Tuesday, 15 September 2026

The ravings of an addled old man on a golf jolly

A US president’s suggestion that Ireland should reunify as soon as possible would have triggered riots, terrorism and political crisis if he were not a shite-spouting halfwit.

In any other circumstances than the president being a gaga eejit with no idea what he is even saying as it dribbles out of his mendacious mouth, the statement would have caused a major diplomatic row and significant unrest.

Taioseach Micheál Martin said: “Even the paramilitaries are calling bullshit on this one.

“Imagine if a proper president had said it. It would spark sectarian violence, angry disavowals from politicians, Andy Burnham desperately trying to calm things down. I mean, Belfast. It’s any excuse to throw a petrol bomb up there.

“But thankfully both sides were able to take into account this was nothing more than the ravings of an addled old man on a golf jolly and of no more import than a drunk mumbling in the corner of a Doonbeg bar.”


Emma Little-Pengelly of the DUP said: “And the way he said it? ‘One of the naturals of all time is to put them together’? Are we sure he wasn’t thinking of Sydney Sweeney’s diddies?”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

[As for his latest rant: "The only control or 'guardrails' that AI needs is a STRONG AND SMART (High IQ!) PRESIDENT, and the U.S.A. has that, in spades!" (which would have made me hoot - bar for the fact that he's so fucking deluded he really does think that ignoring the experts is wise) - The Mash has something to say about that, too!]


FOOTNOTE:

Speaking of rants, this is my latest missive to the bastard Google gnomes, using the "feedback" button on Blogger...

Congratulations! SEVEN DAYS - and the Blogger Reading List is still broken! SEVEN DAYS - and not one person in the whole of Google has said anything about it! No apologies. No press announcements. Nothing. It's as if people who use your systems are irrelevant. Sad, really.

They won't read it, nor will they do anything, of course - but it makes me feel better.

Monday, 14 September 2026

Let Go

Having heard the very sad news that Mr Bob Mackie has sewn on his last sequin and departed for Fabulon - see my tribute over at the Dolores Delargo Museum of Camp - I just knew I would have to post at least one of the gazillion outrageously OTT outfits for which he was famous in action this Tacky Music Monday...

...so how about one of my absolute favourites?

Miss Mitzi Gaynor - whose 95th birthday it would have been on 4th September - never had a better frock to shimmy in!

RIP, Mr Mackie.

Have a good week, dear reader.

Sunday, 13 September 2026

And did those feet in ancient times

The BBC Proms, the world's biggest classical music festival - more than 80 concerts over more than two months, up and down the country, covering everything from Marvin Gaye to Mahler, Puccini to Prog Rock, Disney to Dvořák - certainly knows how to throw a party to say "goodbye".

The Last Night of the Proms is an institution, when all the rules are thrown out of the window, and we love it! Last night's Last Night was no exception. Admittedly, we did miss the first half [including that Dvořák aria], but it is the second half - leading up to the flag-waving finale - that matters most, so we weren't too upset.

It opened with a bang - of course - with the much-anticipated tribute To Dolly, With Love, opening with an uplifting singalong 9 to 5 led by Sheridan Smith, Jolene sung by country duo Ward Thomas, and the most fantastic version of I Will Always Love You by Beverley Knight, who (wisely) avoided the temptation to do the horrid "Whitney Wibble" version, and stuck to Dolly's own far more gentle arrangement [Bev has starred in the stage adaptation of The Bodyguard, so it was a blessed relief to us]. Truly amazing.

In a jolt to the emotions, we went straight from that into a venture into British patriotic music [ahead of things to come], with Jupiter, the Bringer of Jollity from Holst's The Planets, including a burst of its vocal version I Vow To Thee, My Country in the middle. It would have been a bit better had the over-excited Promenaders not let off rocket balloons just as it hit its quietest, most beautiful moments. "Quiet" isn't exactly, however, an adjective that could be applied to much of Alexander Tsfasman's Jazz Suite for Piano and Orchestra that followed. With the masterful piano artistry of Yuja Wang, this suite veered everywhere from Shostakovitch- or Weill-esque jazziness to Rachmaninov-style orchestral lushness. A tour-de-force!

Then it was back to the party, as the delightfully camp tenor Nicky Spence embarked upon a remarkable medley of Scottish songs, Scotch Snap, which incorporated such unlikely bedfellows as My Love is Like a Red, Red, Rose, Roamin’ in the Gloamin’ and Loch Lomond with Donald, Where’s Yer Troosers?, the Proclaimers' 5000 Miles, and even (for some reason) Yes Sir, I Can Boogie - including a "reveal" when Mr Spence's trousers ripped off to expose tartan trews beneath, (of course) a bagpipe player, and lots of energetic dancing [Nicky's a mover, even given his fuller figure!] and flirting going on. It was hilarious!

Only the Last Night programmers could possibly have followed that with a world premiere of a new choral work by former Art of Noise alumnus and film music composer Anne Dudley, Iris of Life - a melancholic and somewhat eclectic piece that I doubt will be referred to in posterity as a "classic". But we were soon distracted from all that by the return of Nicky Spence for a rip-roaring take on Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat from Guys'n'Dolls. Faboo! If all that was the aperitif, the "full meal" launched soon after with the traditional opener, Sir Henry Wood's Fantasia on British Sea Songs, culminating in Mr Spence's triumphant and full-voiced return for Arne's Rule, Britannia! - dressed in a full OTT Scottish outfit, replete with a Loch Ness monster across his shoulders... and a concealed rainbow flag in his kilt!

Next up, the biggest of all Last Night sing-a-longs, Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1, better known, of course, as Land of Hope and Glory - the national anthem this country never had, but should have! We were hoarse by the end of it.

