Londoners have confirmed the bloody lights and Christmas markets are bad enough, but the soot-covered chimney sweeps performing upbeat musical numbers are worse.
Every street, alleyway or Pret doorway is now packed with troupes of mucky-faced bright-eyed Cockney lads armed only with harmonised optimism and inexplicably perfect tap-dancing abilities.
Hackney resident Martin Bishop said: “Set a foot outside and you’re ambushed by eight sweeps, of different ages and races, shouting ‘Blimey guv’nor, it’s a right ol’ jolly Crimbo!’ and requesting sixpences that are no longer legal tender.
“At no provocation they launch into tumbling routines involving brooms, backflips and unhealthy amounts of cheer. Repetitive songs are sung. One even addressed my wife as ‘muvver’.
“They’re choking the tube. Warbles about pies fill the air. At any moment they might shove a crownless top hat onto your head and demand you join them to sing ‘Cor, miss, Christmas’ll be scrubbed spick-and-span once we’ve sung it proper!’”
“I am not a chimney sweep. I am a senior lecturer in applied economics.”
Of course.
I'd quite like a top hat. Crownless though? I guess I could make that work.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how the sweeps get so sooty in London, seeing as there are laws about particulates and that sort of thing in the city?
Sx
They didn't have health and safety in Edwardian times... Jx
DeleteThis is the first time that I am unable to relate to a 'Mash' post.
ReplyDeleteI have never forgiven Walt Disney or bloody Dick Van Dyke for creating this myth of the happy jolly chim chim chimney sweep
This was Child labour. Chimney sweeps, used young boys from the age of 4 as "climbing boys,"tiny figures crawling through narrow flues from as young as four, risking suffocation or getting stuck. Many Died.
Just saying
Happy Christmas
'Tis the season to be jolly. Evidently. 😜 Jx
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