She was sharing her spin dry with a guy in a tie-dye

Just because Johnny Walker played it on his Sounds of the Seventies show on Radio 2 a few minutes ago, and just because I still find it makes me smile, even after all these years [and gawd knows we need some kind of cheer on such a foul, rainy, miserable Sunday] - here's the bizarre "one-hit-wonders" Kursaal Flyers, from forty-four years ago!

Kursaal Flyers - Little Does She Know

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's two-timin' me
Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's cheatin' on me

I was outside the One-Stop
When I saw her in the corner
And I didn't like what I see

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's two-timin' me

She was sharing her spin dry with a guy in a tie-dye
When she saw my reflection in the chrome
I knew that she'd seen me cause she dropped her bikini
The one that I got her in Rome

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's two-timin' me
Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's cheatin' on me

When she finished her laundry she was all in a quandary
And made it for the street like a hare
Her escape was so urgent, she forgot her detergent
And dropped all her clean underwear

Little does she know that I know that she knows
That I know she's cheatin' on me

Love it.

[Footnote: The Kursaal in Southend-on-Sea (picture at the top of this post) was the world's first ever theme park, pre-dating Coney Island in America. Its slow demise led to the park being sold off for housing; the building itself remains standing, but apparently since the closure of the bowling alley only a Tesco Metro supermarket remains open on the site.]

Mudflats, slots, bombers and cockles

Yesterday, we walked (and walked, and walked) - from Shoeburyness to Leigh-on-Sea via Southend, all places neither I nor Madam Arcati had ever been before. How fab! An adventure!

It was very grey and blustery when we arrived at Shoeburyness, and the walk began with the half-mile trek from the station to the sea via some of the least edifying scenery possible (an industrial estate and some bleak housing developments on the site of the former barracks), which was a bit of a miserable way to begin, but once we hit the start of the estuary promenade we knew we had arrived. Tide going out, frozen-looking people, you know the scenario...



Once we got used to the bracing wind, however, we embarked upon the trek with gusto. There's plenty of interesting things to see - tiny windswept plants, marooned boats, eccentric beach huts, the multi-million pound houses dotted all along the coast (some so extravagantly "Southfork-stylee", they could only belong to an Essex footballer and his wife, surely?). But that's Southend ("town, shore and so much more"™) for you!

We arrived at the Essex Riviera with plans to traverse the UK's longest pier (one and a half miles!) and play our traditional sport of "chav-spotting" (which was not difficult, obviously). The pier was, however closed to pedestrians as yesterday was the start of the Southend Air Show and they didn't want crowds gathering on the boardwalk. So with that disappointment out of the way, we did the only thing we could do in the circumstances - go and play the "Penny Fountains", of course!



As the air show is so popular, it was obvious that the prom was going to be rather crowded with toothless chav grannies, tattooed mums and dads, pushchairs and filthy children. However, the rows and rows of stalls and displays by the various branches of the military - and all those hunky men in uniform - made the journey through the crowds rather more, ahem, interesting...

And so, leaving the funfairs, the candy-floss, the slots, the customised cars and live broadcast by BBC Radio Essex behind us we headed onwards into far quieter territory. On the way, we caught quite a bit of the air display, and even as we left the glittering prom behind towards our destination, we saw some dramatic fly-pasts - including a beautiful Vulcan bomber (which was huge!).



Leigh-on-Sea is a picturesque place, in complete contrast to its brassy neighbour - a historic little town, traditionally based on the seafood-fishing (particularly cockles) industry. And it has lots of pubs. Good!





So we had cockles to start, then went for a huge plate of fish'n'chips, and a couple of pints before heading home. After six hours' walking we were all a bit pooped - but what a grand day out, Gromit...

Oh I Do Like To Be By The Seaside on a pianola

http://www.visitsouthend.co.uk/

http://www.leigh-on-sea.com/