The most culturally barren century since the Dark Ages

The current state of popular music. Discuss.

Two decades have officially passed since people knew what was at the top of the charts.

The last commonly-recognised ‘Number One’ was Ace Of Base’s All That She Wants in June 1993.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Time was when not knowing what was number one was like not knowing it was raining.

“Nowadays it could be any maniac with a large, supportive family and an iTunes account. Last year 43-year-old Roy Hobbs topped the charts with a bossa nova track about igneous rock.

Plasterer Stephen Malley was number one for 105 consecutive weeks between 2007 and 2009 with a song about dogs, called Dogs."

However, this could not guarantee Malley a table at his local Pizza Express during busy periods.

He said: “I’m the modern king of pop, my single’s sold almost 6,000 fucking copies! But the only blowjob I’ve had is one that I paid for, and it cost me my entire Spotify royalty cheque.”

Professor Brubaker said: “Mr Malley shouldn’t take it personally. It’s not his fault we’re living in the most culturally barren century since the Dark Ages.”

The Daily Mash is spot on. Again!

Ace of Base - All That She Wants

Ace of Base