Hey now, baby, what you waiting for?

After what has felt like one of the longest weeks of my life [yes - know I say that every time I go back to work after a holiday!😉], I think we need a bit of a party to celebrate nearing the end of it...

Here's a - ahem - seductive, funky little number, courtesy of the - ahem - super-stud Mr Jimmy Bo Horne that could fit the bill nicely.

[I imagine that in his mind, an overweight singer of a certain age, crammed into a ridiculous jumpsuit and sweating buckets is just what will get those under-rehearsed backing dancers to swoon at his feet. That, or the smell of B.O.]

Thank Disco It's Friday!

Jimmy Bo Horne - Let Me (Be Your Lover)

Have a great weekend, dear reader!

What an occasion!

Nobody does pageantry better than Britain. But there’s one bit of pomp and ceremony we’ve not indulged in for a while, and it would draw one hell of a crowd.

We’ve had Jubilees. We’ve had the funeral. We’ve had the coronation. And never has the public needed renewing its faith in the innate marvellousness of the Royals so much as now.

Imagine it. The hushed tones of Clive Myrie, commenting: "I think we’re seeing some movement and yes, there he is, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has stepped onto the scaffold! Such a roar from the crowd.

"There he is, in a traditional knitted silk vest, and he’s approaching the executioner’s block. The executioner who normally works in a slaughterhouse in Ayrshire and told us earlier how honoured he is to play his part in this none more historic occasion.

"Raising his axe high and - yes - the head is off! A beautifully clean blow. We’ll see that again in slo-mo, but let’s just zoom in on the basket and oh, just look at his expression. Makes it all worthwhile."

What an occasion! Crowds waving Union Jacks lining the streets to see the tumbril cart pass by. Andrew gamely smiling. The King himself turning down one final request for clemency. Kate, resplendent in a crimson Alessandra Rich coat dress.

The Americans would love it. They’d be block-booking London hotels. The other so-called crowned heads of Europe? As ever, we’d be setting them an example. Got the balls to execute your princess’s errant son, Norway? We have.

And of course, as on those other great occasions, the British public would respond enthusiastically to being given a day off. We’d be buying plates and mugs commemorating the moment while getting legless in our millions.

It’s what Andrew deserves and what the country needs. Diana cheated us out of our chance in the 90s; let’s not miss it again. Come on Charlie. We’ve had a Royal Knockout, now give us a Royal Execution!

The Daily Mash

Of course.

[The "real" story]

Of daffs, a missing penis, melting-down, Byron rescued, a smashing time at the airport, cats vs octopus and the hit-maker

Do you have a "Sussex Beacon" in your garden? The RHS needs help to map the UK’s daffodils as part of its new ‘Daffodil Diaries’ project, and to find varieties that are thought to be lost.

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• "Penisgate" news: Italy’s state broadcaster RAI has been accused of censorship after using an image of Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man with the genitals missing in the opening credits for its Winter Olympics coverage. It's not the first penis-related controversy to hit the Winter games, either!
• Festival melted-down? news: The eclectic and unpredictable annual Meltdown music festival - previously overseen by cultural giants such as (among others) David Bowie, Grace Jones, David Byrne, Patti Smith, Scott Walker, Jarvis Cocker and Nick Cave - is a highlight of the Southbank Centre's summer schedule, and the 2026 event is to be curated this year [to mark the Centre's 75th anniversary] by... former boyband member and modern "style icon" Harry Styles. Ho hum. We shall see what he comes up with that might tempt us (for the first time in years) to even want to bother buying a ticket...

• Byron's moving news: A memorial statue of the 19th Century poet Lord Byron marooned on an inaccessible traffic island on Park Lane for decades and left to deteriorate is to be restored and moved to a new home in Hyde Park. “Then stirs the feeling infinite, so felt / In solitude, where we are least alone.” Indeed.
• First road rage, then air rage, now "boarding pass rage"? news: Check-in at the airport can be frustrating, but... this man took it to a new level in Hong Kong International airport! I think I'd just sit in the Wetherspoons and wait, tbh.
• Favourite headline of the year so far: Cats to Blame for Octopus Deity Enshrinement Delay. Love it.
• And finally: RIP Billy Steinberg, the most famous and prolific songwriter you never heard of. A list of just some of the songs he wrote reads like a "Best of" album of the last few decades:
  • Madonna - Like A Virgin
  • Cyndi Lauper - True Colors
  • Bangles - Eternal Flame
  • Roy Orbison/Cyndi Lauper - I Drove All Night
  • Heart - Alone
  • Whitney Houston - So Emotional
  • Divinyls - I Touch Myself
  • Pretenders - I'll Stand By You
  • Tina Turner - Look Me In The Heart
  • Melanie C - I Turn To You

