Thursday 29 February 2024

Look before you...

[Yes! He's back again...]

It's a leap year, dear reader!

Once again, our thoughts go out to those poor unfortunates whose real birthday only ever comes around every four years, including the late, great Joss Ackland, burlesque legend Tempest Storm, banned rapper Ja Rule, British Royal James Ogilvy, Gioachino Rossini, Dinah Shore, and...

...born 120 years ago today, Mr Jimmy Dorsey:

Ah, that's better...

Wednesday 28 February 2024

Try Tower Hamlets, my dear, before you go home

Right-wingers say parts of the UK have become ‘no-go areas’ due to immigration, but they’re wrong. Here are the British places you should never set foot in, simply because they are irretrievably dreadful:

You might get E. coli from the waterslides or bedbugs from the holiday cottages, but the true horror of Butlin’s holiday parks, whether in Bognor Regis, Skegness or Minehead, lies in the fact that they are haunted by Z-list celebrities from the 90s who will crush your spirit by caterwauling at you during the evening ‘entertainment’. Don’t risk it.

Luton Airport
The town is horrifying enough, but Luton’s airport represents a true crime against humanity. Deceptively called ‘London Luton’, people accidentally fly here expecting to step off the plane right onto Oxford Street. They instead find themselves in the arse-end of nowhere and have to navigate Europe’s worst railway system to actually get to their destination, which takes a further hour and a half and costs £300.

Cheltenham Literary Festival
Cheltenham is posh most of the year, but it’s during the annual book festival that it sucks in the worst of society’s upper echelons. No normal person can enter a café without being deafened by a braying conversation between two women called Bunty, who both simply adored the latest Ian McEwan. And you can’t walk down some streets after dark without accidentally wandering into a dangerously middle-class discussion between David Mitchell and Fi Glover. Stay in your car and lock the doors.

The Trafford Centre
Huge, windowless American-style shopping malls fill most people with dread, and there is certainly no place more scary than this gaudily outfitted Northern shopping centre on the last weekend of half term. For people with a weak constitution, a single minute in the massive JD Sports could prove fatal.

Reading and Leeds festivals
Forget Birmingham, if you truly want to go somewhere it feels like your life is in danger, try the Saturday night at Reading or Leeds. Everything is on fire, everyone is off their face and the security team have locked themselves in a portakabin rather than face 50,000 drunk, marauding teenagers wearing Billie Eilish t-shirts and trying to push the toilets over.

The Royal Mile, Edinburgh
It’s crammed with people, the shops are stuffed with tartan-themed tat and everywhere you turn there is some poor bastard in a kilt trying to make a living by pumping out tunes on the bagpipes nine hours a day. On top of this are the hoards of Harry Potter freaks and American tourists convinced their ancestors were born in the castle. Go on holiday to Tower Hamlets, you’ll have a much nicer time.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Tuesday 27 February 2024

Música nueva

Still in a bit of a lazy mood, catching up after the holiday...

...but there's always time for some of the "newer" music that has caught my ear of late!

First up, the welcome return of an old crush of mine...

One that I have adored ever since Mr DeVice first featured it a while back:

It doesn't get much gayer than that - or does it?

Now, here's a lad who knows how to dance all that sadness off!

Speaking of welcome returns, here's an utterly faboo new number from our favourite Bristolian belles:

Apparently Radio 1's "Hottest Record of the Year" 2023, this is a catchy little number indeed (though the singer could do with a good diction coach)...

This dancy choon sounds like a remix of a Kraftwerk track from the late 70s/early 80s - with the freakiest video imaginable!

Saving the best to last, however...this!

As ever, dear reader, let me know your thoughts...

Monday 26 February 2024

Amigos para Siempre *

[click any pic to embiggen]

Yes, we're back in cold, windy London, after an utterly fantastic week in Benalmadena en familia - me, Madam A, Baby Steve, Houseboy Alex, Carol, Jen, Our Sal and Lou - a week of sunshine, booze, good food, great laughs, booze, late nights, indulgence, relaxation and booze!

