Pop-up people

On Thursday evening, as part of Camden and Islington LGBT History Month, Paul Burston agreed to bring his own particular brand of literary joie-de-vivre to Waterstones bookshop at Islington Green, as we eagerly took our places amongst the Kathy Lettes and Philippa Gregorys for a "Pop-Up Polari" - the peripatetic version of our regular "peerless gay literary salon".

Mr B opened the show with a nod to Gay History Month and the important role gay writers have to play, despite the difficulty of getting their voices heard (published) in this day and age. And thus he handed the baton over to the winner of 2012's "Polari First Book Prize", the lovely DJ (Diane) Connell.



And what a way to start - as Diane read a very funny extract from her soon-to-be-a-movie Julian Corkle is a Filthy Liar, in which the eponymous teenage hero decides that in order to look cool and stylish at a party he would act butch like his sister (throwing a bottle out of the window), and use some sticky mud from the garden as a substitute for hair-gel - with inevitably disastrous consequences! She is such a wonderful storyteller...





Our very own fave "journo-slut" Alex Hopkins, once more resplendent in his trademark stilettos, read a couple of dark extracts from his unpublished semi-autobiography, focusing on his relationship with his father and the way it influenced his future relationships. Utterly absorbing, these snippets into his life left us all wanting more!



But, inevitably, the star of the show was dear VG (Val) Lee - who could read the telephone directory and would still have us in stitches. Explaining that writing erotica did not come naturally to her ("crochet, yes"), she nevertheless entertained us to her one short story in that genre ( A Slice of Melon):

When Kelly said, “Fancy a shag?” Laura replied, “Don’t mind if I do,” which seemed to satisfy Kelly, although Laura wasn’t too happy with her own choice of words.

"Don’t mind if I do" was what Norma Next Door said to offers of tea, cake, Pringles, and Bacardi and Coke. Fortunately Kelly didn’t know Norma Next Door.

Her second piece was from Shush (both stories are in her anthology As You Step Outside), about the hilarious mishaps of going to the cinema with a rather noisy friend.

Paul continued his theme about the obstacles faced by gay writers as we entered the question and answer section of the evening. We were rather impressed that there were quite a few people in attendance (and not all Polari-ites such as me, John-John, little Tony and Emma), and some very interesting discussions arose in the debate - the impact of digital publishing on the power of the traditional publishing houses, the ascendancy of "safe names" in gay publishing such as Sarah Waters and Alan Hollinghurst possibly at the expense of new talent, and whether there is value in bookshops maintaining a specific LGBT section on their shelves.

A very enjoyable evening, as ever, and one we rounded off in a rather splendid old Victorian pub in trendy Camden Passage...

Life, death and everything in-between

John-John, little Tony and I were up and about especially early yesterday (early for a Saturday!), in order to spend an entire day exploring the delights of The Big Gay Lifestyle exhibition - better known by its nickname "The Ideal Homo Show". I went to a couple of these many years ago in the much larger venue of Olympia Exhibition Halls (where I met, among others, the legendary Jeff Stryker!). Now the concept has been revived, and the show is hosted in the rather swanky Connaught Rooms in Covent Garden.



It seems like an unlikely choice for me - having lived a perfectly satisfactory gay lifestyle for many years - and indeed this is the first of the re-vamped events I have been drawn to attend. However among the stalls flogging clothes, properties, sports, art, photography, beauty products, nick-nacks, fertility advice or health checks for trans-women, there were a number of acts on stage this year that we all wanted to see.



The first of these was the very lovely Rose Collis, Edinburgh and Brighton Fringe performer and historian - who we enjoyed at Polari in May 2011 and again in April 2012 - with her banjolele 'Bud'. She was on top form again, regaling us with tales of the lesbian journalist and TV presenter Nancy Spain and her dalliances with Lena Horne and Marlene Dietrich, and songs such as The Boys in the Backroom and Masculine Women, Feminine Men, all from her successful one-woman show Trouser-Wearing Characters.

We caught up with Miss Collis after her slot, and she informed us she is taking the show not only around the UK, but also to New Zealand and Sydney Mardi-Gras! Have banjolele, will travel, it seems...

Rose Collis - Trouser Wearing Characters (Brighton Fringe 2012)

I hope to catch the whole show sometime soon...



An unexpected joy were the ebullient Pink Singers, who gathered quite a crowd quite early on on the proceedings with their synchronised dancing as they harmonised on a variety of classics, including Brecht, African traditional music, Richard Genee's Italian Salad - and this one, Mas Que Nada:

Pink Singers (Gay Lifestyles 2012)

[This is my recording - shame about the bloody kids playing with balloons next to the stage!]



