Of micropenis, even faster fast-food, gold water, Chelsea Girl, books, pies and Scopitone

"Starmer's no Churchill? Trump's no Roosevelt, either."

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• "How cute, a second belly-button" news: A competition no man wants to enter, let alone win: a North Carolina man has publicly claimed he has the world’s smallest penis, and he’s challenging anyone on earth to prove him wrong. "Get the fuck outta here!"
• I wonder where they got that idea from? news: Purveyor of greasy pastry-based comestibles Greggs has announced it will introduce vending machines for its products in some locations in the UK. Have they never been to Amsterdam? FEBO, anyone?
• Fool's gold news: The Japanese city of Osaka has received a gift of gold bars worth 560 million yen (around £2,700,000) from an anonymous donor asking for its specific use: to fix its dilapidated water pipes. Copper not good enough?

• Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion news: RIP Bernard Lewis, founder of Chelsea Girl boutiques - that became River Island, still on our high streets today - who has died just after reaching his 100th birthday.
• What's a book, Mummy? news: Tomorrow is World Book Day, the celebration of which generally revolves around teeny children dressing as their "favourite story-book character". Many people are beginning to question whether this actually succeeds in its aim to get more kids reading books at all. Or are they just posing for photos for their parents' Instagram?
• Yum news: We're in the middle of British Pie Week - and my mission tomorrow is to go and buy one for our dinner! Steak & Kidney, Steak & Ale, Chicken & Ham? Choices, choices...
• And finally: Among another oddly-matched assortment of birthdays, including Sir Patrick Moore, Paula Prentiss, Dieter Meier of Yello, Patsy Kensit, Chris Rea, Emilio Estefan, Joan Greenwood, Dame Penny Mordaunt, Alan Sillitoe, Miriam Makeba, Pearl White, Kenny Dalglish, Bernard Haitink, Sam Taylor-Johnson, Bobby Womack, Kay Lenz, Chaz Bono, Mike Moran and - erm - Shakin'-bloody-Stevens, we find "Scopitone Queen" Miss Barbara McNair - and she's just what we need:

Barbara McNair - The Best Is Yet To Come

And the weather? Supposed to have been Spring-like and sunny, but all we got in London was greyness...

At an undignified age?

Pete Tong, once the Pied Piper of the rave generation, is now 65 and still doing it. And DJ isn’t the only job it’s tricky to be old and wizened in, as these celebs have learned:

Tamara Beckwith: it girl
Being quite pretty, reasonably posh and going to parties isn’t the most solid basis for a career, and Tamara’s has gone off the boil somewhat at the age of 55. Could she have a second coming as a glamorous elder advertising Saga holidays, walk-in baths and bedside commodes to the Met Bar set, or will the All Saints steal those jobs?

Pete Tong: DJ
Clubbing is inherently a young person’s activity, due to the lateness and Ministry of Sound not doing ‘pie and a pint’ nights. Pete seems to be coping but you know as he spins the latest Afro house tune that inwardly he’s muttering ‘in my day music had a bloody tune you could whistle, like DJ Misjah & DJ Tim’s Access’.

Harrison Ford: action hero
Action roles are a problem for geriatrics, and Harrison neglected to cultivate a long-running role where he moves around sedately like Patrick Stewart as Professor X. He broke a leg filming The Force Awakens and tore a shoulder muscle in the last Indiana Jones, and in both films the expression on his face made it abundantly clear it was not worth it.

Pamela Anderson: Baywatch babe
Sex symbol is a tough career post-menopause. The media loves to shame female celebs who refused to halt the ageing process almost as much as those who did. Pammie’s brief, fake relationship with Liam Neeson was treated with the same condescension as when eldsters shack up in the nursing home. Not great when you’re only 58.

James Brown: lad guru
Loaded editor James Brown was central to laddism in the 90s. Now he’s forced to constantly relive those years in every single interview, like some hellish Groundhog Day where he has to talk about trainers, football and Jo Guest in an unending loop.

