A case of "nobody knows why she's not yet a dame" (and Oklahoma!)

Secrets & Lies, Topsy-Turvy, Cranford, Poirot, Harlots, Phantom Thread, The Crown, Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris, myriad theatre productions - she's done it all. One of our most admired actresses Lesley Manville is 70 years old today! Gulp.

She's a great chat show guest, too:

The Graham Norton Show: Judi Dench Made Lesley Manville Laugh So Hard She Wet Herself

Many happy returns, Lesley Ann Manville (born 12th March 1956)

---

Miss Manville happens to share her day with a number of assorted "names" - notably our Patron Saint Liza Minnelli [and you can read my tribute to her today over at the Dolores Delargo Towers Museum of Camp] - including Edward Albee, Agathe von Trapp (yes - of those Von Trapps), Googie Withers, Jack Kerouac, Graham Coxon of Blur, Thomas Arne (of Rule, Britannia fame), James Taylor, Al Jarreau, the decadent poet Gabriele D'Annunzio, Steve Harris of Iron Maiden, Dame Virginia Bottomley, David Mellor, Dame Karen Bradley, and - ahem - Amy Winehouse's ex Pete Doherty...

...and this classy gentleman, born 105 years ago today! Altogether, now, "Don't throw pork pies at me...":

Gordon MacRae and Shirley Jones - People Will Say We're In Love

Albert Gordon MacRae (12th March 1921 – 24th January 1986)

Of hats, gnomes, Selena Gomez, Surrealist couture, lesbian choreography and an asteroid

It's Ladies' Day at Cheltenham Festival!

Another snippets post, dear reader:

• The Gnome Guard news: A couple in Dorking have won the right to keep a flower bed as their land after a neighbour tried to claim it as their own, by digging up all their plants and replacing them with a garden gnome!
• Selena Gomez helps catch possums news: Invasive possums from Australia have become a major pest in neighbouring New Zealand - but the best bait for their traps turns out to be a cinnamon-flavoured Oreo biscuit, as promoted by hamster-faced superstar Selena Gomez! The lady herself has so far declined to comment...

• The "shoe hat" comes to town news: The next major exhibition to set us salivating with anticipation is Schiaparelli: Fashion Becomes Art, which is coming to the V&A from 28th March 2026. I cannot wait to see all that sumptuous shocking pink, Surrealism and style on show... “We try to walk a fine line between humour and camp” - Daniel Roseberry, creative director of the House of Schiaparelli. I'd expect nothing less!
• Lesbians in tights news: The famed Gentleman Jack, the TV dramatisation of the scandalous tell-all diaries of "the first modern lesbian" Anne Lister, has been adapted again... as a ballet!
• And finally: A giant asteroid that scientists feared might hit Earth, or maybe the moon, is now - thanks to new observations from the James Webb Space Telescope - predicted to miss both targets completely. Phew!

And the weather? Almost Spring-like, but more rain is on its way. Dammit.

Critical journeys..?

War with Iran is disrupting fuel supplies worldwide, with the RAC urging Britons to drive less. Unfortunately impossible when you have to make critical journeys like these:

Impressing non-existent girls
Young men driving around small towns to impress hot girls is a key mating activity, though hot girls often refuse to line the streets staring at cars for hours and you may encounter none. Nonetheless, groups of four men in a 2007 Citroën Saxo will continue because it works in Fast & Furious films.

Buying a single tin of tomatoes
You’ve committed to making forgettable spag bol and you’re fucked if you’re going to spend 90 seconds rethinking your food plans, so driving to a shop 500 yards away is unavoidable. Offset the wastefulness of this journey by picking up a few other things that would facilitate easy meals in the near future? Nah. You’ve got a car.

Collecting a takeaway
Sure, the takeaway does deliveries, but them you’ve got to either pay a £3.50 delivery fee or take your order up to £20 with stuff you don’t want, the leftovers of which will look disgusting in the fridge the next day and make you doubt the wisdom of getting takeaways three nights a week. Better for everyone you collect it.

The school run
Non-parents can’t understand the joyous convenience of getting rid of all the little bastards in one roundabout journey, rather than trailing along while they marvel at the wonders of nature and shit. Explain you only have one life and you can’t spend it waiting for an eight-year-old to get bored of looking at dew on a bloody spider’s web.

