Making a fuss about shit like this

PETA have claimed a pub called ‘The Sly Old Fox’ is offensive to foxes. Which is a great way to stop people taking you seriously and presumably means these names are unacceptable too…

Ye Olde Fighting Cocks, St. Albans
Not only does this promote the cruel practice of cock fighting, it suggests that the cocks are old, which is ageist and therefore discriminatory. Have they considered that older cocks might be good at fighting, due to their wisdom and experience? Or that old cocks can be just as beautiful as young ones? It worked with human models on that Dove soap advert, so there’s no reason there can’t be sexy older chickens.

The Dirty Duck, Stratford-Upon-Avon
Ducks are incredibly clean creatures because they spend the majority of their time in water, so suggesting they are dirty is incredibly offensive. No, at PETA we are not interested in the fact that this pub name is actually a humorous play on the original name ‘The Black Swan’. We have no time for comedy, just earnest weirdness that turns people right off us.

The Jolly Gardeners, Putney
Extremely patronising about a vital working-class occupation. Just because they’re gardeners, it doesn’t mean they’re jolly. In fact they’re probably miserable because they work for a rich landowner who has appropriated their land through enclosure and now they earn a pittance. What do you mean, it’s just a silly pub name? How dare you minimise the struggle of the proletariat?

John the Unicorn, Peckham
Firstly, unicorns don’t exist, so someone is being cruel to a horse by sticking a twirly horn on it. And secondly, anthropomorphising animals by giving them humans names is barbaric. Especially a boring name like John. At PETA we prefer upper-class names like Orlando. Change it to ‘Orlando the Horse Wearing Fancy Dress Against His Will’, and we’ll forgive you.

The Lad in the Lane, Erdington
Why is there a lad in the lane? Where are his parents? Why are you all getting drunk when a child safeguarding issue is taking place in front of you? There has probably been a dangerous TikTok trend featuring lads in lanes. Social media should be banned, and any parents who give their children a smartphone reported to the police. Are we taking this ridiculously seriously when there are more important things going on in the world? Honestly, how dare you?

The Three-Legged Mare, York
Is it really necessary to point out that this particular mare only has three legs? It seems a bit ableist, and no doubt the mare has other distinguishing features beyond only having three legs. For example, perhaps she is good at sudoku or has a particularly lustrous mane. Look, you can keep saying we’re undermining our cause by making a fuss about shit like this, but we won’t listen.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

A pride that dares, and heeds not praise, a stern and silent pride

Traditionally the event that closes the Summer "Social Season" for our little gang - not that there has been any "Season" to speak of, what with the cancellation of traditional highlights such as Eurovision (although there was a "socially-distanced" evening of programmes by way of replacement), Gay Pride and every live theatre or musical event in town - it will be interesting to see how the Beeb deals with tonight's Last Night of the Proms. There has already been a furore over the threatened rewriting of the lyrics of Jerusalem, and that instrumental-only versions of the classic patriotic finale numbers Rule, Britannia! and Land Of Hope And Glory would replace singers, but apparently the over-cautious PC-mongers at the BBC have been forced to go back on their original statement and they will now be sung in full.

Even without the usual flag-waving audience of Promenaders, I hope they do them justice. Lord knows, we need something to make us proud to be British once in a while...

We'll be singing along at home (via Zoom or otherwise)!

Land of Hope and Glory (Last Night of the Proms 2009)

Sarah Walker - Rule, Britannia (Last Night of the Proms 1989)

Jerusalem (Last Night of the Proms 2009)

No more Jubblies for you, kids!

No more Spangles.


No more Smith's Crisps.


No more BlackJacks or Rhubarb & Custard Penny Chews.


No more Fizzers.


No more Cresta ("It's Frothy, Man!").


No more Jubblies!

Terry Scott will be turning in his grave...

Terry Scott in Cadbury's Curly Wurly advert

Let us mourn the demise of the School Tuck Shop, courtesy of the miserable bunch of namby-pamby busybodies that pass for "Her Majesty's Government" and their health-fascist cronies...

Great Machine for Catching Villains

From the itemised records of the 90s through to the detailed records of our online behaviour, it is getting easier to track what we do. There is vastly more information now about our every movement than there ever has been.

