Thursday 28 February 2019

"...and you sit next to a party from Rhyl who keep singing 'Torremolinos, Torremolinos' and complaining about the food"

Hordes of drunk, obnoxious Spanish tourists have arrived in Scarborough to enjoy the sunshine and take no interest in any other aspect of Britain.

The tourists, who speak no English and order tapas by calling every waiter Gary, have been lured here from Alicante by England’s balmy climate and relaxed pace of life.

Delivery driver Wayne Hayes said: “I know they’ve only come for the sun, but would it kill them to take an interest in our proud, ancient culture?

“Instead all day they lie on the beach in their Speedos reading El Pais, picking at olives and manchego cheese before launching into offensive chants about Lionel Messi.

“Then they barge into our fish ’n’ chip shops, smashed on all-day Rioja, demanding pulpo a la gallega with a well-chilled Fino sherry, not even bothering to read what’s actually on the menu.

“Mind you, the businesses are happy to see them. Half the seafront’s turned into all-night paella bars called Picasso, and the flamenco from Don Quixote’s nightclub goes on all night.”

Tourist Juan Fernandez said: “Me and the wife are thinking of buying here and decking the house out with a massive Spanish flag. Why would we ever want to return to our grey existence in Granada?”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Unfortunately, they're mostly now sat gloomily under awnings looking at the rain that arrived today, moaning about how much money they wasted coming to this shithole, I imagine.

And now for something completely different... [Well, not entirely]:

Wednesday 27 February 2019

If, if I show you my tits, will you let me in?

Today's birthday girl Liz Taylor certainly knew how to party!

It may have been another beautiful early spring day, and once again I enjoyed it immensely. But my thoughts drift back to our faboo holiday - for you see, in complete contrast, on Wednesday last, I went to a marvellous party...

A song that we thoroughly enjoyed while we were there, appropriately enough.

Tuesday 26 February 2019

Oh, By Jingo

Pinkness! courtesy of our extravagant Cyclamen coum

It's been another gorgeous springlike day in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers, as we continued digging-out and re-doing our pots and troughs, pruning and clearing the detritus dumped all over everything by the ugly weed trees overhanging from neighbours' plots - in particular the utterly vile Sycamore, whose winged seeds get everywhere, and will each sprout into another forty-foot tree given half a chance.

While enjoying the sunshine and the pottering, we were accompanied by a glut of programmes from the fantastic Clare Teal Swing and Big Band show on Radio 2 on catch-up. And lo and behold, I find it would have been the birthday today of the fabulous Miss Betty Hutton, doyenne of that particular era (before she became more famous for big-screen musicals) - so, by way of a celebration, here's a double-bill of the lady's zaniness...

...first with (I think - it's difficult to tell under the blackface "Minstrel" makeup) Vincent Lopez and His Orchestra:

...and second, in a spectacular sequence from Incendiary Blonde:

Nobody did it like Betty!

Betty Hutton (born Elizabeth June Thornburg, 26th February 1921 – 12th March 2007)

Monday 25 February 2019

Guapo del Dia

Mix and match?

It has apparently been the hottest February day on record here in the UK - it certainly felt it, as we began the process of re-doing, rearranging and generally taking stock of our pots here in the extensive gardens of Dolores Delargo Towers, topping-up our tans as we pottered. There were a few losses during the dankness of winter, but on the whole most of our collection of plants are sprouting away nicely in this early Spring weather. Roll on Summer, I say!

Despite still being on leave (all week), I have not forgotten it's a Tacky Music Monday, however - and a convoluted one, too. I was overjoyed to discover that it was Julio Iglesias's birthday today (he being a Spanish icon, and all), but then realised my mistake - it's his son Julio Jr who is blowing out the candles today (all 46 of them). He's the one on the right in the pic above, dear reader - he may not have quite the brooding sexiness of his younger brother Enrique, but I wouldn't mind - ahem - sampling his chorizo...

But Tacky Music is neither of the boys' forte, more's the pity - so it is once again to their dad to whom we turn. It's an all-time favourite clip of mine [first featured here back in 2010] - the opening credits of the great seducer's television show:

And once again, I have to ask: Why the parrot?

Have a great week, dear reader.

Sunday 24 February 2019

Putas en gira

Tarts on Tour

We're back, dear reader, and not happy about it - even if the weather here in London is beautiful and sunny (which helps), we're not exactly sitting on the Mediterranean coast sipping Tinto de Verano...

