Of micropenis, even faster fast-food, gold water, Chelsea Girl, books, pies and Scopitone

"Starmer's no Churchill? Trump's no Roosevelt, either."

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• "How cute, a second belly-button" news: A competition no man wants to enter, let alone win: a North Carolina man has publicly claimed he has the world’s smallest penis, and he’s challenging anyone on earth to prove him wrong. "Get the fuck outta here!"
• I wonder where they got that idea from? news: Purveyor of greasy pastry-based comestibles Greggs has announced it will introduce vending machines for its products in some locations in the UK. Have they never been to Amsterdam? FEBO, anyone?
• Fool's gold news: The Japanese city of Osaka has received a gift of gold bars worth 560 million yen (around £2,700,000) from an anonymous donor asking for its specific use: to fix its dilapidated water pipes. Copper not good enough?

• Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion news: RIP Bernard Lewis, founder of Chelsea Girl boutiques - that became River Island, still on our high streets today - who has died just after reaching his 100th birthday.
• What's a book, Mummy? news: Tomorrow is World Book Day, the celebration of which generally revolves around teeny children dressing as their "favourite story-book character". Many people are beginning to question whether this actually succeeds in its aim to get more kids reading books at all. Or are they just posing for photos for their parents' Instagram?
• Yum news: We're in the middle of British Pie Week - and my mission tomorrow is to go and buy one for our dinner! Steak & Kidney, Steak & Ale, Chicken & Ham? Choices, choices...
• And finally: Among another oddly-matched assortment of birthdays, including Sir Patrick Moore, Paula Prentiss, Dieter Meier of Yello, Patsy Kensit, Chris Rea, Emilio Estefan, Joan Greenwood, Dame Penny Mordaunt, Alan Sillitoe, Miriam Makeba, Pearl White, Kenny Dalglish, Bernard Haitink, Sam Taylor-Johnson, Bobby Womack, Kay Lenz, Chaz Bono, Mike Moran and - erm - Shakin'-bloody-Stevens, we find "Scopitone Queen" Miss Barbara McNair - and she's just what we need:

Barbara McNair - The Best Is Yet To Come

And the weather? Supposed to have been Spring-like and sunny, but all we got in London was greyness...

Sometimes I think I've found my hero, but it's a queer romance

Heavens... Although it is always poignant to discover that yet another glittering chanteuse has shimmied off to Fabulon, we should pay due homage to the fact she outlived just about every one of her contemporaries - RIP Jane Morgan, aged 101!

Facts:

• She was born Florence Catherine Currier into a musical family, who actively encouraged her performing career.
• Jane made her big break in showbiz in Club des Champs Elysées in Paris, where prominent composers like Charles Trenet dedicated songs to her.
• Although American, she was a contender to sing the UK Eurovision entry in 1959.
• She was the first to have a hit with What Now My Love?, the English version of an old French chanson, which became one of Dame Shirley Bassey's signature numbers.
• She took over the lead in Mame on Broadway from Angela Lansbury in 1969, but mostly retired from performing in 1973.
• In later life she worked as a production assistant to her husband Jerry Weintraub on films such as the 2001 remake of Ocean's Eleven with George Clooney and Brad Pitt.
• In 2022, a major exhibition of her stage costumes Jane Morgan: In My Style was curated by her fromer personal assistant in New York.

Without further ado, let's feature some of the lady's finest moments, starting with this one - where she takes histrionics to a higher level in a marvellous "whore medley":

Jane Morgan - Ten Cents a Dance/Hey, Big Spender

And coincidentally, after having made a big thing about the wonderful world of Scopitones in my Tacky Music Monday post yesterday - it was, inevitably, a world to which Jane was strangely drawn...

Jane Morgan - C'est Si Bon

Jane Morgan - Under Paris Skies

Our loss, Fabulon's gain...

If they made me a queen

Monday again. Dammit!

Never mind, eh? Here's something/someone to take our minds off it...

Described as "the first of the blue-eyed soul singers", today would have been the 85th birthday of one Timi Yuro, the vocal belter who had a string of hits Stateside before (like so many others) her star began to wane in the wake of the Beatles invasion.

