Did you miss me?

Yes, we're back in miserable, dank Blighty, after a wonderful week in the blazing sunshine of Benalmadena. Great friends, great food, booze, totty-spotting, banter, booze, lots of laughs, nights out in the sleazy environs of La Nogilera in Torremolinos and booze - business as usual, really!

Our journey out was knackering: only a meagre amount of sleep, and a taxi at 2.30am to catch a flight from Gatwick at the crack'o'doom - so much so that we didn't even go out on Saturday night - and our journey home from Luton airport was marred by the fact that there were no trains to London, so we ended up on a coach transfer to some god-forsaken hole (Hitchin) to get a connection. At least that train got us straight to Finsbury Park (nearer home than Kings Cross) - but there was no Piccadilly Line either, so we had to get a cab... None of that matters, of course, when the bit in the middle was such a joy!

But - what did we miss while we were on our week of hedonism? Well, there was a massive furore over that plague ship that needed to be evacuated after several passengers died of a Medieval disease; and it was a local elections wipeout for Labour, which has put PM Kier Starmer at risk of being ousted. Then there was the glittering Met Gala (now sponsored by the Google gnomes billionaire Amazon arseholes Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez), the important scientific discovery that beer is good for you as it contains vitamins, the departure of Ted Turner for that great 24-hour-television-channel-in-the-sky - and the man who pulled a car using his penis, while on fire [I'm not making this up, you know]!

We also missed celebrating the 90th birthday of Engelbert Humperdinck, the 85th of Earth, Wind and Fire co-founder Philip Bailey, the 80ths of Sir David Suchet and Thelma Houston (and what would have been the 80th of Lesley Gore), the - gulp - 65ths of Jay Aston from Bucks Fizz and George Clooney...

...and Sir David Attenborough's 100th birthday!

David Attenborough's Life of Birds - The Lyre Bird

But did we bring anything back for your delectation, dear reader?

This being a Tacky Music Monday, it could only be Spain's answer to Dame Shirl, the late, great Señorita Rocío Jurado, at her big-haired, OTT best!

Rocío Jurado - Como Una Ola

Is it good to be back?

NO!

Life on Earth, but not as we know it

Can anything this Saturday beat the craziness of Moldova's 2011 entrants Zdob şi Zdub?

We've hit the midway point between the two semi-finals, in our continuing countdown towards Saturday's gathering of the clans for the "Gay World Cup" - the Eurovision Song Contest!

Time to roll out this old chestnut, methinks, in all its brilliance:

David Attenborough narrates Eurovision

Love it!

Totty of the Season - with undergrowth!

Tyrone Power (5th May 1914 – 15th November 1958)

Channing Tatum (born 26th April 1980)

Ricky Nelson (8th May 1040 - 31st December 1985)

George Clooney (who was 60 on 6th May)

Gary Cooper (7th May 1901 – 13th May 1961)

David Beckham (born 2nd May 1975)

Bobby Vee (30th April 1943 – 24th October 2016)

...and, finally...

David Frederick Attenborough (born 8th May 1926)

---

Yes, indeed, Sir David Attenborough, veteran of myriad brilliant nature programes, erstwhile Director of BBC 2 and national treasure (and cute as fuck when he was young) celebrates his 95th birthday today!

All Hail.

Here are a few of my favourite clips from a variety of his programmes over the decades. Fuck knows what we'll do when he's gone...

David Attenborough's Life in the Undergrowth - Silk Thread Trap

Jungle plants compete (David Attenborough's Private Life of Plants)

David Attenborough's Life of Birds - The Lyre Bird

The day I met David Attenborough - Gorillas

Fab.

There’ll be socially-distanced bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover

Socially-distanced wreath-laying, a two-minute silence, a re-broadcast of Winston Churchill's speech and an address from the Queen are among the national events taking place on this, the 75th anniversary of VE Day [the British Empire's victory over the beastly Hun]. We might well dress up as Anne Shelton.



Anniversaries - a forte of this here blog, as any fule kno - are remarkable things. Whoever would have dreamed that there might have been a possibility that centenarian Tom of Finland could blow out birthday candles on the same day as Sir David Attenborough [they were only born six years apart on this date, after all]? Or that these two maestros of such very different - ahem - specialisms might also share their big moment with the likes of Sid James, President Harry S. Truman, Enrique Iglesias, Melissa Gilbert, Marcus Brigstocke, Lex Barker, Darren Hayes of Savage Garden, Toni Tennille, former Chancellor of the Exchequer Norman Lamont, Roberto Rossellini, Gary Glitter, eminent historian Edward Gibbon, Dame Felicity Lott, Philip Bailey of Earth Wind & Fire, Roddy Doyle, Ricky Nelson, Phyllida Law, and - erm - Dave Rowntree, drummer with Blur...



