Work it if you got the nerve

"It wasn’t just an attack on the LGBTQ community, but on one of its sacred spaces: the dance floor."

Thus, just over a year on from the horrors vested on the gay community in Orlando, none other than the Scissor Sisters have been tempted out of their own self-declared "hiaitus" to raise some money for the Contigo Fund that was set up in the wake of the murders.

In conjunction with a singer calling herself "MNDR", here is the result...

On this last weekend before Gay Xmas (aka Gay Pride in London) - let us SWERLK!!

MNDR and Scissor Sisters - SWERLK

And - just in case you needed some help in the partying stakes - here's an instructional video:

How To SWERLK

Thank Disco It's Friday!

To donate to this good cause, visit http://www.swerlk.com/...

...and have a great weekend!

Out come the 1980s ballads and the weird confessions

Most Britons cannot possibly have just one drink, researchers have confirmed.

Scientists discovered that there is something in the first drink that renders British people incapable of not staying for another, even when they repeatedly insist they have to get up for work in the morning.

Dr Emma Bradford said: “Then once they are two drinks in, it seems a pity not to stay for one more, then they have another because they are having such a nice time.

“And two hours later, out come the 1980s ballads and the weird confessions.”

She added: “Until we can find a cure for this genetic defect, I would advise British drinkers to cut out the first drink completely and go straight on to the second and third.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Chin, chin!

De Mooiste Stad

The tabloids are in a tizz over the impending return of The Great British Bake-Off

We are on a bit of a countdown to London's Gay Pride March (two weekends away!) - with last-minute shopping and adding a few trims to our outfits - and we have also booked our annual pilgrimage to Amsterdam for my birthday in August!

How appropriate (among a slew of famous birthdays including actress Kathy Bates, journalism guru Harold Evans, the faboo and sadly missed John Inman, composer Richard Rodgers, the lovely Gilda Radner and the living legend that is Mel Brooks) that we have a rather appropriate centenarian to celebrate today - one of Holland's most-lauded popular singers (and gay man), Wim Sonneveld!

Here he is with one of our favourite songs about one of our most beloved cities - Aan de Amsterdamse Grachten:

Wim Sonneveld - Aan de Amsterdamse Grachten

Aan de Amsterdamse grachten
heb ik heel mijn hart voor altijd verpand.
Amsterdam vult mijn gedachten,
als de mooiste stad in ons land.
Al die Amsterdamse mensen,
al die lichtjes 's avonds laat op het plein.
Niemand kan zich beter wensen
dan een Amsterdammer te zijn.

Couldn't agree more.

Willem "Wim" Sonneveld (28th June 1917 – 8th March 1974)

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim

Timeslip moment again...

...and our DeLorean has skidded to a halt in the poodle-perm-dominated, Iran-Contra-scandal-hit world of 1987 - the year of Thatcher vs Kinnock, the Zeebrugge disaster, Euro Disney, the Hungerford massacre, the Channel Tunnel, Eniskillen, the "Great Storm", Rick Astley, the King's Cross fire and the birth of The Simpsons (and of Zac Efron, Andy Murray, Joss Stone and Karen Gillan).

In the news in June thirty years ago: Maggie Thatcher won her third term in office in the snap general election; the Iraq-Iran War reached a new nadir with the use of chemical weapons on civilian targets; there were race riots in the Chapeltown area of Leeds; South Korea experienced widespread unrest in the June Democratic Uprising; UK unemployment fell below three million for the first time since 1981; in the ascendant were the European Union (with the signing of the Single European Act), Peter Beardsley (the most expensive football player transferred in the UK to that date, with a £1.9 million move from Newcastle United to Liverpool) and basic common sense (as the US Supreme Court ruled that teaching "creationism" was unconstitutional; it is a religious doctrine not a science), but we said our sad goodbyes to the legendary Fred Astaire. In our cinemas: London saw the gala premiere of 15th James Bond film The Living Daylights (starring Timothy Dalton); also showing were Police Academy 4 and Three Amigos. On telly: The Network Chart Show (ITV's answer to Top of the Pops), camp classic Prisoner: Cell Block H, and the much-mocked It's a Royal Knockout.

