Feel the heat and let it flow

It's the end of another week, dear reader, and heavens! It's been a hot-and-sticky one...

The heatwave continues today, with an extension of the "red alert, only travel if necessary" message from government - but, to be honest, I haven't seen a huge difference in the number of people commuting, or just travelling, through it all in spite of all the dire warnings. We Brits are more resilient than the tabloids (and our "lords-and-masters" in Parliament)  like to think we are, evidently!

As we sweat our way to the weekend, I'm enjoying this little run of "compare-the-decade" posts [here's 1976, and yesterday it was 1986] - so let's leap one more decade to 1996!

This week in June thirty years ago, there wasn't anything more than "average temperatures for the time of year", so nothing comparable at all to today. There was (yet again), however, a load of football shite preoccupying the masses, with the European Cup.

This might explain the fact that among other horrible occupants cluttering our charts [such as the godawful Fugees' massacre of Killing Me Softly at #1, Slime Dion, Mariah-fucking-Carey and Peter Andre] there were two "anthems" to that sport [including the first appearance of Three Lions by Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds] also "bed-blocking" the higher echelons.

Thank heavens, therefore, for this, which held its own for weeks amongst the detritus, and demonstrated that the 90s was, more than anything else, the Decade of Dance!

Thank Disco Eurodance It's Friday!

Livin' Joy - Don't Stop Movin'

You can do anything that you want to do
With your mind body and soul
Do it, prove it to yourself and say
I want (I want)
I will (I will)
I can do anything
It's a difficult world and you got to prove
That you're ready and you can do it
Nothing in this world can stop you
I know I can I will fulfil my dreams

Don't stop movin'
Keep it up
Keep on movin' get it right
Yeah you've got to get it right
Oh yeah oh
Don't stop movin'
I it's your life
Keep on movin' get it right
Yeah you've got to get it right

You can be mystical magical
Physically phenomenal
Good to go
Not slow
Feel the heat and let it flow

You've got to get it right

Have a fab weekend, peeps! Keep cool.

One last time might be forever

As this stifling heat continues [it hit 36.7C/98.1F in Somerset, and 33.5C/92F in London] - and having already taken a trip back to the "yardstick against which all heatwaves are compared", 1976 yesterday - I thought it would be interesting to compare what the summer was like a decade later, in 1986.

Although it's hardly gone down in the record books for its decent weather, it's interesting to note that forty years ago this week, we were indeed in the middle of a hot spell [albeit a shorter heatwave than we have now, with just three consecutive days over 30C/86F]. Also - in a spooky echo of today - in the news headlines was a war in Lebanon, a World Cup, Madonna, and a delusional right-wing US president destabilising the Middle East...

But what was at the top of our charts, I hear you ask?

This!

Wham! - The Edge of Heaven

The last ever single by Wham! before George officially went solo.

Four decades? Where do they go? Sniff.

Ooh ar ooh ar

It certainly has been a hot, hot, HOT day here in London [it hit 36C/96.8F (!) on the south coast - and was definitely not much cooler here] - and I spent three hours of it in a Teams meeting pod in work, with "air-con" that was about as effective as someone wafting a chiffon scarf in my general direction!

Hey ho. As always, any heatwave in the UK is immediately and inexorably compared our most famous one way back in 1976...

...so, simply because this song was indeed #1 in our charts this very week 50 years ago - and in honour of our very own Ms Scarlet, who loves it - let's all sing along to The Wurzels!