One of our absolute favourite cabaret entertainers is Mr Marcus Reeves, the genius behind Postcards from God - the Sister Wendy Musical, stalwart of many a season at The Royal Vauxhall Tavern and Polari too - here, here and here.



He really grabbed the audience's attention with his silver glitter maquillage and melodramatic selection of songs from his forthcoming album Quicksilver - The Masquerade Macabre, including this one - the magnificent Mad, Bad World:

Marcus Reeves - Mad Bad World

I really cannot wait for the album!





After a little interlude, it was time for an selection of our favourite literary types to take the stage - with a "pop-up version" of "London's peerless gay literary salon", Polari! Introduced by the faboo Paul Burston, first to the mike was our chum the stiletto-wearing journo-slut Alex Hopkins, who entertained us to a couple of salacious episodes from what we came to the conclusion (later, over drinks) should be deemed his "Sauna Chronicles" - close encounters of the bodily fluids kind, in the glamorous surroundings of Pleasuredrome sauna under the railway arches at Waterloo. Fab stuff!



Next to the stand was the adorable DJ Connell, who read a passage from her masterwork Julian Corkle is a Filthy Liar, recounting the early sexual awakening of the eponymous character as a young lad in, of all places, the medical dictionary section of the local library. It's a hilarious tale - and a highly-recommended read!



Literature's answer to Robbie Williams, the handsome Mr Kristian Johns (aka the blogger "Guy Interrupted" and AIDS-awareness campaign poster boy) read next from his fascinating fable Dying, And Other Superpowers. Recently filmed and featured in the London Gay Film Festival, it's an intense tale of the balance between a boy's burgeoning telekinetic abilities and his HIV diagnosis, and gripped our attention from the outset. Here's a trailer for the film short:

Dying, and other Superpowers

Mr Johns' and Mr Hopkins' writings are featured in the anthology Boys & Girls, edited by Mr Burston.



To conclude our little dose of cerebral stimulation, the fantabulosa VG (Val) Lee - nominated for "Writer of the Year" in the Stonewall Awards 2012 (which I will be attending again) - read from her acclaimed Always You, Edina. Her extract, about the recollections of a grandmother to her granddaughter about the mysterious relationship between the girl's father and her "glamorous, charismatic Aunt Ed, who could light up a room - if there was a man in that room", was in turn touching, humorous and enchanting. As ever, we love Val's writing - and so did the audience.



Finally, from the sublime to the semi-ridiculous, we watched a fun and boisterous preview of the panto Snow White and the Seven Poofs (which we saw in 2011, and returns this season in a new venue The Green Carnation), with the camp-as-tits Mrs Moore and Tanya Hyde!



After that, it was time for a bit more of a wander around the exhibition space - a short wander, obviously, as the bar beckoned! We spent some time mingling and chatting with the Polari-ites, with Marcus, with Tony's friend Roland, and then "our Paul" arrived and we met up with some of his friends too. A proper gay family gathering!

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However, there was a more serious event taking place yesterday, that I also had to attend - the annual "No to Hate Crime" vigil in Trafalgar Square, so it was time to move on. John-John, Paul and Tony all had pre-booked events to go to so couldn't stay long at Halfway to Heaven (our "local"; it is very close to the square) nor make the vigil.

Organised by a group called 17-24-30 (the name represents the dates in 1999 that the three London nail bombs were planted: 17th April - Brixton Market; 24th April – Brick Lane; and 30th April - the Admiral Duncan, Soho) and MC-ed by Mr Marcus Reeves (again, but without the make-up), this event is (obviously) a solemn affair, with speakers representing the communities affected by hate crime, messages of support from politicians and religious groups (except, notably this year, anyone from any Islamic organisation), and music from the LGBT brass band.



It was - shockingly - sparsely attended, again. Once again I am ashamed - as I was last year and the year before - at the ignorance and apathy of our fellow gay people. Yes, it pissed down. Yes, we were drenched, our feet were cold and our bladders were full. But I, Alex Hopkins, Russ, Joe and a few hundred others persisted through it, stood in silence for two minutes at 8pm, and listened in quiet horror at the roll-call of names of the victims of mindless hatred, murdered merely for being who they were.

A sombre conclusion to a day of celebration of gayness, admittedly, but a vital show of support nonetheless...