Needless to say, yesterday and today have been rather slow...

Did we miss anything while we were away? Not a lot. Ukraine, Yemen and Gaza are all still in utter turmoil, there was a semi-meltdown in the House of Commons over a debate on the latter, the first private spacecraft landed on the Moon, the insane Trump versus senile Biden bore-fest continued Stateside, foreign secretary David Cameron paid a vist to the Falkland Islands amid Argentinian "muscle-flexing" over its sovereignty claims, we are in the final few days of LGBT+ History Month and the only events worth going to were last week, and the most respectable of all department stores John Lewis started selling sex toys!

We missed the centenaries of Gloria Vanderbilt, Lee Marvin and swing jazz clarinettist and bandleader Buddy DeFranco, the 95th birthday of the marvellous Dame Patricia Routledge, what would have been the 90th birthdays of the faboo Rue McClanahan, Barry Humphries/Dame Edna Everage and the gorgeous Alan Bates, the (gulp) 70th birthdays of John Travolta, Anthony Head, Plastic Bertrand, Patty Hearst and the legendary DJ and Factory Records executive (who founded M People and discovered Happy Mondays) Mike Pickering, and the 60th of "Brat-Packer" Matt Dillon.

Thankfully none of our icons popped their clogs while we were away, but we did miss bidding fond farewells to soap opera legend John Savident aka butcher "Fred Elliott" in Coronation Street, and to Iain Kerr, who was one half of "The Brothers Butch" whose pioneering gay number Kay, Why? I featured here a couple of years ago.

Did I bring anything back for your delectation, dear reader? Try this - definitely not a new song (it's from 1992), but new to us so that's all that matters:

Is it good to be back? NO!!

Thank heavens I still have another week off to catch up...

["Amigos para Siempre" = "Friends for life" in Spanish, which seems appropriate]

Saturday 17 February 2024

We've vamos-ed

By the time you see this, dear reader, our flight should be in the descent to Malaga Airport! I have never needed a holiday more...

Here's our "theme tune":

It's traditional.

Next stop: Palm 5 Beach Bar!

"Normal" service should resume in a week (or so)...

PS - a parting gift...

Friday 16 February 2024

Shoulder-pads and fans - ¡Olé!

We're almost there, dear reader...

Just eight hours to go, and the holiday begins!

OK, we have to get up tomorrow at the crack'o'doom to get to Gatwick Airport, but the forecast for Andalusia is sunny and warm all next week!

To bring on that fiesta mood, how about a boppy little something from the gayest boyband ever?!!

¡Gracias Disco Es viernes!


Thursday 15 February 2024

As long as I remember who's wearing the trousers

Just because...

...I hadn't heard this immaculate piece of 1980s cool in ages, when I heard it on the radio the other day [it featured in the streaming TV-show-based-on-a-video-game "The Last Of Us", apparently]...

...and I have been singing it in my head all week...

...and it's just brilliant...

...and, in my interpretation of the lyrics, it's very homoerotic...

...let's head back to the heady days of 1987!

I'm taking a ride with my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
He knows where he's taking me
Taking me where I want to be
I'm taking a ride with my best friend

We're flying high
We're watching the world pass us by
Never want to come down
Never want to put my feet back down on the ground

I'm taking a ride with my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
Promises me I'm as safe as houses
As long as I remember who's wearing the trousers
I hope he never lets me down again

We're flying high
We're watching the world pass us by
Never want to come down
Never want to put my feet back down on the ground
We're flying high
We're watching the world pass us by
Never want to come down
Never want to put my feet back down on the ground

Never let me down
Never let me down
Never let me down
Never let me down

See the stars, they're shining bright
(Never let me down)
Everything's alright tonight
(Never let me down)
See the stars, they're shining bright
(Never let me down)
Everything's alright tonight
(Never let me down)

How the fuck can that be 37 years old this year?! That makes it the same age as Zac Efron, Hilary Duff, Andy Murray, Lionel Messi, Nicola Benedetti, Karen Gillan, Joss Stone and Novak Đoković...


