Saturday, 19 January 2019

"Right, you lovely boys!"



Another little piece of childhood ebbs away...

Windsor Davies - the archetypal Welshman, always called upon to play bombastic authoritarian figures in such prime-time favourite telly comedies as It Ain't Half Hot Mum and Never The Twain, who was actually born in Canning Town in London's East End - is dead.

A real-life veteran of National Service, he was ideally placed to play the overbearing Battery Sergeant-Major Williams in It Ain't Half Hot Mum, whose entire premise was the misadventures of a troupe of conscripted soldiers-turned-entertainers in the British peace-keeping mission in the jungles of Malaya in the 50s. Contrary to his "big-bad-bully" image however, just about everyone who worked with him praised his gentle and generous nature.

His comedic talents were second-to-none - not least when someone discovered the fact that the show's diminutive character "Lofty" aka Don Estelle had, in fact, the most beautiful singing voice and he and Mr Davies were teamed up (in character) to produce this memorable duet; which was a million-selling Number 1 hit in our charts in 1975!


RIP, Windsor Davies (28th August 1930 – 17th January 2019)

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

Everything dismissed


Limbo by Hieronymous Bosch (or a follower)
The UK’s political leaders have ruled out the Brexit deal, a no-deal Brexit, a second referendum, a general election, remaining in the EU and continuing the current situation.

The prime minister and the leader of the opposition have agreed that none of the options available to them are tenable and must all be dismissed before any progress can be made.

Jeremy Corbyn said: “The British people are sick of their humdrum range of limited choices.

“Nobody wants a second referendum. Nobody wants a no-deal exit. The only deal on the table has been resoundingly rejected, and though I claim to want a general election I’d actually rather just take over but there’s not the support.

“But I can say categorically that we reject all the options so far raised, and indeed anything confined by the arbitrary limits of the merely possible.

“Perhaps we could exist in a quantum state both in and out of the EU. Perhaps Britain splits into a thousand warring factions. Perhaps we wink out of reality to return for one day every hundred years.

“Either way, we’re resolutely opposed to doing anything that we could actually do. Your move, universe.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.



Footnote: I will be out of circulation for a few days. "Normal" service should resume on Saturday.

Tuesday, 15 January 2019

Call all you want but there's no one home



And so, farewell, then to our beloved Miss Carol Channing...

[see my tribute over at the Dolores Delargo Towers Museum of Camp]

She was lauded by a devoted audience in so many ways - awards galore, tribute shows (and most recently a whole biographical film documentary), and of course, impressions. Drag queens, comedians, voice-over artists, you name it, Carol's trademark drawl was always a favourite...

And, of course, who could forget her famous duet with "Liza-with-a-zee" on a GaGa and Beyoncé number?

[Well... almost. :-)]

Facts:
  • Miss Channing was the first celebrity to perform at a Super Bowl half-time show.
  • One of her earliest parts, at age 19, was understudy for Miss Eve Arden (who was 13 years older than her).
  • Her name was on Nixon's "enemies list"; to which she responded that it was her greatest honour of all.
  • She made her television debut on The Red Skelton Show in 1957, and her last was a cameo on RuPaul's Drag Race in 2016.
  • Surprisingly, she was not naturally blonde; every hairdo she sported was a wig because she had an allergy to hair bleach.
  • At age 92, in the gay resort of Fire Island in 2013, she made probably her final singing appearance - later stage events, including with Justin Vivian Bond and with Tommy Tune were just "in conversation".
Gawd, we're going to miss her!

RIP, Carol Channing! There will never be another.

Monday, 14 January 2019

Fighting vainly the old ennui



According to a new report, older people are the fastest-growing group of cannabis users (in the USA, at least). I might need to start...

Making a spurious connection (as is my wont) this Tacky Music Monday, here's not one, but two glorious versions of a most appropriate song:



My story is much to sad to be told
But practically everything leaves me totally cold
The only exception I know is the case
When I'm out on a quiet spree, fighting vainly the old ennui
And I suddenly turn and see
Your fabulous face

I get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true
That I get a kick out of you

Some get a kick from cocaine
I'm sure that if I took even one sniff
That would bore me terrifically too
But I get a kick out of you
I get a kick every time I see you standing there before me
I get a kick though it's clear to me, you obviously don't adore me
I get no kick in a plane
Flying too high with some guy in the sky
Is my idea of nothing to do
Yet I get a kick out of you


That makes Monday feel so much better.

