merely look at it from the comfort of our fave bar (Dutch-owned, like just about everywhere we go when we're there) Palm 5.

At least there there are staff (all lovely, and genuinely pleased to see us - we have been going there since the bar opened seventeen years ago, after all) to serve us drinks!

With hours of "people-watching" [there was certainly a glut of shirtless totty to keep us occupied], drinking (and eating) all day, and then (after a brief siesta) heading off to the gay bars of La Nogilera every night, it was what we call a full-on yet totally life-enhancing holiday...

But what did we miss while we were away?

After waiting for the bloody thing to bloom again after a couple of years' sulking, it was a shame we never got to see the full glory of our Scilla peruviana in flower:

[l-r: before and after our holiday - NB click any photo to embiggen]

As for the news, not much has changed: Putin's still a monstrous cunt, and Ukraine still suffers for it; Boris and his staff at Number 10 were roundly criticised for their lockdown behaviour in the official report; the rising cost of living and Chancellor Rishi Sunak's proposed emergency tax on profiteering energy companies kept the opinion-writers busy; and the airports [across Europe, as we found out from travellers from several countries while we were away] are still in chaos due to staff shortages [so we were very pleased that both our outward and inbound journeys were as smooth as the proverbial whistle].

Other news included yet another mass shooting in the US and the inevitable battle between the dangerous fanatics who make up the gun lobby (and, predictably, its (opportunist) cheerleader that mad old dribbling idiot Trump) and Biden's calls for greater gun control [Note: this was an eighteen-year-old boy who was perfectly free to go and buy two semi-automatic rifles and 375 rounds of ammunition over consecutive days, and no-one thought there was anything wrong with that?!]; paranoia that China might "do a Putin" and invade Taiwan, ramped up again by a speech by the US President; and Sri Lanka's economic crash and the inevitable riots that followed.

Across the UK, the bunting is up and there's the inevitable build-up in the UK media in anticipation of HM the Queen's Platinum Jubilee celebrations this week...

...including the opening of London's latest Tube service the Elizabeth Line [formerly known as Crossrail], which should - once all the tunnels are finally joined up - reduce the journey between Heathrow Airport and Canary Wharf to 40 minutes, Paddington to Abbey Wood (near Woolwich in SE London) to less than half-an-hour, and Stratford to Bond Street to fifteen minutes!

And finally, the Cambodian government appealed for people to stop picking its endangered "penis plant" [left] for photo-opportunities!

We lost the opportunity to celebrate the centenary of the birth of the magnificent Sir Christopher Lee, and that of "trashy TV" mogul Quinn Martin, the 70th of Shakespear's Sister icon Marcella Detroit, Siouxsie Sioux's 65th, and what would have been the 60th birthdays of the lovely Gene Anthony Ray ("Leroy" in Fame) and the Wonderful Life singer Black (aka Colin Vearncombe), both sadly mourned...

...and we also missed the birthdays of my ultimate sex god Tom Daley, Our Princess Kylie Minogue, Dame Joan Collins, Stanley Baxter, Sir Ian "Serena" McKellen, Cilla Black and the marvellous Miss Peggy Lee.

Also while we were away came the very sad news of the deaths of Porridge actress Patricia Brake, Goodfellas star Ray Liotta and, more pertinently, that of Andy Fletcher, founder-member and keyboardist [the tall ginger one] of Depeche Mode, aged only 60(!). By way of a tribute to the man, this classic:

But, did we bring anything "new" back with us?

Not really - again, the Dutch-owned bars we gravitate towards are not really "up" with the local Spanish divas (and in general the local pop stations tend to be dominated by reggaeton music from South America or the Caribbean anyhow) - but this one [from Eurovision, of course] was everywhere on the Torremolinos gay scene:

Is it good to be back? With intolerably grim and chilly London weather and the inevitable post-holiday blues?


Saturday 21 May 2022

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

And so, Madam Arcati and I depart...

By the time you read this, we'll no doubt already be in the lovely (and very warm) environs of Benalmadena!

