Somebody's watching me

Last night's Polari "Stalkers' Night" was another in a continuing series of fantastically entertaining nights out for the thinking queen! Our hosts Paul Burston, resplendent in apparently "lesbian stalker" wig and hat, and Dom Agius looking cool and mysterious (and just the sort of stalker most boys would love) hosted magnificently, with an eclectic mix of choons from Cole Porter to Grace Jones via Blondie, provided another fab lineup of entertainment all on the stalker-ish theme...



Our opening speaker was VG (Val) Lee, whose pithy wit was perfect to deliver one of her short stories, about a downtrodden lover who wreaks deadly revenge upon her domineering partner - suffice to say, you won't want to investigate haunted churches in a hurry with her around! Then Dawn Right Nasty treated us to a little insight into her obsession with stalking trannies - from Pete Burns to Justin Bond. We collected copies of her obsessive fanzine Tranny Hag, which contains a wealth of hints and tips for the stalker, as an aide memoire in case the trend catches on.

Karen McLeod was a hoot - arriving as she did, complete with balaclava and stalking camera, to the theme tune from The Pink Panther. Her tale In Search of the Missing Eyelash is about a spurned obsessive breaking into the house of her ex, who had started a relationship with a man - shock horror - dubbed "Fat Neck" by our heroine. Once inside the house, she sets about collecting some souvenirs... "Her fluff was a deep blue-grey colour with strands of blonde hair matting it all together. If I'd had enough time to collect more it could have made a tartan scarf for winter."



But our final treat before the disco resumed was the statuesque Prestige, who, not content with singing her very own Stalker number, proceeded to entertain the masses with a pole-dance, which sent crystals flying everywhere - literally, as her coat caught a table full of glasses! Performance art at its very best, I say!

I love Polari nights, and I really look forward to the next one on 18 February, which is apparently "Dorothy Night"! All together now, "We're off to see the Wizard..."

Polari