The Wurzels - Combine Harvester [Top Of The Pops, 1976]

I drove my tractor through your haystack last night
(Ooh ar ooh ar)
I threw me pitch fork at your dog to keep quiet
(Ooh ar ooh ar)
Now somethin's tellin' me, that you'm avoidin' me
(Ooh ar ooh ar)
Come on now darlin' you got somethin' I need

Cos I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key
Come on now let's get together in perfect harmony
Oh I got twenty acres and you got forrty-three
Now I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key

We'll have twins and triplets, I'm a man built for speed (Ooh ar ooh ar)
And you know I'll love ya darlin' so give me your hand (Ooh ar ooh ar)
But the thing I want the most is all the acres of land

'Cause I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key
Come on now let's get together in perfect harmony
I got twenty acres and you got forty-three
Now I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key

Phwoar, she's a lovely bit of stuff 'n' all

For seven long years I've been alone in this place (Ooh ar ooh ar)
Pigs sleep in the kitchen, it's a proper disgrace (Ooh ar ooh ar)
Now if I cleaned it up would ya change our mind (Ooh ar ooh ar)
I'll give up drinkin' scrumpy and that lager and lime

'Cause I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key
Come on now, let's get together in perfect harmony
I got twenty acres and you got forty-three
Now I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key

Who loves ya baby, HA
Weren't we a grand couple at that last wurzel dance
I wore brand new gaiters and me corduroy pants (Hahahaha!)
In your new Sunday dress with your perfume smellin' grand
We had our photos taken, us holding hands

Now I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key
Now that we''re both past our fifties I think that you and me
Should stop this gallivanting and will you marry me
'Cause I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key

Arrr, you're a fine lookin' woman and I can't wait to get me hands on your land, haha!

Only in this country could something like that top the charts for two weeks and end up one of the best-selling songs of the year, in a year dominated by great stuff from Abba, Elton John & Kiki Dee, Queen, Rod Stewart, Miss Ross and Wings, and the year that also saw the simultaneous rise of Punk and Disco...

Of tourism, testicles, chasing cheese, Medieval wonderment, carbuncles, clubbing and a cow for President!

RIP Judith Chalmers, who for almost 30 years brought the British viewing public dreams of sunshine getaways into our living-rooms. [click any pic to embiggen]

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• Bull mosaic’s testicles worn down by pirouetting tourists news: A floor mosaic of an anatomically detailed bull in one of Milan’s grand arcades is getting a sensitive makeover after being worn down by thousands of passers-by honouring an unusual tradition. Legend has it that grinding your heel on the bull’s testicles at the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II guarantees you will return to the city. You can't make this kind of stuff up!
• Fondue, anyone? news: On what was officially the hottest Bank Holiday Britain has ever seen, the usual gaggle of the utterly insane chased a wheel of cheese down a perilously steep hill in Gloucestershire! The Cooper's Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake was won by a German YouTuber. Apparently, no participants (nor the cheese) came to any harm...

• Illuminated history news: One of the earliest manuscripts to tell the tale of King Arthur and the search for the holy grail – a richly illuminated medieval tome which, for more than 700 years, has been in private hands - is headed for auction by Christies this July, where it is estimated to fetch around £1.5m to £2m ($2m to $2.7m). I do hope the British Museum or British Library wins it and puts it on display!
• Planners see sense, shock horror, news: A developer has lost a controversial bid to build a 29-storey tower near Battersea Bridge, which drew opposition from celebrities including Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton. Good. It's about time planning departments, the government and the bloody Mayor realised that nobody actually wants or needs these monstrosities popping up all over the place in London. It's bad enough that The City resembles some kind of giant glass graveyard, without our leafy boroughs getting the same treatment.
• Nightclubbing, we're nightclubbing news: The newest (free) exhibit at the V&A museum, opening this weekend, is a proper trip down memory lane for many - a new display exploring the legacy of lost music venues and club culture. Lost Music Venues will showcase over 100 objects that tell the story of around 50 British venues - including The Astoria, Rainbow Theatre and Turnmills in London, Moles in Bath, and The Hacienda in Manchester; venues that launched the careers of myriad acts such as Blur, Oasis, Kate Bush, Tears for Fears, New Order and many, many more - such as gig posters, membership cards, club photography, band merch, and subculture fashion staples.