[Read more about the making of this song]

Wednesday 14 February 2024

Of Wrighty, Poles and pancakes

Happy Valentine's Day - whatever that means.

It's another "snippets post" today, dear reader...

  • Sad news: Britain is in shock at the news of the unexpected death of Steve Wright, one of the most popular and long-serving DJs on BBC Radio.

    His afternoon show on Radio 1 started way back in 1981, and his last broadcast of Sunday Love Songs on Radio 2 was just last weekend! RIP, indeed.

  • Gay rights news: Polish President Donald Tusk's mission to dismantle the remnants of his predecessor's repressive crypto-fascist regime continues, as the prime-time presenter on that country's national television station made a public and heartfelt apology to LGBT+ people for the decades of anti-gay rhetoric that had been broadcast on that network.
  • Shopping news: The iconic ethical cosmetics chain The Body Shop has gone into administration after six decades in business. Sigh. More gaps in the high street, to be filled by hairdressers, fast food or charity shops...
  • Good news: One of the best comedy series in the last few decades Gavin and Stacey is coming back for another Xmas special! That’s well lush.
  • And finally: Even the vicars got involved, when Salisbury's Pancake Race yesterday was moved to the cathedral's cloisters due to the rain...

Our next bulletin will be at...

Tuesday 13 February 2024

There are worse things I could do

It's a day of "milestone birthdays" today, dear reader - the eternally elfin Robbie Williams is (gulp!) 50 years old, Jerry Springer would have been 80, and the lovely George Segal would have been 90...

...but most significant of all, scarily, today is the simply faboo "friend of the gays" Miss Stockard Channing's 80th birthday!!

As I said way back in 2008:

One of my favourite actresses, she is probably best known for her tour de force part of Rizzo in Grease, but I particularly love her for her roles in To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar and for the made-for-TV drama Tidy Endings, in which she starred with the fantastic Harvey Fiersten [a film that to this day, shockingly, has never been released on DVD!].

After four decades in the business, Stockard went on to become a household name as the First Lady in The West Wing until the series ended in 2006. But we queens will always hold her close to our hearts when we sing along with this classic number:

Many happy returns, Stockard Channing (born Susan Antonia Williams Stockard, 13th February 1944)!

Monday 12 February 2024

Here comes the bride*

The shock of Monday is upon us...

How much do I hate the feeling that time always flits by in a flash at at the weekends, yet the working week seems to drag..?!

However, this week is indeed the last grim obstacle before we clack our castanets and bugger off to the Costa del Sol next Saturday, so let's grin and bear it, shall we?

To lift our spirits on this Tacky Music Monday, here's an exercise in campery of the first order - courtesy of the late, dearly departed Concha Velasco, her abanico-flapping chorines and lithe safety gays!

I was planning to take a similar outift with me to Spain, but the cabin bag allowance on EasyJet forbids it, unfortunately...

Have a good week, dear reader.

[*Novia = "Bride" in Spanish]

Sunday 11 February 2024

Guapo del dia

[click any pic to embiggen]

Meet Mario Alcalde, Spain's first matador to "come out" (as "pansexual", whatever that is). Woof!

Whatever one might think of the bloodsport, it's a remarkable snippet of progress in the otherwise "strictly macho" world of the Torero.

In keeping with the theme [well, sort of...] - any excuse [as if I need one] to feature this marvellous routine from one of our all-time favourite films here at Dolores Delargo Towers:

Roll on our Spanish holiday next weekend!

Saturday 10 February 2024

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

Happy Chinese New Year - the Year of the Dragon, indeed! [And everyone knows at least one of them, dear reader!]

Sad to say, apart from a load of "heavy metal" rock numbers and Puff The Magic Dragon, there is little I can find on the subject of Dragons in the musical repertoire that is worth playing...

