Wrap me around your finger, see me fall

Could we get any more 80s if we tried..?

A mini-timeslip, dear reader! We're gone into warp drive and find ourselves in a long-forgotten world - 1982: the year of of the Falklands War, E.T., the SDP, CND, AIDS and the IRA.

In the news headlines in December forty-one years ago: the re-opening of the Spain-Gibraltar border after more than a decade, the murder of 17 people and wounding of dozens more by terrorist splinter group the INLA in the bombing of the Droppin Well disco in Ballykelly, the Greenham Common Women's Peace Camp, the closure (with the loss of 1200 jobs) of the Round Oak Steelworks in Dudley after 125 years, and we bade a fond farewell to the wonderful Marty Feldman [NB and Nicki Minaj was born]. In our cinemas: Gandhi; The Plague Dogs; Tron. On telly: the famous Only Fools and Horses episode involving a priceless chandelier; The Snowman; and the final public performance by ABBA on The Late, Late Breakfast Show.

And in our charts this week in 1982? Just in time for the usual "Xmas novelty hit" season, Renee and Renato's cheesy Save Your Love had just rocketed to the #1 slot (where it would remain until the New Year). Also present and correct were (last week's incumbents) The Jam, Culture Club, Shakin'-bloody-Stevens, Madness, Lionel Ritchie, Human League, Wham, Modern Romance and that duet between David Bowie and Bing Crosby.

Just departing the Top Ten, however, was this eternal house favourite here at Dolores Delargo Towers:

Blancmange - Living On The Ceiling

You keep me running round and round
Well, that's alright with me
Up and down, I'm up the wall
I'm up the bloody tree

That's alright with me
Yeah, that's alright with me
Well, it feels alright to me
Yeah, it looks alright to me

And I'm so tall, I'm so tall
You raise me and then you let me fall
And I'm so small, I'm so small
Wrap me around your finger, see me fall

You keep me running round and round
Well, that's alright with me
Nothing, nothing, nothing's gonna
Step in my way

Living on the ceiling
No more room down there
Things fall into place
You get the joke, fall into place

And I'm so tall, I'm so tall
You raise me and then you let me fall
And I'm so small, I'm so small
Wrap me around your finger, see me fall
Here we go

You keep me running round and round
Well, that's alright with me
Up and down, I'm up the wall
I'm up the bloody tree

Hiding from your questions
Questions you won't ask
Why am I up the tree, you say
Why are you down there, I say

And I'm so tall, I'm so tall
You raise me and then you let me fall
And I'm so small, I'm so small
Wrap me around your finger, see me fall
Hey

Faboo! But so very, very long ago...

Sob.

You are perfect, you are sheer, if you are a red-haired queer

A little trip down memory lane today, dear reader...

Although my recall of the exact timeline is understandably a little hazy after all these years, at some time in the early 1980s after I left school (probably 1982 - forty years ago), I and my school-friend Shane first ventured out to a pioneering club event - the "Bowie/Roxy Nights" at Newport's swanky and up-to-the-moment nightclub Lazers:

Obviously the quality is a bit shonky, given that this film dates from 1984, but this was the laser light-show that opened every evening of dancing and debauchery at Lazers nightclub...

Within a fairly short space of time I became a regular punter (as did my sister). I really had found my niche in the emerging world of the "New Romantics", and - although I had a few years yet till I officially came out - I dressed the part: twelve-pleat pegged trousers in two-tone teal and amber, "Adam Ant" waistcoat, pirate shirts, pointy shoes, henna-ed back-combed hair, jewellery, the lot!

Among the classics such as Sound and Vision, Virginia Plain, Kraftwerk Das Model, Giorgio Moroder From Here To Eternity, Cerrone Supernature, Grace Jones Private Life, post-punk icons like Siouxsie and the Banshees, Toyah, Simple Minds and The Cure, and all the emergent New Wave/electro pioneers such as Gary Numan, Depeche Mode, OMD, Human League, Yello, Heaven 17, John Foxx, Visage and so on, one song really sticks out - one that instantly transports me back four decades to a very different world indeed.

No GDM (Dedicated to Quentin Crisp) by Gina X Performance was (and still is) unlike anything else I had heard. A song sung in totally cold, deadpan Germanic tones over a synth-heavy beat - yet with tantalising lyrics that blatantly mentioned "queer" and "lesbian"..? It's no wonder that it didn't take very long before first discovering this mysterious other-worldly music that I also "discovered my true self"...