It was a splendid break; the weather was mainly gorgeous (for February!), and we succeeded in our usual strenuous effort to do absolutely bugger all for seven days except drink, sunbathe in a beach bar, eat, drink, siesta, drink, wander the fleshpots of La Nogalera and drink.

But what did we miss while we were away?

The big news was nothing to do with Trump, nor bloody Brexit, but the death of an icon - Karl Lagerfeld, the "vampiric" figure who dominated the world of haute couture for decades. In a sixty-year career, among many others he transformed with his genius the houses of Jean Patou, Fendi and Chloé, his own short-lived eponymous label, and of course Chanel. [The great man was, inevitably, entered into the Dolores Delargo Towers Museum of Camp on the occasion of his 80th - read here.] In his own inimitable way, he may have had had the last laugh on all his hangers-on, acolytes and wannabees as he has reputedly left his entire fortune... to his cat!

Other passings we missed included the MP of my home town of Newport Paul Flynn, Peter Tork of The Monkees, Jackie Kennedy's sister Princess Lee Radziwill, the sailor in that photo of the couple kissing in Times Square at the end of WW2 George Mendonsa, and the legendary Stanley Donen, director of classic musicals such as Singin' in the Rain and On the Town.

We missed the 70th birthday of the lovely Lyn Paul of The New Seekers, the 60th birthdays of opera diva Renée Fleming and former tennis brat John McEnroe, the 50th of Manic Street Preacher James Dean Bradfield, and the 40th of Russian uber-camp falsetto singer Vitas. He is well overdue a play, as I haven't featured him since December a decade ago...

In other news: there was a slew of resignations by some nobodies on the back benches of both Labour and Tory parties; Honda announced it will close its plant in Swindon in 2021 with the loss of 3500 jobs; budget airline Flybmi went bust (thankfully, our own airline Norwegian stayed afloat long enough for us to get home), the BBC and ITV concluded negotiations to launch a new subscription-only streaming service; and "witch marks" were found carved at the entrance of "the gateway to Hell". In Derbyshire.

Enough of all that - what little souvenir did we bring back with us from Spain for your delectation this time around, dear reader?

Señoras y señores, ¡introduciendo a la señorita Kika!

Missing this kind of thing already...

Saturday 16 February 2019

Hasta la vista, amigos

This is a bit of a tradition, but... the time you read this, sweeties, we shall (hopefully) be in the air, well on our way to the delights of the Costa del Sol - which leaves only one song to play.

It is (as ever it will be) - Righeira!

Not that we like to think about it, of course, but "normal" service may be resumed in a week's time.

Friday 15 February 2019

A nanananananana

Inadvertently, I've done it again...

As any fule kno, this here blog has been awash with "meme-ys" of late - this darn "#adecadeago" theme that Miss Scarlet has passed around the blogosphere like a rash - and today is no exception.

Out of the ether, I thought this choon would be a suitable one for the end of my last week in the office till March(!) [we fly to Spain tomorrow] - and lo and behold, ten years ago on this very blog I did exactly the same. What a cheerful happenstance!

Thank Disco España It's Friday! Sunshine, here we come!

Thursday 14 February 2019

Amor, amor, amor

It's Tapas, apparently, not a token of - ahem - love.

Ho hum. "St Hallmark's Day" is upon us - a day that sees hordes of bedraggled yoof buying equally bedraggled bunches of red flowers and clogging the supermarket queues, the only day in the calendar that such horrors as rose-scented chocolates are ever a "thing", and when sales of made-in-China fluffy toys with sickly "love" slogans go up.

I have always hated it, needless to say [see here and here for previous rants].

However, I have found an (hilariously) appropriate song to add to our countdown to Spain, which complements the mood perfectly...

I hope you have a tear in your eye after that one [from laughing, most likely!].

Wednesday 13 February 2019

La fantasia musical de gran espectáculo

Darlings! While doing some - ahem - research for suitable music to add to our countdown to Saturday's trip to Spain, I came across this, and thought it would be churlish of me not to share...

It's exactly the sort of thing we get up to when we're on holiday.

Tuesday 12 February 2019

That's when good neighbours become good friends

You know you're getting old when... discover that every teen girl's (and gay boy's) lust object back in the mid-90s, Aussie soap Neighbours pin-up and prime chicken Billy Kennedy aka Jesse Spencer is 40 years old!

He's apparently still a "soap star", albeit in a fireman-based drama series in the USA today. And yes, he's still hot...