There is a traditional song I always play on such an auspicious occasion, and so, for the second time this year - here it is:

"Normal" service will resume next weekend or thereabouts, dear reader...

Friday 20 May 2022

What's happening tomorrow?*

Just one day to go, and we shall be in el Andalus once again, dear reader! I can't wait...

To finish-off this horrid busy week, and to finally say goodbye to work for another fortnight, what better than a cheesy slice of Spanish '70s music - courtesy of Señorita Carrasco and her homosexuales de seguridad?!

Gracias Disco ¡Ya es viernes!

Have a good one, folks!

[* ¿Que Pasara Mañana? = "What's happening tomorrow?" in Spanish]]

Thursday 19 May 2022

I wonder if he's lookin' at the same moon I'm lookin' at, every night I'm lookin' at the moon!

Sharing a birthday with the divine Grace Jones and the much-missed "national treasure" Victoria Wood, as well as the usual bizarre assortment of "names" such as Nellie Melba, Malcolm X, Nancy Astor, Pete Townshend, Kemal Atatürk, Martyn Ware, Trevor Peacock, Nora Ephron, Ho Chi Minh, Edward de Bono, Nancy Kwan, Joey Ramone, Sandy Wilson, Robert Kilroy-Silk, Sam Smith, James Fox, and - erm - Pol Pot...

..."the girl with the giggle in her voice", the lovely Alma Cogan would have been 90 today!

As I wrote when I featured the lovely lady over at the Dolores Delargo Towers Museum of Camp five years ago:

Known for her fabulous gowns as much as her cheery songs - never appearing in the same dress twice - Alma Cogan was also renowned for her lavish parties, guests at which included some of the greatest "names" of her day including Princess Margaret, Noël Coward, Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, Michael Caine, Roger Moore, Frankie Vaughan, Bruce Forsyth and many more. She became one of the first UK record artists to appear frequently on television - that fledgling post-War novelty - and, despite being deemed "uncool" by the time the 60s arrived, nevertheless she allegedly had a passionate affair with John Lennon, and was a close friend of all the Beatles.

Her premature death from cancer aged just 34 shocked the nation, and to this day she is revered for the joy she brought to this country in the midst of the "austerity years" and beyond.

And, for your delectation, here's some examples of that "joy":

...and our "house fave" here at Dolores Delargo Towers:

Long gone, but never forgotten!

Alma Angela Cohen Cogan (19th May 1932 – 26th October 1966)

Wednesday 18 May 2022

A word from our sponsors

click to embiggen

Tuesday 17 May 2022

Take a stand!

Hurrah! With consummate timing, seventeen-year old footballer Jake Daniels has become the first out-gay male professional player in the UK, in a traditionally less-than tolerant sport - right on time for the International Day Against Homophobia (and bi- and trans- these days)!

If only other sports would follow suit (although the Olympics seems to be increasingly seen as a safe environment in which to come out in public) - and, for that matter, the world's organised religions, regimes and political bodies!.

From a statement to mark this annual event by the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights Michelle Bachelet today:

...Thanks to the arduous work of LGBTIQ+ human rights defenders, we have seen many positive changes around the world: decriminalization of consensual same-sex relations, the adoption of laws protecting LGBTIQ+ persons from discrimination, recognition of the gender identity of trans persons, marriage equality, and measures to combat hate crimes, harmful practices and advance social and economic inclusion.

LGBTIQ+ people are entitled to the equal respect for their dignity and equal respect, protection and fulfilment of their fundamental human rights, just like everyone else.

And yet, widespread violations continue: killings, torture, sexual violence, criminalization, arbitrary detention. Harmful practices such as “conversion” therapy, forced sterilization, surgery and treatment on trans and intersex people, degrading examinations. Widespread stigma, harassment, bullying and discrimination at work, at home, in education, health, housing, sports and access to public services. And the impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic have only exacerbated exclusion and inequality.

Despite advances, consensual same-sex relations are still criminalized in close to 70 countries. Only one out of three countries legally protect people from discrimination based on sexual orientation, only one out of ten protect people based on gender identity, and only a handful based on sex characteristics.

