Football is alright as a game for rough girls but is hardly suitable for delicate boys

Apparently there was some kind of fuss about football this weekend - semi-finals for something or other. But who cares!

The "beautiful game" does indeed live up to its nickname sometimes....

Old age is no place for sissies

Celebrating the centenary of that legendary actress Bette Davis this weekend, it is worth pondering that it is not for her glamour that this diva is so lauded, nor her legendary feistiness in taking on the studio system and rival stars of that classic era.

It is for her brilliant acting that we remember Bette. She never would be typecast, and all her roles were significantly different. She acknowledged that she would never rival other stars of her day in landing the most desirable romantic heroine parts - she said, "I was never beautiful like Miss Hayworth or Miss Lamarr. I was known as the little brown wren. Who’d want to get me at the end of the picture?"

Nevertheless, Bette Davis was the star of many of my all-time classic films, from the magnificent All About Eve, The Letter and Now Voyager, to her later venture into camp cult movies like The Anniversary, The Nanny and of course Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Her aforementioned feuds with other leading ladies - notably Joan Crawford - make for entertaining reading; with Shaun Considine’s The Divine Feud being one of the best. Rumour has it that this will be turned into a stage play in London later this year...

Here are some of Bette’s pearls of wisdom:

• "Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it’s because I’m not a bitch. Maybe that’s why Miss Crawford always plays ladies."
• "I will not retire while I’ve still got my legs and my make-up box."
• "Don’t get up. And please stop acting as if I were the queen mother!"
• "In this business, until you’re known as a monster you’re not a star."
• "I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn’t dare to make an enemy should get out of the business."
• "Everybody has a heart. Except some people."
• "Old age is no place for sissies"

Bette Davis - "Bumpy Night" (All About Eve)

Bette Davis - "Don't Let's Ask For The Moon" (Now Voyager)

Bette Davis and Joan Crawford - Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

To celebrate the Bette Davis Centenary, Cable channel TCM (Turner Classic Movies) is screening a selection of her films every weekend throughout April, and is supporting a nationwide tour of selected UK cinemas.

Bette Davis tribute in The Telegraph

If music be the food of love then laughter is its queen

All the fuss in the media over the court battle between former members of Procol Harum over who gets a cut of the royalties from their mega hit of the 1960s A Whiter Shade of Pale only serves to remind me just what a peculiar classic this song really is.

With its dreamy atmosphere, it really summed-up the "Summer of Love", and harks back to a very different world. I think it is a brilliant record, and was delighted to discover that someone has restored the original (colour!) film that accompanied the song on its release.

Enjoy this slice of nostalgia - I did (particularly those trousers...)

Procul Harum - A Whiter Shade of Pale

We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels ’cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
But the crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
As the ceiling flew away
When we called out for another drink
And the waiter brought a tray

And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale

She said, "There is no reason
And the truth is plain to see."
But I wandered through my playing cards
And they would not let her be
One of sixteen vestal virgins
Who were leaving for the coast
And although my eyes were open wide
They might have just as well been closed

And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale

She said, "I’m here on a shore leave,"
Though we were miles at sea.
I pointed out this detail
And forced her to agree,
Saying, "You must be the mermaid
Who took King Neptune for a ride."
And she smiled at me so sweetly
That my anger straightway died.

And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale

If music be the food of love
Then laughter is it’s queen
And likewise if behind is in front
Then dirt in truth is clean
My mouth by then like cardboard
Seemed to slip straight through my head
So we crash-dived straightway quickly
And attacked the ocean bed

And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale

Read about the court battle on the BBC

Savoir Faire

The catchiest record of the moment - it’s Odyle by Heloise and the Savoir Faire!

Heloise and the Savoir Faire - Odyle

http://www.myspace.com/heloiseandthesavoirfaire

Wow wow wow wow

Kylie’s latest raunchy outfit was all over the papers today - and I think she looked fab!



Apparently our Impossible Princess is on a media tour of the States - trying to crack the lucrative market over there is just one tacky show after another.

The "Hells Angels meets Versace" outfit was launched on Dancing With The Stars, which apparently has about 20 million viewers across America(!), and and over the next few days Kylie is appearing on the Ellen DeGeneres Show (wisely choosing to appear on the same show as Hillary Clinton - but they aren’t planning a duet), and the Late Late Show in an attempt to promote her latest album Kylie X.

Good luck, girl - just don’t end up on Jerry Springer...!

Kylie Minogue - Wow

Kylie on MySpace

"That's the last time I play the Tart for you, Jerry!"

As we celebrate Penelope Keith’s birthday today, I thought I had to post a clip of the lady herself in one of her finest roles, the fearsome Margo Leadbetter:

Margo's Muddy Moment - The Good Life

Penelope Keith biography

Stand up for Johnny

Good Heavens!! Trojan condoms has offered Johnny Depp 10 million dollars to be the "face" of their their Magnum range.

What a lovely concept - just think of how many variations on a safe sex video one could imagine with Johnny Depp in them...

And if they’re looking for volunteers for what their ad campaign is describing as "Stand up with Johnny for safer sex", then I’m your man!

As featured on D-Listed