Dubious drag, superpoofs, mystery, murder, Music Hall and mayhem

We went to another wonderful Polari on Monday evening in the glittering Royal Festival Hall - and we regulars (John-John, little Tony, Ange, Paul and I) were joined by a "virgin" to the event, Craig, who thoroughly enjoyed it.



Her Majesty Paul Burston - fresh from celebrating her Diamond Jubilee last weekend - opened the show draped in ermine and Union Jacks (appropriately enough), but without dear Philip she looked a bit lonely (hee hee!).


Alex Hopkins, Paul Burston and moi. Photo by Krys FitzGerald-Morris

The fantabulosa Alex Hopkins, Polari regular, journalist, writer, dilettante and all-round sweetheart opened the show - teetering onto the stage in six-inch heels in a remarkably good impression of Tori Spelling. His dark, confessional tale of cow-pats, bullying, suicide attempts, coming-out, and pursuit of sleazy sexual encounters was engrossing, and certainly set the scene for the rest of the evening. Progressing into more familiar territory, we entered the nightlife of Soho in the company of Mr Hopkins and his large and strident lady friend, as they encounter such delightful characters as “Prudence Chastity Chambers – Drag Queen of Dubious Distinction”. He had us laughing and gaping in awe as the adventures unfolded. Excellent stuff, and as always left me wanting to read more...



The rather sexy Kristian Johns was up next. Apparently one of the "most influential gay people on Twitter" (whatever that means) Mr Johns was a contributor to last year's short story anthology Men and Women, edited by Mr Burston. So well-received was his excellent story - an allegory of the powerlessness of an HIV diagnosis offset by the young protagonist's discovery of superhuman abilities - Dying, and other super-powers that it is now being made into a film!



Well done that man... Here he is reading from his tale, at the launch of Men and Women:

Kristian Johns - Dying and other Super-powers

Completing the first half of the evening's entertainment, and in complete contrast, Mr David Waller had a true tale about a Music Hall entertainer and strongman - a long-forgotten Victorian/Edwardian "Muscle Mary" indeed - by the name of Eugen Sandow. His is a fascinating (and brilliantly researched by Mr Waller) story of success and scandal, and quite possibly one worthy of its own blog entry one day hence...



After the break, a rare overseas visitor Mr Colin Kelley - all the way from Atlanta, Georgia - read for us a passage from his new novel Remain in Light - a tangled web of relationships that unfolds in unexpected ways in Paris at the time of Princess Diana's death. Intriguing and mysterious...



Our most anticipated speaker, Mr Neil Bartlett was next. In typically dramatic manner (his theatrical back-catalogue is indeed impressive) he stunned the audience into (almost) silence with his readings from his new work Queer Voices. Harking back to the endless fundraisers and awareness-raising events he was involved in (as were we all - "Ask someone with white hair. They were there.") during the AIDS panic 80s, his monologues - heavy on sarcasm and quiet, subtle, seething anger - were not so much effective weapons as downright gut-wrenching in their impact. I was mightily impressed (and choked) at the same time...



And so it fell to headliner Alex Marwood to cheer us up. In the circumstances, the story she had to tell (from her new novel The Wicked Girls, about two young girls from very different backgrounds who committed a random murder, then through happenstance end up meeting again as adults) was not exactly a jolly bundle of laughs. What it was, however, was brilliantly written and absolutely engrossing, and we loved it!



Once again, a remarkable and fascinating array of readings and styles of writing were gathered together to make a fine evening's entertainment, and once again it left us emotionally drained and hankering for another helping.

Roll on next month - where we will be treated to the announcement of the Polari First Book Prize 2012 "long-list" and readings from Mark McCormack, Alex Drummond, Vicky Ryder, Michael Wynne and Stuart Wakefield. I shiver in antici.....pation!

Polari at the Southbank

Clairvoyancy, Firefighter Trout, the Queen of Spain's daughter and "Eat Me" shorts

I went along to witness a birth last night. In the quaint surroundings of the mock-Tudor Wheatsheaf pub just off trendy Charlotte Street in Fitzrovia, a fabulous coterie of literary gay men and women gathered to welcome the new anthology of short stories Men and Women (edited by Paul Burston) into the world!



After much re-organisation of the furniture and the lighting (to accommodate the film being made of the proceedings), our host Bobby Nayyar - the powerhouse behind independent publishing house Glasshouse Books - opened proceedings by introducing our first reader from the compilation, the lovely Alex Hopkins (Polari regular, freelance writer, journalist and blogger). He performed (in every sense of the word - the voices and mannerisms of his characters were reminiscent of Kenneth Williams in Round The Horne) rather than read from his tale The Anniversary. It has nothing to do with the infamous Bette Davis film but, as this extract illustrates, it is certainly every bit as camp:

Ben eased his way through the crowd with a confident swagger as Frank stood and bellowed through the nameless faces in his finest Norma Desmond intonation, "You there! Why are you so late?"