...so why not, on this most British of celebrations, have a little number from that most British of bands?

Blur - Girls & Boys

Hold on! I'm not finished yet...

Girls & Boys is indeed a bit of a party choon. Heaven forfend, however, that we should forget that some traditions are always adhered to at the close of any week here at Dolores Delargo Towers.

So, to complete the circle of "Britishness", let's let the "UK's answer to Donna Summer" Miss Tina Charles lead the way to our own socially-distanced virtual street Zoom party this evening - and Thank Disco It's VE Day Friday!

Tina Charles - Dance Little Lady Dance

Have a good weekend, dear reader - and don't let your "Victory Rolls" get too messed up!

Incy Wincy Spider?

Little animal hunted in a most bizarre attack (Seven Worlds, One Planet - BBC Earth)

Just one of the "shock and awe" moments from David Attenborough's new nature series...

Dare to Dream, indeed

OK - Dolores Delargo Towers is cleeeaan; the flags and bunting and all are in place; just the buffet to put out, guests to arrive, and we're off!

As we feel the "lull before the storm" in anticipation of tonight's Grand Final Eurovision Party, so we could only imagine what it would be like if another presenter were to take over the BBC commentary from Graham Norton...

...or can we?

David Attenborough narrates Eurovision

Brilliant!

[Many thanks to the lovely Dinahmow for pointing me in the direction of this one!]

"Maybe we could move it"

Hils, James, Jude and I were privileged to spend a pleasant evening in the company of an eminent nonogenarian tonight...

David Attenborough meets HM The Queen

Clue: it wasn't Her Maj.

An insult to slugs

According to the BBC:

The upper house of the New South Wales parliament in Australia has unanimously passed a motion calling Trump a "revolting slug" unfit for public office.

The motion was filed by Greens party MP Jeremy Buckingham to the Upper House of the NSW parliament.

Because there was no objection, the motion was recorded as having been agreed to by all of the lawmakers.

As a gardener, I despise slugs; they destroy so much of our beautiful vegetation. However I do think that comparing them to Donald Trump is a bit much. For all their faults, they're not that bad!

Indeed, Sir David Attenborough finds them utterly entrancing...

His family and other animals

Many, many happy returns to the "god" of nature programming!

Even the animals who were his subjects agree...

The day I met David Attenborough - Penguins

The day I met David Attenborough - Gorillas

The day I met David Attenborough - Lyre bird

It's difficult to judge who's the most popular nonogenarian with the British public, HM The Queen or Sir David Attenborough.

Nothing would be the same without him.

A flying Attenborough in the Bat-Cave

As Vicki Power, writing in The Express put it:

Few people would be willing to dangle 250 feet in the air on just a few ropes. Even fewer would do it in order to allow a massive swarm of bats to fly around their head deep in a Borneo cave.

But then again, not many people are Sir David Attenborough.

How true.

On Monday evening, Madam Arcati and I were privileged to get to see the great man in person, on the occasion of the launch of his new technologically-advanced nature documentary Conquest of the Skies, with its focus on the flight of birds, bats and insects. I managed to get tickets via the BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) website, one of the rare occasions when their events are open to the hoi polloy - and just in time, it would seem, as the entire Princess Anne Theatre (the Academy's prestigious venue on Piccadilly) was packed to the gunnels.

We watched a specially put-together episode and highlights from the series, in full 3D, which was remarkable; my first ever film where things fly out, around and past your head - the sparrow-hawk vs starlings and the hummingbirds being particularly spectacular. Then the man we had all come to see took to the stage for a panel discussion.

Sir David simply oozes charm and affability, and, despite his great age (and evident deafness) he is as sharp as a razor in his observations. Being a born adventurer - he informed us that as a youngster he was an avid rock-climber, which explains his lack of vertigo - it was obvious how much he really enjoys the chance to get out in the thick of it, to observe the natural world and its wonders first hand.

Dangling in that bat cave, strapped into a chair and accompanied only by a flying 3D camera called an "octocopter":

“I’m sitting up there for about half an hour before the bats are due to fly and of course after a few minutes the blokes on the ground forget you. You’ve got a lot of time to think ‘That rope’s very thin’ and ‘What are they doing down there? Playing cards? What about me?’ It was challenging.

“It did occur to me that maybe a bat would hit the octocopter and if they did, would it fall and which way would it fall? Would it be coming my way?”

Thankfully no disasters befell him.

