The standards have fallen, my value has dropped

It's bizarre. As the headlines are full of the supposed "wonders" technology is bringing - deadly-sounding self-driving cars, artificial intelligence (AI) software being used to fake interviews with tragically brain-injured sportsmen and to allow lazy-and-thick-as-shit students to have their theses written for them, "deepfake" videos and photography, and so on - the gnomes at Google can't even make Blogger run properly without breaking something-or-other!

Over the past few days, I have suddenly stopped receiving notifications via email that anyone has posted a new comment on either of my blogs. So apologies, dear reader, if there is an apparent time-lag in my replies; I have to manually go to the dashboard to find out of there's anything new to respond to... Sigh.

Onwards and upwards, eh?

In the optimistic hope that another icon doesn't pop their clogs today, it's time for a celebration of the living.

Yesterday [alongside fellow celebrants including Ella Fitzgerald, Björn Ulvaeus, Johan Cruyff, Oliver Cromwell, Renée Zellweger, Al Pacino, Walter de la Mare, Jerry Leiber and Andy Bell of Erasure], it was the 80th birthday of the simply faboo Tony Christie!

Despite having huge success with such classics as Avenues & Alleyways, I Did What I Did for Maria and (of course) Is This The Way to Amarillo, there is one song that to me surpasses them all! It remains an eternal favourite of mine, and the celebration of this milestone gives me another excuse to play it:

Tony Christie feat. All Seeing I - Walk Like a Panther

[Oh, how I sang that song at the top of my voice when I was being made redundant from my last job - "A halfwit in a leotard stands on my stage!", indeed.]

Today [together with the likes of the legendary Giorgio Moroder, Carol Burnett (who is 90), Ma Rainey, Duane Eddy, Roger Taylor of Duran Duran, Channing Tatum, Douglas Sirk, Susannah Harker, Jack Douglas and - erm - Melania Trump], it's the birthday of another house fave here at Dolores Delargo Towers - Miss Caro Emerald, who happens to have sung another of my personal anthems:

Caro Emerald - Liquid Lunch

Felicitations!

Party like it's...

...1999!

Yes, it's another timeslip moment - our first of 2019 - and our rogue Starfighter has jettisoned us back twenty years, into the last knockings of the 20th century: the year of [whisper it] "I see dead people,", Bill Clinton's aquittal, Ricky Martin, Notting Hill, the end of the Kosovo War, "Jar-Jar Binks", the trial of the world's most prolific serial killer Harold Shipman, the Columbine Massacre, Vladimir Putin, the Ladbroke Grove rail crash, American Beauty, Thabo Mbeki, the murder of Jill Dando, "Flat Eric", war in Chechnya, and the transfer of the Panama Canal back to Panama; the births of Napster, Mamma Mia! (on the West End stage), the Scottish Parliament and National Assembly for Wales; and the deaths of Dusty Springfield, Ernie Wise, Dirk Bogarde, Quentin Crisp, John F. Kennedy Jr., Oliver Reed, Lena Zavaroni and Madeline Kahn.

In the headlines in January 1999: the Euro currency was born (although it was three years before any coins or notes went into circulation), China began a crackdown on Internet use, the ill-fated Mars Polar Lander was launched, and a remodelled Vauxhall Vectra arrived (to replace a model that had been criticised for its poor quality); in the ascendant was Britney Spears (who released her debut album, which ended up selling 32 million copies worldwide), but Glen Hoddle was sacked as England football manager (after making some wild and discriminatory comments about disabled people). In our cinemas: Hilary and Jackie, Little Voice and Shakespeare in Love. On telly: The League of Gentlemen, Holby City and Gimme Gimme Gimme; and long-standing Corrie character "Alf Roberts" died in his armchair, just a month before the actor who played him died in real life.

But what of our charts two decades ago this week? Boy-bands predominated, with 911 at #1 and Another Level as runners-up; and much of the rest of the Top Ten was taken up by dance acts including Fat Boy Slim, Emmie, Cassius and Blockster. Also present and correct were Bryan Adams feat. Melanie C, South Park's Chef and camp house faves Steps' Tragedy. But arriving into the #10 slot was the debut of one of my all-time favourite songs, and one that I haven't featured here for a long time (since I was in the midst of being made redundant over ten years ago, in fact; the lyrics being most apt in such circumstances) - take it away, Mr Tony Christie!

Tony Christie feat. All Seeing I - Walk Like a Panther

Marie has set up home
With a man who's half my age
A halfwit in a leotard stands on my stage
The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don't shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear
Try if you can to walk like a man
But you don't come near

You've got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home from the sea
To keep up with me
You've got to walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight

The old home town just looks the same
Like a derelict man who had died out of shame
Like a jumble sale left out in the rain
It's not good, Its not right
The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don't shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear
Try if you can to walk like a man
But you don't come near

You've got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home from the sea
To keep up with me
You've got to walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight

Where did you leave all self respect
You look like a reptile; your house is a wreck
Your existence an insult
Stains that are suspect cover your clothes
The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don't shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear
Try if you can to walk like a man
But you don't come near

You've got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home from the sea
To keep up with me
You've got to walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight

I still sing this to myself in the office on occasions.

Faboo!

A halfwit in a leotard stands on my stage

As redundancy looms, I find it even more important to post something to cheer us up on a Monday.

Tony Christie's latest album Made in Sheffield, a collaboration with Jarvis Cocker, was released a couple of weeks ago. I have yet to hear it (but hopefully I'll get it at Xmas) but here's a brilliant earlier collaboration between the two - one of my favourite records of all time...

Tony Christie feat. All Seeing I - Walk Like a Panther

Marie has set up home
With a man who's half my age
A halfwit in a leotard stands on my stage
The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don't shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear
Try if you can to walk like a man
But you don't come near

You've got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home form the sea
To keep up with me
You've got to walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight

The old home town just looks the same
Like a derelict man who had died out of shame
Like a jumble sale left out in the rain
It's not good, Its not right
The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don't shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear
Try if you can to walk like a man
But you don't come near

You've got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home form the sea
To keep up with me
You've got to walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight

Where did you leave all self respect
You look like a reptile your house is a wreck
You're existence an insult
Stains that are suspect cover your clothes
The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don't shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear
Try if you can to walk like a man
But you don't come near

You've got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home form the sea
To keep up with me
You've got to walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight

Made in Sheffield - Tony Christie