Tuesday, 28 April 2026

Of course, owned by a real king

I told him my ballroom is a mile high just to see his face, says King

The King has admitted claiming to own a domed ballroom a mile high in conversation with Donald Trump to see his crestfallen reaction.

The president had taken the Royal party to see a hole which he was boasting would soon be an even greater ballroom than Hitler’s, when Charles replied ‘Of course, we have terrible issues rerouting planes around ours.’

The monarch continued: “You’d think the view would be wonderful a mile above London, but the diamond capstone on the top is actually in the stratosphere so it’s all clouds.

“Holds 1.7 million people, though it’s not been filled since George V’s inaugural ball because I’m afraid there aren’t enough aristocrats left. Nowadays we use its solid gold art deco interior for family get-togethers and charity events.

“It really is a magnificent edifice and, of course, owned by a real king. But yours sounds like it will be nice too. How large? 90,000 square feet? Ah, so the same size as the palace kennels.”


He added: “You should have seen his mean, crumpled face. He started bragging about 80s golfers’ dick sizes to recover, but of course Camilla has hands-on expertise there.”

Trump said: “I’ve checked on the internet and it’s all true. I fired the aide who told me it was AI.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Monday, 27 April 2026

We're having a gang-bang

Another lovely weekend spent pottering in the garden and - whoosh! Here we are again...

Never mind, eh? - it's just a week, then we're off to Spain at the crack'o'doom on Saturday, and I have another week off after that, so I'm not too despondent.

Meanwhile, it's the 60th birthday today of one of our fave actresses, Miss Siobhan Finneran! We first fell in love with her as the harassed mum "Janice Garvey" in the sitcom Benidorm - dealing with her hapless husband "Mick", pregnant teen daughter "Chantelle", pretty-boy son "Michael" and her bombastic battleaxe mother "Madge" while trying to enjoy her holiday - and she played a blinder in Downton Abbey as the wicked ladies' maid "Miss O'Brien". She was also in Emmerdale, Happy Valley - and this, her first starring role, and a film I absolutely adore. It is a Tacky Music Monday, after all!

Have a good week, dear reader.

Sunday, 26 April 2026

Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty

We had hazy sunshine all day, but that didn't stop me getting out there to complete a few more tasks in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers - more big salvias repotted into fresh compost, some primulas that have gone over tidied-up in preparation for their summer hiatus, and I split one of our indoor peace lilies that was looking very sorry for itself and needed a bit of TLC, among other pottering jobs...

Meanwhile... The bastard gnomes at Google/Blogger have been playing silly buggers again. I published a post at around 6 o'clock yesterday. It remained in Limbo, as far as the Blogger Reading List is concerned. Suddenly at 1 o'clock in the morning - boom! There it was...

WTF leads these creatures to think that a five-hour delay is acceptable is beyond me! Yet another blogging annoyance... Sigh.

Never mind, eh? Here's something soothing from our "house band" to ease our troubled souls...

Ah, that's better...

Saturday, 25 April 2026

It's grey, it's grey since she went away, oh, oh


Our lovely Hippeastrum “Cape Horn” has been outside all winter, and evidently came to no harm

It was another beautiful Spring day today, and the chilly wind of earlier this week had completely dropped - so, obviously I spent most of it in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers. The last of the summer annuals-filled window-boxes and a wall pot are done. I moved-on a few more plants in little pots into bigger ones, then began the task of tackling the moth-eaten overwintered large-leaf salvia collection, which have all exhausted the soil they were in. More tomorrow, no doubt - and then hopefully everything will be ready for the summer "jungle" display. Once we get back from Spain, It will be time to do the "Tetris" task of placing the gazillions of pots into the best location for them to thrive and look their best [of course, everything's covered in a coat of flowers and detritus from the bastard weed trees at the moment; there's not a season when they don't give us grief]...

Meanwhile, sad news - Mademoiselle Evy Lenton, lead singer of the camp-as-tits one-hit-wonders La Belle Époque has donned her last glittery jacket and ascended the dry-ice strewn staircase to Fabulon, at - gulp - the age of 80.

It's obvious what to play in tribute, of course, really, since they only ever had one hit:

Love it!

RIP, Évelyne "Evy" Lenton (born Evelyn Verrecchia, 16th December 1945 - 22nd April 2026)

Friday, 24 April 2026

Enough!

TFFT! Another week of drudgery - while looking out on the glorious (if slightly chilly) Spring sunshine from the stuffy and airless office - is over...

