The bus station of every town and city is a wild, lawless place where society has broken down entirely and madness reigns, studies have confirmed.
Researchers found that any terminal where buses begin and end journeys inevitably, for reasons unknown, devolved into a post-apocalyptic Mad Max environment where the weak are prey for the strong and the 87 to Eyres Monsell never comes.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Our findings won’t come as a surprise to any unfortunate souls who’ve found themselves in these shanties of the damned. McDonald’s after 11pm comes a notable second.
“All of the signs are wrong, there’s bird shit everywhere, every horizontal surface is covered in spikes and the reek of piss is ever-present. They’re not so much vital parts of the public transport infrastructure as a preview of the nightmare to come.
“Pity anyone forced to use them on a daily basis. Herds of depressed commuters, all who know they’re only one wrong glance away from a riot kicking off? Protected only by their earbuds and their indifference? A grimy, vaping hell.
“The only way to escape these ghettos is to make a cursed deal with the sullen-faced wardens who despise them the most: bus drivers.”
Regular bus traveller Martin Bishop said: “Bus stations aren’t that bad. If you know a better place to buy 15 kilos of dog hair for two teeth, I’d like to hear it.”
Of course.
I can offer 15 kilos of dog hair, and other related dog matter for free!
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, I do avoid bus stations and have done since an incident at Victoria in the late 80s.
Sx
Newport's bus station was bad when I was growing up, but Plymouth's was reminiscent of a scene out of Day of the Dead! Both places demolished, apparently. Shame they stopped at just the bus stations. Jx
DeleteI was in Weymouth last week in the pissing rain, I walked passed the bus depot/terminus or whatever it's called I saw that the bus to Greenhill was in and decided to catch it, just 1 stop and the driver was going to charge me £2.50! I said it doesn't matter I'll walk, and I did, in the pissing rain. I could have called the maid to come and collect me, but she was entertaining a gentleman caller.The last time I caught a bus in this cuntry it cost 20p. Talk about ageing pop stars I recently watched a YouTube video of Liverpool's Sonia singing her number 1 song at the Butlins holiday camp in Bognor! Yikes, she looks like a proper old granny.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been quite a few decades since you went by bus if the fare was 20p!! London has similar pricing system - one price, whether you travel one stop or the whole route, and if you need to change buses it's free to do so (as many times as you like) within an hour of setting off.
ReplyDeleteSonia! We saw her on stage back in 2017, and thought she looked OK. Time's a terrible thing. Jx
This all brought up a memory I had several years ago, when out one night in Philly...having a, ahem...few stiffeners of course. I lost track of time, soused, and missed the last train out to my fair hamlet. I was so drunk, I thought oh why not just wait it out till the first train out. So.... I stayed in the station from 230am till 6am! Never again. I slept with one eye barely opened, had several passer by ask for money, two offers of a blow job, and heard some kind of story of a life story. I was dead on my ass when I got back to my abode. NEVER AGAIN, did I go out in Philly without a place to stay. The train beats the driving and wasn't all the far from my town as the crow flies, but I only ever went back down into town when 1- friends of mine were in town to crash with, or 2- I made a hotel reservation for the weekend. Any station is a damn Wonderland of crazy at witching hour. And don't get me started on NYC subway stories and experiences.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I've never found myself in that situation. There's always a night bus home. Stations at night are too scary for words. Jx
DeleteNorwich bus station is right opposite the place where I work. I never go out of the building on that side.
ReplyDelete(I haven't had to get on a bus in years, thankfully. I found Norwich BS almost inscrutable - the buses seem to stop wherever they damn well like rather than in the allotted bays!)
Oh, we use buses all the time - particularly now we have our 60+ travelcards. Not from a bus station, however... Jx
DeleteEvery word is spot on for any bus station in the country.
ReplyDeleteYou can't argue with the the Institute for Studies. They know everything.
"A grimy, vaping hell." Indeed. Jx
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