In the UK charts this week in 1987? Power ballads and big hair predominated, with John Farnham, Whitesnake, Starship, Johnny Logan and Wibblin' Whitney all present; Bruce Willis was there doing his "comedy karaoke"; but there was also salvation in the form of Pet Shop Boys, Sam Fox and Curiosity Killed the Cat. And at the top of the pile was this - a cringeworthy "classic" if ever there was one...

It's The Firm and Star Trekkin'!

The Firm - Star Trekkin'

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!

Ye cannot change the script Jim.
Och, #!*& Jimmy.

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

As I said: a classic.

A lot of what it takes to get along

Sharing a birthday as he does with such magnificently-named individuals as Wolfgang Windgassen, Chesty Puller and Hedwig Sophia, Duchess of Holstein-Gottorp, Syd Lawrence sounds positively pedestrian...

However, in his day Mr Lawrence was lauded for "reviving" the sound of the Big Bands of yesteryear for a new audience, and, such was his renown that his orchestra - decades after his passing - continues to perform in venues up and down the country.

The Syd Lawrence Orchestra was also a staple of prime-time variety shows during the 60s, 70s and even into the 80s - as in this remarkably unusual performance on Sez Les (Les Dawson's flagship ITV show) in 1972. On this Tacky Music Monday, here's his rendition of We're in the Money - but why the strippers..?

Syd Lawrence Orchestra - We're in the Money

They make Pan's People seem like The Bolshoi.

Have a good week, peeps!

Syd Lawrence (26th June 1923 – 5th May 1998)

Glory and Cloggz

Ipomoea purpurea (Morning Glory) "Kniola's Black" in the Gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers

It's not often that we say "I wish it would rain" here in the UK. But when the skies are so grey and the air is so humid (despite the wind), it really could do with a bloody good thunderstorm to clear the air... Despite everything, I still managed to enjoy a good old potter in the garden today - planting a few climbers for the fence and on one of our two "obelisks" in the main beds.

On the other, the faboo Morning Glory above has already taken hold with a vengeance, and we have another half-dozen seedlings to go in to accompany it - utterly beautiful (even if, as its name implies, it only puts on this stunning show in the morning, and the flowers are closed and gone by noon)!

As ever, my soundtrack all day has been Radio 2 - mainly 80s throwbacks and, of course, easy listening. Like this lot!

Here's a double bill from The Cloggz:

The Cloggz - YMA

The Cloggz featuring Gabi Frodden - I Dive Deep

Love 'em!

Fly me to...1968?

He needs to cool down a bit

As our unexpected heatwave gives way to humid, muggy conditions with a distinct threat of rain, so we need to find a way to escape.

And what better way than on a 1968 BOAC trip across the USA...

...courtesy of those geniuses at Soft Tempo Lounge..?

Soft Tempo Coast to Coast '68

Support Soft Tempo Lounge today!

Music: Message by Piero Piccioni and Lydia MacDonald
Intro music: Call Me by the The Kessler Twins

Is it really magic in the air?

And so the weekend finally beckons - fingers crossed, now that our remarkable heatwave is over and cooler breezes waft over the UK, that it stays sunny!

Speaking of "sunny", it is (gulp!) the 60th birthday today of the charismatic Mr Leee [sic] John, the campest showman of the 80s "funk revival". With acres of gold lamé, and plenty of gyrating male flesh, he and his band Imagination certainly - ahem - captured the imagination in the 80s. Not least with this one...

Thank Disco It's Friday, and let's hope it isn't all Just An Illusion!

Imagination - Just An Illusion

Searching for a destiny that's mine
There's another place another time
Touching many hearts along the way, yeah
Hoping that I'll never have to say
It's just an illusion, illusion, illusion

Follow your emotions anywhere
Is it really magic in the air?
Never let your feelings get you down
Open up your eyes and look around
It's just an illusion, illusion, illusion

Could it be that it's just an illusion?
Putting me back in all this confusion?
Could it be that it's just an illusion now?
Could it be that it's just an illusion?
Putting me back in all this confusion?
Could it be that it's just an illusion now?
Could it be a picture in my mind?

