Wednesday, 16 January 2019

Everything dismissed

Limbo by Hieronymous Bosch (or a follower)
The UK’s political leaders have ruled out the Brexit deal, a no-deal Brexit, a second referendum, a general election, remaining in the EU and continuing the current situation.

The prime minister and the leader of the opposition have agreed that none of the options available to them are tenable and must all be dismissed before any progress can be made.

Jeremy Corbyn said: “The British people are sick of their humdrum range of limited choices.

“Nobody wants a second referendum. Nobody wants a no-deal exit. The only deal on the table has been resoundingly rejected, and though I claim to want a general election I’d actually rather just take over but there’s not the support.

“But I can say categorically that we reject all the options so far raised, and indeed anything confined by the arbitrary limits of the merely possible.

“Perhaps we could exist in a quantum state both in and out of the EU. Perhaps Britain splits into a thousand warring factions. Perhaps we wink out of reality to return for one day every hundred years.

“Either way, we’re resolutely opposed to doing anything that we could actually do. Your move, universe.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Footnote: I will be out of circulation for a few days. "Normal" service should resume on Saturday.

Tuesday, 15 January 2019

Call all you want but there's no one home

And so, farewell, then to our beloved Miss Carol Channing...

[see my tribute over at the Dolores Delargo Towers Museum of Camp]

She was lauded by a devoted audience in so many ways - awards galore, tribute shows (and most recently a whole biographical film documentary), and of course, impressions. Drag queens, comedians, voice-over artists, you name it, Carol's trademark drawl was always a favourite...

And, of course, who could forget her famous duet with "Liza-with-a-zee" on a GaGa and Beyoncé number?

[Well... almost. :-)]

  • Miss Channing was the first celebrity to perform at a Super Bowl half-time show.
  • One of her earliest parts, at age 19, was understudy for Miss Eve Arden (who was 13 years older than her).
  • Her name was on Nixon's "enemies list"; to which she responded that it was her greatest honour of all.
  • She made her television debut on The Red Skelton Show in 1957, and her last was a cameo on RuPaul's Drag Race in 2016.
  • Surprisingly, she was not naturally blonde; every hairdo she sported was a wig because she had an allergy to hair bleach.
  • At age 92, in the gay resort of Fire Island in 2013, she made probably her final singing appearance - later stage events, including with Justin Vivian Bond and with Tommy Tune were just "in conversation".
Gawd, we're going to miss her!

RIP, Carol Channing! There will never be another.

Monday, 14 January 2019

Fighting vainly the old ennui

According to a new report, older people are the fastest-growing group of cannabis users (in the USA, at least). I might need to start...

Making a spurious connection (as is my wont) this Tacky Music Monday, here's not one, but two glorious versions of a most appropriate song:

My story is much to sad to be told
But practically everything leaves me totally cold
The only exception I know is the case
When I'm out on a quiet spree, fighting vainly the old ennui
And I suddenly turn and see
Your fabulous face

I get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true
That I get a kick out of you

Some get a kick from cocaine
I'm sure that if I took even one sniff
That would bore me terrifically too
But I get a kick out of you
I get a kick every time I see you standing there before me
I get a kick though it's clear to me, you obviously don't adore me
I get no kick in a plane
Flying too high with some guy in the sky
Is my idea of nothing to do
Yet I get a kick out of you

That makes Monday feel so much better.

Sunday, 13 January 2019


One tries one's best, but sometime a song or three sneaks itself into one's brain, and takes some shaking out again. Such as...

...this one. I really ought to loathe it - a) because it features the tasteless trash that is Miley Cyrus; and b) because it's Country'n'Western - but actually, this "Dolly-lite" number is inescapably catchy:

Then there's this, which, if you disregard the chuntering rap in the middle that unnecessarily disturbs the flow, is obviously a tribute to Carlos Jobim...

This one was everywhere in the late summer and autumn last year, and has yet to go away from either the Radio 2 playlist or my head. [But is he really singing "I can't do golden rain"?]:

And, of course, the Take That boys have an unerring ability to keep one humming their songs for days after one first hears them - it's their - ahem - everlasting appeal, I suppose:


Saturday, 12 January 2019

Friday, 11 January 2019


This week has been ridiculous. Out of the relative freedom of lounging around eating Quality Street, into a tediously quiet short week after the Festering Season, to...

...the first full week back; when everyone suddenly remembers they were supposed to do shitloads before Xmas, and didn't, so it all comes flooding in at once (for "urgent attention" - as if) to moi to plough through!

And all the while, internally, I scream.

Never mind, eh? The weekend is finally upon us, and we need to somehow try and squeeze into that peach slacks'n'boob-tube-with-matching-kimono number - just like the faboo former backing vocalist for Donna Summer, Miss Patti Brooks and her boys of Arpeggio. Thank Disco It's Friday!

Have a sparkly one, dears.

Thursday, 10 January 2019


A 24-year-old living in London cannot wait to meet her 32 new rodent housemates, she has confirmed.

Emma Bradford moves into the Dulwich one-bed studio apartment, in which she will co-habit with the large mouse brood, this week and thinks it will be fantastic.

She said: “My last houseshare was with an aspiring investment banker, a failing stand-up comic and a weed dealer. This is a real step-up.

“Apparently they do eat all your food, run about all night and shit everywhere but that’s no big deal to me because I’ve lived with students.

“Admittedly I do feel like the odd one out sometimes. There’s a WhatsApp group for house chores and who’s in and whatever and it’s all just squeaks and photos of cheese. And I shouldn’t say it but they’re hard to tell apart.

“It’s not ideal to be honest, but it’s close to the tube. And luckily the heating’s gone off again so they’ll probably all be dead within the week.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Any excuse, really, for a "mouse-based song" - such as this old fave. Definitely one of the most addictive songs ever...

Ram pampalam
Bambalam palam balam