It's Eurovision time!

Yes, indeed - "The Gay World Cup" is upon us...

Let the madness commence!

We wuz robbed again - but the UK has a lot to be proud about

Eurovisionland is a strange and unpredictable place, indeed. I mean, who would ever have thought we'd sit down for a marathon four-hour viewing session that would include a song about being possessed by the ghost of Edgar Allen Poe, six women with ginormous hair-plaits dressed as druid nuns, a Dungeons and Dragons-themed combo complete with a dwarf playing a penny-whistle, a group of ballroom dancers forming a human centipede, a heavy metal band arriving on stage in a 1980s Toyota, a camp-as-tits Boy George sound-a-like with a love of hats, and some middle-aged rockers wearing dresses and military caps, taking the piss out of Putin and other dictators, singing about tractors and then stripping to their baggy underpants on stage?!

We would, of course..!

"Our gang" [below: Hils (France), Crog (Portugal), Russ (Cyprus, complete with goat), Baby Steve (Switzerland) and Alex (Italy), Lou (Ukraine, aka Volodymyr Zelenskyy), Sal (Austria)] once again did us proud at our celebration of the "Gay World Cup" aka the grand final of the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday. I allocate three countries each - one for booze, one for food, and a third for costume and/or flag-waving - and the results were colourful to say the least!

With a buffet-of-all-nations to sate our appetites soak up the vast quantities of exotic booze on offer, and photo-shoots all done and dusted, it was time for the "show of shows" to begin!

Hosted by the UK in Liverpool on behalf of Ukraine [which, for obvious reasons, was unable to do the usual duty of the previous year's winner], the organisers at the BBC certainly pulled out all the stops. The staging was superb, the special effects flawless, and the presenters (Graham Norton, actress - and budding gay icon - Hannah Waddingham, singer and TV presenter Alesha Dixon, and Ukrainian singer Julia Sanina, with additional commentary by comedienne Mel Giedroyc) were excellent, and sometimes hilarious - and the whole shebang kicked-off with with a most remarkable intro indeed. Famous artists all paying tribute to 2022's victorious Stefania by Kalush Orchestra, including our own runner-up Sam Ryder, Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Joss Stone and more... but probably most notable for an appearance by none other than Catherine, Princess of Wales, at around the 2½ minute mark!

Of the contest itself? We all had our scorecards at the ready, and watched all twenty-six performances with the usual mix of shock and awe, shouting at the telly, "phwhoaar"s at some of the totty...

Italy's Marco Mengoni

...taking advantage of some of the boring ones to go for a pee, a top-up or a fag, and "oh-fuck-how-did-they-get-into-the-final?" groans.

Then a break - and more madness, confusion and a really emotional moment, courtesy of the interval entertainment; a selection of previous Eurovision winners singing from the vast back-catalogue of songs with their roots in host city Liverpool. You might prefer to skip the bland and deadpan rendition of Imagine at the opening segment of this clip and skip to around the 2:10 slot:

You never saw them in the same room...

John-John (as usual) came up with the best "look", with his almost-true-to-the-original impression of audience favourite (and one of ours!), Käärijä of Finland (whose was one of the maddest of all performances).

Speaking of which...

The Dolores Delargo Towers jury votes were as follows:

#5 - Moldova: Pasha Parfeni - Soarele şi Luna

#4 - Belgium: Gustaph - Because Of You

#3 - Finland: Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha

#2 - Croatia: Let 3 - Mama ŠČ!

#1 - United Kingdom: Mae Muller - I Wrote a Song

This was, of course, in complete contrast to the actual votes...

First came the long, long, long presentation of the jury votes. With 37 countries taking part (only 26 made the final), it is a bit of a slog. You can imagine, dear reader, the shouting and consternation and occasional boos and hisses from our living-room, as country after country failed to give the UK any votes at all, but Sweden, Italy, and the godawful Ariana Grande-wannabee from Israel got alternate douze points, battling it out for the top slot. In the end, poor Mae only got fifteen votes.

Public votes were announced next [and in a change of rules this year, these votes could come from anywhere where the contest is shown, not just the member countries of the European Broadcasting Union], which caused a bit of a kerfuffle at the top - as, with the Liverpool arena already resounding to chants of "Cha Cha Cha!", Finland received a massive 376 extra points (the highest score from the phone-in votes), leap-frogging them all! Unfortunately, Sweden had so many points from the juries already that the 243 extra meant their song was the overall victor by a landslide with 583 points. And here is its performer, (second time winner) Loreen!

It's no Euphoria, but an earworm nonetheless.

The UK ended the evening with a total of 24, in 25th place out of 26.

• An interesting article by BBC Music Correspondent Mark Savage attempts to analyse the possible reasons why.

