Tuesday 30 April 2019

MAD, bad and dangerous to know

And so it came to pass on Sunday that our gang - me, Madam Arcati, Hils, Crog, John-John, Our Sally, Joe and Russ - gathered for what is definitely becoming one of the big events of our Social Calendar, the annual fundraiser for HIV/AIDS charity the Theatre MAD Trust, West End Eurovision!

True to form, it was a spectacular evening's entertainment, as the casts of seven of the top shows in London all took time out from their hectic schedule to perform a chosen song from the annals of the Eurovision Song Contest, judged by a celebrity panel (dancers and choreographers Wayne Sleep and Bonnie Langford, former Blue Peter host Tim Vincent and - erm - former Love Island reality show contestant Amber Davies), and with votes from the audience.

Introduced by our witty and skilful MC Richard Gauntlett, opening the show in a suitably OTT camp fashion the cast of Only Fools and Horses chose one of the most outrageous of all Eurovision numbers, the glittering 2007 Ukraine entry Dancing Lasha Tumbai, which was great.

Not to be outdone, Everybody’s Talking About Jamie chose last year's winner for Israel, Toy, resplendent in day-glo outfits and make-up - and with a surprise appearance at the end from the show's incredibly sexy current star, the athletic Layton Williams!

Providing plenty of rivalry to Mr Williams in the totty stakes, Aladdin's cast took Finland’s 2018 entry Monsters quite literally, with a sort-of-jungle-cum-zombie fantasy number; we didn't care what they did as long as the boys flashed the flesh, really...

Closing the first half was the funniest number of the whole show, as Mamma Mia combined their rendition of Iceland's faboo 2010 entry Je Ne Sais Quoi with some rollicking slapstick choreography "mishaps"; just like the real contest, actually.

From the ridiculous to the sublime, Follies brought a bit of class, feathers, fouf and faff to the proceedings with their flawless "showgirl" version of the 1977 French entry L’oiseau et L’Enfant. Quite stunning; it was our fave of the night, until, of course Phantom of the Opera hit the stage...

Appropriately enough, the cast had chosen one of the most operatic entries of recent years - the 2015 Italian entry Grande Amore - and their brilliant vocals combined with a "reveal-to-beat-all-reveals" made for quite a spectacle, as out from the skirts adorning the three tenors who opened the number clambered the entire cast and chorus, the girls from which then did a further reveal as they shed their black evening wear in favour of sequinned rainbow-flag frocks! It deservedly got a standing ovation - and indeed, Phantom won the contest (for a second time)...

Despite returning to Ukrainian Eurovision numbers, Wicked could not exactly compete, even with their version of that country's 2004 entry Wild Dances, to which they gave their all (and revealed almost as much twink-flesh as Aladdin had earlier!)!

After a performance by Pugsley Michael Rice of the UK's dire entry for 2019, Bigger Than Us [the boy has potentially a good set of pipes; it's just a shit pop-chart-generic song], and a rather underwhelming special appearance from the legendary winner of the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest Dana International [who mimed badly, and demonstrated her still-awful grasp of the English language by almost ruining the announcement of the night's winner], we had a special appearance on stage from none other than the host of the "real" Eurovision, Mr Graham Norton to present the prize.

And here, for your delectation, is that winning song [filmed on someone's phone, unfortunately, so the sound is a bit muddy]:

Deserved winners, methinks!

Can't wait for the next one...

West End Eurovision

Monday 29 April 2019

Ticking time-bomb?


Not only my first Monday back in the benighted office after ten days away, but it's been even worse with a head swimming with excessive consumption of alcohol, courtesy of the "gathering of the clans" yesterday - our little gang went en masse to see this year's West End Eurovision show at the Adelphi Theatre, and several libations were consumed. Inevitably. [Read about last year's mega-event here; I'll be doing a post about this year's soon, no doubt.]

Never mind, eh? Let's escape from it all this in a most extreme manner this Tacky Music Monday, in the estimable company of the supremely talented (ahem) toast of the Netherlands - Babe!

Feeling better already.

Have a good week, dear chums.

Sunday 28 April 2019

Cetaceans vs Cafe del Mar

Meditation music moguls say their companies face ruin after thousands of whales sued for backdated royalties.

The giant, furious mammals say they want to be recognised as ‘credible artists’ and are suing for breach of copyright and theft of intellectual property.

Martin Bishop, a humpback whale, said: “I spent years honing my clicks and whistles, only to have them exploited on albums such as Ocean Sounds Vol 73 and Whale Music to Snooze To.