Gina X - No GDM

Wanna be a great dark man,
Being but a lesbian.
You are perfect, you are sheer,
If you are a red-haired queer.
That's life, one dies.
C'est la vie, ma cherie,
But it really doesn't matter.

No G.D.M.
No great dark man
No G.D.M.
No great dark man

There won't be a great dark man,
If I am a red-haired queer.
You are perfect, you are sheer,
If you are a red-haired queer.
C'est la vie, have a sniff.
C'est la vie, ma cherie,
But it really doesn't matter.

Yellow teeth between pink lips,
Eyeline shadow with a crazy look,
The jewel behind my lobe of ear,
Rouge on my face hides my beard,
Long violet fingernails,
I adore those magic tales.
I don't mind, I don't mind.

No G.D.M.
No great dark man
No G.D.M.
No great dark man

Wanna be a great dark man,
Being but a lesbian.
You are perfect, you are sheer,
If you are a red-haired queer.

That's life, one dies.
C'est la vie, ma cherie.
C'est la vie, have a sniff.
That’s life, one dies.
C'est la vie, ma cherie.
C'est la vie, have a sniff.
That’s life, one dies.

C'est la vie, ma cherie.
C'est la vie, have a sniff.
That’s life, one dies.
C'est la vie, ma cherie,
C'est la vie, have a sniff
That's life, one dies.
C'est la vie, ma cherie.

Ah, memories...

I utterly adore it to this day.

---

Footnote:

Lazers (which itself was previously known as "The Stowaway" club) finally closed in 1990, subsequently reopened as "Brooklyn Heights" and later "Heights 2000" before finally closing under the name "Zanzibar". In 2018, arsonists burned the whole thing and the neighbouring chuch to the ground.

See, I couldn't look no better

Timeslip moment again...

E.T. hasn't just "phoned home"; he's dumped us thirty-seven years ago in the midst of 1982 - the year of the Falklands War, Buckingham Palace burglar Michael Fagan, Greenham Common, Next clothing stores, Blade Runner, Lech Wałęsa, the IRA Hyde Park and Regent's Park bombings, The Wrath of Khan, the SDP, Yuri Andropov, war in Lebanon, Kielder Water, Thriller, the Thames Barrier, the Nuclear Disarmament Rally in New York, Romans in Britain, China becoming the first nation to have a population of more than 1 billion, Gandhi, the Eurovision Song Contest in Harrogate (won by Nicole A Little Peace), Charles Haughey, the final TV appearance of ABBA, the Latin-American debt crisis, Poltergeist, Helmut Kohl, Tron, decriminalisation of homosexuality in Northern Ireland, The Dark Crystal, and the raising of the Mary Rose; the year Eddie Redmayne, the Duchess of Cambridge, the Haçienda nightclub in Manchester, Anne Hathaway, St David's Hall in Cardiff, Channel 4, Billie Piper, Nicki Minaj, Adobe Systems, Dan Stevens, Matt Smith, the CD, the Barbican Centre, Central Television, LeAnn Rimes, the Ford Sierra, Gavin Henson and Ciabatta bread were all born; and Kenneth More, Henry Fonda, Ingrid Bergman, Grace Kelly, Celia Johnson, Terrence Higgins (in whose name the AIDS trust was formed), Gilles Villeneuve, Arthur Lowe, Stanley Holloway, Marty Feldman, John Belushi, Laker Airways, Leonid Brezhnev, Harry H. Corbett, Arthur Askey, Patrick Cowley and Jacques Tati died.

In the news in June 1982 - the birth of Charles and Diana's first child Prince William caused a media frenzy, the hanging of "God's Banker" Roberto Calvi under Blackfriars Bridge led to a million conspiracy theories, Ronald Reagan's visit to the UK saw him address both Houses of Parliament, and the twenty pence coin went into circulation; in the ascendant: King Fahd became King of Saudi Arabia, and E.T. became the biggest box-office hit of the 80s; but James Honeyman-Scott of the Pretenders was found dead at the age of just 25. In our cinemas: Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, Britannia Hospital and Porky's. On telly: Kids from Fame, Dynasty and Call My Bluff.

And in our charts this week in June '82? Erstwhile founder member of The Damned Captain Sensible was at Number 1 with Happy Talk, and quite possibly the cheesiest song in living memory I've Never Been To Me by Charlene held second place. Also present and correct were Odyssey, The Steve Miller Band, Imagination, Miss Ross, Duran Duran, Adam Ant, Midge Ure and - ahem - The Beatles (with their "Beatles Movie Medley" [Nope, me neither]). But also knocking around the upper echelons was this classic...