John Lydon: punk
Ideally punks die young like Sid Vicious or Johnny Thunders, because the alternatives are becoming a sellout with a mortgage or continually trying to shock others at an undignified age. John chose the latter, but is supporting Brexit and Trump shocking from an old white man? The only thing stopping him becoming a golf club bore are his fucking stupid clothes.

Zoe Ball: ladette
Zoe was dubbed a ‘ladette’ in the 90s and to this day the media refer to it constantly despite her now being mumsier than your mum. Unfair to expect a 55-year-old to lead a party lifestyle when hangovers do not seem survivable and the entire bill at Glastonbury is less alluring than your own soft bed.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Daft Monday

Sigh. Monday again.

It's been a relaxing weekend. Indeed, Saturday's drizzly, windy weather meant we hardly got much done in the garden (nor indoors, for that matter). Yesterday, we finally got to see the V&A's latest landmark exhibition Marie Antoinette Style [more on that later, no doubt]. Then boom! It's all over.

Never mind, eh? Life's always good when on a Tacky Music Monday I can share a little something I have discovered, by way of a wake-up call! It's a slice of video genius, combined with an old fave from a lounge-music-cover aficionado:

Señor Coconut - Around the World [Daft Punk Cover]

Such profound lyrics. Such a superb video.

Have a good week, dear reader.

Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus!

The lovely "Tete-a-Tete" daffs in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers never fail to cheer us up

Happy St David's Day, dear reader!

Who better to celebrate it with than not one, but two, of Wales' greatest vocal sons, Bryn Terfel and the ever-lovely Tom Jones, reminiscing about their (our) shared homeland?

Tom Jones and Bryn Terfel - Green Green Grass Of Home

Aw, there's lovely, innit?

Sweet as candy

Among such luminaries as Bernadette Peters, Stephanie Beacham, Sir Stanley Baker, Vincente Minnelli, Harry H. Corbett, Cindy Wilson, Barry McGuigan, Ainsley Harriott, Robin Cook, Mike Figgis, Brian Jones, Sir Stephen Spender and the very lovely Tommy Tune...

...it would have been the 80th birthday today of the music-missed Syreeta Wright, one-time Mrs Stevie Wonder, and chart-topping duettist with Billy Preston. Of her hits, however, this is my favourite:

Syreeta - Your Kiss Is Sweet

Oh, for the days when a flame orange maxi-dress with medieval sleeves was in fashion...

Takes me to a brighter day

And so, farewell, another 1970s legend...

Mr Neil Sedaka, one of the most unlikely of pop stars - definitely no heartthrob - yet one of the most talented hitmakers of his generation, has tinkled his last ivories and joined a growing rosta of talent gracing "The Crooners' Stage" at the Fabulon Tiki Lounge.

His dominance of the music scene in the 50s, 60s and 70s was a phenomenon. As a songwriter (of the "Brill Building" school), he gave Captain & Tennille their signature tune Love Will Keep Us Together, he wrote Solitaire for The Carpenters (a hit here for Andy Williams), (Is This the Way to) Amarillo that was a huge hit for Tony Christie, Connie Francis's Stupid Cupid and her iconic "gay standard" Where the Boys Are, Eruption's One Way Ticket, and the English-language lyrics for Abba's first hit Ring Ring.

Among his own classic hits were Oh! Carol, Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen, Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, Calendar Girl...

...and these:

Neil Sedaka - That's When The Music Takes Me

Neil Sedaka - Laughter In The Rain

We had the great pleasure of seeing him hold the 40,000-strong crowd at Proms in the Park in the palm of his hand back in 2010, and enjoyed every moment.

He's a great loss.

RIP, Neil Sedaka (13th March 1939 – 27th February 2026)

I danced my blues away

Go, Joanie, go!

Almost there...

As a hopefully sunny weekend is looming ever closer, it's to time to plan the party to celebrate.

To get us in a suitable mood, let's kit ourselves out in the most outlandish matching purple suits with contrast piping, twirl along with The Trammps, and Thank Disco It's Friday!

The Trammps - That's Where The Happy People Go

Have a good one, dear reader.