Sunday, 13 January 2019

Earworms



One tries one's best, but sometime a song or three sneaks itself into one's brain, and takes some shaking out again. Such as...

...this one. I really ought to loathe it - a) because it features the tasteless trash that is Miley Cyrus; and b) because it's Country'n'Western - but actually, this "Dolly-lite" number is inescapably catchy:


Then there's this, which, if you disregard the chuntering rap in the middle that unnecessarily disturbs the flow, is obviously a tribute to Carlos Jobim...


This one was everywhere in the late summer and autumn last year, and has yet to go away from either the Radio 2 playlist or my head. [But is he really singing "I can't do golden rain"?]:


And, of course, the Take That boys have an unerring ability to keep one humming their songs for days after one first hears them - it's their - ahem - everlasting appeal, I suppose:


Enjoy!

Saturday, 12 January 2019

Friday, 11 January 2019

Deeesire-ooh-ooh



This week has been ridiculous. Out of the relative freedom of lounging around eating Quality Street, into a tediously quiet short week after the Festering Season, to...

...the first full week back; when everyone suddenly remembers they were supposed to do shitloads before Xmas, and didn't, so it all comes flooding in at once (for "urgent attention" - as if) to moi to plough through!

And all the while, internally, I scream.

Never mind, eh? The weekend is finally upon us, and we need to somehow try and squeeze into that peach slacks'n'boob-tube-with-matching-kimono number - just like the faboo former backing vocalist for Donna Summer, Miss Patti Brooks and her boys of Arpeggio. Thank Disco It's Friday!


Have a sparkly one, dears.

Thursday, 10 January 2019

House-share?


A 24-year-old living in London cannot wait to meet her 32 new rodent housemates, she has confirmed.

Emma Bradford moves into the Dulwich one-bed studio apartment, in which she will co-habit with the large mouse brood, this week and thinks it will be fantastic.

She said: “My last houseshare was with an aspiring investment banker, a failing stand-up comic and a weed dealer. This is a real step-up.

“Apparently they do eat all your food, run about all night and shit everywhere but that’s no big deal to me because I’ve lived with students.

“Admittedly I do feel like the odd one out sometimes. There’s a WhatsApp group for house chores and who’s in and whatever and it’s all just squeaks and photos of cheese. And I shouldn’t say it but they’re hard to tell apart.

“It’s not ideal to be honest, but it’s close to the tube. And luckily the heating’s gone off again so they’ll probably all be dead within the week.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Any excuse, really, for a "mouse-based song" - such as this old fave. Definitely one of the most addictive songs ever...


Ram pampalam
Bambalam palam balam


Apparently.

Wednesday, 9 January 2019

If you can smile through the whirl of a busy day...



I'm not smiling.

I'm with Bette...



Cheers.

Tuesday, 8 January 2019

Clutches of sad remains











From an article on the ever-wonderful Dangerous Minds site:
According to his parents David Bowie was a smart kid. He was rolling paper into a typewriter and tapping keys writing gobble-de-gook lines and even using a phone - the old-fashioned rotary kind - by the time he was three. His parents thought he was special, just like every parent does, but they were right. They never talked to him as a child, no baby talk, no goo-goo, ga-ga, they treated him as a mini-adult because they thought him smart, intelligent, someone who had chutzpah, someone who just might do something. Not that his teachers thought the same. He was an average student who could always do better. One former school friend Trevor Blythe said of him:
"He was a very bright guy, but he never applied himself. He was fairly good at art, but overall he tended to wander through. He was a butterfly. I was old-fashioned and could knuckle down and do the job. He was the opposite to that. There was a creative spirit, but no-one could’ve guessed where it was headed."
I imagine not...

Today, that "creative spirit" would have celebrated his 72nd birthday.