I am concerned by continued harassment against LGBTIQ+ human rights defenders, discriminatory restrictions on freedom of expression, association and peaceful assembly, and new proposed discriminatory measures in a number of countries, including some that specifically target trans people.

I urge States to act swiftly to repeal discriminatory laws, prohibit harmful practices, including in medical settings, combat hate crime and violence, adopt comprehensive anti-discrimination laws and policies, legally recognise the gender identity of trans persons based on self-identification, recognise same-sex couples, and protect LGBTIQ+ human rights defenders.

Tackling these issues does not just require changes in laws and policies – it also requires greater acceptance, support and celebration of LGBTIQ+ persons by everyone in society, including within the family...

...The United Nations will continue to stand up for the human rights of everyone, including LGBTIQ+ people – today and every day.

For a full list of countries that hate us and discriminate against us, check Wikipedia.

And to each and every one of the bastards, here's our "Anthem for the Day"!

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbour

So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get
Do you get a little kick out of being slow-minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval you're after
Well that's not how you find it

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're losing control of it and it's really distasteful

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
Fuck you

You say, you think we need to go to war
Well you're already in one,
'Cause its people like you
That need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

Speaking of "fucking"...

click to embiggen

...Happy Birthday, Baby Steve!

Monday 16 May 2022

We want a balcón de la sol!

After the complete madness of Saturday's Eurovision party, I was hoping for a sunny Sunday to relax and potter in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers, but no - the weather changed to showery, humid greyness, and it's the same today.

How appropriate. "Greyness" is generally my Monday mood, anyhow. At least I have only one more week of toil in work to go, as we jet off again to Spain on Saturday. Whoo-hoo!

On this Tacky Music Monday, what better way to start the countdown to a much-needed holiday than with a touch of vintage Spanish campery, courtesy of Señorita Lola Flores?!

¡Que tengas una buena semana, querida lectora!

Sunday 15 May 2022

I'm up in space, man


For the first time in years, we have no need for our usual retort ”We wuz robbed!” For, at last night's Eurovision Song Contest, we most certainly were not...

It was a fabulous feeling in any circumstance to be hosting our first traditional glittering Eurovision party for three years! "Our gang" - the Madam and I, Hils, Crog, Baby Steve, Houseboy Alex, John-John, Sal, Lou, Paul, Russ and Joe - all dutifully "dressed for the occasion" [I nominate countries to guests, based upon John-John's analysis - he watched the semi-finals so we don't have to - one country for costume/flag, one for food and one for booze]:

John-John in particular pulled out all the stops, representing Sweden with his inspired "Regretta Turdberg" [Greta Thunberg], complete with scowl, dummy, squeaky teddy-bear and child-like badge...

We knew from the outset that with the current model of 50-50 jury versus popular phone-in voting, it would be a foregone conclusion that Ukraine would win it (their song, in any other situation, would not have been strong enough to get close):

However, we studiously sat through every song, whooping and hollering (and grumbling and moaning in turn) as the typical mixture of the good, the bad and the ugly performed (allocating marks for each on our scorecards as we went)...

Our "scores on the doors"? Here's our Top 5, in ascending order:

5 - a class act with a "Bassey-esque" choon from Lithuania:

4 - from France, a rather clever, and catchy, meld of North African-style folk with some techno beats:

3 - a very jolly bop from the Moldavian entry that bears more than a passing resemblance to an old fave from Ukraine by Verka Serduchka:

2 - had Sam Ryder not been so good, this utterly insane and irresistibly catchy number [Dailymotion video link here in case the YouTube one is restricted] from Norway would definitely have scored top in our house votes:

1 - contrary to my original judgement of it, the UK's entry [DM video link here, as above] has been a significant "earworm" for several weeks now - it's the most accomplished song and performer we have had for years:


Also rather popular was the camp totty from Romania:

Honourable mentions also went to Ukraine (of course), and Spain:

...this incredible performance from the Australian entry:

...and this slice of madness from Serbia:

The hosts in Turin Alessandro Cattelan, Laura Pausini and house fave Mika did the usual job of holding things together, while irritating the audience at the same time - although it was fab to see and hear Mika perform a selection of his hits (while balanced precariously on a tiny podium high above the stage). They were often the butt of the UK's regular host Graham Norton's sarcastic jibes, which made it more entertaining than it would otherwise have been, of course.