  ...and this one, a fave of mine:

Robert Miles feat. Maria Nayler - One & One

And the weather? Not bad. [Yesterday was a lovely, occasionally sunny, dry day - but bloody cold! More of the same today, but the rain's back later...]

Kung Hei Fat Choy! - and more

Out with the (trouser) Snake and in with the (hung like a) Horse..?

...yes, it is Chinese (Lunar) New Year today - the Year of the Fire Horse. I apologise to anyone who thinks it sacrilegious, but this was the first song that immediately came to mind:

Father Ted - My Lovely Horse

Meanwhile...

In Hispanic/Latin American countries (and across the world) today is Mardi Gras ["Fat Tuesday"], or Carnaval - a time for outrageously OTT feathered costumes, salsa music and a heavy dollop of camp...

...while in Britain, we have Pancake Day. Toss that!

Since there are fewer songs about the latter than the former, try this:

Dario G - Carnaval De Paris

[OK, OK - I know it's actually a number written for a football competition, but it's a great choon!]

Enjoy your fatty, fried, pancake-y treats - or indeed your Niángāo cake!

---

PS

By sheer coincicence - it also happens to be the start of Ramadan, to boot!

Of course, I'm not sure I know an appropriate song for that.

Can even feathers, fouff and faff save us now?

Aaaaaarggghhh!

After a rather lovely sixteen days away - it's time to face the shit all over again, and I am really not in the mood for all this. People had better keep their heads down - "Mama's diet pill is wearing off..."

Meanwhile...

...it is a Tacky Music Monday, regardless - and we need something spectacular to serve as a wake-up call!

With memories of Spain slowly fading into the ether, here's one of that country's finest, the very lovely, late, great Rocio Durcal with a whole scream [I assume that is the correct collective noun] of safety gays (and what could well be her mother and her auntie, to boot), and a number that really fits the bill perfectly:

Rocio Durcal - Final de Las Leandras

Have a good week, dear reader. I won't.

Soft cars?

Yesterday was glorious Spring-like, sunny day - and I spent several fruitful hours in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers, clearing sycamore-seed-clag, and "banishing (more) death" by cutting-back any browned and frosted foliage and stems I could see; I sorted out and repotted a few languishing ferns, and had a general move-around of some pots; I also cleared our new shelving ready to give it a scrub and [finally] put some Spring-flowering stuff (bulbs, wallflowers, primulas) into the eyeline of the bench [although I never actually finished that task, as it started to get a bit overcast and gloomy and I'd had enough by then]. Today, it was pissing it down all morning (apparently). It certainly was when I got up a couple of hours ago - so any plans to continue the momentum are on hold, unfortunately...

On my last day of freedom before the grind of work begins again tomorrow, I get to take it easy instead - and what better way to enhance that mood than with a little something from the geniuses at Soft Tempo Lounge - and some vintage cars?

Soft Tempo Lounge - Girls and their Cars

Ah, that's better.

[Music: The Continentals - Undecided]

Happy to have, not to have not

"Saint Valentine used to be the patron saint of lovers, now he seems to be the patron saint of card makers." Edward Stilliard

Yup. "St Hallmark's Day" is upon us - a day that sees hordes of chavs clogging the supermarket queues to buy bunches of red flowers that look like the sort of thing tied to some railings where a cyclist got killed; the only day in the calendar that such horrors as rose-scented chocolates are ever a "thing", and when sales of made-in-China fluffy toys with sickly "love" slogans go up.

John Lydon has the right idea:

Public Image Limited - This Is Not A Love Song

My sentiments, exactly.