I'm worse at what I do best, and for this gift, I feel blessed

Sharing the big day with another unlikely assortment of notables including the divine Kate Bush, Emily Brontë, Frances de la Tour, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Peter Bogdanovich, Daley Thompson, Lady Harriet Harman, Sir Clive Sinclair, Terry O'Neill, Henry Ford, Sir Christopher Nolan, Jimmy Cliff, David Sanborn, Rat Scabies, Stan Stennett, Christopher Warren-Green, Lisa Kudrow, Sid Krofft, Hilary Swank, Liz Kershaw, Buddy Guy and abstract modernist sculptor Henry Moore...

...it is the 85th birthday today of the man who wrote She's a Lady [a huge hit for Tom Jones], It Doesn't Matter Anymore [for Buddy Holly], Diana, and (of course) the lyrics to the enduring standard My Way - Mr Paul Albert Anka!

However, his 2005 album Rock Swings is, in my opinion, his finest hour. From it, this fave:

Paul Anka - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Faboo!

Essential advice for idiots

The number of blazes caused by disposable barbecues suggests idiots may still need advice on their use. Read this Q&A before you start randomly committing arson.

So what’s the problem again?
It’s all down to a thing called ‘fire’, which has a surprising tendency to ‘spread’ and burn things you weren’t trying to cook, such as fields, fences and your house. Curse those irresponsible barbecue manufacturers for putting deadly fire in them.

Can I use a disposable barbecue in the car?
Technically, yes. The barbecue can definitely be ignited on the back seat of a moving car, but most people choose not to because it’s mental and you might die horribly in a burning vehicle. If that’s too complicated a scenario for you to grasp, don’t do it because your sausages will keep rolling off and getting fluff on them.

Are they safe for my dog to use?
Not really. Dogs are likely to drool on the barbecue tongs and have a poor understanding of food hygiene generally. Why are you asking this?

Can I use it to dry my hair?
You probably could get your hair quite dry over a barbecue, but there’s a risk of burns and smoke inhalation, not to mention the huge amount of faff. That said, disposable barbecues are £5 cheaper than the cheapest hairdryer on Amazon, so some fuckwit will have tried it.

Where do I dump my barbecue when I’ve finished with it?
You’d think that the moment you’ve rammed your food down your gullet you’d be free to abandon a smouldering BBQ on a crowded beach, in a busy picnic area or in a litter bin full of paper. But strangely you’re expected to safely put out a fire hazard that is entirely your responsibility.

Why should I bother putting it out?
Good question. You’ve realised that putting a barbecue out properly doesn’t directly benefit you personally. We’d try to explain the Golden Rule and the social contract but that will be hard work. Luckily there’s the much simpler concept of ‘you might go to prison and get bummed’ to deter you.

If I forget the burgers can I use a cow from a field?
No, because the cow belongs to a farmer. There are other issues of practicality and basic standards of decency, but let’s keep it idiot-proof and just say Farmer Giles will be angry. Also it’s unlikely that a £4.50 disposable barbecue will cook a 1,200lb cow, unless you like your steak really rare. And horrific.

Can I use it on a garage forecourt?
If you’re peckish on the way to the beach it’s tempting to whip out the barbie and rustle up a burger while you’re filling up with petrol. But it’s generally better to buy a Twix. Just take our word for that.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Something nice to study, phoning up a buddy, being in my nuddy

Farewell, Gunther Von Hagens, whose Body Worlds freakshows exhibitions of "plastinated" corpses were wildly popular amongst the ghoulish in the early 2000s.

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• It could crush a small child news: As part of its centennial celebrations, the Los Angeles Public Library has put on display the world's biggest-ever pop-up book, spanning approximately 31 by 20 feet when open! Your arms would be aching trying to read that one...
• Surprising food choices for a heatwave news: Supermarket giant Waitrose has reported a surprise increase in sales of winter comfort foods, such as cottage pies, gratins and red wine, despite the ongoing heatwaves across the UK. Let's face it, that kind of dish is a damned sight tastier than lettuce, any day!
• We're almost at the end of [the somewhat concocted] "Disability Pride Month" [something I certainly never heard of in all the time I worked for the leading UK disability charity Scope, so I assume it's yet another US import] - but no further excuse is necessary, really, to play one of the UK's most celebrated and defiant disabled heroes, the late, great Ian Dury:

Ian Dury and The Blockheads - Reasons to be Cheerful (Part Three)

