Gossip Queens

Oh dear, this #adecadeago "meme-y thingie" that the lovely Miss Scarlet has taken to her heart is becoming addictive...

Ten years ago (again - see here and here), I find that we at Dolores Delargo Towers were counting down to our [rather early, methinks - this year's escapade is not for another few weeks yet] annual winter break in Spain, in the company of Señoritas Naranjo and Pantoja - both of whom have appeared here, and no doubt will appear again, quite regularly ever since.

However, a more local "fad" I was also following at that time was the [ill-fated, as hindsight reveals - the site closed not long after I featured it] "Tube Gossip" blog, which highlighted the sheer oddness of overheard conversations on public transport. Nowadays, the venerable journal Time Out has taken up the baton where that particular topic is concerned, with its own weekly "Overheard in London: #wordonthestreet" feature.

So, in keeping with this "Let's party like it's [ahem] 2009" theme meme at the moment, let's update things with some choice highlights from recent columns - to see what nonsense people are on about today, and whether it is in any way particularly different to that of ten years ago:

• ‘You know what ginger face is. It’s the face that ginger people have.’
• ‘I never smell. I don't think I’ve got any hormones.’
• ‘I just need a kebab and someone to go down on me.’
• ‘She’s so fucking middle-class, she farts Jo Malone.’
• ‘I refuse to talk about Beverley’s nipples.’
• ‘My dominatrix was spanking someone so I thought it’d be impolite to leave.’
• ‘I got a divorce and a new roof. It’s been a good week.’
• ‘What do you mean “Is it organic?” It’s cooked!’
• ‘I just can't believe he has lived his whole life without a spatula.’

And my favourite...

• ‘A guy on Tinder wanted to sniff my bum. I feel quite flattered that a guy wants to stick his nose there.’

Nah.

Same twaddle, different decade...

Subterranean humour

Genuine spoof stickers - convincing to the point of using the company's exact font and style - that have started appearing lately on the London Underground: a new trend, it seems...

I find these quite funny - and in the daily grind of commuting, it beats either trying to avoid the eye of the strange staring person on the opposite seat or desperately trying to find the one "news" item in The Metro that isn't related to Twitter, Facebook or YouTube, or one article that does not contain the words "viral", "celebrity", "hero", "X-Factor", "Jimmy Savile" or "sport".

More Stickers on the Line

"Isn't Dubai in Angola?"

I paid a long overdue visit to one of my old favourite websites "Tube Gossip" - a random collection of things overheard on London Underground journeys - today, and it is still as fabulous as ever.

Here's a recent selection...

• "I know I shouldn't be gloating at a teen mum's expense but I just hate her so much."
• "I think she's the friend of a naval officer."
• "I'm too old for that. I've already done all my rebellion and dressing up."
• "...and talking of fat, sour-faced, miserable old cows..."
• "So let me get this straight? You're asking me out on a date so you can get to know my boyfriend?"
• "Leona Lewis... yeah, she thinks she's sizzling, but she looks like an Afghan Hound."
• "We wont have time for dinner, so I’ll pick up something in Tesco. Some Flumps or something."
• "Isn't Dubai in Angola?"
• "He has more gin than hope these days."
• "What would you rather save? The whales? Or the banks?"

And my favourite:

• "It's not racist because chavs aren't a race."

Overheard on the Tube

All the seats were free, and she comes and sits right next to me

Knowing how much I love gossip and overheard conversations, I was overjoyed to discover this fabulous website the other day.

Tube Gossip is just a list of quotes from a master eavesdropper on the London Underground - and some of them are just classic! Some examples:

• "He woke up one morning and his toes had fallen off in the night."
• "Brian, did you put my other hair extension in your bag?"
• "Have I ever told you about the time I nearly choked on a carrot in a falafel shop in Amsterdam?"
• "I mean, she lives in Chiswick. That's worse than France!"
• "They say blind people never actually fall asleep."
• "Yeah, she looks like Kylie. If Kylie is a 6 foot bearded transvestite."

Visit Tube Gossip and join in the fun!