The nation’s media has settled on ‘sun nuke’ as the phrase of choice to describe the pleasant weather approaching this week.
Having found ‘warm’ and ‘sunny’ inadequate to describe typical summery conditions, every outlet is to employ a phrase evoking thermonuclear armageddon to remind the public to wear shorts.
Sun editor Stephen Malley said: “We’ve found a meteorologist prepared to say it for £175. His peers will despise him until the day he dies.
“Even ‘scorcher’ doesn’t do justice to the magnitude of heatwave that’s coming, which is far less than that big one the other year. Plus we get to use a big picture of a mushroom cloud, which is fun and not misleading.
“This isn’t a hyperbolic phrase to drive sales. The sun is actually a load of nuclear explosions, apparently, so we also brainstormed ‘solar buttfuck’ and ‘Ra’s revenge’. We have impeccable journalistic standards to meet.
“Don’t get complacent. After, we’re due to be hit by a torrential rain dildo, category point two five wind genocides and a festive New Ice Age.”
Bill McKay of Gateshead said: “Sunblock cannot prevent the awesome powers of a nuke. So I’m not putting any on.”
Of course.
Yes, it is indeed hot here in London - and I am trapped in here on day #2 of training. Sigh.
Sorry to read that you're on a training course, will there be a chance for any role play? Or do you have to sit quietly and absorb wise words?
ReplyDeleteYes, pleasantly warm in Devon! If only they would use my description as a headline - it would be novel in these times of high drama.
Sx
Role play? It's a bit of a waste of time taking handcuffs along to a virtual meeting! 🤣 Jx
DeleteWe brits hate the heat
ReplyDeleteNot all of us, John! One thing we all have in common, however, is that the weather is the #1 topic of conversation... Jx
DeleteWe have been unseasonable cool. The highest temp so far has been 83 degrees or for you guys in the UK, 28.8. The last wo weeks were like London, gray, cold, damp and rainy. Well thats about to change...Friday starts 97 degress or 36.1 Celius. But mind you they say it will feel over 100. My garden needs heat.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm talking of the one outdoors in nature.
We're expecting temperatures in London to hit 87F/31C today and by Saturday it should hit 91F/33C! Jx
DeleteFortunately, here on the east coast, the North Sea has downgraded the 'sun nuke' to a couple of close-range chip pan fires. Still, I'm not looking forward to 27C on Saturday.
ReplyDeleteSummer in the city's not pleasant when it's hot but there's barely a breeze - that's the time I'd rather be by the sea! I wonder if there's a coach trip to Cromer in the Saga Tours brochure..? Jx
DeleteThere is real venom in this aimed against cheap nonsense journalism and I love it.
ReplyDeleteIt's the Hottest Day of the Year so Far!
Of course it is. We are at the end of June going into July you pillock.
You need one or two (or several) more exclamation marks if you want to make the front cover of The Daily Star... Jx
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