• Wakanda Forever news: In a surprise announcement at Comic-Con in San Diego, the next "Black Panther" in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is going to be British actor David Jonsson - an actor best known for, ummm, a load of stuff we've never watched and are not likely to, such as "investment bank-based drama" Industry or streaming-channel-only rom-com The Road Trip. Let's hope he lives up to expectations.
• Don't do this at home news: In possibly the most pointless Guinness World Record ever, an Idaho man got the record for the most consecutive flaming torch juggling catches while riding on a unicycle - and burned off his eyebrows in the process! The only thing that comes to mind is "why the fuck would you do that?"
• And, finally: RIP, "national treasure" Bill Oddie, comedian, broadcaster, one of the original hosts of the BBC's Springwatch, famous birdwatcher - and, of course, a pivotal member of this lot, one of the most beloved anarchic comedy troupes of the 70s, alongside Monty Python:

The Goodies - Kitten Kong

The Goodies - Funky Gibbon

And the weather? Heatwave #4 is upon us - with temperatures in London set to reach 33C/92F (and possibly higher) tomorrow, and no respite in sight. Pass me a gin'n'tonic with loads of ice and a slice of lime, my dear...

Rokk around the clokk?

Shit! Another week is here, already. After a lovely weekend - HM The Queen's frocks with Mother, a day in the garden - I am not ready for this.

Never mind, eh? Let's cheer ourselves up with something from the "Nazis' favourite screen songbird" Marika Rökk, in all her weirdness, shall we? On this Tacky Music Monday - this clip (from 1958, long after her dodgy reputation had been redeemed) is an absolute joy!

Sit back and enjoy the madness of Mir ist so langweilig ("I'm so bored") - and I can guarantee that you won't be...

Ich liebe es!

Have a good week, dear reader.

Easy Living?

I have spent five hours today in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers! It's been very warm, but a bit more cloudy, on and off - and as London is now subject to a hosepipe ban, every single pot (of the hundreds we have) needed to be watered using the watering can! Exhausting, but worthwhile.

With the horrors in the news at the moment, thank heavens for those geniuses at Soft Tempo Lounge, and their ultra-futuristic world, to give us some calm:

Soft Tempo Lounge - Easy Living at Home '69

Ah, that's better...

[Music: Die Jankowski Singers - Vilja-Lied; Original film: Whirlpool - Home is What You Make It (1969)]

Classix Nouveaux?

As I gather myself to go and meet up with Hils, Crog, Madam Arcati [who is heading from work] and Mother to go and gawp at a cornucopia of the late HM The Queen's outfits over the decades of her long life, I thought I would leave you, dear reader, with another selection of "newer" choons that have caught my ear of late...

First up, the very welcome - and unexpected - return of an old fave from the 1990s:

Natalie Imbruglia - Just Drive

Here's someone who owes a great musical debt to another decade altogether - the '80s. Shades of Depeche Mode, methinks:

A Thousand Mad Things - Truth You Seek

Now, this is a queen who just adores his dressing up box (and Troye Sivan, too, from the sound of it):

Saint Micah - The Grind

MySpace's most successful "discovery" is back - with a darker tone than her previous hits, too. It takes a couple of listens, but I like it:

Charli xcx - Camera

Our Princess returns, in a most surprising collaboration, indeed. More surprising was that this appearance, and this entire video, was shot just down the road from us in Alexandra Palace - and we didn't know... Dammit!

Snow Patrol & Kylie Minogue - These Alarms

I was fully expecting Kylie to occupy the "saving the best to last" slot - and then I watched/heard this! It's simply faboo:

Becky Hill - What Do I Have To Do?

As ever, I'd love to hear your thoughts...

In your satin tights, fighting for our rights

Wheeee!

It's looming. Just one more day to grit one's teeth through, after another busy week...

In celebration of the fact the weekend - and party time!* - is almost here, I think it's time for a dance remix of the ineffably corny theme for that 70s fave Wonder Woman [featuring today's birthday girl Lynda Carter - who is (gulp!) 75 years old!]...

Thank Disco It's Friday!

Wonder Woman theme dance remix

I spent a lot of wasted time in 1975 spinning around, but never got those satin tights (fighting for our rights).

Have a good weekend, dear reader!

[*I say "party", but we are off to see the Queen Elizabeth II: Her Life in Style exhibition with Mother tomorrow, so that's as good as...]