His love for new gadgetry, technology and techniques of filming obviously tempted this "archetypal BBC man" away to the arms of Sky TV - commissioners with deeper pockets - and the production company Atlantic for this series. Among their innovations (as well as "octocopters" and 360 degree 3D and "4D" cameras) is the highest quality computer generated animation (CGI). Sir David loves it, but has reservations because nature programmes, in his opinion, simply have to be honest - otherwise even the "experts" such as he may be fooled:

“The plain fact of the matter is that actually we can now produce an image of an animal doing absolutely anything we wish.

“The audience are not silly. They will become more and more aware that that’s the case.

“The good intentions of the producer and the person who presents it is absolutely one of the most valuable things we have.

“The Life of Pi for example. I’m in the business and I was taken in by the story until suddenly I saw this tiger moving towards the actor. I do know a bit about tigers and I suddenly thought ‘you’re a bloody fool, what are you thinking?’ And it took a long time for me to realise this is CGI."

Whether tramping through boggy undergrowth to watch a stag beetle take off, or riding in a speeding boat dodging the flapping wings of swans less than a foot away from his head (semi-tame birds, he revealed, who are "imprinted" with their owner's voice so they follow the boat), his enthusiasm is like that of a child at Xmas.

He is indeed a treasure. We adore him, and this evening was a great treat.


Me at BAFTA

David Attenborough's Conquest of the Skies trailer

David Attenborough's Conquest of the Skies - the Story of Evolution

David Attenborough's Conquest of the Skies - Swan Adventure

David Attenborough's Conquest of the Skies - Bat Cave Sequence

Conquest of the Skies is on Sky 1 and Sky HD

The great educator

It is the birthday of the greatest of all British televisual icons, Sir David Attenborough (88 today).

Oh, how we love him - he can make even the most mundane of creatures infinitely fascinating. Even a caterpillar!

David Attenborough's Life in the Undergrowth - How caterpillars survive on plants

It will be a very, very sad day when he goes...

Many happy returns!

Sir David Frederick Attenborough, OM CH CVO CBE FRS FZS FSA (born 8th May 1926)

Forever fascinating

Speaking of "survivors" - it's the 86th birthday today of the most important broadcaster of the 20th and 21st centuries, Sir David Attenborough!

At an age when many people might prefer to put their feet up, potter in their garden and perhaps write their memoirs, Sir David just keeps on going - producing some of the most captivating, enchanting insights into little-known aspects of nature, in his uniquely intelligent, measured way.

Thankfully, rumours of his retirement were unfounded, and in just the last year his series on Madagascar continued to enthral us - long may he continue!

David Attenborough - Close Encounter With Wild Indri - Attenborough and The Giant Egg

David Attenborough - Small Spider Lifts Snail Shell Up Tree - Madagascar

More Attenborough moments here and here.

Attenborough website

The greatest broadcaster

David Attenborough by Richard Boll

A milestone in the life of a genius - Sir David Attenborough is 85 years old today.

I have blogged about my love for this man before - here and here. Nevertheless, I continue to be in absolute awe of probably the greatest broadcaster in the history of TV...

Titan Arum - world's biggest flower (David Attenborough's Private Life of Plants)

Beautiful Plumed Bird of Paradise (David Attenborough's Life of Birds)

Jungle plants compete (David Attenborough's Private Life of Plants)

Happy birthday - and many happy returns!

The one and only

Happy 84th birthday today to an idol of mine (and of many people), the marvellous Sir David Attenborough, adventurer, expert presenter, nature enthusiast extraordinaire, and probably the best thing that ever happened to British TV. For six decades, the viewing public has been (and continues to be) enthralled by his brilliantly produced documentaries, and in my opinion when the great man finally does pop off this mortal coil, there will never be anyone who could replace him.

This is one of my favourite clips - enjoy!

David Attenborough - The Life of Birds - Woodpeckers

A departure from nature

David Attenborough announced his retirement today as an on-location presenter of the most marvellous hours of television EVER.

Such a sad day for British broadcasting - we will never see his like again! No-one but David could confront the "natives" in grainy black'n'white like he did.

No-one can ever keep hordes of truculent youth (and their parents) so enthralled at the sight of a hummingbird, or a whale shark, or a carnivorous chimp, or an elephant seal, or a naked mole-rat, or a shoal of sharks, or a lion, or a mistletoe, as he could...

"If Zoo Quest had a successor today, it would be called Zoo Idol. Viewers would vote on which chipmunk to airlift to safety and which one to leave to the jungle's hungry rattlesnakes. Only the cutest would survive."

The Guardian on David Attenborough's departure

Brilliant! Simply brilliant - and when I think of the substandard television that will probably follow after the demise of such a TV giant, I could cry.

The amazing Lyre Bird:

David Attenborough - Bird Sounds From The Lyre Bird

The desert blooms:

David Attenborough - Plant growth of tropical flowers in the desert