Putas en gira

Tarts on Tour

We're back, dear reader, and not happy about it - even if the weather here in London is beautiful and sunny (which helps), we're not exactly sitting on the Mediterranean coast sipping Tinto de Verano...

It was a splendid break; the weather was mainly gorgeous (for February!), and we succeeded in our usual strenuous effort to do absolutely bugger all for seven days except drink, sunbathe in a beach bar, eat, drink, siesta, drink, wander the fleshpots of La Nogalera and drink.

But what did we miss while we were away?



The big news was nothing to do with Trump, nor bloody Brexit, but the death of an icon - Karl Lagerfeld, the "vampiric" figure who dominated the world of haute couture for decades. In a sixty-year career, among many others he transformed with his genius the houses of Jean Patou, Fendi and Chloé, his own short-lived eponymous label, and of course Chanel. [The great man was, inevitably, entered into the Dolores Delargo Towers Museum of Camp on the occasion of his 80th - read here.] In his own inimitable way, he may have had had the last laugh on all his hangers-on, acolytes and wannabees as he has reputedly left his entire fortune... to his cat!

Other passings we missed included the MP of my home town of Newport Paul Flynn, Peter Tork of The Monkees, Jackie Kennedy's sister Princess Lee Radziwill, the sailor in that photo of the couple kissing in Times Square at the end of WW2 George Mendonsa, and the legendary Stanley Donen, director of classic musicals such as Singin' in the Rain and On the Town.

We missed the 70th birthday of the lovely Lyn Paul of The New Seekers, the 60th birthdays of opera diva Renée Fleming and former tennis brat John McEnroe, the 50th of Manic Street Preacher James Dean Bradfield, and the 40th of Russian uber-camp falsetto singer Vitas. He is well overdue a play, as I haven't featured him since December a decade ago...

Vitas - Opera #2

In other news: there was a slew of resignations by some nobodies on the back benches of both Labour and Tory parties; Honda announced it will close its plant in Swindon in 2021 with the loss of 3500 jobs; budget airline Flybmi went bust (thankfully, our own airline Norwegian stayed afloat long enough for us to get home), the BBC and ITV concluded negotiations to launch a new subscription-only streaming service; and "witch marks" were found carved at the entrance of "the gateway to Hell". In Derbyshire.

Enough of all that - what little souvenir did we bring back with us from Spain for your delectation this time around, dear reader?

Señoras y señores, ¡introduciendo a la señorita Kika!

Kika Lorace - Arriba, Maricón

Missing this kind of thing already...

Elegance has nothing to do with fashion

Apparently celebrating his 70th birthday this week (he refuses to admit his age), that eccentric legend Karl Lagerfeld is indeed a waspish soul.

Here are a few of his more memorable quotes:

• "I am basically the most superficial person in the world."
• "Gratitude is a sticky feeling."
• "Coming out after a show is good discipline for me because I have to watch out that I don't look like an old garden gnome next to all these 20-year-old models."
• "Elegance has nothing to do with fashion."
• "I'm sorry. What I say is only applicable as I am saying it."
• "I hate the word 'cheap'. People are cheap. Clothing is either expensive or inexpensive."
• "I really love animals, particularly when they are stuffed with cotton or polyester. That way you can guarantee that they won't bite, won't claw, won't smell bad and make your things dirty"
• "I am made of total egoism."
• "Sunglasses are like eyeshadow. They make everything look younger and prettier."
• "I avoid thinking. I want to have an easy life without problems."
• "You cannot take yourself too seriously."

Earlier this year, the DVD of his life Lagerfeld Confidential was released in the UK. I haven't seen it yet, but I am certain that even a carefully crafted documentary couldn't get to the real measure of this complicated and fascinating man...

A true dandy, and we salute him!

Hello! magazine profile of Karl Lagerfeld

The Godfather of haute couture

"I’m rather pro-prostitution. It avoids frustration, and I admire people who do it. We can’t all afford a mistress or an expensive friend. People need relief, or they become murderers. Is that a moral position?"

Fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld is a wonderfully camp old-school eccentric, with his trademark expensive shades and chalk-white ponytail. He is not just a renowned haute couturier in his own right, he is also credited with saving the House of Chanel from imminent bankruptcy - and the revealing documentary film about his life, Lagerfeld Confidential, has now been released on DVD in the UK.

Described as "an intimate and rounded portrait of a man prone to bouts of quiet introspection and sadness, yet who exudes a disarming sense of humour; a man whose adulation for the arts is manifest in everything he touches", the film gets right to the heart of what makes this extraordinary man really tick.

Evidently, Lagerfeld considers sexual preference to be no more complicated than hair colour or fashion sense. He expresses the wish that gay people would return to their old proclivity for outraging bourgeois social norms, rather than aping what he feels are outmoded institutions like marriage. And who could honestly argue with that?

Read more about Lagerfeld Confidential

The DVD is available from Amazon now