Get over it

Remainers have announced that, three-and-a-half years after the referendum, they are to get over it.

Following yesterday’s landslide election win, Remainers across Britain have admitted there is a strong chance that the country did want to leave the EU after all.

Nathan Muir of of Reading said: “You know what? Maybe it’s time I moved on.

“There was just something about the referendum result I didn’t like – maybe it was that my side lost – so I decided it must be wrong, and must be reversed, and did everything I could to achieve that.

“But I have to admit it’s looking very much like my efforts were wasted, and Brexit is happening, and perhaps it’s time to be the bigger man and accept it.

“Brexit it is. Brexit for everyone. Fine. Doesn’t bother me.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Maniac brainiac winning the game

As the country settles back down to what laughingly passes for reality, and Boris basks in his landslide election victory - so there is really only one appropriate song to play.

Of course, being moi, it just has to be the Bhangra version...

Snap! vs Motivo - The Power Of Bhangra

"It's gettin' it's gettin' it's gettin' kinda heavy
I've got the power
I've got the power oh-oh-oh-oh!"

Indeed he has.

Thank Disco(?) It's Friday [the thirteenth - oo-er]!!

Thought for the day - and for another forty-four days

Here we go again...

Ho Ho Fucking Ho, indeed.

Hung

>
I could sit and watch this all day

Oh dear. In these times of uncertainty, it's the worst of all possible results - a hung parliament (again).

There really is only one way to usher in a weekend with that news ringing in our ears...

Madonna - Hung Up

Thank Disco It's Friday!

Stuff of nightmares

The Archbishop of Canterbury is to exorcise the unquiet spirit of Tony Blair that is haunting the election, he has announced.

The apparition of the former prime minister continues to appear across the media and even in voters’ homes, exhorting them to return to the centre-right so he may rest.

Archbishop Justin Welby said: “We have been troubled by this spectre for long enough.

“He demands we rediscover his legendary ‘Third Way’ so he can depart this plane forever, but frankly none of us really knew what that was in the first place and it’s too much trouble so we’re doing an exorcism.

“Once we’ve lit the candles and said the Latin his wraith will be torn from our world into oblivion, with only a final cry of ‘I won’t apologise for deposing Saddammmmm’ left echoing in our ears.

“Hopefully it’ll be a lesson to other ex-PMs to shut up and stay dead.”

Gordon Brown said: “After I lost the election, I went straight to Hades and have remained here.

“Well, Fife, but same thing.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

The "real" story

"I know how much you hunger for politics"

‘More politics? How absolutely fucking fantastic’, says Britain
An ecstatic Britain has thanked Theresa May for calling an early general election because it just cannot get enough of politicians on the news.

The prime minister told an excited, trembling nation that it had been almost a year since the country voted on anything important and that Britain now deserved to be rewarded for its patience.

She said: “I’m sorry I took so long. I know how much you hunger for politics to dominate the news. I know you love the debates, the special editions of Question Time and the party political broadcasts that show so much respect for your intelligence.

“And I know the absolute joy you experience when a pasty-faced weirdo knocks on your door and gives you a leaflet about how much Jeremy Corbyn loves Hitler.”

Delighted voter Tom Logan said: “I’m already planning a spectacular Leaders’ Debate party for all my friends.

“But what on earth am I going to wear?”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Thought for the day

It's the General Election in the UK...

We'll be glad when it's all over.

Congratulations...

... we finally have a Prime Minister! "Call me Dave" Cameron has done the wicked deed and signed up to a coalition with the Lib Dems. It will be interesting to see what happens now. Anyhow, to celebrate, here's a classic that I felt appropriate...

SNAP! - The Power