Conductor Sakari Oramo took the opportunity in his traditional speech to both praise the greatness and goodness of Dolly Parton, and to lay into A.I. at the same time. To him, it should stand for Authentic Integrity: music that’s live, acoustic and imperfect. Bravo! The speech was, of course, merely the lead-in to that universal favourite, Parry's Jerusalem [cue more singing-along here at Dolores Delargo Towers], then - all rise! - the National Anthem, and, with the ever-engaging Auld Lang Syne, that was it for another year...

A night of pure enjoyment and pure pride.

Unusually, this year the Beeb has not posted any footage nor clips from the evening on YouTube, just on its own iPlayer. Thankfully, one enterprising fan has grabbed the whole two hours of the second half, so I do have something to share with you, dear reader [until Auntie's lawyers get it deleted, of course]. Hopefully you can see it in your country (and skip through it to see the highlights, as you see fit):

Same time, same place, next year? I think so!

Saturday, 12 September 2026

The Prom, Prom, Prom! Where the brass bands play, "Tiddely-om-pom-pom!"

That great herald of the end of the Summer Season, the Last Night of the Proms is upon us tonight!

A highlight of our own "Social Calendar" every year, in the absence of the fab party Proms in the Park (RIP), Madam Arcati and I are settling in at home - with enough buffet food to feed the entire battalion of Grenadier Guards - flags at the ready, to sing along to all the old favourite patriotic songs that compse the finale.

Of course, there's lots to look forward to in the full concert, including a tribute to Dolly Parton(!), and also on the bill, this [here sung by Eric Herrero; our tenor for the evening will be Nicky Spence]:

I can't wait!

Friday, 11 September 2026

Sho’nuff!

I'd just about had enough of this bloody week at work by about 11am today, but it just got busier.... I am so glad to see the back of it!

As the weekend beckons we need something to get us into the party mode, and what could be more appropriate than one of those - ahem - fabulously-choreographed routines by the 1970s "national treasures" Legs & Co? Here they are, flapping around in their peignoirs (for some reason), to an irresistible dance classic.

Thank Disco It's Friday!

Get up and stand up
Strut your funky stuff, sho’nuff
Get up and stand up
Strut your funky stuff, sho’nuff
Get up and stand up
Strut your funky stuff, sho’nuff
Get up and stand up

How you gonna be the attraction
If you wanna stick to the wall
Invite yourself a piece of the action
You got to get up to that and ring the bell
You got to know we got to go
Get up and dance down the...
(Here we go, here we go)

Get up and stand up
Strut your funky stuff, sho’nuff
Get up and stand up

What you doing there in the corner
Sitting by yourself in the dark
You don't really wanna be a loner
Come on now get up and dance
You got ants in your pants
Can't sit still the beat'll get your feet
The record spins to the funky disco beat
(That's right, that's right)

Get up and stand up
Strut your funky stuff, sho’nuff
Get up and stand up
Strut your funky stuff, sho’nuff
Get up and stand up
Strut your funky stuff, sho’nuff
Get up and stand up

Have a good weekend, dear reader!

[If you ever see this, of course, given that the bastard gnomes at Google have still not fixed the Blogger Reading List. It hasn't updated at all in over 48 hours! I despair.]

Thursday, 10 September 2026

Food, Glorious Food?

Dinner is served!

Yum.


FOOTNOTE:

It is now more than twenty-four hours since I published yesterday's post - and it still hasn't shown up in the Reading List!

If this carries on, I'll be wearing Sundar Pichai's bollocks for earrings!!

Wednesday, 9 September 2026

Of ballet, Trekkies, Old Masters, Morph, Freddie, a boa and a TV legend departs


RIP, choreographer Sir Richard Alston - his boys always could get their legs up higher, and wider, than anyone else!

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

  • To boldly go news: Happy birthday, Star Trek - which celebrated its 60th anniversary yesterday, with a series of events worldwide. Remarkably, our very own "super-fan" on Blogger Mr DeVice didn't even emerge from the wilderness in which he's been languishing since August to celebrate it!

  • I still reckon that's Murray Melvin! news: In a groundbreaking new exhibition at the National Gallery, all nine portraits by the Northern Renaissance master Jan Van Eyck will be on display together for the very first time, including his famous "Arnolfini portrait" (above [click to embiggen]). Van Eyck: The Portraits runs at the National Gallery from 21st November 2026 to 11th April 2027.
  • Your very own Gromit news: Action figures and original models of some of the world's favourite stop-motion on-screen characters from the creative geniuses at Aardman Animations, such as "Morph", "Wallace and Gromit" and "Sean the Sheep", will be going under the hammer in an online auction to mark the studio's 50th anniversary, ending on 24 September 2026. Get your bid in quick for "Feathers McGraw"..!
  • Ready, Freddie! news: Eight of Freddie Mercury’s most memorable stage costumes are going on display at the V&A this autumn to mark his 80th anniversary year, including the “Mercury Wing” catsuit he wore in the Bohemian Rhapsody video, and the crown and cloak he wore on tour with Queen in the 80s. The Freddie Mercury: Splendid Things trail will include displays across the whole museum, and opens on 24th October 2026.
  • Hissing Sid Siegfried? news: There was an major audition held at the New York Metropolitan Opera last weekend - for the role of a snake! A boa constrictor named Princess won. Not John Hamm...

And the weather? Erratic. Yesterday, it lashed it down all day, then brightened up early evening. Today, it's been lovely (on and off) again - but much cooler than it was on the weekend.


  • And finally: We here at Dolores Delargo Towers are distraught at the announcement that Monty Don is leaving Gardeners World at the end of the current series - after being at the helm [with a hiatus for ill-health] since 2003!

    No matter who takes over when he retires, things will never be the same again...

So soothing. So brilliant. So irreplaceable.