We hid our disappointment well, by switching off after Doreen Loreen's reprise performance, and cranking up the Dolores Delargo Towers YouTube party playlist until the wee small hours!

Same time, same place, next year?

YES!!

Who needs Tacky Music Monday when you have Eurovision?!

Queeropolis, that fabled city - and a ginger bombshell!

Rounding-off what has proved to be an absolutely hectic week - not only my first one back in work after our holiday (with all that entails), but also Objects of Desire at the Petrie Museum, the open meeting of the organisers of Gay Pride in London 2017 and Polari LGBTHM special at the Southbank Centre on consecutive nights - Madame Arcati, Hils, History Boy, John-John and I trolled off to the quaintly old-fashioned Conway Hall last night for the traditional (almost) "end-of-term-party" for Camden & Islington LGBT History Month, the "Queeropolis" Ball!!



Sadly competing directly against the much-vaunted Winter Pride event that saw the one-night-only "revival" of London's legendary Popstarz alternative gay club night at The Scala in King's Cross, the crowd was admittedly smaller than one would have hoped-for - but we made our best efforts to get the party going! Always an excuse for dressing-up, this year's theme was "Legal and Civic Society" and "high court judge, an officer of the law, ancient Roman Senator or just ‘as you were’" were the suggestions. We opted to just go the latter, and go "smart'n'blingy", although Crog did say he'd modelled his "look" on Columbo, and Hils had a wig that could pass for a barrister's, so lots of fun was had with that...



DJs Jason Prince and Alexander Price certainly helped get us in the mood with their (largely) 80s and Disco playlist, and got everyone (including the lovely eccentric hostess-with-the-mostest at the aforementioned Petrie Museum Helen Pike) up and dancing. However, things really started shaking (literally, where her sexy dancing boys were concerned!) when the evening's Mistress of Ceremonies Lana Pillay took to the stage to perform her hit Pistol in My Pocket!



The evening's programme opened with a serious introduction by Camden LGBT Forum Trustee Natacha Kennedy, who reminded everyone of the importance of LGBT History Month and how some of the lessons learned from some of the darker chapters of our history were frighteningly close to being repeated today (particularly where Trans rights are concerned). After that we went for a fag and then to the bar, so missed both the poetry of Trudy Howson and the (very loud - we could hear it in the lobby) performance by former Adam Ant guitarist David Ryder Prangley.



However, on our return, there was a whirlwind on stage - "The Beyonce Experience". Not being a fan of "Queen Bey" nor her music, this was nevertheless surprisingly entertaining - just watching him/her and his/her backing dancers cavorting all over the stage was exhausting stuff, and brilliantly done.



After a special appearance from former creative director of Harvey Nichols (she was directly responsible to the store's prominent repeated presence in AbFab), reality television star (Mary, Queen of Shops) and proud lesbian mother (she was the first celeb to marry her partner once equal marriage became law in the UK) Mary Portas, it was time for the moment we had all been waiting for - our headliner, a veteran of Stock Aitken & Waterman, Eurovision and even the Lily Savage Show, SONIA!



For the uninitiated, the effervescent and diminutive ginger-haired diva was immensely popular in the late 80s and early 90s, with 11 UK Top 30 hits, before trying her hand at comedy acting and panto. Never one to take herself seriously, she charmed even the cynics among us with her infectious laugh, and was never to be seen without a smile. And she hasn't changed a bit! She still has that powerhouse singing voice, and she had the audience absolutely in the palm of her hand, everyone singing along and waving their arms as if the 1990s had never gone away.

And here, for your delectation, is a double-bill of her greatest hits:

Sonia - You'll Never Stop Me From Loving You

Sonia - Better The Devil You Know (Eurovision Song Contest 1993)

She was Great. Sophisticated. Mersey.

We (literally) had a Ball!

Hee hee! Sophisticated, Singer, Liverpool, Great, Scouse

It's the post-Xmas Tacky Music Monday! Yesterday I sat through the marathon that was "Every Number One of the 80s". As a friend wittily said, "there must be some "number twos" amongst that lot". True, there is only so much Cliff, Tiffany, Nick Berry or Shakin' Stevens that you can take, but there were some good ones amongst them.

This being the last week of the Noughties I thought I'd focus on the charts at the end of two decades hence, 1989 - but as the chart-topper was a choice between Jive Bunny or Band Aid 2, I decided instead to check out some of the choons that didn't make the top of the UK charts twenty years ago. And for today's selection, I came across a really tacky corker... Heeeeeerre's Sonia!!

Sonia - Listen to Your Heart

And lest we forget, here's that classic French & Saunders sketch "featuring" the diminutive Scouser in all her glory...