Wednesday 1 June 2022

The threat of bunting

A group of neighbours who loathe one another are holding a Jubilee street party out of spite.

Residents on a Colchester housing estate have been locked in an intricate network of bitter feuds for years, and are going ahead with a massive public get-together celebrating the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee as an act of warfare.

Mary Fisher of 34 Snowberry Grove said: “The local Facebook group is all sunshine and happiness, with an unignorable subtext of 45-year grudges and deep-seated hatred.

“When the idea for a street party was first floated by that twat in number 12 nobody wanted to back down. Instead we escalated the conflict with the threat of bunting, cakes, and long trestle tables to sit around despising one another.

“The bitchfest of the century is on. Come the day we’ll all be snidely remarking on each other’s tacky outfits and OTT patriotism. It’ll be like clapping for the NHS all over again.”


Martin Bishop of number 12 said: “Once the party is in full swing I’m going to make a noise complaint to the police. Watching them pack up early and head indoors will be the highlight of my year.

“Serve them right for laughing at my mum’s fairy cakes at the Silver Jubilee. Well who’s laughing now?”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

6 comments:

  1. Bring it on!!! I wasn't allowed to go to our Silver Jubilee street party - we went to Wales instead. I have been bitter ever since.
    Sx

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    1. I was born and brought up in Wales - and we had a street party for the Silver Jubilee - and I have always been bitter. Jx

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  2. Oh, there'll a bit of bloody bunting hereabouts, too, despite a high percentage of Republicans. I wonder what Malcolm Turnbull will do...

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  3. Oog. I think our cul-de-sac's having one on Sunday? Fortunately I haven't been roped in to do anything, so I'm going to try and escape out the back way.

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    1. There was one a few streets down from here a couple of days ago - but as we have often observed, our neighbourhood consists of multiple varieties of Eastern Europeans, Turks, Greeks and others whose first loyalty is to anything but Her Britannic Majesty, so there's not even a strip of bunting to be seen in our road, unfortunately.

      We more than made up for it at our Film Club in Bloomsbury on Thursday, however - more Union Flags than wallpaper in the pub function room, I can tell ya! Jx

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