Julian Most Fab

We applauded the induction of the most fab Julian Clary into the House of Homosexual Culture Hall of Fame last night!

I have always loved listening to people talking about themselves and their life - I mourn the demise of the Parky-style chat show in favour of the Jonathan Woss-style "me me me" type show (where the guests hardly get a look in). And listening to Julian in conversation with the lovely Paul Burston was indeed a fascinating and classy dip into an extraordinary life.

I never knew, for example, that Julian was brought up in a strict Catholic household, and didn't have a particularly good time of it in school. However his parents appear to have adjusted to this exceptionally camp child in their midst, and he is still very close to them.

His early teenage life was apparently quite musical. Accompanied on the Purcell Room stage by the typical "new Romantic"-style picture he related the tale of how he and a school chum formed a band, and spent hours plotting out their futures as superstars.

But Goldsmith's College beckoned, and Julian waved goodbye to his band The Thinkmen - but very soon reappeared on the cabaret circuit in the guise of "Gillian Pie-Face". Not an entirely successful stint, he admitted, as "most of the audience turned up to see Fanny [the Wonder Dog], not me!"

Gillian was ditched in favour of his far more famous persona The Joan Collins Fanclub, and when he finally landed a slot in the mid 1980s on Friday Night Live, the rest very soon was history!

Paul probed Julian about his Sticky Moments (oo-er) - the Channel 4 show that really catapulted him to fame, and we watched clips of both this and an early Joan Collins Fan Club routine. It was fabulous to rediscover the classic humour we loved so much!

The Joan Collins Fan Club part 3

Sticky Moments with Julian Clary

Of course, any evening with Julian Clary would inevitably have to touch upon "that Norman Lamont moment". Apart from the obvious outraged reaction from the British media, it was quite revealing to find out that his famous line "I've just been fisting Norman Lamont" was followed by so much raucous laughter from the audience that his intended punchline ("Talk about a red box!") was almost entirely drowned out.

Inevitably in a conversation between authors, the topic veered on to Julian's more recent successes with his autobiography A Young Man's Passage and recent first novel Murder Most Fab. He let slip a little news that a second novel is on the way, but so far no name - probably just as well, as some of the titles he came up with for the first were apparently "unsuitable for sale in supermarkets".

Murder Most Fab on Amazon

As Julian's story drew to a close, after a few audience questions Rupert Smith, dandy extraordinaire and proprietor of the aforementioned House of Homosexual Culture, presented Julian with his entry into the Hall of Fame.



And at that juncture, Julian introduced his own choice of accompanying act, The Haddocks.

We were totally unprepared for this spectacle - having spent an enjoyable hour-and-a-half engrossed in softly-spoken (but razor-sharp) repartee. The Haddocks' act consists of a large chap and a small woman dressed in sparkly variety-act costumes, variously balancing raw fish and fish fingers on parts of their anatomy - and fire-breathing. And that doesn't really do it justice.

A very bizarre closing act indeed, but one that sums up the complexity of the one and only Julian Clary.