Jesse Gordon Spencer (born 12th February 1979)

Monday 11 February 2019

Oyeme mi cuate vamos a bailar

This "Lunes" is not Tacky

Groan. As is typical for the UK our weekend was all cruddy, rainy, gloomy weather, and today and for the rest of the week it's gloriously spring-like with not a cloud in the sky. And all we can do is look at it through tinted windows (if comrades haven't closed the blinds, of course) and stifle in the stuffiness of the office. Dammit.

This is, however, nothing to be too upset about - we at Dolores Delargo Towers are in full "countdown mode" to our annual pilgrimage to Spain this weekend! So, on this Tacky Music Monday, how about...

...a totally bizarre dance routine to accompany a cheesy version of Jailhouse Rock - in Spanish?!


Have a good week, dear reader.

Sunday 10 February 2019

You taunt me with memories

Here's a good one - how to combine birthday celebrations for a revered Diva with a sort-of-ongoing "meme" (#adecadeago - see here, here, here and here)...

It is the 82nd birthday today of the divine Roberta Flack [she shares the celebrations with that "national treasure", classic-era Blue Peter host Peter Purves (who blows out 80 candles!), with Leontyne Price (92) and with Robert Wagner (89); today would also have been the 109th of Joyce Grenfell].

Needless to say, ten years ago I also did a blog post to mark the occasion [there having been a long-standing "mystery" over her date of birth, at the time I had it as being her 70th...], and I did similar a month later for the birthday of Aretha.

It is from the latter rather than the former blog, however, that I have chosen to lift this classic "supergroup" performance [out of which line-up Miss Flack is sadly the only surviving member] - it's long overdue another airing, methinks...

Utter perfection.

Flack Facts:
  • In her early career Miss Flack accompanied opera singers at the piano, but was "discovered" a few years later in the early 1970s as a performer at a jazz cabaret club.
  • Her big break came when Clint Eastwood chose the song The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face for the soundtrack of his directing debut Play Misty For Me and it became the biggest hit of 1972.
  • She was once the neighbour of John Lennon and Yoko Ono when they all lived in The Dakota apartment building in New York.
  • She was the first artist to win the Grammy Award for Record of the Year on consecutive occasions – in 1973 for The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face and the following year for Killing Me Softly (With His Song).
  • Her Roberta Flack School of Music in the Bronx provides free music education to underprivileged students.
Many happy returns, Roberta Cleopatra Flack (born 10th February 1937)

Saturday 9 February 2019

Yeah, baby, yeah!

As gales sweep the UK [our (plastic) greenhouse took a battering but luckily not too many of our sheltering pelargoniums were damaged], and with one week to go before we fly off to Spain, so our thoughts turn to exotic places and glamorous people - such as Jason King and Simon Templar!

Courtesy of the faboo Soft Tempo Lounge. Of course.

Sigh. That's better...

[Music: Goodbye Mr. Critch by Michel Legrand]

Friday 8 February 2019

The Dean of Boogaloo

The writer of such pop standards as You've Got a Friend, I'm into Something Good, It Might as Well Rain Until September, (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman, It's Too Late, Up on the Roof, I Feel the Earth Move, Take Good Care of My Baby and - erm - The Loco-Motion, tomorrow's birthday girl Miss Carole King was certainly a major contributor to the musical world we know today.

But who knew she turned her hand to disco?!

If you want to get a real education
Come to the friendliest school in the nation
Rhythm is our way of communication
You won't ever want to take a vacation

You can meet the Dean of Boogaloo
He's gonna get down and boogie with you
At Disco Tech
Let me be your teacher
Disco Tech
Why don't you take home a diploma from
Disco Tech

We won't give you pomp and circumstance
All you're gonna need to do is dance
Why don't you enroll, give your soul a chance
You might even find a new romance

Everybody here is graded A
The only school records are the ones we play

At Disco Tech
Let me be your teacher
Disco Tech
Why don't you take home a diploma from
Disco Tech

A school we would all have loved to attend. Thank Disco It's Friday!

Have a good weekend, peeps.

Many happy returns, Carole King (born Carol Joan Klein, 9th February 1942)

Thursday 7 February 2019

Looking back all I did was look away

It seems that every six months or so, another fashion"article" about leopard-skin print appears in what remains of what used to be called "the media" - today's Grauniad Guardian effort being about whether men should wear it.


Just ask Roxy Music...

