A woman was left disappointed when she opted to take a man home for a shag instead of ending her night with a doner kebab.After waking up with a splitting headache, Lucy Parry wished she had found a half-eaten, meat-stuffed pitta in her bed, rather than an unattractive stranger.
Parry said: “I find clubbing atrocious now I’m in my 30s. The most enjoyable part of an evening out is having a chat with the guy behind the counter at Gangsta Wrap while eating some delicious shavings of worryingly low-quality lamb smothered in chilli sauce.
“A kebab is a much more fulfilling and wholesome experience than hooking up with a guy wearing too much aftershave for ten minutes of drunken pumping and an awkward conversation in the morning.
“Gazing hungrily at the tall, bronzed cylinder of meat as it seductively revolves is honestly more exciting to me than any Magic Mike-style hunk could ever be. And you never get those down Crackers in Cinderford anyway.
“Sadly I feel I can’t have a kebab for breakfast instead. I may have just spent the night with an ugly bloke I picked up in a nasty club, but I still have some standards.”
Of course.
It's good to have standards. The only one I have left is the rule about not flossing right before you perform a blowie. Yes, my standards are low, but do have one. Or wait... is that more of a rule? Hmm.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you floss afterwards, for fear of the dreaded "curly-hair-stuck-in-teeth" nightmare... Jx
DeleteI have chosen to read this post at the wrong time of the day as I am yet to have my breakfast and now feel queasy. Although I now feel strangely grateful that my clubbing days are behind me!
ReplyDeleteSx
Even I would struggle if faced with a doner kebab at breakfast time....
DeleteAs for our wild clubbing years, in the wise words of an old friend: "at least you had it when you needed it!" Jx
I had a shag after a night out clubbing once, long ago.
ReplyDeleteOr was it a cormorant?
It certainly wasn't a kebab, though.
But was it a large meat tube? Or a seabird? Jx
DeleteI seem to have a lingering memory(like mental indigestion) of chicken-and-chips in the wee small hours in Earls Court. Don't recall shags at Earls Court.There was an Eagle Scout (he said) in Golders Green....
ReplyDeleteThe Mash is fun, isn't it?
Oh, those Eagle Scouts are the worst. All that camping and personal fitness... Jx
DeleteWe've all got standards, surely? And I'm not raising mine for anyone
ReplyDeleteAmen to that, sweetie! Jx
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