So let's have this instead - a load of camp-as-tits Chinese queens flapping their fans about!

That'll do nicely.

I quite fancy some Char Siu and fried noodles for lunch now.

Friday 9 February 2024

I let it get away; been payin' every day

The weekend can't come soon enough!

Oh dear. Mr Henry Fambrough has spun off departed for the glitterball-illuminated "Discotheque-a-Go-Go" in Fabulon. Who? I hear you ask...

The last surviving member of the original Detroit Spinners, his distinctive baritone was to be heard on every record and at every live appearance by the band, from 1954 to April 2023, when he finally retired. Phew!

By way of a tribute, and to get the weekend off with an appropriate bang, here's a double-bill of the group's biggest hits here in the UK - so Thank Disco It's Friday!

[Their dance routines were always sooo literal.]

Have a great weekend, dear reader!

Thursday 8 February 2024

De koning van het levenslied

We have a centenary to celebrate, and I almost missed it! One hundred years ago yesterday, the Dutch musical legend that is Johnny Jordaan was born.

So revered is Mijnheer Jordaan in Amsterdam that he has a whole Plein named after him, complete with a statue (later joined by those of fellow musical legends Tante Leen, Manke Nelis and Johnny Meyer):

Not really so surprising, as most (if not all) the great man's wonderful sing-a-long "levenslied" numbers are indeed dedicated to our favourite city, like these...

...and this one, which I play every year as we depart for our annual long weekend in Mokum:

Johnny Jordaan (born Johannes Hendricus van Musscher, 7th February 1924 – 8th January 1989)

Wednesday 7 February 2024

How much?!

Antiques Roadshow viewers appear to be thrilled by the same things happening every week. To get the most out of the show, these entirely predictable events should shock you to the core.

They weren’t expecting it to be worth that much!
Well done, you have correctly identified the main idea on which the programme is predicated. Now go and watch Call the Midwife and be blown away by the fact that it’s about midwives. Again!

Being old makes some things more valuable!
Amazing, isn’t it? Old things are usually worth less, like your brother-in-law Derek’s 1991 Peugeot 205. It was only worth 120 quid for scrap. Maybe it was something to do with the Peugeot not being a painting by Sir Edwin Landseer.

Imagine getting £15,000 for a table!
Yes, £15,000 is a decent sum of money. However Brian and Pauline from Chester aren’t exactly entering the superyachts-and-models world of a Saudi prince. That’s probably why Brian looks so miserable.

Fiona Bruce looks a lot older now.
Yes, she does look older than when she first started presenting TV programmes 32 years ago in 1992. Do you look at photos of yourself as a child and go: ‘MY GOD! I’VE TURNED INTO A GIANT!’?

It’s modern but it’s an antique!
You’re absolutely right. That rare German glassware only dates back to the 1970s but it’s worth several thousand pounds. Maybe something can be valuable even if archaeologists didn’t find it in Julius Caesar’s house?

Look how big that stately home is!
Yes. Do you know why? Because slavery was very profitable. You buy the slaves very cheap and sell them at a big profit because they won’t cost their new owner a penny in wages. Everyone’s a winner. Also, during the Industrial Revolution if one of your workers had an accident the only compensation they got was five minutes off to look for their severed finger.

Who’d want that in their house?
It’s hard to deny those baroque nudes are somewhat more ‘chunky’ than, say, Margot Robbie. However that’s due to tastes changing over time. Rembrandt probably wouldn’t have wanted your Mr Bean bobblehead in his house either.

I might have something worth £20,000 in my loft!
You don’t. Unless a roll of old carpet and a broken Swingball set are worth 10 grand apiece.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Tuesday 6 February 2024

Who's That Boy?

That toddler is 65?! Heavens.

On the day he was born, Elvis was at #1 (and Cliff-bloody-Richard was at #3 - and neither of them are getting an airing here) - but what else was in the charts?

