Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen

• "God tells us not to judge one another, no matter what anyone's sexual preferences are or if they're black, brown or purple. And if someone doesn't believe what I believe, tough shit."


• "If something is bagging, sagging or dragging, I'll tuck it, suck it or pluck it."


• "It costs a lot to look this cheap."


• "If I hadn't been a woman, I'd be a drag queen for sure. I like all that flair and I'd be dressing up in them high heels and putting on the big hair. I'd be like Ru Paul."


• "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."


• "I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park!"


• "I'm no natural beauty. If I'm gonna have any looks at all, I'm gonna have to create them. Thanks to Botox and fillers, as well as the work that I've already had, my face pretty much maintains itself."


• "I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it."

Dolly Parton, Goddess.

Our Patron Saint of Rhinestones, the ever-adorable Miss Dolly Parton is - gulp - eighty years old today!

On this Tacky Music Monday - as we adjust ourselves once again to the fact that, yes, we do have to go to work in order to pay the bills - there is only one song in the great lady's repertoire that fits the bill, really...

Dolly Parton - 9 to 5

Many happy returns, Dolly Rebecca Parton (born January 19, 1946)!

Have a good week, dear reader.

What a way to make a living

As I struggle to get the sleep out of my eyes and haul this weary carcass back to the office for the first time in 2014, I can only hope to encounter a busker en route like this...

It's dear old Dolly Parton, and the most appropriate song for the day - 9 to 5:

Dolly Parton - 9 to 5

Happy. New. Bloody. Year.

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

"No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up."

Happy 70th birthday today to that lovely lady lesbian actress, comic, wit and cult figure Miss Lily Tomlin!

Over 40 years - from Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In to guest appearances in Desperate Housewives today - Miss Tomlin has always had the ability to make me laugh. She is another of those actors whose very appearance in a movie will make me more interested in seeing it. Indeed, films such as All Of Me (with Steve Martin when he was actually funny) and Big Business (with Bette Midler) were saved from mediocrity by her presence, and I loved her part in Tea With Mussolini - where she more than held her own in a cast that included three Dames (Maggie Smith, Judi Dench and Joan Plowright) and the ever-OTT Cher.

On the way, Lily has provided numerous voice-overs for commercials and cartoons alike, and notably for the classic gay documentary The Celluloid Closet. In her own subtle way Miss Tomlin has always spoken out for the rights of the lesbian and gay community, lending her support to a number of gay marriage campaigns in the US.

However it must be for her sassy, scheming role in one of the best feelgood movies of the 80s Nine to Five that we love her the most...

Nine to Five (theatrical trailer)

And here she is playing that cult favourite character "Ernestine, your telephone operator" from Laugh-In:

Lily Tomlin as "Ernestine" - One Ringy-Dingy (Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In)

Lily Tomlin official website