Tuesday, 30 June 2026

Just to get away from the fucking kids

The Princess of Wales has announced that if she has to climb three peaks in 24 hours just to get away from the fucking kids, that is what she will do.

Kate completed the challenge of summiting the three highest mountains in Scotland, England and Wales and described not being whined at by her children or husband for a whole day as the ‘most fulfilling experience of her life.’

The 44-year-old said: “It’s settled. I’m a climber now. They can’t get me up here.

“I considered a marathon, but Wills said they’d be there to cheer me on every step of the way so I immediately decided ‘fuck that’.

“Instead, in the name of charity or some shit, I shall be climbing every mountain in Scotland exceeding 3,000ft in height. Where I will encounter only taciturn men swathed in Gore-Tex also up here to avoid their families.

“God, the peace of standing on that peak, gazing at the horizon, thinking ‘Even if Louis wanted a biscuit or my husband wanted to bitch about his brother, it would be nine hours before they could get up here to tell me.’ It’s the greatest feeling in the world.”

Prince William said: “Wouldn’t it be nice to all surprise Mummy in a helicopter?”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

[The "real" story]

8 comments:

  1. I wonder what she'd do to the chopper???

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  2. I wouldn't be at all surprised is she wasn't carried up in a sedan chair, the fucking lazy cow and she's moaning about her children then she shouldn't have shat so many out.

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    1. You're a Royalist, obviously. 😂 Jx

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  3. Fab
    You just gotta love 'The Mash'.

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    1. When they hit it, they tend to hit the nail on the head! Jx

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  4. It sounds like a plan to get away from all the sport being forced upon us, so I might try it myself.
    Sx

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    1. I blithely ignore it all, Ms Scarlet, unless it involves fit boys swimming or diving in teeny-tiny Speedos!

      I certainly would never bother to go climbing mountains. Far too much like hard work... Jx

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