“My echolocation was developed so I could find my child, not to help some fucker from Slough when his ‘nerves are playing up’.”

“We’re also seeing if we’ve got a case against Cafe Del Mar. We were doing ambient sounds way before the Ibiza chill-out albums.”

Meditation boss Julian Cook said: “We’ve tried using more compliant animals, such as seals, but it’s just not as relaxing.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Speaking of bizarre "whale noises" and relaxation music - how about Alison Goldfrapp at her most enigmatic?


[That wouldn't sound out of place amongst the collection of "Spy Music" I featured a while back]

Saturday 27 April 2019

All she wants to be is a modern girl

You know you're getting old when...

...you find that reality-TV-featured-pop-muppet-turned-big-haired-vamp Miss Sheena Easton turns 60 years old today!

By way of a celebration, how about a little selection of her hits [but not including her biggest - and most irritating - hit 9 to 5 (Morning Train), for obvious reasons: it gets on my tits]?

Quite the chamaeleon...

Sheena Easton (born Sheena Shirley Orr, 27th April 1959)

Friday 26 April 2019

Everybody say "di di di di... dance!"

I'm off to leafy Chiswick today, for a day of therapeutic shopping with our friend John-John. A suitable way to wind down after a week of gardening, methinks.

But of course, despite it being the last weekend of my leave before I return to "reality", there's always a reason to plan a party! So, let us don our best hand-made ultra-flared pink fancy suits, boogie on down with Crown Heights Affair - and Thank Disco It's Friday!

Have a good one...

Thursday 25 April 2019

Masters of the scene

Chris Hemsworth taking a break from being "Thor" today for a bit of a bop.

Time flies when you're having fun - Mr Andy Bell celebrates his 55th birthday today!

Any excuse, methinks, for a bit of Erasure - and, since Mr Bell shares it with Mr Björn Ulvaeus of Abba, lets enjoy a double-bill from from the boys' superb Abbaesque EP:

Campness abounds!

Andy Bell (born Andrew Ivan Bell, 25th April 1964)

Wednesday 24 April 2019

One, two, cha-cha-cha

Hot off the presses, sweeties - the official video for Our Glorious Leader's first single from the forthcoming Madame X album...

I love it!

Hit me with those laser beams, yeah!

Another day, another Patron Saint celebrates a landmark birthday. Today [sharing the day as she does with other luminaries such as "MegaBabs" Barbra Streisand, Bowie producer Tony Visconti, founder member of The Damned Captain Sensible, fashion designer Jean Paul Gaultier, the late actress Jill Ireland, the tragic former Mrs Geldof Paula Yates and lauded Victorian author Anthony Trollope, among many others] the fantabulosa Miss Shirley Maclaine blows out 85 candles on her cake!

Here she is, in more innocent times, performing a mind-boggling dance routine all based upon - ahem - new-fangled laser technology. Baffling, but brilliant!

Many happy returns, Shirley MacLean Beaty aka Shirley MacLaine (born 24th April 1934)

Tuesday 23 April 2019

Thought for the day

Patron Saint of Cappadocia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Malta, Portugal, Aragon, Catalonia, Sicily and Sardinia, and, of course, of England...

...happy St George's Day!

Monday 22 April 2019

Some day I'll be in Diva bliss!

It's a Bank Holiday here, and the weather is still beautiful - the hottest Easter Monday on record, apparently! - which is utterly amazing for the UK. I have (needless to say) been out in it from morning till dusk; loads of grotty old plant pots have been washed ready for more flowers, and I've been moving pots and troughs around into their (possibly) permanent positions ready for summer.

Enough of all that - it is still a Tacky Music Monday, and this week's showbiz extravaganza comes courtesy of this remarkable opening routine for the 1998 Tony Awards; featuring Rosie O'Donnell, Patti LuPone [yesterday's birthday girl - she's 70 years old!], Jennifer Holliday and Betty Buckley:


Have a good week, my sweeties.

Sunday 21 April 2019


Happy 93rd birthday to Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth II, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of her other realms and territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, Queen of Scots, Duke of Lancaster, Duke of Normandy, Lord of Mann, Royal Lady and Sovereign of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Sovereign of the Imperial Order of the Crown of India, Dame Grand Cross and Sovereign Head of the Most Venerable Order of the Hospital of St John of Jerusalem, Lady of His Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council, Sovereign of the Royal Victorian Order, Sovereign of the Order of Merit, Sovereign of the Order of the Companions of Honour, Sovereign of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Sovereign of the Most Illustrious Order of Saint Patrick, Sovereign of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Sovereign of the Most Distinguished Order of Saint Michael and Saint George, Sovereign of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, Sovereign of the Distinguished Service Order, Colonel-in-Chief of the UK's armed forces...

