Wednesday 3 April 2024

Blathering on

Workplace safety assessments are finding that the main occupational hazard facing Britons is being around twats all day.

Factors such as noise, stress, long days and dangerous conditions are all minor compared to the risk of spending up to 40 hours a week in the company of total arseholes, it has emerged.

Mary Fisher, of the Health and Safety Executive, said: “You can set up your monitor at eye level, you can get your chair adjusted, you can lift heavy objects by bending at the knee. It won’t make any difference if you’re surrounded by knobheads.

“You get a headache and back pain by 1pm every day because you have to listen to idiots standing in the kitchen blathering on about whatever idiot shit they did this weekend. Some of them have the temerity to be your boss.

“Rip asbestos out with your teeth, type a 100,000-word report with your nose an inch from the screen, lick receipt paper, stick your arm in a wood chipper - none of it is anywhere near as damaging as close proximity to a bellend who calls Friday ‘Fri-yay’.

“Even working from home means incessant emails and Zoom meetings with wankers promising to download the latest 'key learnings'. You’ll never reach retirement.”

Marketing manager Helen Archer said: “On the other hand I am a twat, and I find inflicting that on everyone else intensely relaxing.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

13 comments:

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    1. Also, the Notify Me box is no longer working for me on Blogger - which is about the worst thing that can happen! Damn it.

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    2. The Daily Mash is spookily accurate!

      I had noticed that the Notifications function is - erm - not functioning properly. Typical of the Gnomes at Google - they probably tried to fix something else and broke it. I will report it, but I am not holding my breath. Jx

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    3. Saying that, I just received a notification. Maybe they heard us? Jx

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    4. No notifications for me - and the Notify Me box hasn't held on to my tick from my previous comment, so I'll have to tick it again. It's probably an Apple/Blogger incompatibility problem.
      Sx

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    5. Sorry - I'm fiddling with my settings...
      Sx

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    6. Good luck! Jx

      PS the "notify me" box was unticked for me too when I started this reply

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    7. I'm still ticked on all the old posts I've commented on - it seems to be an April 2024 issue. Sigh. Maybe Blogger will sort it out. Soon, I hope.
      Sx

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    8. I'm still having to manually re-tick the tick-box - yet I did get notified of your comment and Dinah's below... Jx

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    9. I'm trying one more thing in my settings, and then I will stop using this post as a test site :-)
      Sx

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  2. My system tells me it's been updated. Thankyou very much. Now...will you put everything back where you found it, you wanking idiots!
    Thank the gods there is the Mash!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, dear, Dinah - "wanking idiots" are always difficult to deal with... 😂 Jx

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