Tuesday, 26 June 2018

Sweaty brows

A guide to surviving the heatwave whilst you are technically meant to be doing a job.

Council workman/Builder
It’s surely too hot to work, so just sit around, reading the paper and drinking cups of tea. Then if the boss shows up quickly jump up and look like you’ve been working the whole time. Basically the same as any other working day.

Office worker
They can’t be expecting you to give 100 per cent, not in this heat, surely. The toilet will be the best place to avoid work as you can just sit there watching old cartoons on your phone. When you finally return to the office, hold your stomach and mutter about some bad prawns.

Police officer
Who can be bothered chasing criminals in this kind of heat? Just sit in the police car, turn the air conditioning up and maybe eat a Mint Feast or Solero. If it’s too hot for you to work then it’s definitely too hot for criminals to work.

Heart surgeon
Even in normal-weather operations they have those people who dab your sweaty brow, so just imagine how much dabbing they’d have to do during a heatwave. Most heart operations probably aren’t that urgent anyway, and hospitals are full of beds so simply find an empty one and have a siesta.
The Daily Mash

Of course.

So, what do you do to avoid the sweaty heat, dear reader?


  1. Avoid it? Hells, I pop outside and ogle the sweaty, muscular builders who are constructing some flats next to work. Admittedly, only a few are worth ogling. When they're out-numbered by the pie-eaters, I toddle back into my air-conditioned office.

    1. We've had a construction site out the back of our office for the past five years (it's a mega-electricity-substation; I missed the Charles'n'Camilla visit to open it) - and nary a sniff of any totty anywhere. I am going to write a stern letter to someone, somewhere, about this! We need a "Diet Coke Break"... Jx

  2. It seems that my thoughts turn to interior design and I try to make my very solid 1920's house look like a beach hut. The sun has gone to my head!

    1. Never forget that "beach hut" won't seem quite such a great design idea come February... Jx


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