This is it!

The weekend looms ever closer...

...and it's time for a celebration! Another notable "birthday girl" this week was the very lovely disco queen Miss Melba Moore, who was 80 on Wednesday.

Facts about Miss Moore:

• Her mother was a singer, her birth father was a bandleader and her step-father was a jazz pianist, so it was inevitable that music would be her chosen career.
• She started out as a backing vocalist for the likes of Frank Sinatra and Aretha Franklin.
• She succeeded Diane Keaton in the lead role in Hair on Broadway in 1969.
• In her long career, she won a Tony for her role in the musical Purlie, three Grammy nominations for her music, and in 2023 received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Not exactly a "household name" here in the UK, admittedly - she only ever had two Top 20 hits - but this one is the one for which she will be eternally remembered. Thank Disco It's Friday!

Melba Moore - This Is It

Many happy returns, Melba Moore (born Beatrice Melba Smith, 29th October 1945)!

---

Meanwhile...

Today is Samhain, Calan Gaeaf, Dziady, Allantide, Hop-tu-Naa, The Season of the Witch - it's Hallowe'en!

Even the Pet Shop Boys have got into the spirit...

Pet Shop Boys - It's A Sin (Bryce Miller Monster Mix)

...however, it is this clip that is my unending tradtion at this time of year, knowing full well that is scares my dear sister witless, every time:

The Return of Count Yorga

Careful who you bite, dear reader - and a have a fab, spooky weekend!

Boo!

Care home workers are struggling to decorate their premises for Halloween without reminding residents of their imminent demise, it has emerged.

Staff at the Shady Oaks Care Home in Taunton have realised that furnishing the premises with fake skeletons, ghosts and coffins may be a bit too close to reality for its elderly residents.

Carer Joanna Kramer said: “It dawned on me as I was putting up headstones in the garden: the afterlife is the one thing we’re all trying not to dwell on.

“Sure, Halloween makes death look like a fun, spooky adventure. But when your zombie makeup bears more than a passing resemblance to the people you’re caring for, you feel a bit tasteless.

“It’s not just insensitive, it’s bad for business. If we take the scares too far by jumping out and shouting ‘boo’ while dressed as a ghost, our entire income stream could perish in an instant.

“Maybe we should lean into their fears which don’t border on the supernatural. Dressing up as an illegal immigrant or trans person could be a more appropriate way to freak them out.”

Resident Margaret Gerving, 93, said: “The only thing I’m scared of is continuing to live in this underfunded shithole. Bring on the sweet release of death, I say.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

I can face a new tomorrow, if I make it past today

Monday again...

It's a blustery day out there and, as we prepare to haul ourselves out into it for another edifying week at work, we need something jolly to cheer our spirits...

...so let's start the countdown to Hallowe'en this week, who better on this Tacky Music Monday to provide a pick-me-up than... Morticia Addams?!

Bebe Neuwirth - Just Around the Corner (from The Addams Family musical)

Death is just around the corner
Waiting patiently to strike.
One unplanned electrocution
That's the kind of end
I can comprehend.

When I'm feeling uninspired
Or I need a little spree
I'm reborn knowing
Death is just around the corner
Coming after me.

Death is just around the corner
Waiting high upon the hill
Someone buried in an avalanche (gasp)
That's the kind of fig
I can really dig.

Marriage often disappoints you.
Not each husband is a gem.
So I'll mourn
Knowing death is just around the corner
Coming after them.

If life were plums
I'll muddle through some.
But when death comes
I hope it's gruesome. (hot-cha)

Some people die from public stoning,
Faulty wiring, faulty zoning,
Cherry pits they didn't know were there.

It could be by a jungle cat
A slippery mat.
A baseball bat.
Perhaps an unsuccessful love affair.

It could be on a speeding train,
It could be underwater.
It could be too much Novocain
Or even by your daughter.

Perhaps a bad mosquito bite.
A title fight.
Religious rite.
My darlings, it might even be tonight.

Death is just around the corner
No one's ever been immune.
Turning off a respirator
With a simple click
Strenuously quick.

I can face a new tomorrow
If I make it past today.
I feel good saying
Death is just around the corner
Simply on its way.

Death is just around the corner
And you have to be enthralled.
For your death is just around the corner
Happy being both the mourned and mourner
Because death is just around the corner
Coming for us all.

Have a good week, dear reader.

Goolies!

Happy Hallowe'en, dear reader! The night of witches, bitches and ghosts with goolies.

It's all bollocks, of course - but at least it gives me a chance to play a bit of spooky music - like this old fave from the vaults...

Polo & Pan - Mexicali

However, there's one tradition I always uphold at this time of year...

...it's time for the clip that scares my dear sister witless, every time:

The Return of Count Yorga

{{{evil cackle}}}

And the raven was called sin

The witching bitching season is upon us...

...and there are some traditions that are just too good not to repeat! This clip is my annual treat torture for my dear sister, who simply adores it:

The Return of Count Yorga

[Laughs maniacally.]

Happy Hallowe'en, everyone!

The Return of Count Yorga

---

And then, there's this [which we heard for the first time on Elaine Paige's Radio 2 show on Sunday]!