However, it was the voting results were were waiting for and, well - you can imagine the screaming, shouting and cheering from the palatial ballroom here at Dolores Delargo Towers as juries from country after country awarded the UK high scores.

We even got douze points from Belgium, Georgia, Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, France, Azerbaijan - and Ukraine!

I imagine our neighbours thought there was a riot going on - especially when we ended up top of the leader-board!

[click any photo to embiggen]

Of course, this was followed by the long and deliberately-drawn-out roll-call of phone votes (where all the ex-pats usually swing the table from Western European performers to Eastern Europe) - nail-biting in the extreme - and, most amazing of all, "our boy" landed sufficient public support to come second to the Ukrainian avalanche...

Our best performance since 2007 (when Jade Ewen came in 5th place - a contest we actually missed because were were in Spain at the time) - and a "moral victory" in any circumstances!

Same time, same place next year? I think so!

Saturday 14 May 2022


Having spent several hours getting Dolores Delargo Towers in a fit state to welcome visitors for our Eurovision party, it's time for a breather before I carry on sticking flags up, and then it's just the buffet to lay out... Phew!

All this on the sunniest and warmest day so far this year! Sigh.

Which reminds me - it's a double-header of excitement today, dear reader. Not only the Eurovision Song Contest final tonight - but it's exactly one week 'till we will be in our beloved Benalmadena again! What better way to celebrate than with one of my all-time favourite Eurovision moments, ever, as Spanish entrants Azucar Moreno (way back in 1990) strutted their stuff onto the stage (as the very first act), then just as quickly strutted off again as they could hear no sound through their headphones. That could have shaken-up an act good-and-proper - but my heavens! They showed no sign of any such nerves when they finally got to do their thing...

Brilliant! Or should I say ¡Magnifico!

Friday 13 May 2022

That's what you got, that's what you got


It may be the end of a working week, but I am keeping my fingers crossed all day, and will avoid ladders, black cats, and putting new shoes on a table...

It's Eurovision tomorrow, and we are indeed in a party mode, so, with a panoply of powder-blue Crimplene, a snap of our fingers and a synchronised twirl, let's Thank Disco It's Friday (the Thirteenth)!

Have a great weekend, dear reader!

Thursday 12 May 2022

Pricking out, indeed

Relationship charity Relate has produced a condom range disguised in seed packets to promote safe sex to the over sixties.

The campaign follows research that shows an increase in STI’s in over 65’s, as most consider themselves to be ‘sexually adventurous’, however don’t necessarily feel comfortable discussing sex and rarely use condoms.

By placing the condoms in an environment that’s most likely frequented by its target audience, the campaign aims to raise awareness of the issue in a light-hearted way.

click to embiggen

The condoms, that are displayed in the seed section, feature cheeky suggestive illustrations of veg such as courgettes and aubergines, as well as plums, artichokes and onions.

Remarkably, this is not a Daily Mash satire, and April Fool's Day is long gone - it's genuine...

Made me hoot, anyhow!

[Thanks, John-John, for flagging this one!]

Wednesday 11 May 2022

Tuesday 10 May 2022

Love is never tragical when you got the magical feelings coming through

Magic's come a long way since the days of Tommy Cooper and Paul Daniels...

John-John and I went to see the latest Marvel blockbuster Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness last night (just three days after its première!). Needless to say, it was stunning...

...if perhaps a movie that is more aimed at "geeks" like us, given the depth of complexity to the plot and its ties to several previous stories including Spider Man: No Way Home and Wandavision. But it has sufficient fast-paced battles, scary chases and even a touch of gore (courtesy of director Sam Raimi) to please the audience.

Changing tack completely, here's an "appropriate" song to take our minds off the drizzle outside...

Lordy - haven't heard that in years..!