Listening to techno in a supermarket car park
Not the activity of the average Volvo owner, but but if you’re a 17-year-old with a modded hatchback you absolutely will drive to a deserted car park at night to listen to music in the cold. Donuts may be involved, but it’s still a miserable activity that would be considered unacceptably cruel if the state made petty offenders do it.

Taking your kids to activities they hate and will give up
If middle-class, transporting your progeny to lessons they hate is 80 per cent of every evening. Whether piano lessons or gymnastics, whether Scouts or tap dance, it’s pointless and necessary. A longitudinal study of what proportion of children made to learn the violin play it in adulthood should be carried out. The economy of north London would collapse.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way

How these weekends run away with us - a day with Mother and a fabulous fashion exhibition, a day of relaxation, and it's back to work again.

Ho hum.

Never mind, on this Tacky Music Monday we have something unforgivingly chirpy to get us going, courtesy of last Saturday's birthday girl Donna Loren (here with Darlene Love and The Blossoms, the Wellingtons and The Shindig dancers). It's exhausting:

Donna Loren - Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows

Sunshine? Lollipops? Rainbows? We wish we had any of those today instead of greyness.

Have a good week, dear reader.

Get me a bromide - and put some gin in it

It's International Women's Day today, dear reader.

What better way to celebrate than with the faboo Steve Hayes aka "Tired Old Queen at the Movies", and his review of an all-time (camp) classic movie, that features an all-female cast..?

Steve Hayes: Tired Old Queen at the Movies - The Women

Now there's a film that is an eternal source of quotable quotes:

• "You simply must see my hairdresser, I DETEST whoever does yours."
• "She’s got those eyes that run up and down a man like a searchlight."
• "Get me a bromide - and put some gin in it."
• "He almost stood me up for his wife!"
• "Isn’t that (nail polish) divine? Jungle red!" "Looks like you’ve been tearing at somebody's throat!"
• "Oh, poor creatures. They’ve lost their equilibrium because they’ve lost their faith in love. Oh l’amour, l’amour."
• "Where I spit no grass grows ever!"
• "Oh, she can’t help it. It’s just her tough luck that she wasn’t born deaf and dumb."
• "When anything I wear doesn’t please Stephen, I take it off."
• "There is a name for you, ladies, but it isn’t used in high society... outside of a kennel!"

Love it!

From Bermondsey to Capri

Cosprop storeroom - a dressing-up box writ large

Having not long got in after a lovely day with Mother - we all went along to see the superb Costume Couture: Sixty Years of Cosprop exhibition at the Fashion and Textile Museum, on its last day [more on that later, no doubt] - then after seeing her safely off on the train back to Portsmouth, drinkies and nibbles (chips) in the Wetherspoons at Waterloo, there's still time to enjoy a little wallow in the goings-on of beautiful people in exotic locations, courtesy of the simply faboo Soft Tempo Lounge:

Soft Tempo Lounge - The Boy from Capri

Oh, that's better...

[Music: Orchester Franco Taormina - Tabatuajara; Original film: Il suo nome è Donna Rosa (1969)]

Emotion overload

Sigh. Yet again, the warm, sunny weather saved itself for midweek, and now we're heading to the weekend... it's raining!

It matters not - we still have two days away from this drudgery, and a party to plan! To get us in the mood, here's a fab 80s dance classic from tomorrow's birthday girl [from back in the day, 38 years ago, when she still had her own face!].

Leg-warmers and day-glo at the ready, girls - Thank Disco It's Friday!

Taylor Dayne - Tell It to My Heart

I feel the night explode
When we're together
Emotion overload
In the heat of pleasure

Take me I'm yours
Into your arms
Never let me go
Tonight i really need to know

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game?
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name

The passion's so complete
It's never ending
As long as i receive
The message you're sending

Body to body
Soul to soul
Always feel you near
So say the words i long to hear

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game?
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name

Love love on the run
Breakin' us down
Though we keep holdin' on
I don't want to lose
No i can't let you go

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game?
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name

Tell it to my heart
Tell me from the start
Tell it to my heart
Tell it to my heart
Tell me from the start
Tell it to my heart
Never make it stop
Oh take it to the heart

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game?
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name
Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game?
Tell it to my heart

Have a great weekend, peeps!