• And finally: A rare albino buffalo has been spared from ritual sacrifice as part of Eid al-Adha celebrations in Bangladesh - because of a social media buzz that pointed out its close resemblance to Donald Trump! Bullocks, indeed!

And the weather? Still hot - and with more cloud about, oppressively humid. I've even heard a rumble or two of thunder! Oo-er.

Keep chat hot and dull

Right now, everyone should be talking about the heatwave to the exclusion of all other topics. Here’s how to intervene quickly and safely if anything else is discussed:

Know the symptoms
Non-heatwave conversations involve words such as ‘Asda’, ‘smoothie’ and ‘Mandalorian’ rather than the prescribed ‘hot’, ‘boiling’ and ‘sweaty’. Once you’ve spotted the danger signs, swoop in to redirect with phrases like ‘Bloody hot, isn’t it?’

Administer hot weather clichés
All heatwave should be dominated with inanities such as ‘Too hot for me!’ Interlocutors should trade clichés like ‘Ooh, I wish I could climb inside a fridge’ and ‘It’s like an oven’. Do not dwell on the actual physical sensations of being forced inside an oven, as this may leads to digression. Simply agree.

Encourage a water fixation
Be obsessed with the idea that healthy human adults will pass out and die if they attempt to travel any distance without a bottle of water. This conversation will self-replicate like a malignant cell as they start badgering others with ‘Have you got some water?’, even if the person in question is only going to the recycling bin.

Quote scary numbers
It’s not a proper heatwave conversation without specific temperatures. Luckily most Britons are shaky on temperatures apart from 0 and 100°C and whatever the fuck Fahrenheit is, so feel free to throw in dramatic-sounding but made up stats like ‘It’s 93° in Bournemouth!’

Don’t prevent sunburn
Sunburn will keep the conversation on-topic for several days as the victim bemoans their stupidity and everyone vows to use SPF 50 religiously. Encourage it by persuading people to join you in the glaring sun and saying things like ‘Who fancies another round?’ and ‘You look really stupid in that hat’.

Watch for a conversational relapses
Idiots may try to talk about something more stimulating than the weather. Be prepared to throw any crazy nonsense out to stop them, for example ‘You know they’ve had to close Heathrow because the planes are dripping molten aluminium onto Kent?’

Take inspiration from the media
The news is a great help at forcing the heatwave into conversation. Whether Guardian hysteria, Telegraph climate change denial or the BBC with its many regional reporters writing non-stories like ‘James and Donna plan to spend the afternoon in the garden’, to cite just one real example, it’s full of pointers to keep chat hot and dull.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

But when the thermometer goes way up and the weather is sizzling hot

Our Rosa "Veilchenblau" loves it! [click to embiggen]

The weather here in London is breaking all the records! Being in the city, rather than near the sea, and with nary a breeze, it's a bit uncomfortable to sit in for long - although we always welcome the sunshine; it's far better than our usual Bank Holiday drizzle...

On this scorching Tacky Music Bank Holiday Monday, there is only one number that will suffice:

Ann Miller - Too Darn Hot [Kiss Me, Kate]

Have a good week, dear reader.

A Public Service Announcement

You were warned!

What's all the funks about?

Platinum Jubilee celebrations continue apace - and although it is not exactly a conventional Friday, we do need to whip up a bit of a party mood...

...so how about something from Britain's finest funksters (from this very week forty-five years ago; when the Silver Jubilee was in full swing, indeed) to get us going?

Thank Disco it's (Jubilee) Friday!!

Heatwave - Too Hot To Handle

Have a great weekend, dear reader - wear that coronet with pride!

Burning in my heart

St Swithin's Day, if it does rain
Full forty days, it will remain
St Swithin's Day, if it be fair
For forty days, t'will rain no more

Yes, today is that mythical date in the calendar - and the forecast is for dry and sunny weather, with a 30C heatwave arriving in London on Saturday!

Good old St Swithin!

Pama International - Heatwave

More about St Swithin's Day

Current mood...