Kid Creole & The Coconuts - I'm a Wonderful Thing, Baby

Take a look at me
See, I couldn't look no better
Girl, I'm at my peak
And that's a fact, that's a fact

Take a part of me
You know it couldn't feel no better
Take it all with ease
Before you break your back
Or get a heart attack

I'm a wonderful thing, baby
Such a, such a
(Wonderful)
I'm a wonderful thing, baby
Such a, such a

Irresistible.

Facts about "Kid Creole":

• He was born Thomas August Darnell Browder, and dropped his first and last name when he began his musical career.
• Mr Darnell co-founded Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band, who had their biggest hit with Cherchez La Femme in the long, hot summer of '76.
• He also wrote one our favourite Disco choons here at Dolores Delargo Towers, There But For The Grace Of God Go I for his funk group Machine.
• With his long-term collaborator Coati Mundi (Andy Hernandez) and the Coconuts, the newly-christened Kid Creole had a string of mega-hits here in the UK (but barely a whimper back in the US of A).

You think you're smart - stupid, stupid

Timeslip moment alert...

We're off in Buck Rogers' "Ranger 3" to the wild'n'wacky world of 1982 - a year dominated by E.T., the Falklands War, Michael Jackson's Thriller, tabloid newspaper Bingo games, the SDP, the Israeli war in Lebanon, IRA bombings in London and the births of the compact disc, The Smiths and Prince William.

In the news in March thirty-five years ago: the Argentines raised their flag in the British territory of South Georgia, sparking the political and military drama of Britain's first war in decades; the reprehensible "moral campaigner" Mary Whitehouse was stopped in her tracks from pursuing a lawsuit of "gross indecency" against the National Theatre over the play Romans in Britain (which featured a male rape scene) by the Attorney-General; loony Christians in the USA started burning Iron Maiden albums because of their "satanic lyrics"; HM The Queen opened the Barbican Centre arts complex in the City of London; in the ascendant were Charles Haughey (who became Taoiseach of the Republic of Ireland), Adobe Systems (newly founded, its software - which eventually became Photoshop - sparked the "desktop publishing revolution"), and Canada (which, with the passing of The Canada Act 1982, was able to take over authority for amending its own constitution from the British parliament), but "Blues Brother" John Belushi was found dead (aged just 33) of an overdose of heroin and cocaine. In our cinemas: Made in Britain (with Tim Roth), Death Wish II, and the faboo Evil Under the Sun. On telly: On Safari (with Christopher Biggins), the debut series featuring the fifth Doctor Who (Peter Davison), and Crown Court.

And in our charts this week in 1982? Tight Fit's supremely camp version of The Lion Sleeps Tonight was at #1, with the dreaded Goombay Dance Band Seven Tears snapping at its heels. Also in attendance were Toni Basil, Haircut 100, Fun Boy Three with Bananarama, Bow Wow Wow and J Geils Band. But ascending the scale with an eye on the top slot (ultimately thwarted by the bloody Goombay lot) was that most glamorous of the post-punk revolutionary bands ABC - with the peerless Poison Arrow!

ABC - Poison Arrow

If I were to say to you
"Can you keep a secret?"
Would you know just what to do
Or where to keep it?
Then I say, "I love you"
And foul the situation
Hey, girl, I thought we were
The right combination

Who broke my heart?
You did, you did
Bow to the target
Blame Cupid, Cupid
You think you're smart
Stupid, stupid

Shoot that poison arrow to my heart
Shoot that poison arrow
Shoot that poison arrow to my heart
Shoot that poison arrow

No rhythm in cymbals
No tempo in drums
Love on arrival
She comes when she comes
Right on the target
But wide of the mark
What I thought was fire
Was only the spark
The sweetest melody
Is an unheard refrain
So lower your sights
Yeah, but raise your aim
Raise your aim

Who broke my heart?
You did, you did
Bow to the target
Blame Cupid, Cupid
You think you're smart
Stupid, stupid

Shoot that poison arrow to my heart
Shoot that poison arrow
Shoot that poison arrow to my heart
Shoot that poison arrow

I thought you loved me
But it seems you don't care
I care enough to know
I can never love you

Who broke my heart?
You did, you did
Bow to the target
Blame Cupid
You think you're smart
That's stupid
Right from the start
When you knew we would part

Shoot that poison arrow to my heart
Shoot that poison arrow
Shoot that poison arrow to my heart, heart, heart
Shoot that poison arrow

I love it...