As Ben approached Frank looked him up and down scathingly, registering his red eyes and sickly pallor. "Hello Velma,"Ben said shyly, using the nickname he had affectionately given Frank years before.

"I have been waiting here, amongst this rancidity, for almost half an hour, dear", Frank spat, "Clearly you were out on the shame last night - again."

And so we are treated to the fabulous badinage between these two old queens, and beautifully written and absorbing it is too - rather reminiscent of home life here at Dolores Delargo Towers! I loved it, and will immediately be investigating Alex's Dissident Musings blog.



Onward and upward, and our next reader was the diminutive actor and writer Angela Clerkin, whose tale of a very seductive Brighton clairvoyant and her Fuck It List was hilarious and fascinating - and elicited whoops of joy from the the audience as her heroine gets to achieve some remarkable adventures. On investigating Ms Clerkin's work, I am rather upset that I missed her appearance with Stella Duffy as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane at the Drill Hall last December...



Completing the triumverate of readers in the first round was the fantabulosa Karen McLeod - she of the notorious balaclava-clad entrance at Polari Stalkers' Night way back in January 2009 - who gave us another of her customary hilarious and slightly twisted tales, Never Can Say Goodbye. This small passage gives us a flavour:

I met Lorna the night my long term girlfriend Suzie had stopped taking her lithium and set fire to the garden shed. Lorna had arrived in her uniform and helmet, jumping out of the fire engine with her unusual face.She introduced herself quickly as Firefighter Trout. At first, she struck me as unattractive with her tiny eyes and big face. The helmet hid all her hair and the chin strap was squeezing her double chin. But within moments she'd unrolled then controlled the jet of water coming out the hose and stamped out the last of the fire into the dandelions with her sooty boots. Her strange face became replaced with fuzzy heroism.

Brilliantly written, and brilliantly delivered!



After the break the lovely William Parker, who entertained us at the last Polari, once more read from Fern Cottage, his engaging tale of an elderly aristocratic gay curmudgeon reflecting on his past life while hating every moment of being confined to a nursing home, summed rather brilliantly up in this extract:

And then, just as I was trying to get a bit of a nap, the old bugger from across the corridor started up. Same thing every damn afternoon I've been here. Top of his voice. "I want to go home. Tell my mother to send her car round for me! I must have my mother's care! Let her know I'm here..."

Two hours of it with his door wide open until I'd really had enough.

"Excuse me!" I shouted. "Could I ask how old you are?"

Exasperated reply after a pause."I'm ninety-two. Ninety-two!"

"In that case, might I be permitted to ask how old you think your bloody mother might be now?" That shut him up for a bit.

I read the whole story today, and I must admit it brought a tear to my eye. Bloody good stuff.



Mr Parker was followed swiftly by "The Queen of Literary Lesbians", Miss Stella Duffy, who admitted that her story Partridge in a Pear Tree was on its second outing for this anthology, having previously been used in a "Twelve Days of Xmas" themed collection (hence the title). Nonetheless, it was excellent to hear the skilfully woven thread of this fantastical tale involving airlines, poetry and the Queen of Spain's daughter... As ever, Miss Duffy at once intrigues and entertains - I always enjoy her writing and she didn't disappoint!



The readings concluded (appropriately), with our fave Mr Paul Burston. As is customary, Mr B usually tries to dress according to the theme, and as his story Enjoy Carioca is all about Brazil he took to the stage draped in the Brazilian flag and headgear. Appropriate, indeed, as he is married to a "Carioca" (a person from Rio de Janeiro) and as he said, "enjoys Carioca every night". The story, too, is slightly smutty and very enticing:

...there was no denying that the boy wore them well. On lesser mortals, the trunks would have looked like false advertising. On him, the words "Enjoy Carioca" couldn't have been more apt. He was like an exotic fruit waiting to be tasted. His trunks were a provocation. Or possibly an invitation. They might just as well have said "Eat Me".

And the tale of two rampant gay men on their honeymoon continues in that vein...

This was a great evening, and an excellent launch for what promises to be a book full of surprises. I am tucking into it already, and look forward to reading the whole thing.



Men and Women is available on Amazon