Desert desecration?

Cinema classic Lawrence of Arabia will inevitably get remade with Tom Cruise, Matt Damon or someone like that.

Hollywood insiders admitted that Peter O’Toole’s death had drawn their attention to an exceptionally brilliant ‘property’ ripe for ruining.

A spokesman said: “Lawrence of Arabia may be one of the greatest films in cinema history but it lacked product placement and characters designed to appeal across the marketing quadrants.

“For example Peter O’Toole was great but he acted kind of gay in places and lacked the muscle bulk required for an imposing screen presence.

“Also we’ll have Jack Black in Omar Sharif’s role, repeatedly falling off a camel called ‘Fartbreath’. And it’ll be in 3D. With ‘sand hobbits’.”

The Daily Mash.

Of course.

An epic talent

Today is the centenary of the birth of the incredibly talented David Lean, film director and producer of such classics as Lawrence of Arabia (one of the most homoerotic films of its genre - featuring hardly any women actors in its cast), Bridge On The River Kwai and Dr Zhivago, as well as classic early film productions of Dickens stories such as Oliver Twist.

In his time, he collaborated with the greatest of writers - including Noel Coward and Terrence Rattigan - and a cavalcade of top actors, including Alec Guinness, Anthony Quinn, Katherine Hepburn, Peter O’Toole, John Mills, Trevor Howard, Omar Sharif, Jack Hawkins, Celia Johnson, Ralph Richardson, Kay Walsh, Ann Todd, Stanley Holloway, Robert Newton and Claude Rains.

He was indeed a towering talent. His instinct was for epics - in cinematography, music and casting - and, given the taste in Hollywood nowadays for quantity not quality, we are unlikely to see his like again. A dreadful shame, in my opinion...

Peter O'Toole and Anthony Quinn in Lawrence of Arabia

Doctor Zhivago trailer

The Bridge on the River Kwai trailer

David Lean filmography on IMDB