Such information can be very useful to law enforcement agencies and other public bodies. There were 494,078 requests for ‘communications data’ under the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act in 2011.

Some of the information about our connected lives is not legally available to law enforcement. Much of it, for example information from social media or our web histories, can be incredibly intrusive. It can reveal intimate details, including where we have been, what we have done, what we believe and who we know.

Through mistakes or abuse, the use of such information can lead to anything from wrongful suspicion through to the settling of scores. Merely the knowledge that what we are doing or saying is being tracked can have a chilling effect.

Just because information is useful to law enforcement does not mean that the state, or law enforcement agencies, or public bodies should be able to order its collection or have access to it. Our privacy rights are essential to ensure that we do not give away the power to collect and use information too cheaply.

The Government’s Communications Data Bill is a manifestation of the temptation to grab data where it exists, and of a failure to consider alternatives to blanket collection and retention of data.

From the Open Rights Group campaign against the "Snoopers' Charter" - read more

In February 2012, the coalition government announced plans to require communications service providers (everyone from ISPs to social networks) to intercept and collect everybody’s communications data just in case it's needed later in an investigation. In December 2012, the Joint Committee that examined this new draft Bill published its critical report and the Home Office has been re-drafting the Communications Data Bill since then.

But just this week Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg appears to have blocked the attempt by the current Home Secretary Theresa May to present the Bill to Parliament in the Queen's Speech on 8th May. He said plans to monitor records of people's internet use was "not going to happen" with the Lib Dems in government.

Responding to his comments, made in his weekly radio phone-in, campaign group Liberty said:

"If the Snoopers Charter really is dead, that's cause for significant celebration and relief. People live more and more of their intimate lives online and it was outrageous to suggest surveillance of the entire nation. Credit to all those in parliament and beyond with the imagination and courage to block this terrifying plan."

The Home Office declined to comment on what Clegg said. Discussions are apparently still going on to try to thrash out an agreement ahead of the Queen's Speech.

Meanwhile, the simply spiffing Professor Elemental has gone and got himself involved, and has built a Great Machine for Catching Villains!

Professor Elemental builds a Great Machine for Catching Villains, part 1

Professor Elemental builds a Great Machine for Catching Villains, part 2

Professor Elemental builds a Great Machine for Catching Villains, part 3

Professor Elemental builds a Great Machine for Catching Villains, part 4

Professor Elemental builds a Great Machine for Catching Villains, part 5

It would be even funnier if it weren't so near the truth.

Big Brother is watching you

...intellectual freedom is a deep-rooted tradition without which our characteristic western culture could only doubtfully exist. From that tradition many of our intellectuals are visibly turning away. They have accepted the principle that a book should be published or suppressed, praised or damned, not on its merits but according to political expediency. And others who do not actually hold this view assent to it from sheer cowardice. - George Orwell

It is April Fools' Day, but this piece of news is no joke...

From the BBC:

The government will be able to monitor the calls, emails, texts and website visits of everyone in the UK under new legislation set to be announced soon.

Internet firms will be required to give intelligence agency GCHQ access to communications on demand, in real time.

The Home Office says the move is key to tackling crime and terrorism, but civil liberties groups have criticised it.

Attempts by the last Labour government to take similar steps failed after huge opposition, including from the Tories.

A new law - which may be announced in the forthcoming Queen's Speech in May - would not allow GCHQ to access the content of emails, calls or messages without a warrant.

But it would enable intelligence officers to identify who an individual or group is in contact with, how often and for how long.

In an age when the real danger to our benighted society is the lack of law and order on our streets, millions of pounds of public money will be being diverted away from front-line policing to this terrifying new approach.

We pride ourselves on having a free society in the UK - freer than most of Europe and America in many respects - yet now our government (using the excuse of "terrorism" again) appears hell-bent on introducing legislation that is reminiscent of China or Iran. For what?

As The Opinion Site says:

The government is well aware that civil unrest is more likely than not to break out towards the end of this year and throughout next, given cutbacks to public services, rising prices, diminishing wage packets and higher taxes. It is desperate to maintain control over the British population and David Cameron has clearly taken the decision to take whatever action is necessary in order to enable the government to limit the activities of any particular individual considered by the government to be a ‘troublemaker’.

