Sunday, 11 February 2018

I'm not a woman, I'm not a man, I am something that you'll never understand

Despite appearances to the contrary, this is not us in our evening attire on holiday.

We're finally back in the land of the living, dear reader...

Having suffered the slings and arrows of an incredibly busy post-house-move week during which I spent more time at the old place than at Dolores Delargo Towers #4 - cleaning, digging out and levelling the garden, and generally making good, in an effort to ensure we get our deposit/bond back - and during which time the gnomes at Haringey Library decided to block access to this very blog (halfway through me trying to post something, I might add!), and we continued to have no internet access at home, Madam Arcati and I were well overdue a holiday of total and utter relaxation and hedonism in Spain.

Our itinerary was to do absolutely nothing for a week - and we did it to the extreme, sweeties!

Splitting our time between the beach bars of Benalmádena (by day) and the flesh-pots of La Nogilera in Torremolinos (by night), and of course (some) sleep (in our rather glamorous ninth-floor, sea-facing apartment with its huge terrace and all mod cons), we still managed to catch the Elección Drag Queen del Año ("Drag Queen of the Year" election), part of Carnaval Benalmádena 2018 in the old town square, (from whence the picture at the top of this blog, and those to follow, originated). [You can check out footage of the event here.]

To be honest, it was a rather underwhelming affair - the contestants all being amateur; and "catwalk-runway-style" lip-synching queens (who can't even lip-synch) not being our style - but we were glad we went along, just to take in the atmosphere. Among the "acts" on stage were a troupe of Kazaky-wannabees calling themselves the "Butch Queens". Needless to say, we do not believe that for moment:

Despite the fact that it was not nearly as sunny nor as warm as we would have liked, we had a lovely time; we were made to feel incredibly welcome by so many people there we've known for years - and we managed to come back with gorgeous tans to boot! - but what did we miss while we were away..?

...not much, by the looks of it, apart from the fact that Northern Europe was hit by a "Big Freeze" of headline-making proportions [not so bad to just be "feeling a little nippy" in Spain, after all, methinks]. Apart from that, it just seems to have been much of the same - mostly the endless Brexit bollocks and "Trump versus everyone". Elsewhere in the news-we-missed, there was a destructive earthquake in Taiwan, some tabloid click-bait scandal about Oxfam charity aid workers using prostitutes, That Rich Twat Elon Musk's rocket/car thing was launched, and the eccentric Hannah Hauxwell (the Yorkshire hill farmer who became an unlikely TV celebrity) died - oh, and London's biggest ever "fatberg" went on show at the Museum of London.

We missed the centenary of women gaining the vote in the UK, and the Pyongyang Winter Olympics opening ceremony with a Shirtless Tongan...

... and we also missed Justin Trousersnake singing a cover of Prince's I Would Die 4 U at the American Super Bowl [a sporting event in a former colony I believe, M'Lud]:

I'm not a woman
I'm not a man
I am something that you'll never understand

I'll never beat you
I'll never lie
And if you're evil I'll forgive you by and by

You, I would die for you, yeah
Darling if you want me to
You, I would die for you

I'm not your lover
I'm not your friend
I am something that you'll never comprehend

No need to worry
No need to cry
I'm your messiah and you're the reason why

'Cause you, I would die for you, yeah
Darling if you want me to
You, I would die for you

We missed the centenaries of (Prime of Miss Jean Brodie author) Muriel Spark and the lovely Ida Lupino, the 70th birthday of Alice Cooper and the 50th birthday of Lisa Marie Presley. And we also missed the opportunity to bid farewell to Dennis Edwards, lead singer of the Temptations - so to make up for that, let's let him and the boys have a little spin around:


Is it good to be back in Blighty?



  1. Doing nothing always appeals to me, Spain sounds great. And you're moved! Congratulations! Why does it always take longer than you imagine it's going to?

    1. Spain is indeed gorgeous, and in the past we have explored many of its grandest and most historic parts - Granada, Seville, Madrid, Barcelona and Cordoba among them - but these days we tend to simply spend our time recharging our batteries in a haze of alcohol and pleasant weather... Jx

      PS As for the move, it has taken weeks of hard effort: packing, dismantling, humping and shifting, cleaning up what we left behind - and now, the mammoth task of unpacking and sorting it all out!

  2. Oh yes ! It was indeed a fab holiday and we have managed to turn doing nothing into an art form.

    1. Admittedly, by the end of it, something out of Picasso's wildest imagination... Jx

  3. Replies
    1. Mojito was just about the only thing resembling "salad" I had for a week. Jx

  4. I don't paid too much attention to the Winter Olympics, because quite frankly I'm sick of Winter by now, but I had I known there was a shirtless Tongan, I would have walked to through a blizzard to watch it.


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