...and who more appropriate to feature on this occasion than that archetypal British band, Pet Shop Boys?


Saturday 20 April 2019

Full bloom ahead

Tulip Gavota in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers

Another glorious sunny day - and on a Bank Holiday weekend; unheard of! - and, needless to say, I have spent it tending to the garden, as well as shopping for more compost and bits'n'bobs.

I am weary, but happy at how it is coming along. What better way to relax that in the company of some gorgeous people in exotic locations - courtesy of Soft Tempo Lounge, of course?


[Music: Sunfish - Unknown artist (Robert Hall Productions)]

Thursday 18 April 2019

Another me

“I woke up in Medellín.
Another me could now begin.”

She's back, but who is she?

Following hot on the heels of the announcement that Our Glorious Leader is to perform at the Eurovision Song Contest next month, Madonna has announced a new album, and a mysterious new persona - Madame X...

...and here is her teaser video that serves as an introduction:

This new nom-de-plume, it seems, is the herald (as well as the title) of Queen Madge's first new album in four years which, as announced in the pre-publicity, will feature collaborations with rappers [groan; please spare us] SwaeLee and Quavo [who both sound like exotic vegan meat substitutes], with Brazilian "funk carioca" superstar Anitta, and with Colombian reggaeton singer Maluma.

And here is the first song released from the album, featuring the latter:

It's actually rather good [thankfully]!

We look forward to seeing - ahem - more of Mr Maluma [tats or no tats] in the future...

Pre-order a copy of Madame X at Madonna's official website

Wednesday 17 April 2019

Does anybody miss me? Anybody feel the way I do?

Another prodigious musical talent has departed for Fabulon - Mr Les Reed.

Who? I hear you say...

Mr Reed was the man behind myriad hits in the 1960s and 70s for the likes of Connie Francis, Gene Pitney, Sammy Davis Jnr., The Fortunes, Mirielle Mathieu, Sandie Shaw, The Dave Clark 5, Des O'Connor, Cleo Laine, The Drifters, Frank Ifield, The Applejacks, P.J. Proby, Petula Clark, Elvis Presley and many, many more.

Including these!

Classics, every one.

RIP, Leslie David Reed OBE (24th July 1935 – 15th April 2019)

Tuesday 16 April 2019

I guess it's just the story of my life - what you gonna say?

Our Patron Saint of the Beehive 'Do, Miss Dusty Springfield would have been 80 years old today. We still miss her.

I have, of course, done many a tribute to the great lady over the years, so today I thought I'd select a few more - ahem - unusual moments from Dusty's long and extensive career in the spotlight, for your delectation. Enjoy...

A goddess walked amongst us. For that we should be eternally grateful.

Dusty Springfield OBE (born Mary Isobel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien, 16th April 1939 – 2nd March 1999)

Monday 15 April 2019

You're gonna whimper like a pup the day I catch up with you

Wallflowers looking, and smelling, gorgeous.

After another busy weekend's humping and shifting [oo-er, Missus!], including plants, pots, troughs, clods of earth, and two loads of compost and a big bag of gravel from the shops, the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers are progressing nicely - but I am aching like bugger, and in no mood to haul my carcass off to work.

Hey ho - some things are destined to cheer us up, such as the weirdly amusing news that a man in Indiana [where else? This could only happen in the USA] is suing his parents for $87,000 because they threw out his porn collection...

...and, on this Tacky Music Monday, a song-and-dance number from the original pin-up girl [a not-quite-appropriate-link to the above story, but it'll do], Miss Betty Grable!

Have a good week, dear reader.

Sunday 14 April 2019

Pick a number, get in line, and kiss my ass

“God did not create man in his own image. Evidently, it was quite the other way about, which is the painless explanation for the profusion of gods and religions, and the fratricide both between and among faiths, that we see all about us and that has so retarded the development of civilization.”