I tried but I could not find a way
Looking back all I did was look away
Next time is the best time we all know

But if there is no next time where to go, go?

She's the sweetest queen I've ever seen
See here she comes, see what I mean?
I could talk talk talk, talk myself to death
But I believe I would only waste my breath
Ooh, show me!

Wednesday 6 February 2019


Pope Francis of Rome will have no role in checking vehicles entering and leaving Northern Ireland, Theresa May has assured the DUP.

The prime minister believes the strongest selling point of her ramshackle Brexit deal to weird religious unionists is the lack of involvement by the papal Antichrist.

Speaking in Belfast, May said: “If the Pope wants to carry out phytosanitary checks on a truckload of refrigerated beef passing through Crossmaglen, that will not be allowed.

“Let me be clear – the Roman Catholic Church will have no say in border arrangements. Heavily armed cardinals from the Vatican setting up checkpoints is off the table.”

DUP leader Arlene Foster said: “Obviously we welcome a Brexit free of Popery. However there is still the small matter of our many annoying, contradictory demands.

“We’ve just thought of a new one. Any milk, cheese or butter from the mainland or the Republic must not come from gay cows. Sort that or the deal’s off.

“Also for some reason the British government must pay us £455 million for this.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

And here's an appropriate little amuse-bouche...

Tuesday 5 February 2019

Gong Hey Fat Choy!

Happy New Year to our Chinese chums - as the Year of the Bitch hands over to the Year of the Pig!

To help cheer in this "year of prosperity" (apparently), how about a few appropriately pork-flavoured songs? Such as these...

...from the Andrews Sisters:

...Vic Damone:

...the sublime Bessie Smith:

...and, best of the lot - an entire "porcine musical extravaganza" [that we went to see back in 2011]! It's Betty Blue Eyes. Of course:

All about Chinese New Year

Monday 4 February 2019

Porque yo soy Reina, Reina

So our recent "big freeze" has given over to a far more normal "pissing-down-with-rain" climate, just in time to make going to work a real joy. Pah!

In under two weeks, we shall be in Spain, where it is currently sunny with temperatures in the low 20sC (and rising) - and I can't wait!

To cheer us up on this Tacky Music Monday, here's one lady from that effervescent country who truly deserves the epithet of "diva" - the aptly-nicknamed "La Terremoto" ("earthquake"), Señorita Dolores Vargas!

All together, now!

Achilipú, apú, apú, apú,
Achilipú, apú, apú, apú,
Achili, achilí, achilí, chili,
Achili, achilí, achilí, chili,
Achili, achilí, achilí, chili, achilí
Achilipú, apú, apú, apú,
Achilipú, apú, apú, apú.

Si yo tuviera un palacio,
Yo nunca te dejaría
Si yo tuviera un palacio,
Yo nunca te dejaría,
Por que yo soy reina, reina,
Reina de la morería


Have a good week, dear reader.

["Porque yo soy reina, reina" = "Because I am queen, queen"]

Sunday 3 February 2019

Gobbler's Knob...

...sounds like it should be a fun place! However, it's merely the (stupid) name of the "Hicksville" Pennsylvania venue where the legend of Punxsutawney Phil, and his predictions of whether Spring will come early in the States or not*, are played out to much hoo-ha.

Yes, it was Groundhog Day again yesterday, and as ever, thousands turned out to see whether an oversized rat spotted its own shadow or not, which is apparently how the prediction is made. [I'm not making this up, you know!]

A far more entertaining option would be to watch the 1993 classic film of the same title, starring Bill Murray, in my opinion - but any excuse, really to play the recurring song from that movie. Here's Sonny and Cher...

[*an early Spring, allegedly.]

Saturday 2 February 2019

Belter of the Day...'s our Patron Saint of Bourbon Stritchy's birthday, sweeties - and she's left strict instructions!

Elaine Stritch (2nd February 1925 – 17th July 2014)

Friday 1 February 2019

A slip of the hip or another

In a final trawl through the years for this crazy #adecadeago project/meme-thing (for a while, anyway), I rediscovered the fact that back in 2009 Mr Paul Burston's Polari literary salons [to which I have - shamefully - not been for months!] were still being given "themes" every month. The January '09 one was "Stalkers Night", and in the run-up to the occasion, I featured an appropriate song - Blondie's classic One Way Or Another.

It is our traditional "wind-up to the weekend" slot today, however, so how a bout a remix version instead? Thank Disco(?) It's Friday!

Have a good one, peeps.