Never sure exactly what I'll find
Only in my dreams I turn you on
Here for just a moment then you're gone
It's just an illusion, illusion, illusion



Many happy returns, Mr Leslie McGregor John (aka Leee John, born 23rd June 1957)

The Apocrypha of St Nigel

War, Famine, Pestilence and Death have a fifth companion known as Stupidity, experts have discovered.

The find was made in an obscure passage in the Apocrypha of St Nigel, a little-known fifth-century Saint who is patron of talking loudly in pubs and deliberately driving your car into a tree.

St Nigel was martyred after falling down a manhole to the sound of a host of angelic sad trombones.

Bible expert Tom Logan, from the Institute of Studies, warned the discovery suggested the end times might be upon us.

He said: “The passage in question makes a direct reference to the ‘last trump of doom’ when Stupidity would ride forth to bring manifold miseries upon all the lands of the Earth.

“In his left hand he held a great scroll upon which were uncounted numbers of unsourced memes which reinforce thine prejudices, and when opened it rained forth a plague of fatuousness upon humanity.

“And all comments threads followed after him.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

The temperature's rising, it isn't surprising

It's the longest day of the year - Midsummer Day - and the weathermen have predicted it's going to get hotter than even the last few days (which have been scorchers). If the thermometers reach 34C, it will officially be the hottest June day in Britain since the fabled "Summer of '76"!

Here's an appropriate number, methinks, for a Heatwave...

Phil Normana and the Upstarts - We're Having a Heatwave

We're having a heat wave,
A tropical heat wave,
The temperature's rising,
It isn't surprising,
She certainly can can-can.

She started a heat wave
By letting her seat wave
In such a way that
The customers say that
She certainly can can-can.

Gee, her anatomy
Makes the mercury
Jump to ninety-three.

We're having a heat wave,
A tropical heat wave,
The way that she moves
That thermometer proves
That she certainly can can-can.

Here's a house, here's a door. Windows: 1 2 3 4, ready to knock? Turn the lock – It's Play School

They're dropping like flies...

The star of Play School and Play Away [the show that launched the career of Jeremy Irons, Tony "Baldrick" Robinson and many others], the voice of Trumpton, Camberwick Green and Chigley - and yet another fondly remembered part of my childhood - Brian Cant is dead.





Proud possessor of one of the most soothing and friendly of voices in broadcasting, he, much like his contemporary and also recently departed John Noakes, was the beloved "friend" of generations of children from the 1960s to the 1980s.

So come along, children - sing along!

Play Away with Brian Cant

RIP Brian Cant (12th July 1933 – 19th June 2017)

Aaah, voglia di ballar con te!

After a weekend that involved paying tribute to one "triumph of art over nature", it is time to applaud another!

Lord knows we need some cheering up in order to drag ourselves out of the glorious sunshine into the morbidly boring confines of the office - but, on this Tacky Music Monday, who better to provide that cheer than yesterday's birthday girl Signorina Raffaella Carrà?

She's Ballo, ballo-ing her tits off!

Raffaella Carrà - Ballo, ballo

Have a good one, peeps...

"Frying tonight!"

We've had a bit of a hectic weekend, all told - topped off by spending five-and-a-half hours in the blazing sunshine (the hottest day of the year so far) revisiting the magnificence of Kew Gardens today...

But yesterday afternoon was spent in far different surroundings - the Phoenix Artist Club, a gloriously atmospheric (and "typically Soho") basement members' club under the Phoenix Theatre. And what would possibly draw us away from the delights of hot'n'steamy London in midsummer?

An audience with the timeless siren Miss Fenella Fielding, of course!