“Alcohol makes other people less tedious, and food less bland, and can help provide what the Greeks called entheos, or the slight buzz of inspiration when reading or writing. The only worthwhile miracle in the New Testament - -the transmutation of water into wine during the wedding at Cana - is a tribute to the persistence of Hellenism in an otherwise austere Judaea. The same applies to the Seder at Passover, which is obviously modelled on the Platonic symposium: questions are asked (especially of the young) while wine is circulated. No better form of sodality has ever been devised: at Oxford one was positively expected to take wine during tutorials. The tongue must be untied. It's not a coincidence that Omar Khayyam, rebuking and ridiculing the stone-faced Iranian mullahs of his time, pointed to the value of the grape as a mockery of their joyless and sterile regime. Visiting today's Iran, I was delighted to find that citizens made a point of defying the clerical ban on booze, keeping it in their homes for visitors even if they didn't particularly take to it themselves, and bootlegging it with great brio and ingenuity. These small revolutions affirm the human.”

“I am not even an atheist so much as an antitheist; I not only maintain that all religions are versions of the same untruth, but I hold that the influence of churches and the effect of religious belief is positively harmful. Reviewing the false claims of religion I do not wish, as some sentimental materialists affect to wish, that they were true. I do not envy believers their faith. I am relieved to think that the whole story is a sinister fairy tale; life would be miserable if what the faithful affirmed was actually true... There may be people who wish to live their lives under cradle-to-grave divine supervision, a permanent surveillance and monitoring. But I cannot imagine anything more horrible or grotesque.”

“My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.”

The late, great Christopher Hitchens would have been 70 years old yesterday. His wisdom will outlive us all.

Here's an appropriate song:

Read my previous tribute to this most influential of men.

Saturday 13 April 2019

The Songbird of Wassoulou

After a busy pottering Saturday - in between dodging showers and even hail, I managed to drag our biggest Salvias (Amistad and Blue Enigma) kicking and screaming out of their massively congested pots and began the process of repotting them, and other random leftover plants, into new soil; then of course I had to troll off (to Tottenham Hale, a fair distance away, as our local Wilko had sold out) to get more compost, which drew proceedings to a halt - what better than some jolly music from faraway lands?

In this case, it's yet another brand new diva discovery - from Mali, yet; the country that is home to the mythical ancient city of Timbuktu - Miss Oumou Sangaré.

A megastar in her home country, Miss Sangaré is an outspoken spokesperson for the rights of African women, and has been recognised by the UN for her work and for her music.

Here she is, with a double-bill of her irresistibly joyful choons:

That girl certainly knows how to play "The Queen" - love her "safety gays"!

Oumou Sangaré biography.

Friday 12 April 2019

Don't you feel it too?

Ok, if you insist!

The weekend is looming, thank heavens, and I cannot wait.

Time, methinks, for a bit of a rave-up, just for a change - with a song that I had forgotten all about until I heard it on the ever-lovely Miss Ana Matronic's Radio 2 Dance Devotion show last weekend. It's been in my head ever since...

Thank Disco Old Skool It's Friday!

Oh your smile is carved of stone
And your eyes say take me home
You and I could spend a night of romance
We'll be alive
But when the morning comes
Will I still want you
Mmmmmmmmmmmm yeah yay

You can dance into my heart
But I know that's not the part
That you want to steal away
So when the morning comes
There'll be nothing left to say

Baby let me love you for tonight
I gotta have your love
I really need it now
Baby let me love you for the night
I know you want my love
My love will treat you right

You know I want you boy!

We all need to love today
But the heart will surely pay
Cos the moment that our love and
Kissing reaches the stars
You say goodbye to me
Then nothing will remain

You know I want you boy
Don't you feel it too?
You know I need the love
That's deep inside of you
So take me for the night
But don't lie or pretend
But when tomorrow comes
We'll be more than just friends

Hit it
Baby let me love you for tonight
I gotta have your love
I really need it now
Baby let me love you for the night
I know you want my love
My love will treat you right

Love it.

Have a great weekend, dear reader.

Thursday 11 April 2019

La Reina y la Reina

Spot the difference.

Campness abounds! Not only are we fired-up by the news that Our Glorious Leader Queen Madge, none other than Madonna herself will be performing in the interval of next month's Eurovision Song Contest final, but my abiding other half Madam Arcati has somehow stumbled across another Diva worthy of our attention here at Dolores Delargo Towers!

Madrid's finest, the drag queen formerly known as José Ignacio Galán Ordoñez is a talent to behold, indeed. Sharing a music producer with such Andalusian icons as Lola Flores and our own Patron Saint of Copla Isabel Pantoja, her style is OTT (to say the least)...

Laydeez and gentlequeens, meet Señorita Nacha La Macha (and her boys)!

