Here you go, way too fast

It's another timeslip moment, dear reader...

This time, we've been unceremoniously dumped by Mac, Zeebo and Wiploc in the midst of a strike-hit, miserable British winter, thirty years ago - the year the Soviet empire began to show signs of crumbling with the start of perestroika, and the Iran–Iraq War ended; the year of Section 28, the Piper Alpha disaster, Benazir Bhutto, the Iran–Contra affair, Michael Dukakis vs George Bush, drought in the USA, Paddy Ashdown and the LibDems, and the Seoul Olympics; the year that Rihanna, Al-Qaeda, Adele, Princess Beatrice, Conchita Wurst, World AIDS Day and the first internet virus were born; and Roy Orbison, Andy Gibb, Kenneth Williams, Sylvester and Divine died.

In the news in February 1988: the first BBC Red Nose Day for Comic Relief raised £15,000,000 for charity; the Calgary Winter Olympics was in full swing (including the famed Jamaican bobsleigh team); god-bothering homophobe Jerry Falwell lost his defamation lawsuit against Hustler magazine; violence erupted in the Caucusus with ethnic clashes between Armenian and Azerbaijani territories; in the ascendant were house prices (the average across Britain reached £60,000 at the end of 1987, compared to £47,000 in December 1986; imagine...), Anne Bancroft (who won a BAFTA for Best Actress in 84 Charing Cross Road) and Dame Judi Dench (who received her DBE from HM The Queen); but we bade farewell to composer Frederick Loewe (of My Fair Lady fame). In our cinemas were RoboCop, Planes, Trains & Automobiles and The Last Emperor. On telly: You Bet! with Bruce Forsyth, London's Burning and Red Dwarf.

But what was in our charts this week in '88? Our Princess Kylie was exactly where she should be - at Number 1 with I Should Be So Lucky. Present and correct in the Top Ten were an eclectic mix of artists including Bomb Da Bass, Tiffany, Jermaine Stewart, Billy Ocean, Taylor Dayne, Morrissey, Coldcut feat. Yazz, Rick Astley and Eddy Grant. But lingering outside the upper echelons, waiting for its chance to shine, was this little long-forgotten number from the Primitives (and whatever happened to them?):

The Primitives - Crash

Here you go, way too fast
Don't slow down, you're gonna crash
You should watch, watch your step
Don't look out, gonna break your neck

So shut, shut your mouth
Cause I'm not listening anyhow
I've had enough, enough of you
Enough to last a lifetime through

So what do you want of me
Got no words of sympathy
And if I go around with you
You know that I get messed up, too
With you

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na

Here you go, way too fast
Don't slow down, you're gonna crash
You don't know what's been going down
You've been running all over town

So shut, shut your mouth
Cause I'm not listening anyhow
I've had enough, enough of you
Enough to last a lifetime through

So what do you want of me
Got no cure for misery
And if I go around with you
You know that I get messed up, too
With you
With you
With you

Na na na na na na na na na
(Slow down, you're gonna crash)
Na na na na na na na na na
(Slow down, you're gonna crash)
Na na na na na na na na na
(Slow down, you're gonna crash)
Na na na na na na na na na
(Slow down, you're gonna crash)

Thus endeth the public information broadcast.