At #2:

At #4:

At #7:

...and then, there was this:

...and this!

Many happy returns, Madam Arcati!

Happy birthday, darling.

Monday 5 February 2024

No man who has met her can ever forget her

Grrrr. Another weekend disappears in a flash...

Here at Dolores Delargo Towers, we're still wearing black armbands, mourning the loss of the legendary Chita Rivera [read my tribute].

By way of a (further) fitting wake-up call on this Tacky Music Monday, I've found a marvellous piece of (audience-recorded) footage of the great lady at her very best, cavorting with her safety gays!

Gimme love, Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love, love, love!
Gimme love, Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love, love, love!

If there's a war on, don't bring me the news
Ask me to bull fights and I must refuse
But if you want to get my attention
Let's make love!
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love!

If there's an earthquake I will not attend
Gimme kisses, Gimme love!

If there's a plague don't invite me my friend
Gimme kisses, Gimme love, love, love!

But if you want to
Keep me looking in your direction
Let's make love!

Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love, love, love!
Gimme love, Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love!

It's like giving to the needy
And I don't mind being greedy.
Come on, Chico, please be speedy
And bring me what I long for...

If there's a fire don't bring me a hose!
Gimme kisses, Gimme love!

Call me a coward, that's true, I suppose!
Gimme love, love, kisses, Gimme love

But all I want is beauty...

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme Hugs
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme Squeezes
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme Lips
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme Kisses

So let's not make more trouble
Let's make love!

Gimme love Kiss
Gimme, Gimme love, love, love! Kiss
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, love, love Kiss
Gimme love, love Kiss, kiss!
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, love!
Gimme love, Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love, love, love!
Gimme love, Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love
Gimme love, Gimme kisses, Gimme love, love, love!

Come with me...
Her name is Aurora
And she is so beautiful,
No man who has met her
Can ever forget her
They're madly in love
Forever in love.

Have a good week, dear reader.

Sunday 4 February 2024

Like a bird in the sky

We're having a slow day after the excesses of our gang's looooong drinking session in our Wetherspoons-of-choice The Penderel's Oak in Holborn yesterday, in honour of Madam Arcati's impending birthday.

I think some "Sunday Music" is in order - I reckon this Northern Soul gem should do very nicely...

All that bopping's a bit too energetic, but the song's fab!

Saturday 3 February 2024

Come down to the boathouse, dear Sir

It is LGBT+ History Month here in the UK!

I'm on the hunt for interesting events to attend this month - but in the meantime, here's the irrepressible Steve Hayes aka "Tired Old Queen at the Movies", with an all-time gay classic (and favourite of mine):

One of the sexiest films ever made...

More Maurice

Friday 2 February 2024


Yeah, baby, yeah!

It's almost the weekend - and there's just two more of those to go before we fly to Spain!

Speaking of which, here's one from the vaults to get us in the mood for a party [and indeed we do have one, as the clans gather tomorrow in Wetherspoons for The Madam's birthday, which is on Tuesday] - so ¡Gracias Disco Es viernes!

[Read more about the scandalous Señorita Estrada, whose "greatest hits" album was titled The Sexadelic Disco Funk Sound of... Susana Estrada]

Have a good one, dear reader!

Thursday 1 February 2024

The dance of love?

2024 marks the 70th anniversary of the explosion on an unsuspecting world of Rock'n'Roll [well, commercially, anyhow], courtesy of Bill Haley and his Comets. This remarkable youth movement outraged the hitherto prim and proper 1950s [helped, no doubt, by the parallel post-war advances in electric instruments, recording technology, television and movies], and begat the likes of Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard, Eddie Cochran - and of course, Elvis.

I was never a fan of his [nor particularly of the whole genre, to be honest] but today - after a bitch of a day - even I am more than happy to feature the "King of Rock and Roll", when he's been mashed-up so brilliantly!

Thanks to Madam Arcati for stumbling across this one...

I feel better already.