[speaking of Madonnas...]:


Wednesday 10 April 2019

You can act real wild they don't treat you like a child

You know you're getting old when...

...you discover that the "cool rockabilly rebel" of the turn of the 80s, Mr Brian Setzer is 60 years old! He's made a big name of himself over the years, with his own swing orchestra as well as solo; but it is for the youthful exuberance of his time with the Stray Cats - all snake-hips and big quiffs - we remember him most:

Get kicked out for coming home at dawn,
Mom and Dad cursed the day you were born,
Throw your clothes into a duffle bag
shoutin' as ya slam the door home is a drag

Who can I turn to and where can I stay?
I heard a place is open all night and all day
There's a place you can go where the cops don't know
You can act real wild they don't treat you like a child

Runaway boys

Your hair's all greasy and you feel like a slob,
You're only fifteen and you can't get a job,
Go into the luncheonette and shoot a few games
Losing all your quarters, man it's always the same

Steal a couple of bucks to buy a new toy,
Slip into the alley with the

Runaway boys

Runnin' faster, faster all the time
You're under age and God knows, that's a crime!

Runaway boys

Brian Robert Setzer (born 10th April 1959)

Tuesday 9 April 2019

None of that Heston Blumenthal crap

Carnivores have demanded special fake vegetables made out of meat after seeing the variety of plant-based sausages, bacon and beef available.

The production of vegan burgers that bleed, vegan bacon that can be fried and tofu chicken that tastes of nothing at all just like the real thing has prompted non-vegans to request a quid pro quo.

Meat-eater Norman Steele said:
“I can’t eat vegetables for the moral reason that I don’t like how they taste.

“But what people don’t realise is that’s endangering my health and making me look bad in front of attractive young waitresses in the Harvester, so it’s my turn for the fake shit.

“I want an aubergine that’s really a chorizo, a bunch of ham carrots, lamb peas and lettuce leaves made of wafer-thin turkey. For starters.

“And make them proper. I don’t want any of that Heston Blumenthal crap. If it can’t fool my GP, they need to go back and start again.”

Food scientist Dr Helen Archer said: “There would be no benefit whatsoever to doing this. But it’ll sell, so fine.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Monday 8 April 2019


Oh bugger. Another weekend has evaporated away, and the turgid working week has begun again...

Never mind, eh? On the weekend, my sis and I happened to touch on the topic of the Eurovision Song Contest [obviously we at Dolores Delargo Towers will be playing host again to our motley crew of ardent dressing-up fans for the contest's grand final next month]. As one does.

So obviously that inspired me to post - for your delectation and by way of a pick-me-up on this Tacky Music Monday - THIS!

Oh, those Romanians...

Have a good week, peeps!

Sunday 7 April 2019

So I'll start a revolution from my bed

Our ferns and Martagon lilies don't mind the rain.

Oh, dear. "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry", indeed.

Having taken up a whole day visiting Mother in Portsmouth yesterday, I had all sorts of plans today for sorting out more bits in the garden (including lifting and replanting anemones and other Spring bulbs, re-potting the ginormous cordyline, and splitting-up and re-potting another of the Salvias that is practically climbing out of its pot), but in the end I only managed to saw up and bin the bits of broken branch still sat in the garden after Madam Arcati had lopped it from the evil overhanging sycamore, and to lift-and-shift some daffs that had gone over in order to free the pots for washing and replanting with summer flowers, before the rains hit with a vengeance. Groo.

Never mind, eh? Sundays are supposed to be for relaxation and enjoyment - and I can think of little more enjoyable on a gloomy day than a triple-bill of ingenious re-workings of modern classics by the faboo Postmodern Jukebox!

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

So I'll start a revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside, summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And so Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as she's walking on by
My soul slides away
"But don't look back in anger," I heard you say

We adore Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox here at Dolores Delargo Towers...

Saturday 6 April 2019

And she'll tease you, she'll unease you

Having overslept this morning and had to rush across London to Waterloo Station, in order to catch the train booked by my sis and head to the South Coast to spend the day in Portsmouth visiting The Mother, I am quite understandably a bit knackered...

I also realise that among the "consecutive Diva birthdays" that occur at the time of year, I neglected one of the most important of our Patron Saints, the magnificent Miss Bette Davis - whose birthday it would have been yesterday.

Miss Kim Carnes had the perfect tribute - a song that never fails to lift the spirits, and just what I need to wind down as I head off to bed...


Ruth Elizabeth "Bette" Davis (5th April 1908 – 6th October 1989)