Marin Mazzie - And Eve Was Weak (Carrie the Musical)

Terrifying!

Don't get your ghoulies in a twist, dear reader...

Perché non ti succhi un bel pollo?

Monday again, and there's even more horror than usual. Not only have the clocks gone back, so the feeling of creeping darkness is upon us, but Hallowe'en is tomorrow...

On this Tacky Music Monday, let's have something appropriate - and most bizarre - to brighten things up!

Bruno Martino - Dracula Cha Cha

Have a good week, dear reader.

You better stop the things you do

Monday and Hallowe'en, "The Season of the Bitch" - I mean "Witch" - what an appropriate combination of horrors.

To cheer us all up on this Witchin' Tacky Music Monday, how about an unusual treatment of a familiar standard, that fits the day nicely?

Broken Peach - I Put A Spell On You

Have a good week, dear reader.

---

Footnote

For my dear sister.

It's tradtional.

The Return of Count Yorga

Hee hee!

It stops the hurting

It's Hallowe'en next week, dear reader - as if you didn't already know, what with the amount of cobwebby tat in the shops, not to mention the so-called "spooky" food ranges. "Vampire Crumpets", anyone?

Of course, that also means that just about every radio show is playing some vaguely-horror-tinged music, which generally follows the lines of Saint-Saens' Danse Macabre, Dusty singing Spooky or the ubiquitous Bobby "Boris" Pickett and The Monster Mash...

Thank heavens for Dermot O'Leary's Alternative Sounds of the 90s show on Radio 2, as he gave a rare airing for this long-forgotten (by me, anyhow) gem:

Bjork and David Arnold - Play Dead [from The Young Americans, 1993]

Darling, stop confusing me
With your wishful thinking
Hopeful embraces
Don't you understand?

I have to go through this, I belong to here
Where no one cares and no one loves
No light, no air to live in
A place called Hate, The City of Fear

I play dead, it stops the hurting
I play dead and the hurt stops

Miserable, but I love it!

Season of the Old Queen?

Winter is officially on our doorstep...

'Tis the season of witches, bitches, werewolves and zombies again. Hallowe'en, Samhain, Calan Gaeaf, Dziady - the only time of the year anyone gives a stuff about pumpkins or toffee-apples...

It's also the season for horror B-movies - and here's Steve Hayes aka Tired Old Queen at the Movies with one of his favourites!

Tired Old Queen at the Movies - The Deadly Mantis

Happy haunting, peeps!

---

Footnote:

For my sister...

The Return of Count Yorga

...it's traditional...

None of your wittering, twittering, petty poltergeists for them

Lest we forget, here's a little something for Hallowe'en (courtesy of the playlist of the lovely Liza Tarbuck on Radio 2 tonight):

Jake Thackray - The Castleford Ladies Magic Circle

 

The Castleford Ladies' Magical Circle meets tonight,
In an upstairs aspidistra'd room that's lit by candlelight,
Where Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Practice every week unspeakable pagan rites.

Dressed in their Sunday coats and their flowerpot hats,
Respectable middle-aged ladies - running to fat, at that -
There's Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies,
Each with a Woolworth's broomstick and a tabby cat.

But they don't waste time with a ouija board or a seance now and again, no.
None of your wittering, twittering, petty poltergeists for them. No,
Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Prefer to be tickled by the whiskery chins of bogey men.

Their husbands potter at snooker down the club,
Unaware of the devilish jiggery-poke and rub-a-dub-dub,
While Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Are frantically dancing naked for Beelzebub.

And after the witches' picnic and the devil's grog,
After their savage pantings, their hysterical leap-frog, well,
Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Go back home for cocoa and the Epilogue.

So be careful how you go of a Saturday night:
If you see a little old lady passing by, it very well might be
Elizabeth Jones or Lily O'Grady
Or one of those Satanical ladies.
Their eyes are wild and bright, their cheekbones all alight.
Don't go where they invite,
Because the Castleford Ladies' Magical Circle meets tonight. 

Faboo!

Footsteps echo on the stones

Yes, dears, it is indeed Hallowe'en today - the night of the witches bitches!

To fit the occasion, how about a little selection of some newer spookier music that has caught my ear lately?

Perel - Alles

Otros Aires - I´ve Seen that Face Before (Libertango)

A Number of Names - Sharevari

Saada Bonaire - You Could Be More As You Are

And then there's this (my favourite "sinister dance" of the lot)...

Polo & Pan - Mexicali

As ever, let me know your thoughts.

The Transylvania Twist

Happy Hallowe'en, dear reader!

...and we all know what this means - it's time for the clip that scares my dear sister witless, every time:

The Return of Count Yorga

It's traditional.

Among those unfortunates who were born on Hallowe'en: Dick Francis, Helmut Newton, John Candy, Russ Ballard, Chiang Kai-shek, Barbara Bel Geddes, Peter Jackson, Jan Vermeer, Bernard Edwards, Johnny Marr, Ethel Waters, Annabella Lwin, Zaha Hadid, Vanilla Ice, the truly monstrous Jimmy Saville, Michael Landon, Tom O'Connor, David Ogden Stiers, and...