...HOT!

It's another scorcher out there - and we know a song about that, don't we, children?

Abbe Lane - Heatwave

I need a shower...

...preferably with the lovely Warwick Rowers! [See here and here for more]

While listening to Erasure, of course:

Erasure - Too Darn Hot

How appropriate. Despite the breeze, it's still blazing out there...

---

FOOTNOTE:

Erasure, alongside (among others) Neneh Cherry, Sinéad O'Connor, Fine Young Cannibals, Deborah Harry & Iggy Pop, The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl, Annie Lennox, Thompson Twins, k.d. lang, U2, Jimmy Somerville and Lisa Stansfield recorded songs composed by Cole Porter (and the accompanying videos) as a benefit for AIDS charity Red Hot. Released in 1990, the project was appropriately titled Red Hot + Blue, and it sold over a million copies worldwide.

A reminder, perhaps, that COVID-19 is not the first global pandemic we have experienced in our lifetime.

Walken on sunshine

It's 35C and rising out there, peeps - and guess where I am? Yup. Indoors, working. And what's the forecast for the weekend, I hear you ask? Twenty-two degrees. Of course.

Never mind, eh? Once the clock strikes 4pm, I shall be locking that bloody laptop away FOR A FORTNIGHT! Two whole weeks away from work - and a weekend in our beloved Amsterdam in between - to look forward to. Yay!

It's also Fatboy Slim's birthday today - so let's get the party started early, in the company of one of the greatest dance music geniuses this country has ever produced - and Thank Disco Christopher Walken It's Friday! I wish I could do this...

Fatboy Slim - Weapon Of Choice

Have a great weekend, peeps!

Olé Olé Olé Olé

Whew! What a scorcher...

The UK is in the midst of a mini-heatwave, dear reader.

OK, it's not quite on the scale of last year, when it was lovely and sunny from May Day to the end of August with very few breaks. Only around six weeks ago, it was so gloomy here we even put the heating on at night - in June! However, today tipped the scales at over 30C (86F) here in London, and the forecast is that Thursday's temperatures might be as high as 36C (96.8F)!

Bring on the Vengaboys - it's time for a summer celebration!

Vengaboys - Hot Hot Hot

Olé Olé Olé Olé
Olé Olé Olé Olé

FIESTA!

Me mind on fire, me soul on fire
Feelin' hot hot hot
Party people, all around me
Feelin hot hot hot!

Indeed. Pass me the ice-cold cider, would you?

How do you like your grind?

Our fantabulosa Campanula medium ("Canterbury Bells") - a magnet for bees. And for us, too.

We're having a mini-heatwave today; the hottest day of the year so far - almost a record-breaker, too (we registered 32C in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers) - and all around our neighbourhood, the boys' clothes just fall off! I like weather that does that...

...and, right on cue, Fischerspooner!

Fischerspooner - TopBrazil

Hot, indeed.

The countdown to London's Gay Pride next Saturday starts here, folks!

Winter Warmer...

The extensive gardens of Dolores Delargo Towers on my birthday in August.

...here's the song that took over the dancefloors during that long, hot, glorious five-month summer of 2018:

Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa - One Kiss

Pass me the suntan oil, would you?

Sweaty brows

A guide to surviving the heatwave whilst you are technically meant to be doing a job.

Council workman/Builder
It’s surely too hot to work, so just sit around, reading the paper and drinking cups of tea. Then if the boss shows up quickly jump up and look like you’ve been working the whole time. Basically the same as any other working day.

Office worker
They can’t be expecting you to give 100 per cent, not in this heat, surely. The toilet will be the best place to avoid work as you can just sit there watching old cartoons on your phone. When you finally return to the office, hold your stomach and mutter about some bad prawns.

Police officer
Who can be bothered chasing criminals in this kind of heat? Just sit in the police car, turn the air conditioning up and maybe eat a Mint Feast or Solero. If it’s too hot for you to work then it’s definitely too hot for criminals to work.

