Our very lovely Mimulus ("Monkey Flower") that survived both the heatwave last year and the winter cold and murk in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers.
Experts are urging the public to take care during this weekend’s hot weather due to a sharp rise in dickheads.The Daily Mash
With temperatures set to reach 26 degrees, the Met Office has issued an official warning to alert people to the risk of wankered daytime drinkers, tubby tattooed men without shirts and other hazards.
Meteorologist Norman Steele said: “The hot weather is guaranteed to bring out every boozy, lobster-faced cretin, 42-year-old skateboarder and twat with a frisbee.
“Try to avoid beaches as they will be rammed with shrieking Lambrini drinkers. Also avoid public fountains unless you want to see tiresome exhibitionists predictably dancing in them.
“Our advice is to stay indoors and under no circumstances go to your local park, as the yobs will be out in force. Also avoid roads, as they will be full of drivers who genuinely believe you’re impressed by shit techno.
“If you absolutely must go outside, wait for the weather to improve with some rain. A light shower makes dickheads rush indoors screaming, for some reason.”
Although dickhead levels will be high, it is not thought they will reach last year’s record-breaking spell of drunken sunburn victims and idiots jumping off cliffs.
Of course.
And - heavens! - it has been lovely and hot today...
And I read that the East Angular Railways have cancelled some trains.Apparently the rails might be damaged in the heat.WTF?????
ReplyDeleteNever mind, you have Mimulus! Is it scented? If so, keep it a secret or someone might nick it.
Train companies make any old excuse to cover up the fact their unionised workforce always pull a sickie whenever the weather's nice, or the sales are on, or... and reason at all, really.
DeleteMimulus is beautiful but not scented - it makes up for all that by apparently being indestructible (despite every book in the world saying they hate dry soil; they cope perfectly fine in that hanging pot)! Jx
Thank you for reminding me of why I moved to Devon. Okay, it does rain a lot, but there are obvious advantages!
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Actually, I don't recall excessive rain when I was there...in fact, in 1976 we had stand pipes in the village, with locals queueing, with buckets, for a day's supply of water!
DeleteAnywhere west of about Taunton gets a soaking regularly, and some years constantly - I was brought up in Wales, and lived in Plymouth for two years and it was definitely a rare thing for there to be a drought. 1976 was an obvious exception... Jx
DeleteI did venture to the beach today before I saw this warning. But fortunately, the dickheads and Lambrini drinkers don't normally get up until midday, so I was back before they got going, thankfully.
ReplyDeleteI somehow pictured Cromer as being a bit more like Tilling than Southend... Jx
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