With a series of overwrought hits with over-emotional titles such as Hurt!, Permanently Lonely, What's a Matter Baby (Is It Hurting You) and The Love of a Boy, Miss Yuro was (understandably) given an obituary on her premature death in 2004 by none other than that other "blue-eyed soul" aficionado of angst Morrissey - who described her as his favourite singer!

On this Tacky Music Monday, however, I have found a rather camp interpretation of one of her tearful numbers for your delectation...

Timi Yuro - If

Gawd, I adore Scopitones!

Have a good week, dear reader.

I Got Myself an Angel

Sigh, indeed.

Monday comes around so quickly - especially when the weekend was a complete washout.

As we gird our loins for another week of unbridled joy in work, it's worth noting that it would have been the birthday of a remarkable (and oft-overlooked) favourite lady here at Dolores Delargo Towers, Miss Della Reese!

We adore her "Cha-Cha-Cha" album (of course), and her appearance alongside fellow divas Ethel Merman, Ann Miller and Carol Channing on The Love Boat is the stuff of legend - see my post on the sad occasion of her departure for Fabulon for that - but on this occasion, it's to her venture into the world of Scopitone we turn for a true Tacky Music Monday treat!

Della Reese - If I Never Get To Heaven (Scopitone)

Have a good week, dear reader.

I took sips from your sweet lips and now I can't get free

Monday again.

Sometimes, when one is so rudely awakened with the prospect of another tedious week dealing with idiots to come, on a Tacky Music Monday only an old fave Scopitone starring doomed starlet Joi Lansing will do...

Scopitone: Joi Lansing - Web of Love

Have a good week, dear reader...

Gales

Hmmm... I wonder what he likes to bite?

It's a blustery Autumn day, and the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers are covered in rotting leaves and slugs. Time, methinks, to take our minds off this season of decay with a little light music interlude - as we venture into the very weird world of Scopitones again, in the company of a lady who sounds eerily like an Eartha Kitt impressionist...

Gale Garnett - Where Do You Go To Go Away?

Soothing song; baffling video...

When I look at you, your manly gifts are small

Another weekend - and a particularly sultry and hot one, for a change - has melted away to nothingness, and here we are again, dear reader, at the cusp of another - ahem - fulfilling week of work...

Today is forecast to be even hotter than yesterday's remarkable temperatures, so that will no doubt make my mood even better as I sit at the desk in the living-room, seething at my inability to get cracking on the parched garden with the hose till later this evening.

All is not lost, dear reader. For - confusingly, since I thought her milestone was last year, but Wikipedia says otherwise - it is the 80th birthday today of one Florencia Bisenta de Casillas-Martinez Cardona, better known as one of our fave divas her at Dolores Delargo Towers, Señorita Vikki Carr!

On this Tacky Music Monday, I think it's appropriate to revisit an old fave of hers. I have no shame...

Vikki Carr - Everything I've Got

I'll always love that Scopitone video. So much camp, so little time!

Many happy returns, Vikki Carr (born 19th July 1941)!

Who is Marcia, anyhow?

Monday again...

Oh, pook. Back to working-from-home after a stormy, grey and horrid weekend - and despite the gales, now the sun's decided to shine! So unfair...

Never mind - it's another Tacky Music Monday, and I have another new diva discovery to share! Señorita Rosa Vicenta Montserrat Coscolín Figueras, better known as Gloria Lasso [for it is she] was a Spanish singer who had her biggest successes in her adopted country of France in the 1950s. At one stage she was apparently considered a rival for the divine Dalida but, needless to say, was soon eclipsed in that particular "battle".

Regardless, she did at least record her own Scopitone...

Gloria Lasso - Venus

Having relocated to Mexico for several decades, she attempted a bit of a comeback in France in the 1980s, and it was quite apparent what market she was aiming for, given this tacky record sleeve:

Here she is, in a bizarre telly appearance [WTF is that girl "dancer" doing?!], performing this very song:

To complete the tribute, here's another version of the number (that I have featured before, twice, bien sûr). It's faboo, so I have no compunction in featuring it again...