Now in her 90th year, Miss Fielding is one of the most captivating of "English eccentrics", and, although frail, remains utterly composed, witty and adroit. Most famous for her on-screen "posh vamp" roles in such movies as Drop Dead Darling, The Old Dark House, and, of course, her most famous role as "Valeria Watt" in Carry On Screaming, nevertheless her long, long acting career has encompassed many stage roles of a "weightier" (if wildly disparate) nature - including in plays by Ibsen, Shakespeare and Henry James, a one-woman show on the life and works of Collette, a musical version of Ronald Firbank's Valmouth, a dramatised performance of the letters between Nancy Mitford and Evelyn Waugh, and revues written by Harold Pinter(!) and Peter Cook.

And it was for her sumptuous reading of chapters from her memoir (named after the most-quoted line from Carry On Screaming - "Do you mind if I smoke?") that we devoted our Saturday. She has all the gen" on many of the famous names of theatre and film - she turned Fellini down for a role he was chasing her for; and worked with numerous stars of her day including Ron Moody (who encouraged her early career), Kenneth Williams, Dirk Bogarde, Tony Curtis and Janette Scott. Yet, had her parents (particularly her father) had their way, she would never have got to RADA, nor landed the parts in revue that began her career. One of the anecdotes she gave us was of her experiences of running away, ending up in rather swanky yet Bohemian digs in Mayfair, and how her mother and auntie finally caught up with her (as she was in the bath!).

Other pieces she read included her time as a tutor for drama students - imparting such invaluable advice on "technique" as how to sit in a chair on stage without fumbling, performing in panto, and how to successfully do an "audience aside"; and she also treated us to some little vignettes of Fenella the naive schoolgirl, such as this one:

Fenella Fielding at the Phoenix - The less you know, the easier it is to get into trouble

This was a superb event, and we loved it!

Facts:

• Miss Fielding was turned down the role of the first female "Avenger" opposite Patrick McNee, in favour of Honor Blackman.
• In The Prisoner, hers was the voice of the Village Announcer throughout the series.
• She was the voice of "the Blue Queen" in cult children's classic Dougal and the Blue Cat.
• Her older brother (also still alive) is the Tory peer Lord Feldman.

Fenella has one further date in the series of readings to promote her memoir, but she has many more plans up her sleeve and shows no sign of stopping - all the news is, or will be, on her official website.

And you wait and wait and wait

Among a slew of awards bestowed by Her Maj in her 2017 Birthday Honours - in addition to Dames Julie, June and Olivia - were several other familiar faces:

• JK Rowling, Sir Paul McCartney, television cook Delia Smith and designer Sir Terence Conran become members of the Order of the Companion of Honour.
• "The Big Yin" becomes Sir Billy Connolly.
• Mezzo soprano Sarah Connolly is also made a Dame.
• Awarded the CBE: singer Sade; illustrator Raymond Briggs (Fungus the Bogeyman); author Andy McNab.
• Awarded the OBE: actress Patricia Hodge; broadcasters Gloria Hunniford and Natasha Kaplinsky; actress Sarah Lancashire; entertainer David Walliams.
• Awarded the MBE: pop stars Ed Sheeran and Emeli Sande; boxer John Conteh; Radio 3 presenter Sean Rafferty.

...and the lovely Sandie Shaw is made an MBE for services to music and charity!

Sandie Shaw - Girl Don't Come

HM The Queen's Birthday Honours 2017

Chuck all your worries and toss your thighs

It's another splendid, sunny and warm morning - and it looks as if this summery weather will continue throughout the weekend. Yay!

In preparation for the party mood ahead, let's join birthday boy Mr Gino Vannelli, his excellent poodle-perm and his incredible performing groinage, and have a good funk...

...and Thank Disco It's Friday!

Gino Vannelli - People Gotta Move

People come on and do it right
Shake your behinds like dynamite
Chuck all your worries and toss your thighs
To be tame is a pain when you realise

You gotta move
People gotta move

Shake all your brains and pump your heart
Show all the world what you are
You come on for right, you come on for wrong, you come on for zeal
'Cause the tones of your bones makes you feel

You gotta groove
People gotta move

Indeed.

Enjoy the sunshine, sweeties!

Unwittingly drinking instant coffee

Boutique festival Latitude will allow attendees to test their coffee for purity and bean quality, it has confirmed.