Let's hope this misguided law is killed off as before, or we'll all be watching our backs!

Thought for the day

Fascism rules...

Read the latest ridiculous Nanny State proposal

First they came for the smokers, and I did not speak out - because I was not a smoker;
Then they came for the motorists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a motorist;
Then they came for the drinkers, and I did not speak out - because I was not a drinker;
Then they came for the restaurants and cafes, and I did not speak out because I didn't eat out;
Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Twisty and corruptit of the basic English twenty-fido

Council leaders have compiled a banned list of the 200 worst uses of jargon, with "predictors of beaconicity" and "taxonomy" among the worst horrors.

The Local Government Association says such words and phrases must be avoided for staff to "communicate effectively".

Cliches such as "level playing field" and inscrutable terms like "re-baselining" have been prohibited.

LGA chairman Margaret Eaton said: "The public sector must not hide behind impenetrable jargon and phrases. Why do we have to have 'coterminous, stakeholder engagement' when we could just 'talk to people' instead?"

Hoorah! It looks like one of my greatest irritants may finally be tackled...

I have always been a great advocate of clear, plain English - it was my job for many years to try and translate this moronic "management-speak" into a form of words that real people could understand. Not necessarily the "conversational tone" we all adopt here in the blogosphere [itself a jargon term, but quite a cute one], but articles and information that the intended audience might actually read, and in doing so absorb any essential information or messages contained within.

It seems simple really, but somehow the assembled petty minds of the bureaucrats and "consultants" of this world have managed again and again to miss this very important point, and I sometimes despair at the incomprehensible nonsense they produce. More power to the LGA!

Professor Stanley Unwin avertisles wordyprocessy. Deep joy.

Read more on the BBC

The full list of banned words and phrases

The World of Stanley Unwin

Niet Roken!

Well, our annual pilgrimage to Amsterdam for my birthday is over, and another lovely time was had by all. But this time there was quite a strange change afoot.

For Amsterdam, home of the happy cafe, the king-size spliff, the herbal whiff in the air, has introduced a smoking ban!

Not just any old smoking ban, either, not a British-style smoking ban where every busybody is poised on the edge of their seat just to shop you, nor a Spanish style ban where all the signs are up but everyone carries on smoking regardless. No, this is a smoking ban where it is illegal to consume tobacco in a licensed premises, but not marijuana... Apparently, officials have the right to test your joint to make sure it is pure weed - bureaucracy beyond Kafka's dreams!

So imagine the scene as the hairy baggy student types with badly-rolled homegrowns in their hands stare glassy-eyed at you through the windows, and all the polite queens huddle together outside trying to light their Dunhill or Superkings. The locals were thoroughly pissed off, as you might imagine.

Amsterdam prides itself on its laid-back attitudes. Traditional Dutch gay bars are used to building up an atmosphere through their happy hours and oom-pah music sing-alongs. But this is obviously difficult to achieve once sixty percent of the punters are actually outside - less dancing, less singing, and generally less drinking too (well if you're not sat at the bar, you aren't buying drinks!).

Nevertheless, being used to Nanny State Britain we didn't let it spoil our fun! People-watching at the canal bars by day, enjoying the camp music in the bars every evening, and the cruisy late nights - bliss!!

Manke Nelis - Laat De Hele Boel Maar Waaien

Gay Life in the Netherlands

If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd live there...

I smell a compensation scam...

As many as 15 art lovers have been injured at London's Tate Modern since the opening of an installation which features a large crack in the floor, according to a report in the Times.



In this American-style "compensation culture", where people sue tobacco companies for not telling them that smoking can cause chest problems and fat people can sue McDonalds for not telling them that fried cow innards are bad for your waistline, I am not surprised! It makes me sick that the public are so greedy and so transparent in their motives that they seize any opportunity to sue rather than be able to behave like a responsible adult nowadays.

I blame the Government, Watchdog, Oprah Winfrey and lawyers. I think I'll sue!

Read the full story on the BBC

Let's ban everything, shall we?

So after smoking, the latest deadly awful thing the Government has banned us from having because they say it's not good for us, is... EGGS!

