Hör dess dingle-dång

Oh dear. The Festering Season really is in full swing. Queues everywhere, stupid naff decorations all over the place, tannoy-piped cover versions of horrid Xmas pop choons [when will shops realise no-one wants to listen to Paul McCartney Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime or Jonah Lewie Stop The Cavalry while buying moist toilet tissue?], the nauseating smell of "mince-pie scented" candles, gift-boxes of Lynx deodorant, dangerous-looking flashing toys of dubious origin, office parties of once-a-year amateur drinkers blocking the bar with orders of 35 "festive shots", and a million-and-one ways to pay over-the-odds for chocolate...

And to top it all, there's still a week-and-a-bit to go in work!

Bah Humbug.

Let's see if the - ahem - superbly talented Lili and Susie can cheer us up on this Tacky Music Monday:

Lili & Susie - Bjällerklang

Camp as tits, dear.

All together, now!

Bing bong, bing bong, bing bong, bing bong

Ute faller snö
I splittan blacken stå
Och äter lugnt sitt hö
När ljudet honom når

Att selen lyftes ner
Och framför släden snart
Med oss han sedan sig beger
I väg med väldig fart!

Bjällerklang, bjällerklang
Hör dess dingle-dång
Flingor som nu virvlar
Om i munter vintersång

Följ oss ut, följ oss ut
Blacken travar på
I hans spår vår släde går
Där höga furor stå

Vi sitter under fällen och snön omkring oss yr
Och inte förn, till kvällen vi färden hemåt styr

Bjällerklang, bjällerklang
Hör dess dingle-dång
Flingor som nu virvlar
Om i munter vintersång

Över mo och myr
Vi hastigt far åstad
Åh, vilket äventyr
Det står som en kaskad

Av snö, som muntert yr
Och hem mot hö och stall
Det bär nu ystert av i trav
Till Karos glada skall

Bjällerklang, bjällerklang
Hör dess dingle-dång
Flingor som nu virvlar
Om i munter vintersång

Följ oss ut, följ oss ut
Blacken travar på
I hans spår vår släde går
Där höga furor stå

Vi sitter under fällen och snön omkring oss yr
Och inte förn, till kvällen vi färden hemåt styr

Bjällerklang, bjällerklang
Hör dess dingle-dång
Flingor som nu virvlar
Om i munter vintersång
Flingor som nu virvlar
Om i munter vintersång

Have a good week, dearies!

I don't care what all my friends are saying

Oh Lordy. Monday again - and I'd only just got used to it being the weekend...

Never mind, eh, as we try and second-guess the weather today (one minute it's a beautiful blue sky and chilly, the next it's dank and foggy and miserable), on this Tacky Music Monday let's brighten everything up with a little "something" from Sweden, courtesy of the Päivärinta sisters!

Lili & Susie - We Were Only Dancing

I hope you're taking fashion tips.

Have a great week, peeps!

I want Candy

As the sugar tax comes into force, millions of Britons are failing to declare the absolutely fucking massive amount they consume.

The government is facing an epidemic of sugar appreciators concealing their intake, whether in the form of sweets, fizzy drinks or simply eating spoonfuls straight from the bag.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “I may have appeared to be eating an enormous Danish pastry earlier but I was just holding it for a friend. I often do that, hold cakes for people.”

School pupil Wayne Hayes said: “I did not consume a ludicrous 14 cans of Coke today. I was only incapable of sitting still for three seconds in geography because I get so excited about oxbow lakes.

“Me and my mates go to the corner shop every lunchtime without fail but we don’t just buy loads of sweets. Today Liam had a mango and I ate a bag of raw broccoli.”

Businessman Nathan Muir said: “My accountant is doing my sugar tax return. He’s managed to calculate it so I ate no sugar in the last year and the government actually owes me 30 kilos.”

A government spokesman said: “If you know someone fiddling their sugar tax, you should report it to our hotline and an Inland Revenue official will come round and brush their teeth.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

[The "real" story is just as childish.]

To greet this latest example of Nanny State interference in our freedoms with the contempt it deserves, here's another sojourn into the mega-talented world of Swedish schlager queens Lili and Susie (or is it Sussie? who cares), and an appropriately titled number:

Lili & Susie - Candy Love

Thank Disco It's Friday - let's celebrate with a triple loaded ice-cream soda and doughnuts!

Sweden's schlager queens

As anyone who regularly reads my blog will know, if there is one this I love more than just about anything, it is discovering tacky music by over-dressed, faintly silly old divas from foreign climes!

I know I have featured these two before, but thanks to the lovely Henry at Barbarella's Galaxy, I am alerted to the fact that the fantabulosa Lili and Susie from Sweden are not hanging up their sparkly stilletos just yet - and have a new single out. In the company of some outrageous drag queens and buff dancers in tight silver shorts, here are the ladies with another feast of campery:

Lili & Susie feat Diamond Dogs - Bailamor

Lili and Susie fansite

[*schlager = stylised hit songs popular in countries with lots of umlauts in their alphabet]

Bara du och jag

Thanks (once again) to the lovely Henry for drawing my attention to the existence of this wonderful pair of famous Swedes!

Apparently Lili & Susie were the Scandinavian answer to Mel & Kim and had huge success in the 1980s with such unpronounceable hits as Okej Okej and Bara du och jag ("The Two Of Us"). This year they re-formed for the local Melodifestivalen (which is by all accounts a wildly popular junior version of Eurovision). So on this Tacky Music Monday I thought I would (ahem) treat everyone to a slice of their talents...

This couldn't really get more Eighties if it tried:

Lili & Susie - Oh Mama

Oh! The padded shoulders! The hat...

Lili & Susie - Okej, Okej

And here they are, bang up-to-date in 2009 and looking like relatives of Pat Butcher...

Lili & Susie - Show Me Heaven