...and we have a Diva birthday to celebrate! Sharing her day with our Patron Saint of Hoofing Shirley MacLaine, as well as the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier, Tony Visconti, Paula Yates, Aidan Gillen, Anthony Trollope, Jill Ireland, guitarist John Williams, Kelly Clarkson, Sir Stafford Cripps, Clement Freud, Gabby Logan, filmmaker Richard Donner, Olympic cyclist (Dame) Laura Kenny, Rory McCann and - erm - "Lord Haw Haw" William Joyce - it's "MegaBabs" Barbra Streisand's birthday today!

As it is the end of the week, and we have a party to start planning, so how about Babs' most successful foray into dance music - in the company of another glittering gay icon LaDonna?! I think so. Thank Disco It's Friday!

Have a great weekend, folks!

Thursday, 23 April 2026

Of Bowie, big cats, Cool Britannia, Baranski, Benidorm, Osmond brother, bonking blockade, Beethoven, Bond and the Black Dyke Band


Immerse yourself...

Another snippets post today, dear reader:

  • God news: Everything these days seems to be "an immersive experience" - dinosaurs, the Titanic, numerous Egyptian kings and queens, the Vikings - and now it's David Bowie's turn! You’re Not Alone [pictured above] features an hour-long 360-degree film directed by Mark Grimmer – lead designer for the V&A’s blockbusting 2013 exhibition David Bowie Is – and is showing at London’s “immersive exhibition space” Lightroom. The blurb on its website reads: "Featuring the artist as its sole voice, a story composed from hundreds of interviews spanning a five-decade-long career at the cutting edge of art and culture sees Bowie invite you into his way of thinking like never before." We'll be the judge of that!
  • "Here, kitty, kitty" news: The audience at a circus in Rostov, Russia got more than they bargained for when a ginormous Bengal tiger took advantage as a barrier collapsed, leapt out into the auditorium and bolted for the door. Without eating any children. More's the pity.


[Photo: the fabulous IanVisits blog; click any pic to embiggen]

  • ...and Alan Osmond, eldest of the singing brothers.
  • Safe sex shortage news: Thanks to the blockade of the Strait of Hormuz, and a shortage of raw materials, the price of condoms is set to rocket by 30%!
  • Culture with a capital "K" news: This year's BBC Proms season programme has been announced - with 86 Proms across eight weeks, 20 international ensembles, 41 orchestras and choirs from across the UK, 42 Proms appearances from the BBC’s own orchestras and choirs, 20 premieres including 17 BBC commissions and co-commissions, and 14 Proms across the UK including residencies at Bristol Beacon and the Glasshouse International Centre for Music (Gateshead), and the first ever Prom in Mold, North Wales; and highlights including the Proms debuts of The Met Orchestra, the Spanish National Orchestra and the Mahler Academy Orchestra, a Prog Rock Prom, an evening with Evelyn Glennie, a celebration of soul legend Marvin Gaye, a brass band Prom with the Black Dyke Band, and a Prom featuring iconic music from the James Bond films titled "Bond and Beyond". Phew!

  • And finally: Happy St George's Day to our English chums!


Pull that string! [click to embiggen]

And the weather? Beautiful and sunny, but still a chilly wind.

Wednesday, 22 April 2026

The Nonce Cinematic Universe

The new Michael Jackson film is the first instalment of an interconnected cinematic universe of celebrity sex offenders, its producers have announced.

As well as telling the King of Pop’s origin story, Michael launches a multi-movie franchise about rich and famous celebrity wrong ‘uns which is projected to come together for a thrilling crossover finale in 2031.

Film insider Tom Booker said: “Don’t worry if you’re not familiar with all the dusty old source material on these guys. The NCU will tell you everything you need to know.

“Michael eases you in with a straightforward tale about a poor black kid who grows up to be the world’s most famous sex monster. Sit through the end credits and there’s a teaser for the next film in the series, 'Andrew: Prince of Paedos'.

“That leads into the Woody Allen biopic, then we go back a couple of decades and see the roots of it all with Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris in 'It Was A Different Time: The 70s Story'.

“Yes, we’ve had to be creative in scriptwriting to tie it all together, but give Michael a magic rhinestone-studded glove and I think audiences will be in their seats cheering as the paedos put their differences aside to battle a galactic threat only they can defeat.”


Cinemagoer Martin Bishop said: “I can’t wait for them to keep churning these movies out long after they’ve stopped being good.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

[The "real" story]