In a move designed to safeguard its clientèle from poor quality hot drinks, coffee testing stations will be positioned around the festival and operating on a ‘no questions asked’ basis.

A Latitude spokesman said: “While we don’t encourage coffee drinking, we acknowledge it does happen, especially if people have had a hard week working in London and need an extra boost to make it through Mumford and Sons.

“The important thing is safety. A lot of street level coffee isn’t even single origin, let alone single estate.

“In some cases people could be unwittingly drinking instant coffee or even that Mellow Bird’s stuff which has powdered milk already in it.”

Marketing consultant Nikki Hollis said: “Last year I scored a bad coffee at Latitude. It seemed fine at first but I developed a bitter taste in my throat while walking from a Zadie Smith talk to see a reformed 90s shoegaze band.

“I was sweating like a pig during Joanna Newsom’s set which I’m sure was because of toxins or something.

“Stay safe people, and don’t let non-artisan beans ruin your weekend.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Soft Tempo fugit

Stunning Coreopsis in the Gardens of Dolores Delargo Towers

I have been all day at a training course. More horrible news fills the media.

However, the weather is glorious - and we thank heavens for Soft Tempo Lounge to calm the mood...

Celebrating Soft Tempo Lounge

The wonderful creatives at STL are currently appealing to the public for support to develop and expand their "Easy Listening Empire" - and heaven knows we need them these days more then ever!

You too can become a "Soft Tempo Patron" - visit https://www.patreon.com/softtempolounge

Totty of the Day

...birthday boy, the very lovely Chris Evans [not the "ginger minger"]!

Christopher Robert Evans (born 13th June 1981)

Pull out the stopper, we'll have a whopper

Monday again? Oh, dear...

Despite the fact I am not heading for the office this morning, today and tomorrow are dedicated "study days" for the latest useless qualification I am supposed to get for work. So it's just as bad. Worse, in fact, because there is the permanent temptation of the garden to hand. At least I can smoke at my desk, however!

Plus, I have access to the best soundtracks for my studies - such as anything featuring birthday boy Mr Vic Damone [a great survivor; he blows out 89 candles today]! On this Tacky Music Monday, here is the man himself as part of a "crooner triumvirate" with Mr Andy Williams and Mr Bobby Darin, and their Broadway Medley:

Andy Williams, Vic Damone & Bobby Darin - Broadway Medley

Faboo.

Have a good week, y'all!

Vic Damone (born Vito Rocco Farinola, 12th June 1928)

Everybody's at a chem-sex party except me

Mr Bourgeois and Ms Maurice are among the most unconventional of all the artistes we might have expected to encounter at the venerable Wilton's Music Hall - a venue that over the years has played host to such eccentrics as Champagne Charlie, Dan Leno and Marie Lloyd, as well as such modern-day off-beat characters as Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Marc Almond and Camille O’Sullivan.

Described variously as "guerilla cabaret", "sequin-clad satirical weirdos", "audaciously aloof and scintillatingly strange", they certainly lived up to all of the above when we went to see them on Friday...

"So there’s this weird battle throughout the show, as we’re trying to deal with this valid viewpoint of 'OK, we really want to connect with everyone. But also, we’re cunts.'"



It is really impossible to describe the experience. A delightfully cute glitter-and-glam-queen and a deadpan B52s-esque musical accompanist (and duettist, of course), cavorting off into their own wonderful fantasy world. Part panto, part alt-cabaret, part Music Hall turn, sort-of-satirical... and definitely outré!

The eyelash-and-beehive duo's show was titled How To Save The World Without Really Trying, and - through various very offbeat diversions, including digs at the government, Britishness and (hilariously) "Maurice" going off on one about MEN ("kill 'em all!"; sung in a crazed, tongue in cheek way, of course), attacks on social media fanatics and even casting doubts about their own naïveté - ended up with their mutual decision that the answer's all down to love...

...or maybe mobile phones...

...or both...

Bourgeois & Maurice - Make Life Better

...or is it hedonism? More like it...