Who'll love Aladdin Sane
Battle cries and champagne just in time for sunrise
Who'll love Aladdin Sane

Motor sensational, Paris or maybe hell (I'm waiting)
Clutches of sad remains
Waits for Aladdin Sane you'll make it

Who'll love Aladdin Sane
Millions weep a fountain, just in case of sunrise
Who'll love Aladdin Sane

We'll love Aladdin Sane
Love Aladdin Sane


And we do.

David Bowie (8th January 1947 – 10th January 2016)

Monday, 7 January 2019

Kala Christougena



For some in the Greek Orthodox Church, today is actually Xmas Day - so, by way of a nod to our Julian-calendar-adhering-chums, on this Tacky Music Monday we're cheering ourselves up on our way to work with a glass of Ouzo and...

...Nan Mouskouri, of course!


Don't try this at home, folks, unless you've moved all the furniture.

Have a good week, dear reader!

Sunday, 6 January 2019

All my sisters



Golly. Little Kathy, the youngest sister of the Sledge clan and lead singer on most of their biggest hits, is 60 years old today!

I feel old.

Never mind, eh? Here's a very special reunion performance by all four sisters back in 2011 - also featuring the assembled talents of Oprah Winfrey, Stevie Nicks, Sheryl Crow, Pat Benatar, Salt-N-Pepa, Avril Lavigne and Miley Cyrus, no less!


That's one hell of a gathering...

Kathy Sledge (born 6th January 1959)

Saturday, 5 January 2019

The more you’ve got, the cleverer you are


People who believe they are intolerant to certain foods have been advised to stop going on about it.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that those who claim to be unable to eat things could very easily just not fucking eat them without repeatedly going into tedious monologues about how serious it all is.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Because I’m not one of those utter freaks who became a gastroenterologist I have no interest in anyone’s digestive system but my own.

“And yet somehow Britain is now filled with millions people who can’t open a jam jar without turning it into yet another story about them.

“For a certain type of person, food intolerances are like A Levels. The more you’ve got, the cleverer you are.

“They even had to invent a thing called ‘gluten’, just so that they could be unable to eat it.

“I think it’s something to do with wanting attention. Perhaps saying that wheat makes your eyeballs sweat is like a British middle-class version of alien abduction.”


He added: “One solution to these trumped-up dietary woes is to visit a ‘naturopath’, basically a gimlet-eyed snake oil vendor who wears flannel trousers and writes bad poetry about the Earth having a fanny.”

Naturopath Tom Logan said: “Gluten is a thing and the Earth does have a very beautiful vagina.

“That’ll be ninety quid please.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

The "real" story.

Friday, 4 January 2019

Imagine how the world could be, so very fine



It may be a short week, but - after all the fun and japes and excesses of the party season, I feel like these past couple of days back in the office have sucked the very soul out of me.

Still, let's forget about that. It'll all be over in a few hours, and we need to get ourselves ready for the weekend! Who better to provide our entertainment but the recently departed Daryl Dragon - "The Captain" of Captain and Tennille? [RIP]

Charge your glasses, darlings, and let's raise a toast to the eternal cheesiness he and Toni brought into our lives... and (of course), Thank Disco It's Friday!


Have a faboo weekend, dear reader.

Thursday, 3 January 2019

Essential viewing



We at Dolores Delargo Towers have subscribed to a brand new TV channel...


It's F.A.B.!

A Soft Tempo Lounge production, of course.

[Music: Sportsnight theme by Tony Hatch Orchestra]

Wednesday, 2 January 2019

At first I was afraid



Oh no. Back to reality - dark mornings (well, any morning, actually), cold winds, dull environments, duller people - it must be time to return to the office...

Let's cheer ourselves up on this Tacky Music Monday Wednesday in the company of a lady we haven't featured for far too long - Our Patron Saint of Boobs, The Divine Miss M herself, Bette Midler (or rather her alter-ego, the character who inspired my entire blog)!


How about that for a wake-up call??!!

Tuesday, 1 January 2019

I couldn't have liked it more



Needless to say, we had a marvellous Kiki last night to see in the New Year, Much dancing was done, lots of booze consumed, and the grand buffet was (as it should have been) demolished. I was still up [I always like to clear everything into the bin so there's nothing to do the next day] at 6am!

Needless to say, I did not surface till 4.30pm today...

There is only one song I can play, really.

This:


Happy New Year, sweeties!