Music fan? Ever listened to the lyrics of a song you love and
thought ‘wait – what the f**k’? These songs are, on close attention,
completely deranged:
Yellow by Coldplay
"I swam across / I jumped across for you / What a thing to do / ’Cause you were all yellow"
Yellow is a hard colour to sell in a love song, associated as it is
with piss. Chris Martin gets off to an okay start, saying that stars are
yellow, which kind of, and that the song is called Yellow which is
tautalogical but accurate. But when he starts hinting his lover might
possibly have jaundice, that’s weird.
Earth Song by Michael Jackson
"What about elephants? / Have we lost their trust?"
Lost their trust? Did Jacko borrow a fiver from a pachyderm and not
pay it back? In the wider context of a song about perpetual human
suffering and a ravaged earth bringing up one specific animal and
questioning whether it would still vouch for us is mental even for him.
Buck Rogers by Feeder
"We’ll start over again, / Grow ourselves new skin / Get a house
in Devon, / Drink cider from a lemon / But I don’t wanna talk about it
anymore"
The lyric that makes most sense is not wanting to talk about it any
more, because it’s incomprehensible. Why would you put an apple-based
drink in a lemon? Literally any county/food combination would fit
better. ‘Get a house in Surrey, drink cider with a curry’. There, you
guitar-thrashing muppets.
Happy by Pharrell Williams
"Because I’m happy / Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof"
Having already claimed to be like a "hot-air balloon that could go to
space", which is a "no", because of "physics", Pharrell goes on to assert that a
roofless room is his happy place. Really? A room where the rain comes
in? Where the sun beats down? A room that quite frankly isn’t much of a
room at all? And you expect us to clap along?
Stayin’ Alive by The Bee Gees
"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk / I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk"
Coked-up helium-voiced nonsense. If some twat with a stupid walk
asked if you could tell it meant he was a ‘woman’s man’, you’d honestly
be left wanting for any possible reply.
Human by The Killers
"Are we human? / Or are we dancer?"
Repeat offenders, because "open up my eager eyes / I’m Mr Brightside"
means bugger all when you think about it, this lyric is not only
lunatic babbling but ungrammatical. We are human. We are not ‘dancer’.
Glad that’s settled.
Of course.
Nonsense, each and every one...