Bourgeois & Maurice - Chem-sex Party

Regardless what may be the answer - this was a faboo night of campery, and we loved it!

If you ever get the opportunity, you simply must...

Bourgeois & Maurice

Thought for the Day

Be still, my beating groin heart!

Hung

>
I could sit and watch this all day

Oh dear. In these times of uncertainty, it's the worst of all possible results - a hung parliament (again).

There really is only one way to usher in a weekend with that news ringing in our ears...

Madonna - Hung Up

Thank Disco It's Friday!

What happened, what happened, Yolanda?

There's nothing on telly but politics. It doesn't look good, either.

Time for a little light musical interlude, methinks...

...with the fabulous Pink Martini!

Pink Martini - Donde Estas Yolanda

¿Dónde estás, dónde estás, Yolanda?
¿Qué pasó, qué pasó, Yolanda?
Te busqué, te busqué, Yolanda
Y no estás, y no estás Yolanda
Y no estás, y no estás Yolanda

Me dicen que paseabas
en un carro Yolanda.
Muy guapa y arrogante
y todos te silbaban.

Si un día te encontrara,
no sé que puedo hacer.
No sé me vuelvo loco
si ya no te vuelvo a ver.
¿Dónde estás, dónde estás, Yolanda?
¿Qué pasó, qué pasó, Yolanda?
Te busqué, te busqué, Yolanda
Y no estás, y no estás Yolanda
Y no estás, y no estás Yolanda

Indeed.

Vote Pussy!

It may not be anywhere near as tortuous and long-drawn-out as in America, but I am heartily sick of this bloody General Election and will be very glad when it's all over and done with tomorrow!

It's time for a random diversionary tactic...

Pussy Tourette - French Bitch

Je suis oh-so-hot
Vous-voulez my twat?
S'il vous plait

French bitch
Vous-voulez my twat?
S'il vous plait
You're wasting your time
Saw my man, so she felt the need to scratch an itch
Je suis oh-so-hot
Vous-voulez my twat?
S'il vous plait
You've given her candy and you've given her snow
But the dirty little motherfucker won't let go

French bitch
Je suis oh-so-hot
Vous-voulez my twat?
S'il vous plait
You're wasting your time
Saw my man, so she felt the need to scratch an itch
Je suis oh-so-hot
Vous-voulez my twat?
S'il vous plait
You've given her candy and you've given her snow

She got the man on fire
She's all these thoughts like a pacifier
She wants her legs much higher
But if she gets too close, then she's gonna expire

If Miss Pussy Tourette were standing for Prime Minister, I would definitely vote for her..!

I graduated years ago

From the BBC:

The world's most valuable alcoholic beverage company is setting up a university to allow hundreds of students to study the science of liquor.

The Chinese state-run Kweichow Moutai company is to open Moutai University in the city of Renhuai in the country's southern Guangzhou Province as soon as it receives its accreditation from the Ministry of Education, the South China Morning Post reports... the Chinese liquor industry has long suffered a skills shortage, and the university is seen as a means of attracting new recruits.

Kweichow Moutai brews the fiery Moutai (also known as Maotai) brand of liquor, which is often called China's national drink, and it is a popular beverage at state functions.

According to the Post, Moutai University won't be the first in the country to offer unusual courses. Elsewhere, students can study crayfish preparation, lotteries, or the science of hot noodles.

"To me, education is a leading out of what is already there in the pupil's soul." - Miss Jean Brodie

Night, Night, Gromit

Oh dearie me - hot on the heels of dear old Johnny Noakes, two more stalwarts of classic British TV have gone to that great goggle-box in the sky....