Les Rita Mitsouko - Marcia Baila

That's made this Monday slightly better, n'est ce pas?

Have a good week, dear reader.

Your nearest exits are here, here and here

We went to see Captain Marvel on the weekend. It looked nothing like this.

Another faboo weekend, over too quickly. Sigh.

Only Scopitone can save us now! On this Tacky Music Monday, let's have a bit of Teddy, his teeth, and his performing stewardesses...

Teddy Parker - Copacabana

Have a good week, peeps.

J'aime le coq

It was a horrid, icy weekend, and I spent as little of it as possible outdoors (apart from for fag breaks; Dolores Delargo Towers #4 is a smoke-free abode, much to our chagrin...) - but it was a productive one, as I began the task of hanging our vast collection of pictures. I tackled twenty-five assorted autographed photos, framed theatrical ephemera and Art Deco prints - and a full scale mirror - and started fitting others into their frames ready to hang in the next round. The place looks more like home already...

This morning, I desperately need a good lie-in in the warm bed - but was instead jolted out of my reverie by the realisation that it was time for work again. Bah!

Never mind, eh? To cheer ourselves up on this Tacky Music Monday, I have delved into the weird world of Scopitone (again - it is one of my minor obsessions) for a dose of jolliness.

Usually the home of the dodgiest go-go dancing dolly-birds in the business, for your delectation I have instead focused on the boys - and there's quite a bit of cute French flesh on show to warm us up in this double-bill!

Frank Alamo - Allo Maillot

Sacha Distel - Ou Ca Ou Ca

Ooh, la-la!

Have a good week, peeps.

Every day seems a lifetime

Just because...

...it has been a bitch of a day with endless increasingly dull meetings - here's an old fave from the vaults [and yes! I have featured it several times; but one just cannot have too much shimmying]. Make way for the Kessler Sisters!

Kessler Sisters - Quando Quando Quando

It might have been in County Down

It's happened again! No sooner do I think I've "closed-off" another Tacky Music Monday, but another Scopitone fave goes and pops her clogs...

Not before she went Around the World, of course:

Kay Starr - Around the World

Around the world I've searched for you;
I travelled on when hope was gone
To keep a rendezvous.
I knew somewhere, sometime, somehow,
You'd look at me and I would see
The smile you're smiling now.

It might have been in County Down,
Or in New York, or gay Paree,
Or even London town.
No more will I go all around the world
For I have found my world in you.

RIP, the lovely Kay Starr (born Katherine Laverne Starks, born 21st July 1922, departed for Fabulon 3rd November 2016)

Lord, what a dream I had, oh whee!

Monday again.

After a fab but rather hectic weekend (planting out wallflowers on Saturday; yesterday all day filming for another promo video for LGBT History Month - see the last one), I don't feel like I have had any rest at all.

Hey ho. Back to reality, to the ever-exciting office, to the never-ending Brexit blather, and to the final death-throes of the interminable US election...

On this Tacky Music Monday, how about a little bit of the lovely Marion Montgomery to ease our woes? In her baby-doll-clad Scopitone-tinged world - it was all Just a Dream:

Marion Montgomery - Just a Dream

I dreamed I starred in pictures,
I starred on TV too
I dreamed I made so much money
I did not know what to do

But it was a dream,
Lord, what a dream I had on my mind
Oh, when I woke up this mornin',
Not a penny could I find

I dreamed I was in the White House,
Sittin' in the President's chair;
I dreamed he's shakin' my hand and sayin',
"Marian, we are glad you are here!"

But it was a dream,
Lord, what a dream I had, oh whee!
'Cause when I woke up this mornin',
There was no-one here but me

I say I dreamed Louella loved me,
And Walter Winchell too
They wrote down in their columns,
"Honey, no-one is better than you!".

But it was just a dream,
just one of those things
And when I woke up this mornin',
Their columns said, "Some lady sings"

I dreamed nobody loved me,
I dreamed nobody cared,
I dreamed that I was all alone;
Believe me, I was scared

But it was just a dream,
I am so glad you're in this world
'Cause when I woke up this mornin',
I knew I was a lucky, lucky, lucky girl
I knew I was a lucky lucky girl

One of these days you're gonna be cryin'

Tacky Music Monday part 2...