Possibly one of the oldest health foods known to man, the humble egg has fallen fowl (geddit?!) of new advertising laws set up by the Nanny State (TM). The classic ad featuring Tony Hancock was intended to be shown to celebrate 50 years since it was first aired.

But the advert, with its slogan "go to work on an egg" has been banned on the grounds that eating an egg for breakfast every day does not constitute a healthy diet. Whatever next?? I despair of this bloody Government.

Read the full story on the BBC

PS Thought for the day: Although the Pope was responsible for the world's first known public smoking ban in 1590, as he threatened to excommunicate anyone who "took tobacco in the porchway of or inside a church, whether it be by chewing it, smoking it with a pipe or sniffing it in powdered form through the nose". But the first modern, nationwide tobacco ban was imposed by the Nazi Party in 1941 under direct orders from Adolf Hitler himself.

Nice to know that Tony Blair's legacy will be measured in such laudable company.

Ministers proposing 'Britain Day'

A national day to promote a stronger sense of British identity and prevent communities from becoming more divided has been suggested by two ministers.



Communities Secretary Ruth Kelly and Immigration Minister Liam Byrne say it could be a new bank holiday.

Spot the "Britishness" in the following...

"A Britain Day would recognise the "local focus" of people's contribution to society in particular. It might be, for instance, that local areas come together, they decide for themselves about the contribution that they might make." Ruth Kelly MP, Communities Minister
BBC Online News

Ruth Kelly's grandfather Philip Murphy was an Irish Republican Army (IRA) officer interned in 1922 by the Government of Northern Ireland. Kelly is a practising Roman Catholic, a member of Opus Dei and regular attendee at their meetings and events. Her brother, Ronan Kelly, is a supernumerary in the Opus Dei organisation. Wikipedia

"We want people with skills and talents we can use to come in a managed way and contribute to our economy. We want people to be able to visit this country and feel welcome and secure."
Liam Byrne MP, Minister for Immigration
Employing Immigrant Workers

In December 2006, twenty year old gay Nigerian asylum seeker Emmanuel Obahiaghbon was deported back to Nigeria on Monday 4 December 2006, on the orders of the Immigration Minister, Liam Byrne MP. Peter Tatchell Website

The Government says you should be...

Yet more tiresome blather from the Nanny State. this time from some over-fed creature called a "respect czar"...

Apparently, we're all too rude and disrespectful, and should mind our manners.


Read the article

Why don't these twerps in Government just do something, instead of proselytising about such rubbish as "public service responsibility to try to uphold certain standards of decency"?

We live in such a hypocritical society - I can sit in a bar where in a few weeks' time I will be a criminal for lighting a fag, and through the window a group of street scum cluster in a doorway to light a crack pipe and nobody does anything!

There are too few police on the streets, yobs who beat someone senseless get away with community service orders, the government sends troops to the Middle East and ignores human rights abuses in Zimbabwe, Nigeria, Russia and Poland, and all this overpaid "church-going and neighbourly" political adviser can focus on is dropping litter?

If it was good enough for Marlene...

As the dreaded smoking ban looms nearer, we await with horror the prospect of tumbleweed blowing down Compton Street when the weather turns colder and the smokers (the majority of punters on the Soho scene without a doubt) stay at home.

I can just sense the bigots of Westminster Council rubbing their hands with glee, proud of their investment in hordes of sanctimonious anti-smoking inspectors who will bring the mentality of the traffic warden into our places of entertainment, threatening fines or closure on venues who have a smell of tobacco anywhere within their premises. There is even a threat that the council will impose a ban on smoking in the streets outside pubs!

Our friends at Scotland's Herald newspaper and Freedom2Choose hit the nail on the head by keeping up their exposes of the hypocrisy that surrounds the ban.

Read columnist Finelma Cook's article on the Freedom2Choose blog.

This is why we pay our council tax

A great story - small chldren, animals and "political correctness gone mad". The Daily Mail must have been slavering at this one...

Organisers of a children's concert have given the go-ahead for the three little pigs to appear, after they were banned over fears they might offend Muslims.

Honley Junior School in West Yorkshire was to perform the Roald Dahl story of Little Red Riding Hood and the pigs - but was told to substitute puppies.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bradford/6456961.stm