Tuesday, 12 June 2018

The buzz of buying shit

We get it, you like Primark, says New Look
New Look is to refocus on selling shit clothing dirt-cheap because that is apparently what Britain wants.

The high street retailer admitted its current lines had not caught on with customers because they were priced in double figures and capable of surviving three washes.

New Look CEO Carolyn Ryan said: “The clothes we sell are fairly crap already, obviously. We’re not Zara. But the market has shown that they are not crap enough.

“From now on it’s £6 hoodies that unravel on contact with air, black tops that fade to a washed-out grey on the way home, and jeans that come pre-distressed simply because they’re so shoddily made.

“From now on you can leave with a bulging bag of New Look clothes and not worry about wearing any of them, because that’s not what you care about anyway is it? You just want the buzz of buying shit.

“Plus this makes it easier for the teenage girls behind the counter to direct their utter, crushing contempt for you. Which is their main job.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

The "real" story.


  1. There is a disturbing element of reality in this...

  2. Erm.... I think the woman with her face in her hands might have more of a problem than dodgy clothes.... it appears that her leg is falling off.

  3. Oh... I see now...it's a bag.
    Ignore me. Pretend I wasn't here. I should have gone to Specsavers.

    1. Oh, good gods! My niece has one of those, but in pink. No one likes to get near here when she wears it because not only does it stink after being worn for any more than two minutes, but it generates an inordinate amount of static electricity. She could power the whole village if wired up properly, I'm sure.

    2. Keep her away from Dralon furniture. The combination is incendiary. Jx


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