Overkill

Our culture is full of wonderful creations the public once had great affection for who have been overused to the point we now hate them. All these need to piss off:

Paddington Bear
Once a beloved icon of children’s literature, revived in two magical films, but there’s no coming back after you’ve sold out to have afternoon tea with the Queen. The last film was crap and his plastic replicas on town centre benches are regularly pissed on by students. Post-Baftas, he should be banished to Cyprus in cultural exile like Kevin Spacey.

Harry Potter
The books were enjoyable when you were a kid and didn’t know any better. The films were decent before you learned about acting and that Daniel Radcliffe couldn’t. The Fantastic Beasts films and JK Rowling’s transphobia gave everyone an excuse to walk away forever. It would be irresponsible not to take advantage of it.

Doctor Who
Sixty-odd years is a good innings for a TV show. It gave audiences bangers like Genesis of the Daleks and Blink, but it subjected them to the Colin Baker era, an EastEnders crossover and Russell T Davies’s reimagining of the whole of time and space as subservient to the ideals of woke. Let it die. Maybe come up with something new instead?

Peter Rabbit
Not quite as overused as the others – mercifully, we’ve yet to see the announcement of a shared Beatrix Potter cinematic universe – but what was once a mischievous rabbit became an ASBO arsehole tarnished with the vocal talents of James Corden. Plus he’s anti-farmer so his next appearance will be death by shotgun live on Clarkson’s Farm.

James Bond
They can’t find an actor because the whole concept is anachronistic bollocks. All Bond films are good for is a theme song and padding out the ITV2 schedule on a Bank Holiday weekend. Even in the world of 007 everyone was so tired of him they killed him off.

The Royals
Tolerable when the Queen was still around, like everyone had a gran they’d briefly pay attention to at Christmas if they couldn’t find the remote. But she’s gone, Andrew’s misdeeds have not coincidentally now come to light, it’s time to declare the whole sorry farce over. Kate can stay on as the nation’s Head Girl if she wants.

The Daily Mash

Of course.