Retailers launch Fuck You, We're Jacking The Price Right Up Tuesday
After Black Friday and Cyber Monday, today sees the launch of a new retail event where prices are brought right back up to meet Q4 profit targets.Physical and online shops have happily announced that shoppers have had their chance to enjoy large discounts, cannot say they were not warned and goods will now cost up to 50 per cent more because they have shareholders to keep happy.
Retail CEO Martin Bishop said: “Delayed picking up a bargain over the weekend because you thought the low, low prices would last another week? Well, fuck you.
“We weren’t bluffing. We’ve got bills to pay and bonuses to make. How do you expect us to do that when we’re shifting air fryers at a 40 per cent discount? Be reasonable.
“Those offers were genuine. You scorned them. And now you reap the whirlwind. Christmas is coming and we’re here to claim what’s rightfully ours, namely your hard-earned cash.
“What’s that? It seems to you prices have been inflated well beyond their original value? Yep. That’s just part of the Fuck You, We’re Jacking The Price Right Up Tuesday fun. See you next year.”
Shopper Nikki Hollis said: “I am excited to take part in this fiscal event. I hope the shops play Christmas music.”
Of course.
I have wish lists at a few stores - none of the things I actually want were reduced last week - so my money stayed in the bank, and I was not tempted by anything I didn’t want. Pfffftttt to the profit greedy tosspots!!!!
ReplyDeleteSx
I have no wish lists (apart for the obligatory Amazon one, so people who want to buy me presents for my birthday get something I actually want). Shopping in itself is just fun, particularly in charity shops, and weird outlets like TK Maxx, where you never know what you're going to find from one week to the next.
DeleteAnyhow, the sales are much better after the Festering Season's over. That's when the shops really do want to get rid of stock they couldn't sell beforehand, to clear the shelves. Any produce that is currently available in Santa/snowflakes/reindeer/green-and-red packaging will be half-price on Boxing Day! Jx
I loathe shopping! Especially the "BIG SALE!" type.
ReplyDeleteI love a bargain, me! That faboo purple sparkly jacket I wore for Pride in 2023 was on the shelf for £85 in River Island in the run-up to the season, then just after New Year (when the party's over) it was £45. I waited another week or two - and got it for £25!
DeleteI was on a high for ages after that... Jx
When I was a teenager I used to love shopping and going to malls. Anymore I despise chain stores. Occasionally though I will use H&M, Zara and one of the three department stores. Otherwise everything I get is from local shops or vintage clothing store finds.
ReplyDeleteYou and I are of similar mind, dear! Give me a good vintage fair, charity shop or jumble sale, and I'm wrestling the decent items out of grannies' hands with the best of 'em... Jx
DeleteThere you go, Mads. We here at the El Apartmento stick to the 'Buy Local' credo. I would not go near a chain store now until February (when the REAL sales take place!) if my life depended on it. BUY LOCAL
DeleteHoorah! Jx
DeleteI quite like shopping.
ReplyDeleteBut only when there are no people about and the shops have everything I want even if I don't know what it is that I want (and it has to be in my size & colour, too).
I'd certainly rather pay full price for something than brave the shops during Black Shitting Friday!
I didn't bother with any shop that had a "Black Friday Sale" banner! The whole idea is anathema to me - but I do like shopping... Far more rewarding than wading through endless adverts for Chinese-made shit on Amazon or (nowadays) eBay. Jx
DeleteI would rather run a drill bit though the top of my foot than participate in any 'Black Friday' bullshit. No no no. What we do for the holidays is decorate in keeping with our community - little Fruitland is doing its best to shine, and we live on Main Street - and donate to a charity we pick out every year. Neither of us need or want to celebrate a holiday we don't believe in. Fuck all the knee jerk greed and consumption. We aren't herd animals. We are lone wolves stalking the prairies in the dark of the night who support the local battered womens' shelter. Woof. Grr.
ReplyDeleteThe whole Festering Season makes me sick, and I will be very glad when it's all over... Jx
DeleteSpot on as always
ReplyDeleteHo ho, fucking ho. As always. Jx
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