To quote the random narrator (Tom Baker) from Little Britain:
"Britain, Britain, Britain. We've had running water for over ten years, we have a tunnel connecting us to Peru, and we invented the cat."So, with recommendations like that for The Greatest Country On Earth ©, why, oh why do we do so badly at the Eurovision Song Contest? We put forward a faboo "entertainment combo" such as Scooch. Nada. Cult belter Bonnie Tyler? Nope. Award-winning vocal legend Engelbert Humperdick? Zilch. Sexy Top Ten boyband Blue? Ignored. "Serious" contenders such as Lucie Jones, Surie or Jade Ewen? Rejected.
We know Europe's politicians hate us. We know the Song Contest is inevitably full of cliques (the Scandi-bloc, the Adriatic neighbours, the former Soviets etc), but even so...
This year we pin our hopes on the sonorous tonsils of the rotund Michael Rice to turn this situation around for us - if only. If only. I am personally not that keen on his song, but we rather hope it may impress the judges and the voting audience.
Here's the remix version, which is a tad more bearable that the one we'll hear on Saturday:
Wish us luck, dears.