Roy Barraclough (who died last week) was a veteran of old-school repertory theatre (in those halcyon days when people had to slog for years before fame beckoned; unlike today when it appears all one needs to do is appear on a reality telly programme). Once he did make the jump to television, he made his name primarily in comic roles - and his spirit of self-deprecating humour made him perfect for the part of Alec Gilroy in Coronation Street, perpetually sparring with his wife Bet (née Lynch) and Rovers Return patrons alike. But it was for his long comedy partnership with "national treasure" Les Dawson for which he is most loved by us aficionados of camp innuendo - not least for his recurring part as "Cissie" to Les's "Ada":

Cissie & Ada - The Art Gallery

Far more gentle was the comedy of Peter Sallis, whose death was announced today. Having trained at RADA just after the War, he had a lengthy stage career and numerous character roles on telly before (finally) in 1973 he became a household name playing "Clegg" in the BBC's longest-ever running comedy series Last of the Summer Wine. He was the only actor to appear in every single episode, until the series finally ended in 2010. To international audiences, however, he was far better known as the voice of "Wallace" in Wallace and Gromit, from which this is a classic scene:

Wallace and Gromit - Breakfast

RIP, both.

Roy Barraclough MBE (12th July 1935 – 1st June 2017)

Peter Sallis OBE (1st February 1921 – 2nd June 2017)

Let Me Make You Smile

We really do need something to make us smile, after the horrors of this weekend.

What could be more diverting on this Tacky Music Monday than the combination of Miss Betty Grable, a bevy of loincloth-clad Muscle Marys and a rendition of Let Me Entertain You from Gypsy..?!

Betty Grable and Muscle Men - Let Me Entertain You (1959 TV special)

Diverting, indeed.

Have a good week!

A pause for thought. Again.

Prime Minister Theresa May:

"Seven people have died as a result of the attack, in addition to the three suspects shot dead by the police. Forty-eight people are being treated in several hospitals across London. Many have life-threatening conditions.

On behalf of the people of London, and on behalf of the whole country, I want to thank and pay tribute to the professionalism and bravery of the police and the emergency services – and the courage of members of the public who defended themselves and others from the attackers...

...In terms of their planning and execution, the recent attacks are not connected. But we believe we are experiencing a new trend in the threat we face, as terrorism breeds terrorism, and perpetrators are inspired to attack not only on the basis of carefully-constructed plots after years of planning and training – and not even as lone attackers radicalised online – but by copying one another and often using the crudest of means of attack.

We cannot and must not pretend that things can continue as they are. Things need to change...

...while the recent attacks are not connected by common networks, they are connected in one important sense. They are bound together by the single, evil ideology of Islamist extremism that preaches hatred, sows division, and promotes sectarianism.

It is an ideology that claims our Western values of freedom, democracy and human rights are incompatible with the religion of Islam. It is an ideology that is a perversion of Islam and a perversion of the truth.

Defeating this ideology is one of the great challenges of our time. But it cannot be defeated through military intervention alone. It will not be defeated through the maintenance of a permanent, defensive counter-terrorism operation, however skilful its leaders and practitioners.

It will only be defeated when we turn people’s minds away from this violence – and make them understand that our values – pluralistic, British values – are superior to anything offered by the preachers and supporters of hate...

...While we have made significant progress in recent years, there is – to be frank – far too much tolerance of extremism in our country.

So we need to become far more robust in identifying it and stamping it out – across the public sector and across society.

That will require some difficult and often embarrassing conversations, but the whole of our country needs to come together to take on this extremism – and we need to live our lives not in a series of separated, segregated communities but as one truly United Kingdom...

... Since the emergence of the threat from Islamist-inspired terrorism, our country has made significant progress in disrupting plots and protecting the public.

But it is time to say enough is enough. Everybody needs to go about their lives as they normally would. Our society should continue to function in accordance with our values. But when it comes to taking on extremism and terrorism, things need to change...

...As a country, our response must be as it has always been when we have been confronted by violence. We must come together, we must pull together, and united we will take on and defeat our enemies."

Vera Lynn - Land of Hope and Glory

A camp Incredible Hulk, or Love in a Mist?