The sad announcement today of the death of the pop-tastic Mr Bobby Vee [who even knew he was still alive?] - the 60s answer to Rick Astley - has provided another excuse to visit the wonderful world of Scopitones to recapture a little of the "Vee magic" that made him so popular.

Sporting the teeny-tiniest pair of shorts and surrounded by (typically for Scopitone) a bevy of over-enthusiastic "dancers", here he is with his all-time classic The Night Has A Thousand Eyes...

Bobby Vee - The Night Has A Thousand Eyes

RIP Bobby Vee (born Robert Thomas Velline, 30th April 1943 – 24th October 2016)

Nobody digs him now

Monday rolls in once again, far too soon - but as long as there is Scopitone, there is salvation.

To cheer us up on this Tacky Music Monday, here's the cool-as-a-cucumber Gale Garnett, with a typically bizarre accompaniment with a bevy of showgirls and an idiot doing Jerry Lewis impressions...

Gale Garnett - Small Potatoes

Viva Scopitone!

Have a great week, folks...

I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still

One would never think that this is MID-summer Day, judging by the apocalyptic Blade Runner downpours we are experiencing this morning. As if we needed anything to make Mondays more grim and despicable than usual...

Thank heavens for Scopitone, I say!

For on this countdown-to-Pride Tacky Music Monday - which also happens to be the birthday of lead vocalist Dolores "La La" Brooks - we're entering the technicolour rainbow-tinted world of The Crystals, with their classic Da Doo Ron Ron:

The Crystals - Da Doo Ron Ron

And if that doesn't cheer you up, there is no hope...

Summer Solstice

Ay mamita que'pachanga, me voy con la pachanga!

Oh dearie me. It feels like winter is upon us (it's been a long time coming!), and just at the wrong time for us to be forced out of our nice warm beds and off to work for another thrilling week.

Never mind, on this Tacky Music Monday we have something that's guaranteed to warm us up and get us moving. Here's a song sung by a German of Italian descent, whose greatest success was in France, singing a Cuban song in Spanish. Whew!

It's the the lovely Audrey Arno:

Audrey Arno - La Pachanga

Have a good week.

Every moment's a day; every day seems a lifetime

It was a really busy weekend (a verrrry late drunken Saturday following our friend Alex-the-Journo-slut's birthday bash, and a hungover visit yesterday to the V&A for an LGBT-themed examination of the museum's collections - more of that in due course, no doubt), so it feels especially stressful having to get up and out to the office (particularly in this freezing weather).

It's been ages since I have played this "house favourite" here at Dolores Delargo Towers, but, on this Tacky Music Monday only the Kessler Twins can possibly lift this miserable mood...

It's Quando, Quando, Quando time again!

Kessler Sisters - Quando, Quando, Quando

I'd be doing the dance moves round the living room if I wasn't in danger of spilling my coffee or dropping my fag.

Scrapyard bop

Another weekend has rocketed by, and here we are again - trying desperately to wake up enough to face the journey to work...

Never mind, to assist us in our quest, here's an old favourite. It's yesterday's birthday girl, the Mexican mistress of the melodramatic mega-ballad Miss Vikki Carr - here as a young beat-girl starring in her very own Scopitone video (in a scrapyard, for some odd reason), and Everything I've Got...

Vikki Carr - Everything I've Got

Have a good week, dears - and many happy returns, Señorita Vikki Carr (born Florencia Bisenta de Casillas Martinez Cardona, 19th July 1941)

Taxi!

Darlings, it is a Bank Holiday in the UK, and we all know what that means - rain, rain, and more rain.

Hey ho, we need to dream on this Tacky Music Monday of sunshine, jolly music and energetic safety gays!

I think we'll let Mr Herb Alpert and his Tijuana Brass take us on that trip, with this fabulously camp Scopitone for their classic Tijuana Taxi:

Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass - Tijuana Taxi

Have a great week!