The Cheeky Girls. [Who happen to have been born in Transylvania, Romania!]

Oh, the horror...

Cheeky Girls - Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)

Twins of Evil, indeed.

Don't touch me I'm a real live wire

Continuing our half-arsed attempt at sneaking a few "spooky" themes into this Hallowe'en week, how about this classic Talking Heads hit - played on ukuleles?

Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain - Psycho Killer

Fang-tastic!

https://www.ukuleleorchestra.com/

I can face a new tomorrow - if I make it past today

Monday again! Sod it.

As we haul ourselves back out into the bleak and bitter air, just to sit and be bleak and bitter in the office, so we need something jolly to cheer our spirits...

...and, with it being Hallowe'en this week, who better to sing for us on this Tacky Music Monday but... Morticia Addams!

Bebe Neuwirth - Just Around the Corner (from The Addams Family musical)

Death is just around the corner
Waiting patiently to strike.
One unplanned electrocution
That's the kind of end
I can comprehend.

When I'm feeling uninspired
Or I need a little spree
I'm reborn knowing
Death is just around the corner
Coming after me.

Death is just around the corner
Waiting high upon the hill
Someone buried in an avalanche (gasp)
That's the kind of fig
I can really dig.

Marriage often disappoints you.
Not each husband is a gem.
So I'll mourn
Knowing death is just around the corner
Coming after them.

If life were plums
I'll muddle through some.
But when death comes
I hope it's gruesome. (hot-cha)

Some people die from public stoning,
Faulty wiring, faulty zoning,
Cherry pits they didn't know were there.

It could be by a jungle cat
A slippery mat.
A baseball bat.
Perhaps an unsuccessful love affair.

It could be on a speeding train,
It could be underwater.
It could be too much Novocain
Or even by your daughter.

Perhaps a bad mosquito bite.
A title fight.
Religious rite.
My darlings, it might even be tonight.

Death is just around the corner
No one's ever been immune.
Turning off a respirator
With a simple click
Strenuously quick.

I can face a new tomorrow
If I make it past today.
I feel good saying
Death is just around the corner
Simply on its way.

Death is just around the corner
And you have to be enthralled.
For your death is just around the corner
Happy being both the mourned and mourner
Because death is just around the corner
Coming for us all.

I'll drink to that!

It's traditional...

Mrs. Nelson: "Where are your fangs?"
Count Yorga: "Where are your manners?"

The Return of Count Yorga

Happy Hallowe'en, everyone! (Especially my dear sister, who I know simply adores this clip...)

[Laughs maniacally.]

The Return of Count Yorga

Mood music in a jugular vein

Hallowe'en's not even for another two days yet you'd hardly guess it, what with all the spooky costumes, animated spiders, skulls and fake blood that've been around all weekend. The shops look like a set from Rentaghost, and all radio programmes are doing "Hallowe'en Specials" - not least the ever-faboo Retro Cocktail Hour...

And here is a little promo for that very programme, as put together by the geniuses at another online favourite - Soft Tempo Lounge:

Retro Cocktail Hour - Halloween Special (28th Oct)

[Music: Morticia's Theme by Combustible Edison]

Eagle-eyed viewers will have noted a selection of "spooky" record sleeves pop-up during the video. And, because I love you, I have found them - so here they are, for your delectation!

Criswell - Someone Walked Over My Grave

Alfred Hitchcock - Music to Be Murdered By (feat. Jeff Alexander Orchestra)

Brita Borg - Frankenstein Rock

Bruno Martino - Dracula Cha Cha Cha

Hope you're having a spooky Sunday!

Dance around in your bones

Pumpkin, anyone?

How apt - the annual occasion arrives for ghouls and witches and the tortured souls of the undead to inhabit the earth, and I am heading back to the joys of the office (after almost a week away) to greet them all...

Never mind, on this Hallowe'en Tacky Music Monday, we have something spookily entertaining to get us in the mood to venture out into the fog - here's Tain't No Sin by Dan Russo!

Dan Russo Tain't No Sin

When you hear sweet syncopation
And the music softly moans
T'ain't no sin to take off your skin
And dance around in your bones!

Indeed.

Happy Samhain, my little coven!

Monster mash (up)

It's Samhain, Allantide, Hallowe'en, Calan Gaeaf or Hop-tu-Naa...

What better way to celebrate than with a Bauhaus mash-up?

DJ Alan T - Bauhaus mash-up - Tear You Apart/Bela Lugosi's Dead/She Wants Revenge

Spooky, indeed.

Watch your goolies, everyone!

Bauhaus

Let me do it, baby

Not sure what you'd call today - "Hallowe'en e'en", perhaps?

Whatever it may be, there's sure to be some partying going on this weekend - so let's get the blood pumping with this most (ahem) terrifying of dance routines by something called "Ballet Zoom"... and Thank Disco It's Friday!

Ballet Zoom - Soul Dracula

Have a spooky one, folks!

It's that time of year again...

...for me to play my sister's favourite movie clip!

Count Yorga

The Return of Count Yorga.

Of course.

Happy Hallowe'en, Hils! As every year...

[More Hallowe'en shenanigans]