From the weird and wacky Alchemy Works:

The name of this plant [Nigella damascena] comes from a legend about the Emperor Frederick I (1125-1190), who drowned in a shallow Turkish river as he was leading a Crusade. According to the story, he was seduced by a water spirit with green hair who drowned him in the hip-deep water. This plant sprang up at the shore and displays the water spirit's hair... This magic herb is also known as bride-in-hair from the Renaissance tradition of a bride going to her wedding with her hair down to signify her virginity (lots of Maiden stuff going on here). We normally think of Venus-ruled plants as aids to love spells and such, but this legend hints at a great feminine power. The alchemist and physician Geber recognized this plant's power when he named it as an ingredient in his red elixir. Some of love-in-a-mist's other common names - jack in prison, love-in-a-tangle, and devil-in-a-bush - show that airy-fairy love spells can be as binding and as powerful as the worst hex or curse... In the Victorian language of flowers, which better fits with how this plant can be used for love charms, love-in-a-mist means "kiss me" or "you puzzle me."

...In India, the seeds are used as a sachet to keep bugs out of clothing. Rubbing them releases the scent of strawberry jam, which is what its essential oil smells like. The seeds are used in cooking - flavouring for curry and a sprinkle on bread - and supposedly taste like nutmeg but are nowhere near as good as those of its relative, Nigella sativa (black cumin). At one time the seeds were roasted and an ill person breathed in the "fumes" to "drie the braine," and it is mentioned by Dioscorides and Theophrastus for digestive complaints.

And from the far more practical (and wonderfully tongue-in-cheek) Higgledy Garden:

Nigella is a national favourite flower, a country garden staple, reliable, quirky and undoubtedly beautiful. Though she is a fleeting mistress... staying for a few short weeks before eloping with the vicar and flowering no more.

But what blooms they are, powder puff flowers in white, blue and pale purple relax amongst cool fern like foliage. The flowers soon turn into balloon-like pods with purple stripes. The pods have ‘horns’ which is where it gets another of its common names, ‘Devil in a Bush’.

I love this change it has from flower to pod, it’s nothing short of bonkers and reminds me somewhat of a camp Incredible Hulk.

Here in the extensive gardens of Dolores Delargo Towers, this "fleeting mistress" has sown itself about liberally, and adds a beautiful, frothy understory to the drama of the tall Delphiniums and Foxgloves. And, by happenstance of nature, rather than design, they complement that jonquil-yellow Aquilegia perfectly.

And it looked particularly beautiful in today's glorious sunshine.

Sigh.

It's a bedside mystery

Oh what a relief! Another weekend is hoving into view - and not a moment too soon...

To get ourselves into the mood, let's slip into a blush pink jumpsuit made entirely of man-made fibres, check that it bulges in all the right places, and twirl!!

...just like the faboo Tavares (whose founder member "Chubby" celebrates his birthday today) - Thank Disco It's Friday!

Tavares - Whodunit (1977)

Whodunit
Who stole my baby
Whodunit
Everyone in the room looks shady
Whodunit
Who stole my girl from me (Yeah)
Whodunit
Who took my honey
Whodunit
I know the motive was not funny
Whodunit
It's a bedside mystery (Yeah, yeah)

Hey, where's the phone to call Sherlock Holmes
[Somebody took my baby]
I've been framed by what's his name
And he's gettin' away Charlie Chan, see if you can
Help me find those two, won't you
Where were you on the night of the 12th
[I was by myself]
She went dancin' in the dark,
Somebody stole her heart Ellery Queen if you're so keen
Won't you help me find my sweet thing (Yeah, yeah)

Whodunit
Who stole my baby
Whodunit
Everyone in the room looks shady
Whodunit
Who stole my girl from me (Yeah)
Whodunit
(Whodunit)
Who took my honey
Whodunit
I know the motive was not funny
Whodunit
(Whodunit)
It's a bedside mystery

They don't write lyrics like that any more... [Or maybe they do? I cannot deny I have no idea what anyone in "the charts" is on about.]

Have a great weekend, dear reader.

Kosher meat

No idea what this is all about, but it certainly looks like a buffet I wouldn't mind sampling!

Sapir Saban & Arisa

It is (of course) the latest fantabulosa promo video for "Arisa" gay club in Tel Aviv.

[Note to self: must book Tel Aviv for next holiday...]