Wednesday, 3 October 2018

Meanwhile, at the Tory party conference...


The prime minister is to enliven her speech by bringing out a goat dressed as Boris Johnson then strangling it.

Theresa May, hoping to win members round after the warm reception afforded to her rival yesterday, believes the goat-strangling will appeal to ordinary Tories’ desire for wanton cruelty.

A Conservative insider said: “Mainly she’ll be saying all the exact same things as she’s been saying for two years, because she’s broken inside and we just can’t stop her.

“But halfway through she’ll bring on the goat, which with its stupid fancy horns and inhuman slit-pupilled eyes actually does resemble the former foreign secretary, and just belittle it.

“She’ll mock its record as Mayor of London, its terrible stint in office, its inability to keep its goaty penis in check, its shit columns for the Telegraph and how it pisses in its own beard, all of which the audience will eat up.

“Then she’ll wrestle the goat to the floor, say ‘Brexit means Brexit and I’m determined to make a success of it’ and strangle it with her immaculate yet powerful hands.”


Following the speech, polls are predicted to show BoJo the Goat as the runaway leader in the race to head the Tories with posthumous election guaranteed.
The Daily Mash

Of course.

And on this, the scrumptious Mr Jake Shears' 40th birthday, an appropriate number [and faboo video!] for the mood at that conference:


I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride


Indeed.


STOP PRESS - Mr Shears' 40th birthday photo:



Love that man!

More Jake here, here, here and here...

6 comments:

  1. I thought you were going to play Dancing Queen for Mrs May. I get she was having a little jape by sending herself up, BUT.... it didn't quite work for me. And now she's ruined a classic tune for me.
    Anyhow, Jake looks like he knows how to party properly.
    Sx

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    1. I didn't see Mrs May in action and, truth be told, I don't want to. However, no matter what people say about here, the alternatives are all much, much worse... Jx

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  2. I don't know what to think about Jake's birthday look? I'm getting Quentin Crisp if he starred in Westerns... (I prefer Jake in his birthday suit!)

    The man at the back of the tram who gets jumped on by the man wanting to get on the tram looks like Ronnie Barker!

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    1. Mr Shears probably models himself on Truman Capote as much as Mr Crisp, methinks.

      As for the classic silent movie clips, I have no doubt at all that Mr Barker would be really chuffed to find he had a doppelgänger in a Harold Lloyd comedy! Jx

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    2. PS I prefer Jake in his birthday suit, too! Saw it in the flesh once, when he waggled his bare arse at the audience at Koko in Camden. There was a stampede to catch the beads of sweat he shook off it :-) Jx

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