Heart surgeon
Even in normal-weather operations they have those people who dab your sweaty brow, so just imagine how much dabbing they’d have to do during a heatwave. Most heart operations probably aren’t that urgent anyway, and hospitals are full of beds so simply find an empty one and have a siesta.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

So, what do you do to avoid the sweaty heat, dear reader?

The temperature's rising, it isn't surprising

It's the longest day of the year - Midsummer Day - and the weathermen have predicted it's going to get hotter than even the last few days (which have been scorchers). If the thermometers reach 34C, it will officially be the hottest June day in Britain since the fabled "Summer of '76"!

Here's an appropriate number, methinks, for a Heatwave...

Phil Normana and the Upstarts - We're Having a Heatwave

We're having a heat wave,
A tropical heat wave,
The temperature's rising,
It isn't surprising,
She certainly can can-can.

She started a heat wave
By letting her seat wave
In such a way that
The customers say that
She certainly can can-can.

Gee, her anatomy
Makes the mercury
Jump to ninety-three.

We're having a heat wave,
A tropical heat wave,
The way that she moves
That thermometer proves
That she certainly can can-can.

We're the syndicate of soul

Despite the fact I am on leave [oh, the social whorl! Friday Night is Music Night on Tuesday, Boys in the Band starring Mark Gatiss last night (more on that shortly, no doubt), the RHS Shades of Autumn Show and our friend John-John's birthday tonight], there's always a need to ramp up the "boogie factor" as the weekend hoves into view...

...so, here to provide us with a bit of a groove is the faboo Heatwave (with yet another choon from the prolific pen of the late, great Rod Temperton) - Gangsters of the Groove!

Thank Disco It's Friday, indeed!

Heatwave - Gangsters of the Groove

Have a good one...

From Grimsby to the Grammys

"He had a very small flat, so everything had to be done within one room and he had piles of washing, with the TV on top of the organ. It was a nightmare... he had trams running outside... but he made it, he just absorbed himself in the music and Rod seemed to come up with these amazing songs."

We bade a sad farewell this week to one of the most successful - yet largely unpublicised [or probably more likely "not a seeker of publicity"] - songwriters of the latter part of the 20th century, Mr Rod Temperton [probably the most famous person ever to have come from the Lincolnshire seaside town of Cleethorpes!].

Originally a full-time member of the archetypal 70s groove band Heatwave [and prior to joining them, employed in a frozen fish-packing factory in Grimsby], Mr Temperton's writing and arranging skills soon came to the notice of the big music producers in the USA, and he was "air-lifted" into the big time by none other than Quincy Jones. The result of that fortuitous collaboration? Michael Jackson's much-lauded "comeback" album Off The Wall. Mr Temperton and Mr Jones went on to produce Jacko's biggest-selling-in-the-world-ever album Thriller, and by then neither of them probably ever needed to work again.

During his long career, Rod Temperton wrote or co-wrote myriad funky, soulful and dancefloor classics [several featured here, usually at the climax of the week], including: for Heatwave - Boogie Nights, The Groove Line, Always and Forever, Gangsters of the Groove, and many more; The Brothers Johnson - Stomp!; James Ingram and Michael McDonald's Yah Mo B There; The Manhattan Transfer - The Spice of Life; and Donna Summer's Love Is in Control (Finger on the Trigger). He also worked with Lionel Richie, Rufus and Chaka Khan, Mica Paris, Patti Austin, Herbie Hancock, Stephanie Mills, Karen Carpenter and Aretha Franklin...

...and found the time to write these two!

George Benson - Give Me the Night

Legs & Co - Quincy Jones - Razzamatazz

Thank Disco It's Friday - and thank Rod for the music!

Rodney Lynn Temperton (9th October 1949; death announced 5th October 2016)

Under the sun...

...we are still evil!

The UK is having a heatwave!

[At least for a couple of days; then it will no doubt rain]