Sunday, 22 January 2017

Devastating courgette riots

Nobody has starved to death so far despite a desperate lack of courgettes reaching British shores.

Authorities had predicted a complete breakdown of civilisation, but so far it appears that almost nobody has even noticed the lack of courgettes.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We predicted a Doomsday scenario where there would be devastating courgette riots across the nation, only the strongest surviving, reaching home battered and bruised but triumphantly holding a courgette to be shared amongst the family.

“But instead it seems that people are bearing up surprisingly well.

“It now seems that we may avoid the bloody scenes in the Waitrose aisles brought about by last year’s hummus outage.”

Shopper Mary Fisher said: “I paid £150 for what I thought was pure courgette but when I got it home and sampled the merchandise, I discovered it was cucumber.

“I swear to God if I don’t get some courgette soon I’m going to turn to crack, or chard, whichever one’s cheaper.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Here's an appropriate song, methinks, courtesy of the Brighton Gay Men's Chorus:

The "real" story.


  1. I can't say I'm disappointed. The only thing more hideous than courgette is aubergine. And mushrooms. And the horrid inner jelly of tomatoes. And cauliflower. And green beans. Oh, and...

  2. Thanks for the reminder.

    There's a shriveled courgette in my crisper.

  3. How did Mr Devine get to be so tall??
    Meanwhile, the courgette is still in the shops in Devon - they have no place in a Devon cream tea.

    1. However, if ever the "clotted cream harvest" were to fail... there'd be rioting in the streets of Buckland Monachorum. Jx


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